Chapter 11Notes:(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text The rest of the tour was hopelessly forgotten after Hermione stepped over the threshold. This was apparently a very basic bookshop, open to the public as it was, and did not contain any remotely classified information, but it still had enough to give her a good foundation in some anatomy and chakra theory. She grabbed a few promising history books as well, remembering how much use she had gotten out of Hogwarts: A History. With her and her guard's arms weighed down by her purchases, Hermione insisted on returning to her hotel room to do some light reading. Any protests Kakashi may have had were muffled by the paper and leather tottering precariously in their arms.
Once back in her room, Hermione cracked open A History of the Elemental Nations, Vol. 1, and immediately stopped responding to anything that was said to her. How could she pay any attention to questions about "paperwork" and "needing to eat" when she had new books to read? Besides, after a while the questions stopped, so they probably weren't that important anyway. Harry always charmed her books to turn into flobberworms when he really needed her attention.
Eventually, though, the sun did as it is prone to do and began to set, casting a dimmer and dimmer glow across her page until eventually Hermione's nose was rubbing against the parchment of her book, and no amount of squinting could help her make out the more complex kanji. She thought about getting her wand out to summon some of her favorite blue bell flames but decided against it. Despite the Statute of Secrecy not being in effect, her old habits were hard to break. Besides, the lack of artificial lighting in this dimension reminded her of the year she spent on the run with Harry and Ron. They had always made sure she went to sleep once it got too dark to read because "that's a bloody sign if I ever seen one!" as Ron put it.
Smiling slightly at the thought of her friends' scolding, Hermione marked her place and put her book away. Stretching her arms above her head and moaning quietly at the chorus of pops her stiff spine let out, she looked around the dim room blearily. Her little guard was sitting in the windowsill, holding a clipboard and a pen, and watching her expectantly. She blinked at him.
"Um. Hello?" Hermione tried. She thought she saw his eye twitch, but it was hard to tell in the dark. "Did you need something?"
"Why yes, in fact I do." Kakashi purred. Hermione had a bad feeling about that tone of voice. "I need to know whether you have any skills or services you can use to create a form of income."
"Skills?" Hermione blinked. "I suppose the most useful skill I have as far as trading goods here would be potion-making. But I would need to know a bit more about the needs of a ninja village and what you already have easy access to in order to really say for sure… I suppose I could always sell charmed objects on commission. If it's a question of money, though, I have enough."
"Enough to rent a space to live and work in a foreign village, pay the taxes and extra fees involved with being a foreigner on a temporary (and extremely questionable) visa, and still feed yourself for… however long it is you plan to stay here and work on this project of yours?" How he managed to look so skeptical with ¾ of his face covered, Hermione had no idea. "You don't even know how much it's going to cost."
"Well, that's true at least." Hermione agreed. "Do you think I'll need more than this?" She unzipped the side pocket on her hip pouch and overturned it, pouring out a small mountain of galleons, almost waist height and about a meter and a half in diameter. The noise that came out of her little guard reminded her of the time Ron's spell backfired and caused him to vomit slugs. She looked at his pale face (or at least she thought it was pale. Seriously what was he hiding under all that?) in concern. "Kakashi? Are you alright?"
"Please tell me that is your chocolate coin collection and not the single largest pile of precious metal I've ever seen." He begged. Hermione's brow furrowed.
"Well, each galleon has a core of iron, although the outer two millimeters are pure gold. Still, it's less precious metal than it seems at first glance." She tilted her head consideringly. "You're right, though. I could separate them out into their individual components with a couple quick spells. It might be the best course of action, considering there is probably no exchange rate between galleons and… what is it you use as currency here?"
"Ryo." Kakashi wheezed. Hermione wondered if he had been given his title as a Jounin as compensation for some sort of accident. He showed many symptoms of common stress disorders.
"Right. Ryo. With no exchange rate, it will be best to sell the metals themselves. This is probably… 200 kilos of gold, at least. How much will that get me?" Kakashi lets out a sound like a deflating balloon, and Hermione adds another point to her "benched for a stress disorder" theory.
"Enough. It will get you enough." He mutters. "Let's just… get started on this paperwork, so you don't end up in a den of snakes and I can go to bed."
"Oh, it's perfect!" Hermione beamed at Kakashi where he ducked his head ever so slightly in reaction, letting Gai and Genma's enthusiasm over her new home overshadow his silence. After a few days of the little goblin pushing paperwork and meals onto her between chapters of her new books, she had come to the conclusion that the mask was a way for him to cope with his shyness without making it obvious how bashful he felt. It had taken a bit of time for the two of them to find a rhythm in between Hermione's laser-focus on her research and Kakashi's reticence ("It's called being a ninja! A NINJA! I am STEALTHY not SHY—you're not even listening, are you?"), but they had eventually fallen into something like her relationship with her roommates back at Hogwarts. Her research would always take priority, but as long as he waited for her to finish a chapter before attempting to interrupt, she would at least listen to whatever he had to say. Which was usually something along the lines of please fill out section three of this form or you have not slept in 38 hours you moron go to bed.
But he had gotten her a house! Honestly Hermione had no idea how he had managed to pull it off. She had only been in the village a total of five days. And while she had spent a lot of that time immersed in books, she had also allowed herself to be dragged out to lunch each day by Gai and Genma, which meant Kakashi was also dragged to lunch (she suspected Kakashi was the real objective here, but she enjoyed the more talkative company from time to time. It reminded her of the Weasleys).
Where he had found the time to go house-hunting between all the forms he had been making her sign and the meals he insisted she eat every five to six hours, she couldn't fathom. Did he ever sleep? Perhaps she could put in some sort of good review for him with the Hokage's office? She wondered if this society had its own version of Yelp. She'd definitely give him five stars for this one.
Her new property was tucked between a ramen stall and a clothing store called The Practical Kunoichi that had some very intriguing skirts on display in its front window (were those bladed garter belts? Oh, she was definitely stopping in there sometime), with a nice shady tree out front that looked like it might bear some sort of fruit later in the year. It was a modest two-story number with the upper level being its own studio apartment and the lower level being a cross between a public workspace and living area. It had a front room that could easily be reconfigured into something like a casual store, but which would be a perfect workshop for her current research. In the back was a reasonably-sized storage closet (which would do very nicely for her supplies after a few expansion charms on the sly) and a kitchenette. The only bathroom was upstairs in the apartment.
