Saitama stood at the front of the line, his face a perfect oval of pure, unadulterated disappointment. He held a crumpled coupon that had "EXPIRED 1998" written on it in crayon.
"Look, Clown-guy," Saitama said, his voice as flat as a pancake. "I don't care about your philosophy or your gas. I just want the lunch special. It's $5.99. The sign says 'Satisfaction Guaranteed,' and I am currently zero percent satisfied."
"But Baldy!" The Joker cackled, leaning over the sneeze guard. "The secret ingredient isn't MSG—it's pure, distilled irony! And maybe a little bit of neurotoxin! Do you want to know how I got these scars? I tried to eat this chicken without a drink!"
"I'll give you some scars if you don't move!" Denji screamed from three spots back in line, his head literally sprouting a chainsaw blade. "I haven't eaten since the Minecraft arc! I'm so hungry I'm starting to think that Aizen's hairpiece looks like a giant piece of shredded beef!"
The Pretty-Boy Standoff
A few feet away, near a fountain shaped like a giant Pokéball, Satoru Gojo and Sosuke Aizen were locked in the world's most arrogant staring contest.
"You know," Gojo said, tilting his head and sliding his blindfold down just enough to reveal one sparkling blue eye. "Your spiritual pressure is okay, but it's a bit... retro. Very 2006. Have you tried being infinitely untouchable? It's much more 'in' this season."
"Your confidence is a fascinating delusion," Aizen replied, his voice smooth as silk and twice as fake. "You speak of infinity as if it weren't just a fence built by a man afraid of being touched. Tell me, do your fans know that you spend three hours a day on that hair, or do you pretend it's 'natural'?"
"OH SNAP!" Deadpool yelled, popping out of a trash can next to them with a bucket of popcorn. "tum, did you hear that?! He went for the hair! That's a war crime in the Shonen world! Gojo, hit him with the 'Purple Thing'! Aizen, turn him into a tea set! I've got fifty bucks on the guy with the better skin-care routine!"
The "Serious" Incident
Back at the food counter, The Joker had made a fatal mistake. He reached out and tried to put a "Kick Me" sign on Saitama's cape.
"You're really annoying," Saitama sighed.
He didn't punch. He just flicked a single grain of rice at the Joker's forehead. The rice grain traveled at Mach 3, shattered the Joker's ladle, blew the "Kiss the Cook" apron off his body, and sent the Clown Prince of Crime flying through the wall of a Build-A-Bear Workshop.
"MY CHICKEN!" Goku screamed, suddenly appearing out of thin air and catching the falling tray of orange chicken with the grace of an Olympic gymnast. "Whew! That was close! Hey, Mr. Bald Man, you want to share? I've got some Senzu beans in my pocket, but they're kind of fuzzy!"
"I don't want fuzzy beans, Goku," Saitama muttered, finally grabbing a fork. "I just want to eat in peace."
The Arrival of the Bat
Suddenly, the mall's intercom crackled to life. A deep, gravelly voice echoed through the corridors.
"Attention all shoppers," the voice growled. "This is Batman. I have found Zoro in the Bat-Cave. He is currently trying to use my Batarangs to peel an apple. Also, Deadpool, if you don't stop charging your 'Healing Factor' on the mall's emergency generators, I am going to ban you from the Food Court for life."
"Buzzkill!" Deadpool shouted at the ceiling. "Hey tum, you hear that? The Furry-in-Chief is mad! Let's go find Zoro before he accidentally cuts the Bat-mobile in half because he thought it was a giant tuna!"