Himeko.
Her full name was Murata Himeko.
She was the instructor for my wife, Kiana, Senior Mei, and myself... and for Kiana and me, she was the greatest guiding light our lives ever knew.
To Kiana, she was mentally equivalent to a biological mother. To me, she was the former lover I had loved more than anyone else.
Because of that, her name was the one that cropped up most often whenever Kiana and I sat down to drink.
Now that I'm dating—and married to—Bronya, hearing that name brings a sense of yearning, but the overwhelming guilt and sorrow don't weigh on me as heavily as they once did.
It's the same for Kiana.
When we drank together recently, I could tell the guilt she felt was far less suffocating than the first time we shared a bottle.
Still, it's not a side of ourselves we can show to others.
Just uttering Major Himeko's name is enough to make everyone around us walk on eggshells.
That's why this grief is something I can't show the world—not even my wife. It's a vulnerability reserved solely for Kiana.
Kiana told me the same. It was a bond forged in mutual loss.
The events of that day remain driven into our hearts like a heavy iron stake.
Ah, but that's not what's important right now.
Why did my Aunt go out of her way to avoid mentioning Major Himeko's name to me?
I suspect it's because of the expression I'm making right now.
"..."
"...I see."
My heart wavered for a split second upon hearing that unexpected name.
...No, I should have expected it the moment she mentioned a relationship I had before marriage.
Lately, so many unexpected people have been resurfacing that I must have subconsciously assumed this would be another curveball.
"...Captain, you still feel guilty about Himeko, don't you?"
"Sigh... and here I thought I was hiding it well."
Everyone else thinks Kiana and I have moved past the guilt. They think we've left Major Himeko's ghost behind and stepped into the light.
And why wouldn't they? Kiana and I worked damn hard to make it look that way.
"But Auntie..."
"Yes?"
"I'm surprised, but... this was within the realm of my expectations."
"...What is that supposed to mean?"
My Aunt tilted her head, her expression one of utter confusion.
Wait, is she playing dumb?
Everyone else already knew. There's no way she was the only one kept in the dark.
"Major Himeko and I were dating, after all."
"...WHAAAT?!"
"Oh, come on... stop pretending you didn't know."
"I'm not pretending!"
...Hu-huh?
This wasn't the reaction I expected at all.
When I told her to stop feigning ignorance, I expected something like, 'Ah, so you knew we knew,' or 'Well, it was obvious.' I certainly didn't expect a genuine freak-out.
Wait, hold on... does that mean...?
"Auntie, did you really not know I was dating Major Himeko?"
"Of course not! If I had known, I would have intervened immediately! As an educator, that kind of behavior is unacceptable! I would have forced you two to break up!"
At those words, my mind began racing at high speeds.
So only Aunt Theresa was oblivious?
I was so sure everyone knew.
Well, thinking back to the old St. Freya days, it actually makes some sense.
Back then, Auntie was the Principal. She had a role to uphold.
She couldn't exactly stand by and applaud a relationship between a student and a teacher.
That was exactly why Major Himeko insisted we keep it a secret.
Societal norms generally frown upon teacher-student romances, after all.
But despite our efforts, it felt like everyone else had caught on, so I just assumed Auntie had too. Apparently not.
"I never dreamed that Himeko and the Captain were in that kind of relationship... though, now that I think about it, the atmosphere was always a bit strange when you two were alone."
She let out a long sigh, nodding as if pieces of a puzzle were finally clicking into place. Seeing her like that, I realized just how well we had—or hadn't—hidden it.
To be honest, we usually kept things strictly behind closed doors in the dormitory, but eventually, we started getting a thrill out of not getting caught. We'd flirt and steal kisses even when others were nearby.
Back then, I was a teenager with hormones I couldn't control, but Major Himeko was also to blame—she'd refuse at first, only to give in to my whims eventually with a helpless smile.
We tried to be careful, but I was certain the other women had noticed.
Especially since my wife, Kiana, and Senior Mei lived in the same dorm, I was positive Auntie would have heard something. Guess she really was the only one out of the loop.