"It's perfect." Hermione said again, overwhelmed by the relief she felt at having something like a home base again. She knew from experience that she could live in her tent indefinitely, and the hotel she'd been staying in was only an improvement over that, but there was something about having an actual place to call her own that helped to settle the nerves she hadn't even realized had been bothering her. Spurred on by her unexpected emotion, she tossed her arms around Kakashi's tense shoulders, pulling him into a hug. "Thank you so much, Kakashi!"
Something sharp pricked her inner wrist and she blinked down at the log in her arms. It had a face drawn on it in hiragana characters. She was pretty sure it said "scarecrow". And she was also pretty sure it had just given her a splinter.
"Don't worry darling, Kakashi just doesn't know how to handle women." Genma slid an arm across her shoulders with a casual smoothness that reluctantly impressed her. "I, on the other hand, can appreciate all the fine sensations of a woman's embrace. Her warm, soft, voluptuous embrace." His hand inched its way down her back to fondle her rear end. She twisted and passed the log into Genma's hands, which he accepted instinctively as she muttered the sticking charm under her breath the moment his hands settled on the bark.
"Why are you giving me thi—hey." Genma tried to yank his left hand free, eyes widening as both palms stuck to the surface of the log as if glued there. "What the hell?"
"You should watch those wandering hands of yours." Hermione smirked. "Tree sap can be very sticky."
"WORRY NOT!" Gai abandoned his celebration of her new home (at least she thought that was what the one-handed push-ups were about) in a burst of motion. "I MUST OFTEN REMOVE SAP FROM MY JUMPSUITS AFTER VIGOROUS TRAINING! I WILL RETURN WITH MY ULTRA YOUTHFUL SPRINGTIME SAP CLEANING SOLUTION IN THREE MINUTES OR I WILL PERFORM ONE THOUSAND HIGH KICKS WHILE HOLDING MY BREATH!" And then he was gone.
"Better hope Gai's cleaning solution is the magic kind." Hermione winked. Genma raised his log-filled hands to the sky in supplication.
"So obviously not a civilian." He despaired, "Why am I the only one who seems to notice?"
"What are you doing with that log, Genma?" Kakashi stood next to Hermione as casually as if he hadn't just been using his ninja magic to hide from her. "Put it down and help me check for old perimeter traps."
"Don't act like you weren't watching you little punk!" Genma shook his log in rage. "I can see that stupid henohenomoheji you like so much on here. This is obviously somehow your fault!"
"Perhaps if you played around less you wouldn't have gotten sticky sap on your hands." Kakashi said serenely, strolling onto the property with his hands in his pockets. "It's really unbecoming of a ninja of your rank."
The strangled sound of rage that escaped Genma's mouth at that moment had Hermione clutching her stomach in laughter. The warm feeling lingered long enough for Gai to return with his cleaning solution and for her to cancel the sticking charm only after Gai had dumped an entire bucket of the stuff all over Genma's front. With a new home, new friends, and more and more research questions presenting themselves every day, it was amazing how much she suddenly felt like her old self.
She had a good feeling about this place.
Notes:Haha it's like 1AM here bruh I usually go to bed at 9 help meee
Anyway I honestly just really want to write the next chapter after this so I decided to get this done real quick and post it. If it's terrible because I haven't actually looked over it... Meh. You'll get over it.
Kakashi works hard to keep Hermione from going home with Orochimaru using the Power of Paperwork! (And many forged signatures.)
Hermione ponders Kakashi's health, not realizing that she IS his stress disorder.
Genma learned all his flirting techniques from Jiraiya.
Next time, Hermione settles in and meets the neighbors!
Chapter 12Notes:(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text Hermione had been living in her new home for about a month, furnishing her workshop and her small living space with glee. She'd expanded the storage closet into a veritable treasure trove of potions ingredients and magical reference materials, and layered every locking spell she knew over the door, including a sleep spell keyed to knock out anyone except her and her immediate blood relatives (if said spell was classified as dark back in the UK for its use of blood for the key, well. She wasn't in the UK at the moment, and no one had to know). She was excited to have finished preparing her workshop for active experiments, reinforcing the walls and layering resistance spells over all the furniture within it.
She had taken every precaution to recreate the level or quality that she had been accustomed to in her lab back home, so there was no reason for her potions to be reacting so strangely.
She peered into the roiling black mass of what should have been a simple color-changing potion, double checking her ingredients before squinting suspiciously at the star chart she had copied meticulously from one of the local books. She had been absolutely sure that the planets and stars were correctly aligned, and none of her ingredients were out of date, so what was the problem?
Perhaps the astronomy here was not as similar to her own dimension as she'd thought? It certainly looked like the same sky and stars as she was used to. But perhaps there was some difference she was missing. Some material in the stars here that caused a different wavelength of radiation to be produced that would skew her calculations for how the alignment of the stars would affect the ambient magic-
She smacked a hand to her forehead, vanishing her failed potion with a flick of her other wrist. You're the smartest idiot in the world. She thought exasperatedly to herself. What was the first thing you noticed when you arrived, Hermione? There's more ambient magic in the air here than there ever was at home! All of your potions are going to be off unless you isolate them from the magic here or recalculate your baseline and change your measurements to fit. She groaned. That calculation was not going to be a fun one, but she didn't want to be limited to only making potions within her workshop, which she could seal off with a bit of time and effort. She needed to redo her calculations so she could work wherever and whenever she needed to. She would just need to buckle down and do it, and in the meantime seal off her workshop so she could make the potions she was almost out of.
But where was she going to find a spot where she could measure ambient magic without her spells picking up the magic of the people around her? She would need to find somewhere along one of the three leylines she had discovered running through Konoha, where no one would wander too close for the 24-hour period it would take to get a full reading.
