Down in Ring 12, the crowd was extremely confused. There were no massive auras. There were no glowing swords.
On one side stood Light Yagami (Death Note). He was wearing a perfectly ironed suit, looking handsome and arrogant. In one hand, he held a black notebook. In the other, an expensive pen. Hovering behind him was the Shinigami Ryuk, who was loudly crunching on an apple and laughing at the whole situation.
On the other side stood Goblin Slayer. He was covered in dirty, scratched leather armor and a cheap metal helmet. He held a short, rusty sword and a small wooden shield. He was completely silent, just staring straight ahead through the dark slits of his helmet.
"Match Number Three!" Heimdall shouted from a safe distance. "The self-proclaimed God of the New World, Light Yagami, versus... uh... a guy we only know as Goblin Slayer! Begin!"
The Name Game
Light smirked, pushing his hair out of his eyes. He clicked his pen, ready to end the match in forty seconds.
"You look ridiculous in that cheap armor," Light said, his voice smooth and confident. "I am Kira. I am the justice of this world. Since you are hiding your face, I will give you one chance. Tell me your real first and last name, and I will make your death painless."
Goblin Slayer tilted his head slightly. "Are you a goblin?"
"What? No!" Light snapped, his smile twitching. "I just told you, I am the god of the new—"
"Do you know where the goblins are?" Goblin Slayer interrupted, his voice muffled and completely flat.
"I don't care about goblins!" Light yelled, losing his cool. He furiously started writing in the Death Note. He wrote Goblin Slayer. He waited ten seconds. Nothing happened. He gritted his teeth and wrote Armor Guy. He wrote Metal Helmet Man. Nothing worked.
"Why isn't he dying, Ryuk?!" Light hissed at the Shinigami.
"Because you need his real name and his face, Light!" Ryuk cackled, dropping an apple core on the ground. "And he is wearing a helmet! This is hilarious!"
The Quick Reality Check
Goblin Slayer looked at the notebook in Light's hand. He looked at Light's clean suit. He quickly calculated that Light had zero combat skills, no weapons, and no information about goblins.
"You are useless to me," Goblin Slayer muttered.
He didn't use a special move. He didn't scream a battle cry. Goblin Slayer just walked forward at a brisk pace.
Light panicked, holding up the notebook like a shield. "Wait! If you take one more step, I will—"
BONK.
Goblin Slayer didn't even use his sword. He just swung his wooden shield and smacked Light Yagami right on the forehead. The "God of the New World" immediately folded like a lawn chair, dropping the notebook and falling flat on his face, completely knocked out.
"Match Three goes to Goblin Slayer!" Heimdall yelled, looking very unimpressed.
Goblin Slayer didn't even celebrate. He just turned around and started walking toward the exit tunnel, muttering to himself about checking the arena's basement for goblin nests.
Up in the booth, Deadpool was wiping tears from his eyes. "That was beautiful, tum! The smartest anime villain just got defeated by a piece of wood! That is three fighters down, and we still have 47 matches left in Round One!"
Match 4 is loading up!
We are moving right along to the next ring! Pick the next victims!
Match 4 (Ring 27): Satoru Gojo vs. Kakashi Hatake. The battle of the blindfolds and the white hair! Will Gojo's "Infinity" stop Kakashi's "Kamui"?
Match 5 (Ring 33): Escanor vs. Yujiro Hanma. The Sun God against the Ogre. Pure, terrifying physical power.
Match 6 (Ring 45): Alucard vs. Ryomen Sukuna. The King of Curses meets the No-Life King. It is going to get messy.