Chapter 6Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Hermione wasn't entirely sure how she ended up here. She had answered the Hokage's questions honestly, and for the most part they had seemed very much like what the paperwork for a visitor's visa would normally include. And yet each time, she had felt like there was a particular right and wrong answer to the open-ended questions, and she wasn't sure which one she was giving.
The blonde man had seemed relaxed enough, and he had even welcomed her to Konoha at the end of their… interview? Hermione had thanked him for his hospitality and tried her best to ignore the sense of absolute terror he induced in her. Her smile may have been a bit shaky, but he didn't seem to mind that any more than he minded anything else, so she hoped it was okay.
After that had been a whirlwind of terrifying people explaining the rules for her stay in Konoha – no wandering into restricted districts, no being out after curfew or a shinobi would escort her home, no access to anything but the public civilian library… Hermione tried to express her outrage at being denied access to books, but that concern was overridden by the more immediate concern she had been given.
She was to be accompanied by an elite Jounin guard at all times. He would be both her monitor and her defense against anyone who attempted to harm her, since she was obviously an untrained civilian (she took offense to that) and a shinobi could, and she quotes, "probably snap you over one knee like a stick."
And all of her protests on this subject had been once again overridden by the introduction of her elite Jounin guard. Who was a child. Like, she'd place him as a first-year at Hogwarts, he was so tiny. His hair was an odd silver color and stuck up at odd angles from underneath his shiny headband (and everyone seemed to be wearing them. Wouldn't the metal plate pull the cloth down with its weight? The boy's headband was so lob-sided that it was covering one of his eyes entirely. Had he just given up on adjusting it?). He wore a mask over the lower half of his face, which seemed to be built into the shirt he was wearing. Maybe he was shy?
"Hello. Um. I'll be in your care." Hermione recited, remembering the usual greeting for coworkers and other such introductions. This felt like a good time to use it. The boy's single visible eye was gray and drooped as if he was on the verge of falling asleep. It reminded her of a pug, and she tried not to show that thought on her face, but assumed by his slight glare that she failed. He said nothing, only staring her down for a few seconds before turning to the ninja behind the desk expectantly. Nameless Grunt #3, as Hermione had taken to calling him in her head, handing her tiny escort a file of paperwork, giving him instructions to stay with her and help her find lodging. There was very obviously a bunch of subtle communication going on from the small twitches and gestures the two were making, and the very obviously significant looks they kept giving each other, but Hermione did the polite thing and pretended not to notice their less-than-subtle plotting as she admired the wall hangings of the immigration office.
Finally, the very obvious silent conversation seemed to end and her silver-haired child-guardian turned sharply on his heel and strode out of the room. Hermione looked after him in bewilderment and glanced at the desk ninja in confusion. He motioned for her to follow the boy, who had already disappeared into the hallway. Hermione sent a much-aggrieved look to the ceiling and went after him. He sure was fast for how short his legs were. He had already made it all the way to the end of the long hallway and seemed to be waiting impatiently for her. She very deliberately didn't rush.
From the narrowed look of his one visible eye, she thought he appreciated her passive-aggressive gesture for what it was. She beamed at him.
"Thanks for waiting." She did her best to keep her sarcasm out of her voice, still smiling forcefully. His face didn't change, but she had the impression of a cat twitching and arching its back in dislike. His hair seemed to poof out a bit with his irritation, as if it was becoming charged with static electricity. Accidental magic? Hermione wondered. That certainly reinforced her estimation that he was barely old enough for Hogwarts. If he was older, he'd have better magical control.
He turned and continued to walk in silence, Hermione wasn't concerned with wherever her surly guard was leading her. If worst came to worst, she could always pitch her tent within the city walls for the night. Or just abandon her guard for the nearest hotel when she got tired. If he didn't follow her, that was his failure as a guard, rather than her fault as an unsuspecting tourist.
When they finally stopped, it was in a rather bizarre residential district. Most of the apartments were old but still in excellent condition, as if they had been left empty for most of their existence. But in contrast to the strange lack of normal wear, there were large sections of all of the buildings that seemed to have been replaced or repaired multiple times. Roofs, high windows, certain telephone poles… It was as if this particular neighborhood was prone to freak lightning storms and football-sized hail. Or… person-sized hail. Hermione eyed a hole in one roof with trepidation. That looked distinctly like someone had been thrown out through the ceiling of an apartment building…
"Wait here." Hermione almost didn't realize the voice belonged to her little guard at first. She had half-thought he would refuse to speak to her for her entire stay. Before she could reply, or nod, or anything, he disappeared. A few leaves gently floated to the ground where he had been standing, and Hermione blinked slowly. Did he apparate? But he was 11. And what were those leaves about?
Hermione was in the process of casting her third diagnostic charm only to find that they were, in fact, perfectly normal leaves (except there were no maple trees within a mile of them, Hermione was certain…) when her little guard reappeared as suddenly as he had left. She froze in her crouch, looming over a small pile of leaves like some sort of bizarre surgeon, and stared at him. He stared back with his single, droopy grey eye, and said nothing. She stood up.
"Ah… What's that?" She asked, pointing to the backpack that had joined the small sword across his back. It was the only difference she could see from before his little disappearing trick.