Orochimaru-san would know. She thought suddenly, and then looked around guiltily as if Kakashi was going to jump out from behind her now-empty cauldron and scold her. He had taken to wandering off somewhere to play with his friends ("I'm training" he said, "I am a deadly assassin – stop ignoring me!") when she got too deeply into her research to pay attention to him. He said it was because "it's not like you're going to wander off when you have your nose that deep in a book" but she thought he was probably just feeling neglected. And it worked well; she got to pursue her research, he got to see his friends, and they'd found a rhythm of sorts where she usually wrapped up her experiments for the day around 9pm and Kakashi would finish his training at 8:30 so that he could meet her for a late dinner and "guard" her until she went to sleep. If her potion had gone the way it was supposed to, she would still have been absorbed in her work for the next few hours, easily.
Unfortunately, her work had been placed on hold until she could fix this problem, and her perfectionist nature was insisting that Orochimaru would be able to help her redo her calculations faster than she could hope to do them on her own. She wouldn't even really need to interact with him for long, just ask a few quick questions about the magical properties of certain areas of Konoha and off she'd go. She could just… run into him in public and make sure they didn't go anywhere alone during their very short talk. That wouldn't be breaking any of Kakashi's rules at all!
As she slipped out onto the street and locked her workshop behind her with a wave of her hand, she ignored the little voice in her head that drawled wasn't going around town on your own also against the rules? Because it's not like she was going to get up to any trouble.
Running into Orochimaru casually in the street was a lot easier said than done. She had no way of telling which of the signals from her tracking rune was his, and on top of that, they all seemed to move much faster than should have been possible if not for her theory that "pseudo-magical" had been a rather loosely-used descriptor for the Elemental Countries. Still, they clearly weren't apparating, so she should have at least been able to cross paths with one of them by now, despite their speed. Yet she'd seen nothing. Were there some sort of underground ninja tunnels she didn't know about? That seemed just cliché enough that it might turn out to be real. She groaned, heading in the direction of the dango shop where she had originally run into Orochimaru, to have a snack (it was getting late) and on the off chance he decided to stop by again tonight.
She was about half a block away from her destination, glaring suspiciously at the ground beneath her feet (I know you're down there, you damn tunnel-loving ninjas) when she almost tripped over something about the size and weight of an adult house elf. She squeaked and stumbled to the side, looking around for what she'd hit and…
Sweet Merlin Below, she thought, It's a miniature Professor Snape.
The boy was probably less than five years old, absolutely tiny and thin as a rake, although he didn't seem to have been knocked over by her almost tripping over him (oops), which was impressive. He had straight dark hair down to his chin in a neat bob, little tear tracks under his eyes that made him look older and more tired than should be possible for someone so fresh out of toddler-hood, but it wasn't just the coloring that reminded her of Snape. The blank eyes, the raised chin, the subconsciously haughty posture; all of it screamed bat of the dungeons and she almost wanted to apologize for being late to Potions, despite having graduated from Hogwarts years ago. At least it's just his looks, she thought to herself. I mean, what are the chances of this kid also having a twisted, self-destructive sense of honor that makes him prone to useless self-sacrifice that traumatizes everyone around him?
"I'm sorry for bumping into you! I was just about to go get some dango while I wait for my friend to show up." Hermione stood, somewhat clumsily, and brushed her pants off. "I'm Hermione, if you want to join me. I'll buy you some as an apology. What's your name?"
There was a beat of silence as mini-Snape regarded her suspiciously, but the moment the word "dango" was mentioned, the blank look in his eyes was replaced by a greedy one that did nothing to lessen his Snape-ishness. After a minute, he stepped forward, still keeping a distance from her but clearly deciding to join her.
"My name is Uchiha Itachi."
Itachi was an odd kid.
Well, Hermione said that, but her usual opinion of children was that she liked the ones she hadn't met yet best. Children were loud, selfish, and had an embarrassingly weak comprehension of formal logic. It was enough to drive a witch mad. But Itachi was strangely tolerable. He didn't waste time with small talk, but answered her questions about the location of his guardian(s) succinctly and with a guarded neutrality that warmed Hermione's paranoid heart. In turn, he asked relevant questions, showing impressive subtlety for such a young kid as he tried to determine if she was a threat. The look of concentration in his dark little eyes told her that he was trying to memorize everything she said. She had no doubt that he would be reporting to the nearest authorities the minute he was out of her sight.
It was so cute.
She was just about to offer to buy him a fourth stick of dango (he deserved it after a particularly sneaky question about her blouse led to her revelation that she was from a country where the weather tended to be colder and wetter than Konoha) when mini-Snape perked up in his seat as if he had been bitten by a flobberworm.
Twisting to see what had caused the odd reaction, Hermione caught sight of a heavily pregnant woman standing just in the doorway of the dango shop with a hand on her hip and several heavily-laden grocery bags weighing her down.
"Let me help you!" Hermione blurted, before her brain caught up with her mouth and realized she hadn't even said hello yet. "Ah, sorry." She stood and bowed. "Hello, my name is Hermione Granger. Would you like some help carrying your groceries?" She gestured toward the bags with a glance at the woman's enormous stomach, but she only got a chuckle in return.
"What a sweet girl. My name is Uchiha Mikoto. How did you come to be eating dango with my son when I seem to remember asking him to grab some eggs from the stall down the street, oh, half an hour ago?" Mikoto had long black hair that fell in a gentle wave over her shoulders, and a softer, rounder face than her son, but the eyes were unmistakably the same, sans tear tracks. Hermione blinked at her, and then over at Itachi, who was examining the empty plates in front of him (that little shit had eaten the rest of her dango when she was distracted-!), and then back to Mikoto, his mother.
"Oh, I apologize for keeping him from his errands." Hermione stepped in as Mikoto smiled serenely and Itachi acted like she was a basilisk and eye contact would kill him. "I ran into him on the street earlier, and asked to buy him dango as an apology. I was waiting for a friend of mine, and he was keeping me company." She smiled sheepishly. "He's a very bright child. I really enjoyed talking to him." For the first time since she had arrived, Mikoto's expression changed. She seemed a bit surprised, as she turned to look at Hermione fully.
"You enjoyed it?" She asked, and Hermione frowned a bit at the odd question, but nodded nevertheless.
"Yes. It's rare to find a challenging conversation from someone so young," she said honestly. "It's fun to see how he approaches a problem with such a young perspective." Mikoto looked between the two of them for a moment before approaching her son and speaking to him lowly enough that Hermione would have had to strain to hear it. She didn't, out of courtesy, but she felt the sting of regret as Itachi visibly hesitated to answer whatever his mother had asked, before shyly nodding. The look on Mikoto's face was unreadable as she turned to look at Hermione again, seeming to stare right through to her soul.
