"Okay, tum, don't panic, but I can't feel my toes because I don't HAVE toes!" Deadpool yelled, his voice sounding like it was being played through a 1998 toaster. "I'm just a collection of red and black cubes! My inventory is empty, my hunger bar is shaking, and I'm pretty sure I just saw a spider the size of a mid-sized sedan!"
Muzan Kibutsuji was currently standing in a crater, his pixelated legs slowly knitting back together after the Creeper hugging session. "I am the progenitor of demons... I am the peak of evolution... and I was just defeated by a green, armless vegetable?! I will slaughter every pixel in this biome!"
"Shut up, you Michael Jackson-looking Motherfucker!" Deadpool barked, frantically punching a tree. Thud. Thud. Thud. A floating cube of oak wood popped into his hand. "We need shelter! The 'Zombies' in this world don't care about your Blood Demon Arts! They just want to beat you to death with their blocky little stumps!"
The Luxury Dirt-House
Aizen was staring at a stack of Dirt Blocks in his hand with pure, unadulterated loathing.
"Wilson," Aizen said, his voice glitching slightly. "You expect me—the man who stood atop the heavens—to reside within a structure made of... soil? This biome is beneath me. I should be in a 'Mushroom Kingdom' or at least a 'Stronghold'."
"You'll live in the dirt and you'll like it, you vain Bitch!" Deadpool shoved Aizen into a 3x3 hole. "Look at your hair! That one brown pixel is flapping in the wind! You're losing your 'transcendence' one chunk at a time!"
Goku's "Mining" Accident
While Deadpool was building a roof out of "Cobblestone," a massive BOOM echoed from the nearby mountain.
Goku had found a cave. He wasn't using a pickaxe; he was just punching the stone. "Hey! I found some shiny blue rocks! But when I touched them, a bunch of silver fish with weird tails started biting my ankles!"
"Goku, no! Those are Silverfish! And those blue rocks are Diamonds! Don't just punch them with your bare hands, you'll destroy the drop!" Deadpool wailed. "God, it's like playing multiplayer with a toddler who has the power of a supernova!"
The Skeleton Sniping Gallery
TWANG.
An arrow hissed through the air and stuck right into Deadpool's rectangular butt.
"OW! My hitbox! tum, did you see that?! That skeletal Motherfucker is kiting me!"
On a nearby ridge, a Skeleton in a golden helmet was strafing back and forth, firing arrows with aim-bot precision. Behind it, a horde of Zombies was shuffling toward the dirt shack, making that "Uuughhh" sound that haunts every crafter's nightmares.
"I've had enough," Saitama said, stepping out of the dirt hole. He looked bored. He looked at the Skeleton, then at the moon. "Can I just punch the ground? I want the sun to come back."
"DON'T PUNCH THE GROUND!" Deadpool screamed. "If you break the bedrock, we all fall into the Void! And there's no respawning in this fan-fiction, Saitama! We'll be stuck in the 'Delete World' screen forever!"
Saitama sighed and instead flicked a single Dirt Block at the Skeleton. The block traveled at terminal velocity, deleting the Skeleton, the ridge, and approximately four chunks of the forest behind it.
"Well," Deadpool muttered, looking at the massive square hole in the map. "I guess that's one way to clear the lag."