"My things." He said shortly. Hermione raised an eyebrow, but nodded. So this was where he lived, then? And apparently, he was going to be following her a little more closely than she had initially anticipated, if he was packing for a sleepover… Oh god, I'm going to end up babysitting my elite guard. Hermione wasn't sure if she wanted to laugh or scream. She'd never been great with children. It was part of the reason she wasn't about to touch a relationship with Ron Weasley with a ten-foot-pole. No way was she going to be a stay-at-home mom.
"Riiiight." She said, when the silence dragged on a bit too long. "Well, I suppose I could start wandering the city in search of fellow researchers today, but I'd rather get dinner and take a hot shower and start my search tomorrow. Any recommendations for a hotel around here?"
With what Hermione was beginning to suspect was a typical lack of care for things like social norms and manners, her tiny guard set off without a word or any indication that he expected her to follow. Hermione sighed and trailed after him, before brightening. At least if he was quiet and led her to the things she needed, she could pretend he was just a very short, very quiet goblin, and ignore his clear offense at her very existence. That was practically affectionate for a goblin, after all.
If her guard sent her any odd looks from the corner of his eyes as she grinned at the mental image of him sitting high up on one of the goblin's over-sized desks, she pretended not to notice.
Notes:
Just a note, since the Naruto timeline is super confusing, that currently Orochimaru has NOT left the village. Even though Minato is Hokage. In my timeline, he threw away his loyalty to Konoha when Minato was chosen over him, but he does not leave until after Minato dies during the Kyuubi attack, because Minato is stronger than him and would probably kill him, but Sarutobi would let him go. This might not match your understanding of the timeline, but shhhh just let it happen we all want Hermione to meet Orochimaru and this is how it can happen.
Also, Kakashi is so smol. So angry. So rude.
Chapter 7Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Hermione woke up, feeling about as fresh as the accumulated gunk behind Kreacher's ears. Her eyes were glued shut with grit, and there was dried drool all along her left cheek. She must have slept on her side. She levered herself into an upright position with a grunt, staring blearily ahead of her for several seconds. Her tiny guard didn't bat an eyelash at her less-than-perfect state, although his eye did wander to her hair and linger there for a time. Hermione glared at him and tried to cast incendio using only her mind. What right did he have to look so normal this early in the day? Stupid child soldier with their fluffy goblin hair… wait.
She had gotten her guard his own room last night when they arrived at the inn. Hermione glanced at the door to see that, yes, it was still locked. And she could sense her wards had not been disabled. What the hell?
There was a long silence as Hermione's mouth caught up to her brain, and by that point what came out of her mouth was "did you stand there and watch me sleep all night?" instead of her much more reasonably-worded how did you get in? She considered going back to sleep and pretending this was part of a very odd dream, but her guard's continued silence and steady stare were unnerving enough that she doubted she'd be able to get any more rest.
"Right. Well. I'll take that as a very unsettling yes, then." Hermione rolled her eyes. "I'm just going to take a shower."
"You showered last night." Oh, so now he can talk. Is he doing the silent thing on purpose? Creepy little shit.
"Well, I'm going to shower again. And then I'm going to go looking for a decent cup of tea." She huffed and grabbed her bag on the way to the bathroom. As soon as she had locked the door behind her (not that it would apparently stop her sneaky little guard), she turned and caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. Having gone to bed immediately after her shower, half of her hair was in its usual mess of curls, and the other half was plastered against her scalp in a matted impression of her pillow. Remembering the eye that had lingered on her hair, Hermione thought of all the hexes she'd like to teach her companion. With practical demonstrations, of course. She promised darkly, stripping and climbing into the shower.
One (very hot) shower later, Hermione exited the bathroom cleaner and more awake, straightening out a new pair of clothes. The bangle she had, ahem, acquired, was mostly hidden from sight by the long sleeves of the robe she tossed over her muggle clothing. She was proud of her roots, but after a decade living and working in the wizarding world, she was used to the comforting weight and warmth of the overgarment. She ignored her guard's silent judgement of her clothes, and his suspicious squint at her hip bag. Not even her tiny nameless goblin friend could bring her down now that she was awake enough for the excitement of her project to come back to her.
They were here. At least three of the most powerful signals her tracking runes had managed to pick up were somewhere in this village. She could feel them moving as if they were interacting with a perimeter ward – the ping of them crossing over the boundary line would sound in her magical core every ten minutes or so, giving her a rough idea of which direction each of the other scholars was located at that moment. They weren't all gathered in one place, which she might have expected if there were a university or some sort of laboratory in the village. Was it possible for there to be three different universities in a village this size? Hermione doubted it.
She decided to get breakfast first, in case her fellow scholars just hadn't gone in to work yet. If she noticed them congregating, she would head in that direction. If not… She'd just pick one and start there. She made it about half a block into town before something with the speed of a rampaging hippogriff and the eye-searing green of a Slytherin necktie blew past her, kicking up dust and gravel from the road and into her hair. Hermione coughed and waved a hand to clear the air, and a booming voice rang out from slightly behind her.
"KAKASHI! I CHALLENGE YOU!" The green thing was actually a person – another child? But one with obscenely muscled arms poking out from a sleeveless full-body jumpsuit with a strange red handkerchief around his neck…
"Not now, Gai. I'm on the job." Her tiny guard (Kakashi? Was that his name?) managed to sound clipped and professional, despite the pointed finger being held bare millimeters in front of his nose. Hermione watched the newcomer, Gai, splutter and apologize, bowing to both her and Kakashi, and decided that he didn't seem too bad. Friendlier than anyone else she had encountered (and a blessed contrast to her guard's silent staring), and despite his weird fashion sense, he wasn't really any worse than most wizards attempting to go incognito and blend in with muggles. Hell, he even managed to coordinate his strange scarf and his belt. Better than most wizards, then.