"THERE YOU ARE."
Hermione yelped as Kakashi's furious voice sounded from right behind her. He knew how much she hated being snuck up on, which of course meant that he did it all the time. She whirled around, fully intending to tell him off as usual, only for the words to die on her tongue at the genuinely angry look on his face. I forgot to leave a note, didn't I?
"Ah, Kakashi, I can explain-"
"She was just watching my son while I ran some errands." Mikoto cut in smoothly. Hermione was sure her look of confused surprise gave away the lie to Kakashi immediately, but no one said anything about it. "It's a bit hard to keep up with a young boy with another one so ready to join the family." She laughed sweetly, patting her round stomach, and Hermione admired her ruthlessness in playing the pregnant mother card so shamelessly and so well. Kakashi (bless his socially stunted only-child upbringing) looked visibly uncomfortable.
"Ah, I was, um. Happy to help?" Hermione tried to play along, failing miserably. She was normally an excellent liar, but this conversation was threatening to give her whiplash. Mikoto gave her a look that Hermione took to mean put down the shovel, dear, and Hermione wisely went back to silently pretending she knew what was going on.
"I see." Kakashi said awkwardly. "It's just that Hermione isn't really supposed to be running around Konoha unaccompanied, Uchiha-sama, so…"
"Does she seem unaccompanied?" Mikoto feigned polite surprise and confusion so well Hermione thought she probably had an Oscar or three somewhere at home. "I mean, both Itachi and I were here when you arrived."
"Ah." Kakashi acknowledged, slumping. "Right. Well, nonetheless, I should be accompanying her back home. It's getting late." He sent a short glare at Hermione, who hurried to step toward the door agreeably, not wanting to increase his ire. It was only the sight of Mikoto gesturing for Itachi to come with her and talking about walking home that caused her to hesitate.
"Mikoto-san." Hermione couldn't help herself. "You never answered me, but would you like some help carrying your groceries? I really don't mind." Kakashi certainly minded, but he seemed too gobsmacked that she'd even offered to be angry. Mikoto once again looked surprised at the genuine offer, before she laughed. Not her restrained chuckle or the sweet, airy laugh she had used on Kakashi, but a surprisingly deep, throaty laugh, almost like a bark.
"You really are very sweet." She said, "But I will be fine. I'm a kunoichi." At Hermione's blank confusion, Mikoto seemed to realize this was not enough of an explanation. "Tell you what, if you really want to help out a poor pregnant mother, come have dinner at the compound this week. I haven't been able to get around as easily since little Sasuke has hit his first growth spurt, so it would be nice to have some female company." She smiled as she ruffled her son's hair affectionately. "It gets tiring being surrounded by all these men."
Hermione couldn't help but smile at the sight, and found herself nodding. It would be nice to have a female friend – or hell, even a friend who wasn't assigned to guard her or directly connected to said guard – and she wouldn't mind seeing mini-Snape again.
As Hermione answered Mikoto's questions about days and times that would work for her, she didn't see Kakashi tilt his head back to look up at the ceiling as if in supplication. She didn't see his cloth mask shift slightly as he mouthed why does this keep happening, and she didn't see the wickedly amused look Mikoto shot his way while Hermione was writing down the address to the Uchiha compound in her planner. What she did see, when she finally looked up and said her goodbyes to the little family, was Itachi's stare as he watched this all happen in front of him. That stare said: I thought I knew how much of an idiot you were, but you have surpassed my expectations.
That kid really did look too much like a tiny Severus Snape.
Notes:Kakashi is beginning to believe in God (because there must be Someone who hates him, specifically) and Itachi watches his Mom talk circles around the Hokage's apprentice like he's just some snot-nosed tween (wait...).
Mikoto is just Desperate to get Itachi to socialize more, even if it's with some weirdo foreign child-snatcher with an incompetent ANBU guard.
Hermione makes a friend*
*gets tricked into guest starring on next week's episode of the Uchiha Family Soap Opera.
Chapter 13Notes:I bet you thought you'd seen the last of me
jokes on you I'm just super inconsistent
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text After being thoroughly chewed out by her tiny guard (although he'd grown nearly two inches in the last month alone, which was a startling reminder of why Hermione usually found children so weird), Hermione had managed to convince him to set up a second meeting for her with Orochimaru, so she could discuss the issues she'd encountered with her potions. In the meantime, she spent an entire day carefully creating a barrier spell around the perimeter of her main workshop and slowly siphoning out the ambient magic inside to the levels her potions were calculated for. It was tedious, and she had to renew it every morning, but it got the job done for now. Her first batch of dreamless sleep potion would be finished brewing in five days, and she had just enough to dilute into her tea before bed for maybe half that time. She was not looking forward to those nightmares, but she'd cross that bridge when she came to it. Worst case scenario, she'd gone longer than three nights without sleep when they were on the run as teenagers, she could handle a couple rough nights as a full-grown woman.
Unfortunately for Hermione's newly-resurrected research schedule, Mikoto Uchiha was a woman of her word, and a terrifyingly efficient social planner. A messenger arrived from the Uchiha compound two days after her meeting with the mother and son, informing her that she had been invited to a dinner the following evening with "the Uchiha Matriarch and her family."
What are the odds, Hermione wondered, looking through her closet for something to wear that hadn't been stained or damaged by her experiments, that the first time I wander off by myself I run into one of the heads of the most controversial and powerful group of people outside of village administration? She paused, looking back over her life and her experiences so far. Actually, I should have expected this. I'm just lucky she's not conveniently involved in some evil plot like everyone we met during Hogwarts seemed to be.
Spotting an ankle-length black skirt that seemed to be intact, if a bit dusty, Hermione pulled it out and summoned one of her old white school blouses. She'd be slipping into a sort of McGonagall-cum-Librarian vibe, but at least she'd look professional and well-put-together. And there would be no suspiciously magically-dense stains on her clothing for anyone with keen senses to notice.
