Deadpool was currently doing one-handed pushups on the edge of the announcer's desk, his headset dangling precariously.
"tum, hope you brought your sunglasses and a protein shake!" Deadpool wheezed, popping back up. "Because Ring 33 is currently outputting more testosterone than a gym in the middle of a sale! We're about to see what happens when the 'Strongest Creature on Earth' meets a man who thinks the Sun is his personal flashlight. It's the battle of the absolute units!"
The air around Ring 33 wasn't just hot; it was distorting. The stone floor was literally turning into lava beneath the feet of the two men standing there.
Heimdall was wearing a full-body heat-shield suit, holding his microphone with a pair of BBQ tongs. "Match Number Five! Representing the humans... the man whose back is shaped like a screaming demon, Yujiro Hanma! And representing... well, himself... the Lion's Sin of Pride, Escanorrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!"uhu uhu uhum sorry.
The Pre-Fight Flex
Yujiro Hanma stood with his arms crossed, his massive muscles rippling like a bag of angry cobras. He looked at Escanor with a grin that could terrify a Great White Shark. "You've got decent posture, old man. But muscles aren't just for show. I can smell the arrogance on you. It tastes like... zinc."
Escanor wasn't looking at Yujiro. He was looking at the artificial sun hanging over the arena. It was high noon. He was currently eight feet tall, his armor was bursting at the seams, and he was carrying his massive divine axe, Rhitta, with one finger.
"Arrogance?" Escanor boomed, his voice sounding like a mountain range moving. "I am not arrogant. I am merely stating the truth. Why should I feel anything toward a creature so much weaker than myself? I only feel... pity."
The Clash of the Chads
Yujiro didn't wait. He lunged forward, his "Demon Back" muscles flexing so hard the air pressure shattered the windows in the VIP booth. He delivered a punch that had previously stopped an earthquake.
CLANG.
The punch landed squarely on Escanor's chest. The sound wasn't of flesh hitting flesh; it was the sound of a wrecking ball hitting a diamond. Escanor didn't move. He didn't even blink.
"My turn," Escanor whispered.
He didn't use his axe. He just raised a single finger and poked Yujiro in the shoulder.
"Cruel Sun."
A miniature sun materialized on the tip of Escanor's finger, exploding with the heat of a supernova. Yujiro was blasted backward, his clothes incinerated, leaving him in nothing but his signature martial arts pants. He skidded across the lava-floor, laughing hysterically.
"YES!" Yujiro roared, his hair standing up like a lion's mane. "Finally! A workout!"
Yujiro entered his ultimate stance, his body vibrating so fast he became a blur. He began hitting Escanor with a thousand strikes a second—strikes designed to hit internal organs, nerves, and pressure points. It was a masterclass in human violence.
The Final Verdict
Escanor stood there, taking every hit with a bored expression. As the clock hit 12:00 PM exactly, he reached his peak form: The One.
"Who decided that your strikes would hurt me?" Escanor asked, his voice echoing through the entire multiverse. "Who decided that the Ogre is the strongest? I am the one who decides."
Escanor brought his hand down in a simple vertical chop.
"Sacred Treasure Release: Abyss of Despair."
A wave of pure heat and pressure slammed into Yujiro. The Ogre tried to catch it, his muscles bulging to the point of tearing, but the sheer "Weight of Pride" was too much. The floor of Ring 33 finally gave way, collapsing into a 50-foot crater.
When the steam cleared, Yujiro Hanma was lying at the bottom, unconscious, with a peaceful smile on his face. He had finally found something he couldn't beat.
"Match Five winner... ESCANOR!" Heimdall screamed, trying to put out the fire on his shoes.
Up in the booth, Deadpool was fanning himself with his clipboard. "Holy ship, tum! That wasn't a fight, that was a tanning session! Escanor secures spot number 5 for the Semi-Finals! That's 5 winners down, 46 more to go in this marathon of madness!"
We're moving at terminal velocity!
Match 6 (Ring 45): Alucard vs. Ryomen Sukuna. The King of Curses vs. The King of Vampires. It's going to be very red and very loud.
Match 7 (Ring 18): Genos vs. Iron Man. The Demon Cyborg vs. The Armored Avenger. Maximum beam-spam.
Match 8 (Ring 9): Monkey D. Luffy vs. Popeye. The battle of the rubber-man and the spinach-man. This will be pure cartoon physics.