The elevator music was a low-fidelity version of the Neon Genesis Evangelion theme, and it was driving Deadpool absolutely insane. His legs had finally reached the "toddler" stage—pudgy, dimpled, and barely reaching the buttons.
"I'm telling you, tum, the pacing of my regeneration is being throttled by the writers!" Deadpool complained, trying to pull up his spandex over his tiny, hairless thighs. "I should be at least a teenager by now! How am I supposed to look cool for the big boss fight when I look like I'm wearing a diaper made of scar tissue?!"
Saitama wasn't listening. He was holding the 5,000 yen bill up to the elevator light, checking for a watermark. "Hey, Wade... do you think Aizen pays in cash? Because if he tries to offer me 'Eternal Life' or 'Godhood' instead of a parking validation, I'm going to be really disappointed. You can't buy premium beef with transcendence."
The elevator doors slid open on the 50th floor with a cheerful ding! Standing inside was the Phantom Troupe (Hunter x Hunter). The space was incredibly cramped. Chrollo Lucilfer was leaning against the back wall reading a book, while Hisoka was shuffling a deck of glowing cards with a creepy, predatory smile. Feitan, Phinks, Machi, and Shizuku were all packed in like sardines.
"Going up?" Chrollo asked, not lifting his eyes from his pages.
"Uh, yeah. Penthouse," Deadpool chirped, waddling in. "Sorry about the legs, boys. I'm having a bit of a 'Deadpool 2' moment. tum, look at these guys! They've got more belts and buckles than a Final Fantasy protagonist!"
The Middle-Floor Meltdown
The doors closed. The silence was deafening. Hisoka leaned down, his eyes narrowing as he stared at Saitama's shiny, reflection-heavy scalp.
"Mmm... your aura..." Hisoka purred, a weird pink glow emanating from his body. "It's so... nonexistent. It's like looking into a vacuum. I wonder what kind of fruit you would be if I peeled you?"
"I'm an onion," Saitama replied, his face completely blank. "I have layers, and if you touch me, you'll probably cry. Also, move your hip. You're standing on my foot."
"Oh, don't mind him!" Deadpool interrupted, pointing a tiny thumb at Hisoka. "He's just the resident clown-creep. Every anime has one! tum, did you see Shizuku over there? She's using her vacuum, Blinky, to suck up the elevator dust. Now that's a woman who appreciates cleanliness!"
The Cameo Cascade
As the elevator ascended, it stopped at every. single. floor.
Floor 55: L (Death Note) walked in, crouched on a rolling chair, eating a giant slice of cake. Ryuk hovered behind him, accidentally hitting Phinks with a wing.
Floor 60: Ichigo Kurosaki (Bleach) tried to enter, but his massive sword got stuck in the door. "DAMMIT! Move the sword! I'm late for the 'Protagonist with Too Many Power-Ups' seminar!"
Floor 65: Inosuke (Demon Slayer) charged in, wearing his boar head, and immediately tried to headbutt the elevator walls. "FIGHT ME, SQUARE ROOM! I WILL CONQUER YOUR TINY BUTTONS!"
"This is a disaster, tum!" Deadpool whispered, now being crushed between Alluka Zoldyck and a very grumpy Levi Ackerman. "It's a clown car of tropes! Levi, stop looking at my suit! I know it's dirty, I just got vaporized!"
"Tch," Levi muttered, pulling out a cleaning rag. "Your existence is a smudge on the floor."
The Top Floor Arrival
Finally, the elevator reached the Penthouse. The doors opened to reveal a massive, glass-walled office overlooking the entire burning mall. Aizen was sitting in a high-backed leather chair, spinning a glass of expensive-looking grape juice.
"So," Aizen smiled, his lopsided hairpiece finally secured with what looked like industrial-grade superglue. "The mercenary and the mistake. You've waded through my illusions, fought a galactic tyrant, and shared an elevator with the most dangerous thieves in the world. For what? Justice? Peace?"
"Validation," Saitama said, stepping out of the elevator. He held up his hand. "Give me the stamp, Aizen. And I want the 1,200 yen for the gas I wasted. Now."
"And I want my adult-sized shins back!" Deadpool added, shaking a tiny fist. "tum, it's go-time! Aizen, prepare to be the first villain defeated by a guy who's technically still a toddler from the knees down!"
Match 5 (Ring 33): Escanor vs. Yujiro Hanma. The Pinnacle of Humanity vs. The Ogre. Just two impossibly muscular men trying to out-flex each other.
Match 6 (Ring 45): Alucard vs. Ryomen Sukuna. The ultimate battle of pure, terrifying evil and endless regeneration.
Match 7 (Ring 18): Saitama's Disciple Steps Up - Genos vs. Iron Man. The battle of the high-tech, beam-spamming cyborgs!