Pleased with her choice, Hermione set about getting ready for either a dinner or a battle. She twisted her hair up into as neat a bun as she could, given her unruly locks, and held it in place with her wand. Under her skirt and blouse she pulled on a pair of tights and a camisole made of magically-resistant fabric, and added the necklace Harry had given her for her 21st birthday as well. It was a delicate silver chain with a single pearl that hung just at the base of her throat, and was spelled to protect the delicate area from any sort of physical or magical damage. Ron had told Harry that he was "seriously messed up, mate" but Hermione had been touched by the (admittedly paranoid) sentiment. Harry loved her enough that he would pay good money to have a Master Enchanter ensure none of their enemies could slit her throat. She felt the same.
And it didn't hurt that the necklace felt like a little piece of home that she could carry with her. She didn't regret this trip in the slightest, feeling free to breathe without the eyes of all of the Wizarding world following her every move, but she could admit that she sometimes missed her best friends, when she didn't have her potions and research to distract her.
Pushing aside the melancholy in favor of adventure, as one learned to do when best friends with I-treat-my-depression-with-regular-adrenaline-rushes Harry Potter, she transfigured her hip pouch full of emergency supplies into a subtle money belt and put it on under the hem of her skirt. Not exactly easy access, but she was not expecting to need anything from inside that bag unless she was forced to flee and sleep in the woods tonight. But better safe than sorry. She picked up the bouquet she had charmed earlier that evening and checked her appearance in the mirror one last time. She would stick out like a sore thumb among the locals here, but she already did that anyway with her western style and unruly hair. Might as well own it.
A flick of her wrist locked the door behind her and she beamed at her tiny guard where he waited for her in front of her home, looking as if he wanted to turn her right back around and frog-march her back into her bedroom. He was so expressive for someone who covered almost all of his face, it was adorable.
"Shall we?" Hermione gestured grandly in what she thought was the general direction of the Uchiha Compound. Kakashi eyed her… well, everything, disdainfully before leading her in exactly the opposite direction from where she'd gestured. Oops. "So, any last minute rule or regulations? Am I not allowed to speak unless spoken to? Can't leave my host's sight unless using the restroom? Am I not to make eye contact with anyone who could be considered my superior?" She teased as they approached the unnecessarily large gates.
"Don't make enemies you can't handle." Kakashi intoned ominously. Hermione bit her lip to hide the giggle that wanted to slip out. If only you knew. He stopped for a moment in front of the gates, eyeing her thoughtfully, and added: "You might actually want to avoid eye contact, depending." And with that bizarre nugget of advice, he disappeared in a flurry of leaves. Again.
Hermione quickly stuffed a few of the leaves down her shirt to examine later in her lab and turned to knock on the gate only to find a man in the typical ninja uniform looking spectacularly unimpressed at her. She smiled winningly, refusing to acknowledge any faux pas on her part, and informed him that she was here on the invitation of Mikoto Uchiha, presenting her letter as proof. He, if possible, looked even more unimpressed with her explanation, but stepped aside to let her through the gates gamely enough. She followed him along the winding paths of the compound in silence, taking the opportunity to look around one of the many parts of the village that she was usually denied access to.
Unsettling pre-Holocaust vibes, she noted, eyeing the imposing walls around the area and the general air of distrust within the compound. People peeked out at her from behind curtains, stopped their conversations to stare forbiddingly as she walked past, and generally looked at her as if they suspected she was a spy on a mission to destroy everything they held dear. Which hey, fair enough. They don't know.
The thing that really creeped her out was how similar everyone here looked. As if they had all married their own twins. Was it a case of inbreeding, like certain pureblood families in Wizarding Britain had practiced, or did Konoha just take anyone who looked "Uchiha" enough and toss them in this compound? Was this an honest-to-god Ghetto? What's next, did they all have to wear yellow stars of David to identify them when they go out?
"It's here." Her guide interrupted her, gesturing to the beautifully kept house in front of them. "They're expecting you." She thanked him with a polite bow. He nodded at her to acknowledge her thanks and turned to head back to the gate, presumably to finish his shift.
Fucking hell, she swore silently at the large red-and-white fan emblazoned across the back of his standard uniform. They totally do.
Before she could finish taking in this incredibly alarming revelation, the door to the house in front of her opened and Mikoto called out a welcoming greeting that Hermione instinctively returned. She was ushered into the sitting room in a flurry of small talk and niceties, deposited on a loveseat across from an exasperated-looking Mini Snape, and given tea and biscuits to snack on while they waited for dinner to be finished.
"Ah, I brought these for you." Hermione remembered, holding out the bouquet of flowers she had forgotten in her arms. Mikoto took them with a practiced smile, only to jump slightly when the chrysanthemums and ivy in her arms transformed into a vibrant bouquet of begonias, and Hermione excitedly explained: "They're charmed to show the true intentions of whoever is standing closest to them, and I added a preservation charm so they should last a while before wilting. I thought it would be an appropriate gift for a culture so steeped in double talk." Hermione laughed slightly. "I don't know much about flower languages, though, so hopefully there are books or something that can help you interpret what they tell you."
"You know sealing?" Mikoto asked, seemingly despite herself. Hermione frowned slightly.
"Sealing?" She asked. "Oh! Written spellwork? Well, we call them runes, but yes I'm quite well versed. This was just a simple charm though. Really basic stuff after one achieves their mastery." So only 2 out of 30 mastery candidates actually achieved the master rank in advanced charms, much less charms, runes, potions, and arithmancy. No one said Hermione couldn't be modest when the situation called for it.
"Still, this is too much." Mikoto demurred, while several of the begonias blossomed into wild buttercups in her hands. Hermione reassured her that it had not cost her more than her time, and Mikoto hastily left to find a vase for them as more and more begonias began to shift into other forms of flowers, ordering Mini Snape to "entertain our guest, Itachi." Hermione blinked after her in bewilderment, before turning to look at the child in front of her. He looked incredibly long-suffering for someone who literally could only have been suffering cognizantly for like, the last two or three of his five years.
"So." Hermione started awkwardly. "Do you like magic tricks?"
