Lord Beerus floated an inch above Aizen's mahogany desk, his purple finger hovering over the "Hakai" button of reality. Across from him, Saitama held out the squashed, plastic-wrapped rice ball with the deadpan expression of a man waiting for a bus.
"Wait! My Lord!" Whis chirped, holding up a finger. "Before you delete the mall, we should probably acknowledge the crowd. It seems the 'Hakai' energy acted as a dinner bell for every protagonist in a five-mile radius."
The "Is That Everyone?" Roll Call
The Penthouse wasn't just an office anymore; it was a mosh pit of IP.
Gintoki Sakata (Gintama) was leaning against a filing cabinet, picking his nose. "Oi, author-san, can we wrap this up? My show already got canceled twice, I don't need to be here for a third."
BoBoBo-Bo Bo-BoBo (BoBoBo) suddenly emerged from Brook's afro, wielding a pair of golden nose hairs. "I AM THE CHAMPION OF RETAIL!"
Koro-sensei (Assassination Classroom) was frantically grading the cleanliness of the room with twenty different tentacles. "Nyurufufufu! Aizen-kun, your floor is a C-minus!"
Lelouch vi Britannia (Code Geass) struck a pose, his eye glowing purple. "I command you, Beerus... SHARE THE RICE BALL!" (Beerus ignored him).
Spike Spiegel (Cowboy Bebop) was leaning against the window, lighting a cigarette. "Whatever happens, happens. Just hope they have some beef with these peppers."
Alucard (Hellsing) was melting into a puddle of blood in the corner. "This mall is... delightfully tacky. Does the 'Hot Topic' sell actual souls?"
Mob (Mob Psycho 100) was vibrating at 99.9%, staring at the chaos with pure social anxiety.
Haruhi Suzumiya (Haruhi) was busy renaming the Penthouse the "SOS Brigade Headquarters" while Kyon sighed in the background.
Yugi Mutoh (Yu-Gi-Oh) pulled out a card. "I sacrifice my 1,200 yen refund to summon... Dark Magician! He needs a new pair of shoes!"
Ash Ketchum (Pokémon) threw a Pokéball at Beerus. "MEW-THREE, I CHOOSE YOU!" (Beerus slapped the ball into the sun).
Miku Nakano (Quintessential Quintuplets) was hiding behind a potted plant, wearing her headphones and looking terrified.
Speed Racer (Speed Racer) was revving his engine in the hallway. "AHA! THE PENTHOUSE IS MINE!"
Vash the Stampede (Trigun) was trying to shield a group of Villagers from a stray blast of energy. "Love and peace! And maybe some donuts!"
Gon Freecss (Hunter x Hunter) was sniffing the rice ball from twenty feet away. "It smells like... preservatives!"
Soma Yukihira (Food Wars) had his headband on, his eyes glowing. "The flavor profile of a 50% off snack... it's the ultimate challenge!"
Sailor Moon was crying because she accidentally stepped on a Creeper earlier.
Denji (Chainsaw Man) was chewing on the leg of Aizen's desk. "If the cat-god eats the rice, do I get to touch a—" (Aki slapped him).
Reigen Arataka (Mob Psycho 100) was trying to sell Beerus a "Divine Salt Splash" for 5,000 yen.
Light Yagami was writing "Beerus" in a notebook, but realized he didn't know the cat's last name.
Lucy Heartfilia (Fairy Tail) was checking her keys, wondering why she was in a mall and not a guild.
The Moment of Truth
"Enough!" Beerus roared, the sheer volume of his voice making Shinji Ikari burst into tears again. He snatched the rice ball from Saitama's hand. "If this is not the most exquisite thing I have ever tasted, I will turn this 'Main Character' into 'Mainly Charcoal'!"
Deadpool grabbed a bucket of popcorn from Anya Forger. "Watch this, tum! The fate of the universe rests on a piece of dried seaweed that was probably packaged during the Bush administration! It's the ultimate anticlimax!"
Beerus unwrapped the plastic. He took a bite.
The room went silent. Goku stopped eating his steak. Luffy stopped stretching. Even Aizen, still shielding his bald head, looked up.
Beerus's eyes widened. A single tear of pure, 50%-off joy rolled down his cheek.
"The texture... it's so... average," Beerus whispered. "It's so incredibly 'meh' that it has transcended flavor and become the baseline of existence itself. It reminds me of the time I slept for three hundred years and woke up on a Tuesday. It's... acceptable."
"Does that mean I get my refund?" Saitama asked, holding out his hand.
"Yes," Beerus sighed, wiping his mouth. "And since I'm in a good mood, I'm making you the Official Mall Janitor. You can start by cleaning up the Titan hairpiece that's currently eating Eren Yeager's face."
"Master! You've been promoted!" Genos shouted, recording the moment in his internal memory.