"It's really no trouble." Hermione interrupted his very poetic apology, stepping forward and offering a small bow as she introduced herself. "… You're a friend of my guard, then? We were just looking for somewhere to eat breakfast. You're welcome to join us if you have a recommendation." Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw Kakashi palm his face, but when she looked at him he was as stoic as always. Gai's eyes filled with tears.
"Such a kind invitation from a beautiful visiting flower cannot be refused! As Konoha's Sublime Blue Beast, I will do my best to show you true Konoha hospitality, and if I fail I promise to climb the Hokage monument using only my hands 100 times." Gai had taken her hand at some point during this declaration, and appeared to be producing a small sunset behind him. Hermione smiled and assured him that he needn't climb any monuments (was he talking about that mountain across the village?! That was huge!) but she would appreciate something warm to eat. After he had let go of her hand, she discretely pointed her wand toward where the sunset had been, but there were no traces of magic being performed.
"Come on." Her guard grabbed her by the arm and dragged her along behind him, much to Hermione's irritation. "Gai's already gone ahead. You've gotten him all riled up so we have to catch up while the restaurant is still standing." Hermione scowled at the child dragging her with ease (and wasn't that humiliating? She was a war veteran! A respected and powerful sorceress! He was… a prepubescent brat!) and looked around, noticing that he was right and their Slytherin-bedecked companion had disappeared.
"There's no need to leave bruises on my arm." She huffed, pulling free. His grip had not been bruising, probably carefully so, but it had been far from comfortable and had pulled her shoulder painfully as they moved. Kakashi gave her a flat look and then continued walking, clearly telling her without words to hurry the hell up. She bit down a growl, glaring at the back of his head as she followed. It was infuriating to know that he had let her pull away from his grip, as if there was no way she would have been able to escape him if he hadn't wanted her to. Damn, arrogant, pint-sized ninja guard.
"Don't get lost." He called back, sounding bored, and Hermione's eye twitched. When they rounded a corner toward a more secluded street and away from potential witnesses, she quickly sent a stinging hex at his behind, relishing in the squeak he let out as he jumped in surprise. Wand quickly stowed back up her sleeve, and looking as innocent as she could manage, Hermione met the accusing look shot back at her. She tilted her head at him, as if to say who, me? I'm a good ten feet behind you Mr. Elite Shinobi, what could I have done?
He was still giving her a suspicious glare when they entered a small tea shop from which Gai's loud and excited voice could be heard extoling the virtues of green tea to anyone within a half-mile radius. Hermione was gratified to see several promising blends on the menu. At long last!
There is only one other customer in the shop – a young girl with purple hair, inhaling insane amounts of some sort of donuts or dumplings on skewers – so Hermione guides Gai toward a comfortable-looking booth near the window, Kakashi following with exaggerated reluctance. She can see him eyeing the breakfast sandwiches. Kid his age, he's probably a bottomless pit, and he's been pretending not to need to eat, sleep, or pee ever since they've been introduced. The part of Hermione that was used to scolding Ron on his manners and mothering Harry when he was too busy being a stressed and moody war-hero to eat properly rose up, and she felt some of her annoyance get pushed aside. Still a brat, though.
But only because he's just a kid. The mother hen in her whispered. Hermione sighed and focused on choosing her order.
Ten minutes later, Hermione found herself smiling at Gai's excited retelling of a recent mission he had shared with Kakashi. His hand gestures and facial expressions were so dramatic she couldn't help but giggle, and although she suspected she was getting a heavily-fabricated version of events, considering how secretive her books had described Shinobi politics to be, she still felt like she was getting to see a genuine side of her new companion. And not only Gai.
Kakashi had transformed the moment Gai's attention turned to him. Whereas before she'd seen nothing but a petulant brat and a somewhat creepy guard, she could now see what he was like when he had the chance to be around someone who made him comfortable. And it was… nice. He wasn't exuberant, but it was obvious that he was just playing cool to get a rise out of his "Eternal Rival" and not because he was truly indifferent. He still went along with the silly stories, and when Gai challenged him to an elaborate game of table hockey using some sugar packets from the table, Kakashi went along easily with the embarrassing antics. Hermione was in tears of laughter from seeing the two shinobi competing so seriously in a kid's game when she was distracted by a pull at the magic of her tracking runes.
One of her targets had just crossed half the village in less than five seconds. Hermione blinked in bewilderment and turned in her seat to face the door. The signature approached, easily felt interacting with her runes now that it was so close, and stopped in front of the entrance. The shop had fallen silent and her companions had tensed, but Hermione didn't notice, too distracted by the fact that one of the scholars of this world was here, now. The door opened dramatically, and a man stepped in, marching over to the purple-haired girl, who suddenly looked like a startled antelope. Thin gold eyes with slit pupils framed by what looked like purple eye-makeup were made even narrower by the glare on his face. Pale, thin lips twisted in a scowl under a small nose. His hair was long and black and fell in straight, silky lines over the shoulders of a green vest like she had seen many shinobi wearing. His skin was a pale gray. Overall, with his face twisted in anger and his slender frame and those eyes he looked like… like…
"Oh Merlin, it's Voldemort's wet dream." Hermione said. She only realized she had spoken out loud when those gold eyes met her own. Shit. She thought, and then, I hope he doesn't speak English.