Mikoto returned to the sitting room after a professionally brief panic attack in the kitchen (all the while watching those terrifyingly incriminating flowers shift between greedy buttercups and distrustful begonias, with the occasional mandrake of horror popping up as Mikoto remembered that these flowers could read her mind), vase full of serene bayberry and myrtle now happily soaking up water in an antique crystal vase. She paused in the doorway, and several of the bayberry branches shifted into stunned sundews at the sight of her usually stoic son lying blissfully in a pile of extraordinarily fluffy rabbits. (She noted that all but the sugar and creamer were missing from her best tea set, as any good ninja would, but dismissed it as secondary in importance to the fact that Itachi was cuddling bunnies where was her camera-!)
Ahem. Despite the flowers giving her away (she hoped that her guest had not been lying about her lack of knowledge when it came to flower languages, or this evening was even more embarrassing than Mikoto feared), Mikoto joined the two calmly and placed the vase between them. Before her eyes, the flowers became a beautiful mixture of innocent white daisies and clusters of angelica. That was a bit odd, considering the flower was usually associated with inspiration. Was Itachi feeling inspired? Or Hermione? Or was it another, more esoteric meaning that the flowers were revealing? What an infuriatingly imprecise form of mind reading.
Oh well, it was obvious enough that there was no ill intent shown in those flowers, and it had been a long time since she'd seen her son (her baby, still so young) in a mood that could come close to being expressed by the innocence of a white daisy. So for now, she was happy to accept the long-eared rabbit that Itachi reverently set in her lap and turn the conversation to her guest's interests and pursuits. After all, not just any jutsu could turn teacups into rabbits, and Mikoto was very interested in the kind of power that could change paradigms like that.
Hermione was having a wonderful time. She'd been anxious at first, worried about the political implications of her dinner and her association with such a controversial family, but Mikoto was a wonderful conversationalist, and Itachi was adorable once his Snape mask finally cracked. (She knew no child could resist snuggly bunnies, no matter how hard he tried not to look interested at first. Amateur.) Hermione was telling Mikoto all about her latest research questions ("A subset of the population of Konoha seem to have dormant magic in their blood, almost like a Squib, and these people are almost exclusively members of large clans, like the Uchiha…") and admiring the Marigolds that had begun to overtake the daisies on the table, when the sound of the front door distracted her.
Both Mikoto and Itachi rose and Hermione followed suit awkwardly. They waited silently for several beats before a man (who looked just like every other man in this creepy inbred ghetto) entered the room imperiously. A few of the flowers closest to him bloomed immediately into something Hermione didn't recognize with many orange and red blossoms. She blinked at it.
"Welcome home, my Lord Husband." Mikoto greeted. Hermione rose a brow at the formality even as Itachi echoed her greeting with "Lord Father". Hermione hadn't even realized there was a husband in this family. Everything she had seen so far had implied that this was a matriarchy like that of the Veelas (minus the eating your mate part, although she hadn't fully ruled that out). She'd sort of assumed the men were brothers and cousins, but if Mikoto was deferring to this man as her husband, did that mean this was a nominal patriarchy? Was she supposed to curtsy or something? Not that she would, he wasn't the Queen, but still.
"Good evening." Hermione settled for. "Pardon my intrusion. Mikoto was gracious enough to invite me into your home for a visit." She gave a polite bow, but not too polite. Best let him know this was still a matriarchy in her eyes. He looked at her slowly and the red and orange flowers were joined by red amaranth and yellow narcissus, and Hermione had never regretted not paying attention to the bullshit in Divination so much as she did right then, trying to remember if Lavender had said that narcissus meant self-obsession or if she was just mixing it up with the Greek myth… but then why would Fugaku be feeling self-obsessed right then?
The man returned her greeting before saying something quietly to Mikoto, who in turn asked Itachi to show Hermione around while she "finished setting the table for dinner," although it was obvious that they just didn't want Hermione around for whatever discussion was about to happen. She was fine with that. The last thing she wanted was to witness some sort of domestic quarrel when she was already feeling so out of her depth trying to make friends in a new place. She waved her wand and returned all but one of the rabbits to their original forms, and followed Itachi out to the back porch, not noticing the petunias and buttercups blossoming behind her.
"This is delicious!" Hermione exclaimed. Mikoto waved away her praises but Hermione insisted. This was seriously the best meal she'd had since leaving her world, maybe before then. The rice was so fluffy, and the curry melted in her mouth… "It's magical." She moaned.
"You're too kind." Mikoto giggled. Her husband just sat imposingly at the head of the table and took occasional bites of his meal. Itachi chimed in with his own shy compliment and Hermione watched Mikoto melt at his adorable praise. Or maybe it was the rabbit that he was still holding on his lap even as he ate. She was almost entirely sure Lord Uchiha over there was dying to ask why he still had it, but was too proud to actually say anything in front of a guest. What could she say? Itachi was too cute. She couldn't just take the bunny away from him when he looked at her with those big black puppy eyes. It was like seeing Snape show emotion – unthinkable and oddly moving.
"So," Mikoto began, and something in her tone had Hermione sitting up straighter. "Tell me about what you and Itachi talked about last time we saw one another. You mentioned that it was a pleasant conversation? I'd love to hear about it." Hermione blinked at Mikoto slowly, feeling illogically like that split second of blindness was far too long to let her guard down right now. What is she going to do, stab me with a dinner knife? And even if she did, Hermione's necklace was charmed against exactly that sort of eventuality. Still, best tread carefully.
And so Mikoto politely interrogated Hermione, and Hermione politely read her mind (a little Legilimency never hurt anybody) in order to keep up with the subtleties of the conversation. (A trick she used frequently here, where she was trying to maneuver often-oblique conversations in not her first or second, but her third langauge.) Hermione did her best to be honest in her responses, knowing she was not going to be able to out-lie a shinobi, even if she could make a pretty good show of half-truths and evasions when pressed. Their whole job was information gathering, according to her books, and if there was one thing she still carried with her from her childhood habits of listening to authority figures, it was that you never challenged the master unless you knew you would win.
Just as the main course was winding down, Hermione stepped back out of Mikoto's mind as she sensed the real purpose of the evening coming up. It would be best to approach whatever the other woman threw at her with as honest a reaction as she could have; surprise, outrage, whatever. No trust was earned through rehearsed answers.
"Speaking of family traits," Mikoto said with sharp eyes. "What do you know about the Sharingan?"