"Wait... does that mean Himeko was dating a student a whole zodiac cycle younger than her...?"
"Yes, that's right. Technically, I was the one who practically chased her until she said yes."
"You—You chased her?!"
"Yes. How should I put it... the more time we spent together, the more I realized I couldn't just stand by and watch her."
At first, I respected her because I knew the future, but there was no romantic affection.
However, seeing her raw humanity—the side of her that wasn't in the official records—changed everything. I started by helping her out, and we naturally grew closer.
Sometimes she'd get drunk and act spoiled, which was surprisingly cute.
"Ugh... where are all the good men?"
I stayed by her side like a steady drizzle soaking into the earth, and one day, hearing those words made me feel incredibly annoyed. That's when it clicked.
I had fallen for this woman.
Maybe it was because I had memories of my past life and felt closer to her age than my teenage body suggested... but the more I knew her, the more I realized I couldn't escape the pull she had on me.
"Haha~ how about a man like me, for instance?"
I wanted to be the one to take care of her, to give her the affection she craved. I meant it with all my heart.
That's why I asked her that question, veiled in a half-joke.
I'll never forget the look on her face. Major Himeko froze mid-sip and stared at me, eyes wide.
She was sharp. She knew exactly what I meant.
"...I'm sorry, Kevin."
That was her answer.
The moment she said it, I knew I had been rejected flat-out.
But since when do emotions follow logic?
Besides, I saw it.
The flicker of pain and sorrow in Major Himeko's eyes as she turned me down.
Whether that was pity for me or a hidden spark of love, I didn't know... but the fact that she showed an emotion at all was everything.
If I meant nothing to her, she wouldn't have looked that way.
From that day on, I threw away the act of being the 'perfect student' in front of her.
To seduce someone, being reliable and cool is important, but showing a bit of vulnerability—letting your guard down—is even more vital.
So, whenever we were alone, I started showing her a less 'composed' side of myself.
One day, two days, three days... time passed, and then came the turning point. Major Himeko had gone out during her vacation to find a date, failed miserably, and came back home completely hammered. She walked in just as I was coming out of the shower, looking my most 'unguarded'—and finally, she snapped.
"..."
"..."
I could tell immediately that she was acting on pure impulse.
As she looked down at me, I watched the flickers of rationality slowly trying to claw their way back into her eyes.
I noticed her gaze straying toward my slightly exposed chest, but I remained still, simply looking up at her.
"...Sorry—"
Just as her reason returned and she started to pull away, I moved faster. I reached up and cupped her cheek.
"Are you stopping?"
"...!"
Looking up at her trembling eyes, I knew this was my chance.
The fact that she had even gone this far was proof enough that she had feelings for me.
"You don't have to stop."
"...Don't say things you don't mean."
"I do mean it. I'm only saying it because it's you, Major."
"...I'm the teacher, and you're the student."
"That's just what the world sees. Is there anyone here right now to remind us of that?"
As I spoke, I wrapped my other arm around her neck and pulled her down gently.
Her body pressed against mine, her face so close I could feel her breath.
"Right here, right now, we're just a man and a woman."
"...Ha. Are you trying to seduce me?"
"You're sharp as always. That's exactly what I'm doing."
I tilted my head slightly, my lips brushing against hers in a fleeting tease before pulling back.
She looked at me with startled, trembling eyes. When I gave her a small, knowing smirk, her last tether to rationality finally snapped. Like a flame catching tinder, she crashed her lips onto mine.
The scent of alcohol hung heavy in the heat of her breath, but I didn't care. I braced her waist and neck, letting her tongue explore mine with a desperate hunger.
What started as a rough, desire-driven kiss slowly melted into something softer—something full of affection. When we finally broke apart for air, her face was flushed crimson.
She sat up, pulling her shirt over her head and tossing it aside without a second thought.
Her voice trembled as she looked down at me.
"...This is your fault."
"Yes. It's entirely my fault."
—So, for now, just forget everything else.
Before I could even finish the sentence, her lips were back on mine, consuming me once again.