Notes:
And so enters our like-minded scholar. Will Hermione make a new enemy? A new friend? A really unhealthy love-interest? Who knows? Fanfiction is weird, sometimes.
Also three cheers for my favorite character: Gai. What a babe.
Chapter 8Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Kakashi didn't get paid enough for this.
First Minato-sensei assigns him as the guard to some brainless foreign civilian who had just followed strangers into a shinobi village and casually asked to exchange valuable research as if that was a thing people did. He knew Minato-sensei had been trying to get him to quit ANBU (saying nonsense about how he was too young. Really, Minato-sensei, now he's too young?) but this was just cruel. The idiot had just followed him to the shinobi residential district without even questioning him. He could have led her down a dark alley and killed her without a single sound of protest.
He would regret not doing exactly that when he came back from a quick shunshin to retrieve his things to find that the foreigner was crouched over the leaves he had left behind and poking them with a stick. Seriously. Wasn't she supposed to be a foreign scholar? Was this the extent of foreign scientific research? Poke it with a stick and see if it moves. Honestly.
Despite Minato-sensei's request that he watch her closely for any signs of being a foreign agent, Kakashi couldn't find it in himself to believe she was capable of… well, much of anything, honestly. She walked around grinning at nothing, and when he snuck into her room and went through her things, she didn't even shift in her sleep. She had less awareness than most civilians who lived in shinobi villages. Unless she was a brilliant actor (and from how her every annoyed thought about him seemed written plainly across her face, he could write that possibility off), then he was almost certain she had actually never been exposed to shinobi for any prolonged period of time before. She was a hick! What kind of scholarly research could she possibly have to exchange with the Leaf Village?
But the worst thing of all – worse than the mystery of where she was keeping her toiletries and clothes when all she had was a single hip-pouch, or how she managed to pinch his ass from ten feet away, or even being stupid enough to invite Gai to breakfast – worse than all of that, was when this idiot foreigner turns all the way around in her chair like she's never even heard of subtlety, and gapes right at the most terrifying ninja in the whole village like he's just strolled in naked.
He and Gai are both tensed, ready to flee, along with most of the clientele (Orochimaru-sama tended to have that effect on people), but his (stupid ignorant naïve innocent god how has she not died yet) charge just blurts something out in another language (just where the hell is she from?!) and draws Orochimaru-sama's attention.
Kakashi contemplated how much effort it would take to kill himself with a tea cup when the Snake Sannin changed his course from confronting his student (and Anko looked so damn relieved… that brat was probably late to her lessons because she got distracted with dango again) and instead headed straight for their table.
Gai met his long-suffering gaze with a serious look of his own, before forcing a grin and slapping Kakashi on the shoulder hard enough to knock him into the edge of the table.
"Worry not! Orochimaru-sama is an honorable member of the shinobi forces of Konoha and would never bring your lovely charge to harm!" Gai whisper-yelled loudly enough to carry across the still-silent restaurant. Kakashi was torn between horror and gratitude, as Gai drew attention to the fact that he didn't trust the Sannin, but also made a public reminder to everyone around that this idiot he was guarding was under Konoha's protection... Which, while not entirely true, was a very Gai-like interpretation of the situation, and certainly made it more difficult for Orochimaru-sama to justify murdering her.
"Good morning." Orochimaru said smoothly, seeming to drift up to Hermione's side without needing to do anything so pedestrian as walking. "I don't believe we've been introduced." He took Kakashi's idiot's hand and placed a polite kiss on her knuckles, smiling in a way that made all the hair on Kakashi's neck stand up. "Orochimaru, Jounin of Konohagakure. And where are you from, to speak a language I've never heard before…?"
Kakashi watched in silent horror as the Snake Sannin seduced his charge. If seduction was even the right word. His actions were certainly… suggestive, but what they were suggesting did not seem to be sexual in nature. In fact, as Orochimaru propositioned her with "a real cup of tea darling, not this half-class drivel," as part of his offer to "get to know one another," Kakashi was certain that the two people across from him were having an entirely different conversation than the one he was listening to. And when Hermione nodded in agreement and took the hand offered to her, he could only reach out to grab empty air as his protests went unheard and unheeded. He stared at the spot where Orochimaru-sama had disappeared with his charge and wondered if Minato-sensei would count the mission as failed if Orochimaru-sama ate their visitor.
He really didn't get paid enough for this.
Hermione wasn't entirely sure how she would explain herself to Harry and Ron when she eventually told them about her travels here. I saw a man who looked like his weird facial reconstruction had succeeded where Voldemort had failed seemed too alarming and a very androgynous foreign man asked me out on a date after hearing me speak English would give them the wrong idea.
Still. She had to wonder what they would think of this situation, as she sat in a traditional tea shop, half an hour of bewildered action after her first sighting of the man she now knew as Orochimaru-san, one of the Leaf's most powerful shinobi and brilliant researchers. He was supposedly the only one of the Legendary Sannin to still remain fully loyal to the village, and here he was, sipping tea across from her and observing mildly, an attempt at a friendly look on his face. When his lips curved up like that, it only made him look more like a snake. By Morgana, he looked more Slytherin than Salazar himself. He'd be like catnip to death-eaters. Maybe she could convince him to come to England and just… lay out in a loose yukata and lure the remaining blood purists in for them?