There was a beat, as Hermione waited for more information. Maybe a hint as to what that was supposed to be. Something to do with eyes? Was it a disease, or a rare eye color? Was this supposed to be in Hermione's family or someone else's? Mikoto's? Was this an Uchiha thing? Oh god she hoped she wasn't supposed to know about this.
"Sorry." Hermione finally admitted. "I don't have any idea what that is."
Over the sound of her husband choking on his rice (which Hermione personally found very concerning, but followed Mikoto's lead in ignoring), Mikoto beamed at Hermione as she stood and announced that she was going to go get dessert. "Do you like chocolate?" Mikoto asked, and Hermione nodded dumbly. The other woman bustled off happily, and Hermione glanced over at the man stoically choking to death at the head of the table, before looking at Itachi in worry.
"She likes you." He deadpanned, and stole the last spoonful of curry from his father's plate.
Notes:What the Flowers Mean, for those who are curious:
Chrysanthemums represent many things but in this case they are reflecting Hermione's optimism and excitement about her new friend Mikoto. Ivy is a plant whose meaning revolves around friendship and connections, meaning "anxious to please." So Hermione's bouquet is showing her honest hope to make friends and her nervousness.
Begonias show distrust or caution such as a guard dog. Mikoto's not only a ninja, but a Mom vetting someone who has shown an interest in her son.
Wild buttercups – desire for riches, natural riches, which I used to represent Mikoto's interest in Hermione's abilities; it's not quite greed but,,, it's greed.
Mandrakes – overcoming fear, horror. Lol no ninja likes their emotions being put on display. Silly oblivious Hermione.
Bayberry and Myrtle – both represent discipline and duty, which is what Mikoto is focusing on in order to keep the flowers from picking up any other emotions.
Daisies represent innocence, as Mikoto explains, while angelica is associated with inspiration and magic. Mikoto doesn't think about the association with magic, since it's not exactly an emotion, but the sense of joy that Itachi and Hermione are feeling is not just plain happiness – it's the kind of giddiness and inspiration that comes from real magic.
While talking about her experiments the flowers closest to Hermione turn into Marigolds, for Passion/Creativity
The "plant with many red and orange blossoms" is nasturtium, which symbolizes conquest and victory in battle. Fugaku had just come home from a successful day at work.
Narcissus – egotism, formality. Amaranth – affectation, pretention. Essentially Fugaku's retreating behind formalities in order to hide his reaction to Hermione's presence.
Petunias – resentment, anger, but could also mean "your presence soothes me", all of which Fugaku feels as he speaks quietly with his wife about Itachi's future in the clan and his unexpected house guest. The buttercups are once again both Fugaku's and Mikoto's slight greed at the sight of Hermione's abilities. Who doesn't want to be able to turn teacups into bunnies? I do. Granted, Fugaku would probably use it for less wholesome things, but imagine your enemy's weapon turning into a rabbit in the middle of a fight. Classic.
Chapter 14Notes:Surprise I didn't abandon this and in fact I have decided to finish it up, so expect quite a few chapters (they're short so they should be coming rather frequently) in the following weeks as I power my way through to the end of this fic.
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text When Hermione imagined what a friendship with the Uchiha Matriarch might entail, she imagined a lot of stuffy meetings over tea and cryptic conversations about local gossip. If she was being optimistic, she might imagine that they would enjoy a shared interest like gardening or some esoteric academic subject and spend their time discussing that. In reality, it involved none of those things. In fact, Hermione only rarely interacted with Mikoto herself, and then for only a few minutes at a time as she dropped Itachi off at seemingly random moments throughout the following weeks.
One such disconcertingly brief interaction had just happened as Hermione was getting ready to open her shop for the sparingly few customers that tended to stop by for herbal remedies and potions. Her hours were haphazard at best, but there were a handful of locals who enjoyed her headache-reducing teas and who she had managed to strike up a tentative friendship with. How Mikoto knew to be waiting outside her door right as she finally woke up in the late morning and decided today would be a good day to relax and work on recalibrating her runes, she'd never know. To all appearances, Mikoto and Itachi had been expecting Hermione to open her doors at that exact moment, as if they had a previous invitation to come at this time.
Hermione was still recovering from her late night recalculating her ambient magic levels using the readings she and Orochimaru had taken together, so she stood no chance as Mikoto danced around her with small talk that ended with Itachi following Hermione back into the shop as Mikoto disappeared in a swirl of displaced air. Notably, she left no leaves behind, unlike Kakashi who always left a small pile for her to sweep out of her front room. Was that just a personal preference, then? Or a different technique?
"Thank you for your hospitality." Itachi said mechanically, bowing with the exact correct degree of politeness, something Hermione could never quite manage but was starting to recognize in the people around her. She blinked blearily at him.
"Oh, yes. Make yourself at home." She said belatedly, gesturing at the interior of the shop vaguely. It wasn't much, since her stock was still limited to what she could make with local ingredients and her current setup. It was about to expand drastically once she finished redoing her potions lab, though. That thought helped wake her up a bit more, and she shook herself and managed a smile for her favorite Tiny Snape. "Would you like something to drink? I make a mean hot chocolate."
Itachi frowned, the severe expression one Hermione recognized from the boy's father. Where it made Fugaku look imposingly deep in thought, it only managed to emphasize Itachi's natural pout and give him an adorably confused look. She cooed.
"Definitely hot chocolate, then. I know how much of a sweet-tooth you have, you little dango thief." She teased. Itachi just let his face relax into a blank canvas and stared at her unsettlingly. She decided to take that as enthusiasm.
Itachi was happily perched on the front counter of her shop sipping at hot chocolate (the bewildered stare he'd given her when she picked him up to set him up there had puzzled her until she realized that people probably didn't use counters as convenient places to put kids here, but it was too late now) when her first customer of the day came in. The cheerful jingle of the charmed door had Hermione looking up and smiling out of habit, before remembering to bow and welcome them to her shop. Cultural differences, she sighed.
"Hello Inazumi-san." She recognized one of her few regulars. The old man was an absolute heel but he'd warmed up to her after trying her arthritis-soothing tea. Now he came in at least once a week to bitch about his neighbors even if he didn't need to restock his tea. She spied the empty jar in his hands today and headed over to her mixing station to get his refill ready.
"I didn't think you had any brats of your own, girl." He grumbled, eyeing Itachi sourly. Hermione could relate. Most children were terrible company. "Where have you been hiding this thing so far?"
"He's not mine." She laughed, heaving out the large jar of pre-mixed tea with a small grunt of effort. Itachi looked like he wanted to help her, which made her smile. He subsided at that, turning to Inazumi-san and bowing as best he could while sitting on a counter with a mug in his hands.
"Uchiha Itachi, I am in your care." He said politely, like a tiny little gentleman. Hermione couldn't help but smile slightly at that, dropping the large jar of tea on the counter next to him and waving her hand over the drawer underneath to unlock it. She pulled out a small vial of glittering green liquid.
"The usual, Inazumi-san?" She asked, already reaching out for the jar in his hands. When nothing happened, she looked up in confusion to find the old man staring at Itachi like he was an alien. "Inazumi-san?"
"Wha- Oh, yes." He said, snapping out of whatever daze he'd been in. Maybe he was as charmed as Hermione was by Itachi's adult-like mannerisms? It was truly adorable to see them on such a tiny person. He handed the jar over and she filled it nearly to the top with fresh tea leaves before taking her vial of bone-strengthening potion and adding five drops to the jar. She popped it back in her drawer right away before anyone could get too close a look at it and sealed the mixture tightly before shaking it to coat the tea evenly in the potion. It would promote cartilage regeneration and lessen inflammation of the joints gradually over time with regular use. Professor M- no, Minerva, she'd asked you to call her Minerva – had been the one to teach Hermione the recipe.
"Here you go. Will you be paying in cash or trade today?" She asked. She wasn't really short on cash, her business was more of an excuse to get to know her neighbors than anything, so she offered an option where they could pay with a trade of anything that they deemed to be of equal value to the product she gave them. She usually suggested this option for the first purchase, and told them to try the product out to decide how much they felt it was worth, then to come back once they'd thought of a good trade. When they inevitably seemed suspicious of such a generous deal, she always mentioned that she loved books and good tea. The hint that she wasn't suggesting they owe her something so vague as a "favor" seemed to be enough to put most of them at ease.
"Hmm." He pretended to debate, as he always did. She thought it was probably supposed to be a bartering technique, but after the first time he'd suggested a lower payment than he thought her product was worth and she'd accepted without hesitation, he'd given up on actually bartering with her and just liked to put on the show. "Well, my son-in-law just got a new shipment of paper in. I doubt he'd mind parting with a couple of scrolls' worth to help his father-in-law's poor, aching joints." He gave a sharp grin to Itachi's slightly disapproving stare (hilarious how much he managed to pull off Snape's "you disappoint me" look so easily) and Hermione chuckled.
"That sounds lovely, thank you." She agreed, handing over the jar. "How is your son-in-law's business doing? You said they'd gotten a new contract with the sealing corps?"
"Yes, every month for the next year at least, and then they'll look at renewing based on how satisfied they are with the product." His chest puffed out in pride as he spoke about his daughter's husband and the business they had started together. One of his favorite topics. "No doubt they'll sign a much more long-term contract then. You can't beat the quality at Kino's Paper and Stationary Supply!"
"It's the best I've found." Hermione agreed easily. She let him chat away for a bit longer while she cleaned up and put away her large jar of tea. She noticed Itachi's empty mug and took it over to the sink in the corner, rinsing it out and setting it on the rack to dry. The sink was mostly used to clean tools she used with the tea, but sometimes it came in handy for other things.
"Well, I best get going. I'll have Kino drop off your payment this afternoon when he's doing deliveries." Inazumi-san seemed to come back to himself and realize he had more than his usual audience of one, shooting an oddly nervous glance at Itachi, who sat calm-as-can-be on the counter while Hermione puttered around. She wondered if all children were this peaceful. She could have sworn they were a lot more hassle to babysit than Itachi was turning out to be.
"That will be perfect, thank you Inazumi-san. And thank Kino-san and Hana-chan for me as well, will you?" Hermione beamed at him, successfully pulling his attention away from whatever was so fascinating about Itachi (maybe she should keep an eye on Inazumi-san… you could never be too careful). She'd found that acting like an American tourist and smiling at all her problems was an easy way to startle people into accepting her less-than-perfect language skills and going along with her somewhat eccentric ideas.
"Well now, do you have any idea how long we have before Mikoto will be back to pick you up?" Hermione asked, once the door closed behind the moody old man.
"She did not give a particular time, just told me to… 'have fun'" Itachi made a strange face as he said this, as if his mother had suggested he grow a pig's snout and sing the opera. She wondered if he really hated her so much that imagining having fun with her was so impossible. "That being said, she will likely collect me before my afternoon training."
"Training?" Hermione asked, picking Itachi up again and setting him down on the ground. He didn't respond for a few moments, seemingly coming to terms with his new location (maybe he really did hate her. Was that why he acted so odd every time she touched him?) before continuing the conversation.
"Yes, Shinobi training." He said simply. Hermione hummed to show interest but he did not elaborate. She was tempted to ask for more information but the possibility that Tiny Snape already hated her as much as Adult Snape always had was oddly disheartening. She'd like to avoid exacerbating the problem until she could figure out what she'd done wrong.
"Well, until then, unless a customer comes in, I'll just be finishing these calculations… I guess I could conjure you some puzzles or something? Do you like books?"
"What kind of calculations?" He asked, shuffling up behind her with loud steps. Not quite stomping but each one audible in a weirdly deliberate way. A nervous habit?
"Oh, they're about the ambient mag- chakra in this di- region." She explained. Itachi tilted his head in curiosity and reached for the first page, which she handed over easily. It contained several charts and graphs showing readings she and Orochimaru had taken at various locations around Konoha, dragging Kakashi along as a 'chaperone' since he insisted she couldn't be alone with the other scientist. "I had to do a four-form wave calculation due to the high density of m- chakra in the trees here. It's fascinating! Look here, when we took readings in this park we…"
Notes:I just need everyone to remember that Itachi at age 4/5 has seen war and killed grown men and Hermione thinks he can't get onto a counter by himself.
She also has no idea that age 12 is the oldest you can graduate from the academy, not the youngest. Ninja are very good at twisting the truth.