No. Hermione told herself. Stop thinking about Voldie's crush-that-never-was and start thinking about what the hell you are going to say.
And that was the problem. Here Hermione was, finally in front of a like-minded scholar, and she was experiencing something she had never before encountered: speechlessness. Her companion clearly had no intention of breaking the ice, only eyeing her shrewdly over his cup of tea and radiating that same aura of I might have poisoned your drink and it wouldn't even be rude of me that she was probably going to need to get used to around here. There was no way he was going to be the first to speak, if anything she read about ninjas was true, so she needed to do it.
But what does she say? You remind me of a man I helped destroy was probably not a great idea, and do you apply that eye-shadow every day or is it permanent wouldn't get her the answers she actually wanted.
She took her cup of tea between her hands and felt the warmth of it seep into her palms. Breathing deeply, she thought it smelled like chai. A small smile settled on her lips, and she breathed deeply again and focused her thoughts. She had found a scholar. She was also not an idiot – the opposite, in fact – and had definitely noticed the general reluctance to share information among the military forces here. Yet the fact that she had not been thrown out immediately suggested that it was not impossible. Just not as simple as her suggestion had made it sound. Which meant… she would need to offer something of equal value in order to get the information she wanted. Either in the form of her own information or perhaps… supplies? Potions? If she could determine the extent of what this "pseudo-magic" could do, that would help her with future bargaining…
But she didn't have time for research right now. She needed something to say and she needed it ten minutes ago. She took a slow sip of her tea, eyes gazing past her companion as she thought. She needed to prioritize her questions. She couldn't just jump straight into the more complex issues she wanted to address. She needed a foundational understanding of the magic here before she could proceed with her more specific inquiries. If she could convince one of the ninja to sit through a magical examination… hell, a physical examination as well. She didn't know for sure the physiology of this world was identical to her own. If she could get a good idea of how their cores differed from those of Muggles and Magicals in her own world, and then how it was harnessed…
The sound of her companion setting down his empty tea cup snapped Hermione out of her thoughts. She startled slightly, wide brown eyes meeting thin yellow, realized she had been thinking in silence for way longer than socially appropriate, and blurted out the first question that came to mind:
"How do you feel about mildly-invasive human experimentation?"
Orochimaru blinked once, slowly, in a manner that Hermione could only describe as reptilian, before a thin, sharp expression stretched his mouth across his face in what she later realized was probably his version of a genuine smile.
"Oh, my dear girl," He purred, picking up the tea kettle and topping off the cup held between Hermione's limp fingers. "You and I are going to get along just fine."
Notes:
Haha. So. Not much happened in this chapter - I just wanted to get a little bit of Kakashi's POV at this point. He is Exasperated™. Also refuses to use Hermione's name, even in his head, which was really annoying to write. What a rude child.
I didn't even include any of the reasoning behind why he's following her around, which I was going to, but he just started complaining and didn't stop so instead you get Whiny!Kakashi and a very weird first meeting between Orochimaru and Hermione.
Is Orochimaru evil in this fic? Yeah, probably. He's a bad dude, dude. But Hermione doesn't know that. And despite their different morals, they have quite a bit in common. I'm sure she'll be fine. Probably.
Chapter 9Notes:
Ask and ye shall receive:
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"… similar to a magical core, from what you've said, but magic isn't known to circulate within the body so much as permeate it. Is this just a difference in terminology or an actual genetic variation? I would love to test it…" The tea set had been set aside as Hermione gestured expansively to an attentive Orochimaru over the low table. Her notes were in front of her as she pointed to some preliminary sketch she'd made of a typical chakra system, while Orochimaru watched her with piercing eyes. It was as she was just beginning to get an idea of where she would like to start really asking questions that the door to the quiet tea shop was unceremoniously thrown open and her tiny guard and his much more likeable friend burst through.
"Hermione-san!" Gai cries, "We have found you at last!"
"… Gai-san." Hermione greeted him reluctantly, thoughts still spinning around potential research avenues and entirely not in the mood to stop her conversation. "I apologize for leaving you with the bill earlier. I can of course pay you back."
"Your honor is without blemish!" Gai took her hands, eyes suspiciously bright. "Your pure intentions and honesty do you credit, but I am afraid that they are also a danger to the delicate Flower of your Youthful Happiness!" Hermione glanced over Gai's shoulder as he knelt in front of her and met eyes (eye?) with Kakashi, who shrugged. "Your warm heart may beat for Orochimaru-sama, but it would be dishonorable of me to neglect to tell you what I believe to be true: no matter that Orochimaru-sama returns your affections, he will never make an honest woman of you; it would be a most Unyouthful situation for a passionate and honest Flower such as yourself!"
Hermione had no idea what any of that was supposed to mean, but she was fairly sure she had just been called delicate, and so she tried to protest. Unfortunately, Gai proved to be just as rude as her tiny Goblin guard, and hoisted her over his shoulder like some sort of caveman, shouting a half-apology half-exclamation to Orochimaru before carrying her out the door. She squawked indignantly and looked back at the table, but Orochimaru just smiled at her with hooded eyes and finger-waved as she was carried away from a public eatery for the second time that day.
"-put me down you absolute brute!" Hermione had lost her grip on Japanese along with her cool, and was ranting in her native tongue as she banged fists against Gai's green-clad back. He, infuriatingly, seemed genuinely unaware that she was striking him at all. An overpowered stinging hex, performed windlessly through direct contact as her hand slapped his back, managed to startle a yelp out of him. The reaction calmed her down somewhat, and his decision to lever her back onto her own feet in the midst of a public park did even more. She huffed, crossing her arms over her chest petulantly.
"I cannot believe the nerve of you, to come in and interrupt my conversation with Orochimaru-san like that." She ignored Gai's hangdog look in favor of the lecture she could feel building. "And that's not even beginning to think about how you just… manhandled me out of there, like I was your lost luggage! You could have at least had the decency to treat me like a human being." She seethed, feeling the slightest tickle of static threatening to frizz her hair up. She clamped down on her magic, feeling it roil underneath her control, but the static subsided.
"I did not mean any disrespect Hermione-san…" Gai tried to say, but Hermione steamrolled over him.
"And you couldn't have picked a worse time to show up!" She stomped her foot, waving one hand emphatically. "We had just been making headway into the basic differences between chakra and magical cores. A few more minutes and I think he would have been interested enough in the different functions of our systems that I could have gotten him to agree to a physical examination in exchange for submitting to one myself." Hermione could feel her despair at the thought of that lost opportunity overtaking her anger, and her power stance deflated into a sad droop. Even her hair seemed to grow smaller in disappointment.
Gai looked pained by the discouraged sight of the woman in front of him, while Kakashi turned a strange green color at the words physical examination.
"OKAY." Kakashi interrupted, stepping around Gai to take Hermione by the shoulders. She startled at the contact, and the unexpectedly dramatic exclamation from her goblin guard, and remained silent. "Clearly, you have been sent by some sort of vengeful god that owes Minato-sensei a favor in order to drive me insane, so I'm just going to go ahead and set some ground rules. Under no circumstances, ABSOLUTELY NONE, are you to perform any sort of action on Orochimaru that requires the removal of even a single layer of clothing," He raised his voice to cover Hermione squawk of protest, "-and under NO circumstances are you to meet with him privately without the supervision of me or another member of Konoha's shinobi forces who I have approved."
"This is going a bit far for some harmless flirting, don't you think?" She huffed exasperatedly. She wasn't unaware of how Orochimaru-san's actions might look from the outside. "You act like he's not even on your side!"
Kakashi's hands tightened on her shoulders for a brief second before he let go. His face was back in its stoic goblin mask. Gai looked anxiously between his two companions, hands raised as if to push away the awkwardness in the air.
"Orochimaru-sama is a highly respected figure in Konoha's military force." Kakashi said in a monotone. "His research and inventions have been essential to Konoha's continued prosperity and success in recent wars. However, like many elite shinobi, he has not come out of battle unscathed. While many veterans bear scars, others simply return… changed, by the experience." He looks away briefly, and his hand comes up to fiddle with his strangely lob-sided headband. "It is not that I do not trust him with my back on a battlefield, but shinobi rarely interact with civilians for good reason. Orochimaru… has never had tea with a civilian, as far as I am aware, and his reasons for doing so may not be as straightforward as they would seem to you."
Hermione blinked in shock at the melancholy child in front of her. That had to be more words than he had spoken to her up to this point, combined. She was tempted to point it out, just to see the scowl he would give her, but his still-averted gaze softened her annoyance. She sighed, considering. She knew about PTSD. No one was really the same after the War back home. Harry had it worst, but there were others… Luna could never go back to the home she was taken from without beginning to hyperventilate. Mrs. Weasley had to cover every mirror or highly-reflective surface in the Burrow before George would come to visit. Hermione… Hermione seemed fine, until she saw a flash of purple fire out of the corner of her eye, and suddenly she was back there, in the calm place in her head that whispered probabilities and chose who to save and who to kill based on utilitarian calculations and held her hand steadier than it had ever been outside of battle and wasn't that sick-
So she could understand what Kakashi meant when he said Orochimaru-san had come back changed. But she couldn't understand why that would be enough of a problem to merit such a dramatic reaction. Perhaps it was because of the military structure. Orochimaru-san, a respected military figure, injuring a foreign visitor could perhaps have a drastic effect on his rank and position. Or even that of his superiors, if his actions reflected back on them. Perhaps Kakashi was simply thinking of some political or social consequence that she was missing. It wouldn't be the first time such things had slipped her mind. She sighed, finally calming down entirely, and nodded her consent.
"I'll make sure to bring you along to our next meeting… if I can set one up." She sighed again. "But I'm not sure what kind of public location we could use for such a thing. We can't exactly conduct a physical in a tea shop, can we? And I'm not permitted in most of the library." At her pouting agreement, Kakashi visibly deflated, and retreated back into his brooding shell.
"I'll set something up." He muttered. She rolled her eyes at his determination to limit her interactions with Orochimaru-san, but let it slide. The poor kid probably didn't have much experience with war veterans and trauma, being so young. It was understandable that he would be so easily spooked. Hell, he was at the age where he probably still thought cooties were real. Like the first years back home who had expressed their concern at her attending the Yule ball with Viktor Krum back in Fourth Year. How cute had their protectiveness been then? She felt her lips twitch slightly at the thought of her stoic guard showing the same level of adorable concern for her and felt herself warming up to him more. He's just… what's the word? A tsundere?
"Yo, Gai. Kakashi. What's up?" A voice from the street caught Hermione's attention, and she looked up at a young man in the typical ninja uniform (she assumed. Some of them seemed to ignore it completely) approaching with a single hand raised idly and what looked like an acupuncture needle hanging out of the corner of his mouth. That's so dangerous! She thought frantically. Her Reckless Idiot senses were screaming at her, so loudly in fact that she didn't notice the discrete side-eye the new arrival was giving her as he exchanged a few quick hand-signs with her little guard and Gai.
"Take that out of your mouth before you stab yourself in the tonsils!" She burst, flapping her hands in front of her. He blinked, caught off-guard, and made no move to do as she said. The pitch of her voice rose with her anxiety. "You're as bad as Ron, always carrying his wand in his back pocket. A weapon is not a business card, you can't just shove it anywhere and forget about it! Wand, gun, cursed object, or blade, all weapons should be treated as if they are live dung-bombs!"
"… dung-bombs?" The newcomer repeated, bewildered. Hermione's eyebrow twitched at the way the needle bobbed up and down with his speech. With a flick of her wrist that startled brown eyes followed easily, her wand was in her hand.
"… wand?" Kakashi echoed, as if in realization. She raised her hand to level it at the needle. The newcomer stiffened slightly, but seemed more concerned than afraid. A stick? She heard him mutter.
"...WHAT IS A GUN?" Gai yelled. The sound of his voice drew the newcomer's eyes for a split second, and Hermione silently sent her vanishing charm through the scant inches between her wandtip and its target, watching as the needle twisted itself into nothingness and disappeared.
There was a suspended moment of stillness, wherein Hermione thought to herself in satisfaction there, much better, and then all three of her companions erupted into frantic yelling.
Notes:
I love Genma and I just want him to be safe about his oral fixations, okay?
Hermione feels the same. Because I say so. And also because she doesn't care about things like free will when it comes to Doing What's Right.
Anyway, Orochimaru is not at all concerned about Hermione's guards (lol like they stand a chance) and Gai is worried about Hermione's virtue. Kakashi is just worried in general. And grossed out. (He very much believes cooties are real.)
And don't fret about the slight cliffhanger - the next chapter is halfway written (not hard, since they're so short) and I'll have it out later today, so you can enjoy the frantic yelling for yourself.
Chapter 10Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
"Where the hell did my senbon go-"
"WHAT A YOUTHFUL TRICK HERMIONE-SAN-"
"Ohmygod you're a Mahou Shoujo-"
"-you didn't pull it out of my mouth I would have felt that what the hell did you-"
"-YOUR SKILLS ARE MOST ADMIRABLE-"
"-with a literal magic wand and everything-"
"SILENCIO!" Hermione shouted, and enjoyed the silent opening and closing of her companions' jaws as they slowly realized they had been silenced. She huffed at them in annoyance and crossed her arms. "One at a time, please, or I can't understand anything you're saying. Now, you first." She pointed her wand at the newcomer and thought finite incantatem. "My name is Hermione Granger." She said pointedly. He gaped.
"You- You…" He pointed at her (quite rudely) and shouted, "You're not a civilian at all!" She raised an unimpressed eyebrow. He deflated. "… Genma Shiranui." He muttered, and then: "… looks like Kushina…" Hermione ignored that, waving her wand at Kakashi next. Her little guard stayed silent, lips pressed together and a miserable look in his eyes. She shrugged, and waved her wand at Gai.
"-AND WE WILL SHOWER KONOHA IN THE LIGHT OF PURITY AND YOUTH!" Gai, who had not been deterred at all by the fact that his words were no longer making any sound, was saying. His smile was blinding, and Hermione had no idea what he was talking about, so she just nodded.
"Right. Well then." She cleared her throat. "You're a friend of Kakashi's as well, then, Genma-san?" She turned to Genma a bit shyly, embarrassed by her mother-henning tendencies getting the best of her (but that didn't mean she was returning that needle anytime soon), "Did you need something from him, or were you just stopping by to say hi? You're welcome to join us. I was just planning to spend today getting familiar with Konoha and its people." Genma stared at her intensely for a few seconds, before looking at Kakashi's resigned face and Gai's beaming smile, and rolling his eyes.
"All of your friends are weirdoes, Kakashi." He groaned, and grinned a bit when Hermione tried to protest. "Well, if you're going to get to know Konoha, then you need to start with the market district…"
"It's worse than Diagon Alley." Hermione huffed, pressing herself against a building labelled "shinobi surplus" which seemed to keep most of the crowds away. Kakashi was snickering at her disheveled state (how the hell did they all seem to avoid getting shoved around by the literal swarms of people here??) and Gai was babbling about the atmosphere of the marketplace, but Hermione was learning to tune them out. She wasn't as adept at tuning out Genma's flirting. And he was doing a lot of it.
"- hold onto my arm," He was saying, leaning against the wall next to her without a hair out of place, jutting his hip out at what he undoubtedly thought was an attractive angle. "I could keep the crowds from bothering you. Perks of being a shinobi." He winked. Hermione stared at him flatly.
"You can't be more than seventeen." She deadpanned. Fifteen, he corrected roguishly. She rolled her eyes. "Even better. I might look young, but I am an adult." At his slightly blank stare, she raised both eyebrows. "As in, I don't date children? Because I'm not a pedophile?"
Genma barked out a laugh. "Children?" He stood up straight, seemingly dropping the flirting since it wasn't getting him anywhere. "I've been a shinobi for five years! I mean, I can see your point if I was, say, Kakashi-chan here, ("You want to die, Shiranui-san?") who looks like he's barely out of the academy, age-wise, but come on! I'm very obviously past my academy days!" He pretended offense at her mistaking him for a schoolboy, continuing to rant and joke about the struggles of being baby-faced and stunningly handsome at the same time, but Hermione's mind was whirling.
What the hell was he talking about, Academy graduation? Jirou… Jiro… Akimichi-san had explained that the typical age for Academy graduates was 12. Even younger in peacetime. Hermione had thought that rather barbaric, but the ranking system made it seem that the young ninja remained genin until they were sufficiently capable of protecting themselves and completing their missions… but why would that factor in to a conversation about adulthood? Much less the age of consent…
Hermione's mind was making some horrifying connections, and if she didn't get answers she was going to start making assumptions. She wasn't sure which would be worse.
"When you say you've been a shinobi for five years…" Hermione interrupted Genma and Gai recreating some sort of dramatic scene from a popular romantic film, from what the could gather. They remained in their ridiculous poses, but both turned to look at her attentively. She kept her face serious. "When I called you a child, and you said you didn't look like an Academy student… what do you mean?"
Genma frowned at her, and broke his pose, leaving Gai to carry on the scene alone. He scratched the back of his head under his bandana.
"Well, we're legally adults once we receive this headband, you know?" He said awkwardly, "I mean, I guess for civilians there's an age of majority… sixteen? Eighteen? I'm not sure. But that's really just for legal stuff. Inheritances. Not dating. I mean, obviously we don't date kids," he hurriedly explains, seeing the horror growing on Hermione's face, "like, anyone creeping on an Academy student, or some little civvie kid, we'd kick their ass. But once you're out of the Academy, and after about the first year of genin training, it's all kind of the same, you know? I guess some people are late bloomers, and look like kids for longer, but I'm not one of them. See?" And he flexed his (admittedly impressive) muscles, as if his physique would be enough to convince her that he was in fact a fully matured adult.
And if it weren't for his voice and the softness of his cheeks, maybe she would have been fooled, at a glance. Genma, along with Gai, was all broad shoulders and muscles. With an impressive height advantage on her, and rather sharp features, he looked older than most fifteen-year-olds she could recall. Whether he was just an early-bloomer, or if the shinobi training system somehow affected his physical maturity, or whatever, the fact remained that he could pass as a very young adult. And in cultures where the age of maturity was less strictly defined, there would have been no question that he was a man.
But he was fifteen. Hermione had been angsting over Ron Weasley at fifteen. Hell, she'd been angsting over Ron and a potion's textbook almost up until age seventeen. Physical maturity was no indication of mental maturity and development! And that comment about genin being all the same after one year after the academy… when they graduate at 12… Thirteen-year-olds are not adults!! Thirteen-year-olds can barely go to Hogsmeade!
"-ione-san? Hermione-san?" Gai was waving his hand in her face wildly, trying to snap her out of the daze she had fallen into.
"… will have to read up on local laws. Start looking for support among the general populace. We'll need a name, of course… Maybe the Coalition of Responsible Adults for the Protection and Purity of Youths?" Hermione was muttering to herself in English, not even noticing as Gai attempted to catch her attention with what seemed like an interpretive dance about water polo. "I'll need to make pins."
"Alright, that's enough." Genma said, clapping his hands sharply. The noise startled Hermione out of her muttering, and she turned to him. "You said you were a scholar, right?"
"I am." She frowned. Did I say that?
"I know a place you'll want to see." He grabbed her by the arm and lead her back into the crowd. She followed on reluctant feet, Gai and Kakashi flanking her on either side. She appreciated the barrier against the crowd, if nothing else.
"Here we are." Genma announced, tossing open a pair of nondescript doors to a dimly-lit shop. Dust motes danced out into the light in gentle swirls, and Hermione squinted into the dark to let her eyes adjust. She could make out a lot of round shapes and sharp angles… were those shelves…?
"Oh." She breathed, worries and frustrations melting off her shoulders as she caught a whiff of a familiar and much-loved scent. "Oh. A bookshop." She breathed in the dust and paper and ink, looking over the rows of scrolls and paperback books on display in the tiny shop. Her heart soared at the thought of what she could learn. "I love you." She said seriously to Genma, who sputtered and turned pink, but she had already disappeared into the bowels of the little shop.
"…" Kakashi snickered at Genma's flustered look. Genma glared at him and huffed.
"Your friends are all weirdoes," he reiterated, and ignored Gai's encouraging yells of how he could win Hermione-san's heart with the written word!
"You're one of them." Kakashi pointed out. Genma huffed at him and headed over to where Hermione was drooling over an academy-intro text on chakra theory. But he smiled a little when Hermione threw him a wink and whispered, "He admitted that you're friends."
Notes:
Genma is reasonably freaked out about his senbon disappearing. Gai seems to think Hermione's a literal street magician of some kind, and Kakashi thinks she's a Magic Girl.
Which I think makes sense because there is canonically anime and manga in the Naruto-verse, but no serious lore about Merlin or Morgana or any typically witches and wards. At least as far as I can remember. And since this is my fic, my memory is canon.
In a plot twist, Hermione is concerned about Gai's purity. (And everyone else's.) She plans to do something about it. But Genma is not a Chuunin for nothing; he expertly distracts her with bookstore-no-jutsu. It's super effective!