"W-wait! Wait just a second!"
"Mmm... You're cutting me off just as things were getting to the good part."
I was about to delve into the details of the steamy night we shared afterward, but Aunt Theresa cut me off, her face flushing a deep crimson as she forced me to stop. The words died in my throat.
She glared at me, her expression a mix of bewilderment and irritation, as if asking, 'What on earth are you thinking?'
"The 'good part'?! Absolutely not! This is an all-ages conversation!"
"Ah, I suppose you're right... It might get a bit dangerous if I keep going."
"Not 'a bit'! It's incredibly dangerous!"
She barked the words out, then let out a long, weary sigh as if exhausted by her own outburst. She reached across the table, grabbing her Bitter Melon Americano to soothe her parched throat.
To be honest, I hadn't expected to dig up memories of my intimate relationship with Major Himeko today.
It wasn't exactly standard conversation material.
I mean, sure, people talk about their past lovers, but that usually only happens after a few too many drinks.
"But wait, Auntie... how did you even see us?"
We had been quite careful, reveling in the thrill of nearly being caught while taking every precaution to ensure we weren't. Or so I thought.
...Looking back, when I asked around later, it seemed like practically everyone already knew.
"Ahem. Well... it was purely an accident. I just happened to be passing by."
"An accident?"
"Really! I had to use the restroom in the middle of the night..."
"The middle of the night? Wait, was that because we watched that horror movie?"
"...Yes."
Aunt Theresa fiddled with her fingers, her voice dropping to a bashful whisper. Her reaction made the whole scene vivid in my mind.
It must have been the night Kiana forced everyone to watch a horror movie. Usually, Kiana was the only one in the dorms with enough energy to drag everyone into the lounge for something like that.
And despite being the instigator, she would scream and cling to me every time something scary happened on screen.
On the surface, she seemed terrified, but I could always sense a hint of mischief behind it. It startled me at first, but eventually, I just accepted it as part of her charm.
The problem was that my lack of resistance emboldened the other girls. Before I knew it, I was being swarmed from the front, back, and sides. I begged for mercy because it was getting physically hazardous, but for some reason, they only clung tighter.
"I-I'm not scared at all!"
Aunt Theresa had been particularly memorable that night. She shouted as if she were unfazed, but her voice was trembling more than anyone else's. Whenever a jump scare flashed on screen, she would scream and lock her arms around my neck in a stranglehold. Honestly, being strangled by her was more terrifying than the movie itself.
There were moments where I genuinely glimpsed the Sanzu River and the world beyond.
I remember seeing Siegfried on the other side, waving his arms and shouting at me not to cross over. I was so happy to see him that I almost tried to swim across, but a well-timed Rider Kick would always send me spiraling back to reality.
The point is, as I've mentioned before, Aunt Theresa looks no older than thirteen. The issue is that this youthful appearance often leaks into her psychological state. The 'Overseer' she presents to the world is entirely different from the 'Theresa Apocalypse' she is at home.
As Overseer, she is a dignified, charismatic leader commanding a global organization. But as Theresa... well, she often acts exactly like she looks.
Which meant that after a horror movie, she was terrified of the dark hallway leading to the bathroom.
On nights like that, she'd frequently wake me or Major Himeko up to escort her. It happened all the time.
But when exactly did she catch us?
I usually made a point to avoid anything intimate on horror movie nights. There were only a handful of times we slipped up.
Well, I say 'we,' but it was mostly Himeko. Sometimes, after a few drinks, her inhibitions would vanish, and her physical needs would take the wheel. I couldn't exactly stop her when she was in that state.
"Major, tonight is a bit risky—"
"Oh? So you don't want to?"
"I didn't say that."
In my defense, I was a red-blooded young man; I wasn't about to turn her down. Besides, when Himeko drank, she lost all sense of 'brakes' and kept her foot firmly on the accelerator. It offered a... unique experience, let's say.
Normally, she'd try to hold back, mindful of her position and our relationship, acting as if she were hitting the brakes out of necessity. But when the alcohol took over...
She thought she was being subtle, but it was obvious. I just played along because I found that side of her incredibly cute.
But back to the point: When did Aunt Theresa catch us?
Because I was so diligent about avoiding those nights, one specific date stood out clearly in my memory. A day that occurred only once every few years...
Wait.
As I cross-referenced horror movie nights with our private encounters, I suddenly froze as the date clicked into place.
No way. Surely not.
It couldn't have been *that day.
"Um, Auntie?"
"...Yes?"
"The night you saw us... it wasn't by any chance February 29th, was it?"
She immediately flushed and snapped her head away, a reaction that served as an instant confirmation. My heart sank.
Is February 29th some kind of cursed day in my life?!
I pressed a hand to my forehead and let out a deep, internal groan of despair. Seeing my reaction, Theresa flinched like a child caught breaking a vase.
I wasn't sure why she looked so guilty, but a sudden question about that night resurfaced in my mind.
"Auntie."
"Y-yes?"
"Actually, after we finished that night, I opened the door to head back to my room... and I noticed the floor was all wet—"
"UWAAAAAH?!"
Before I could even finish—I was going to ask if she'd dropped a drink in surprise—Theresa's face turned an explosive shade of red. With a literal pop* of steam, she lunged at me.
—*CRASH!
"Mmph?! Mmgh!"
She shoved her hands over my mouth, the sheer force of her Honkai-enhanced strength sending me tumbling backward onto the floor.
Wait... uncle! Uncle! You're pressing too hard, Auntie!
I can't breathe!
In a panic, I started slapping her hands. Her eyes were swirling with chaos, as if her brain had short-circuited.
"What do I do... what do I do?! He knows something he shouldn't! I have to eliminate the evidence! Destroy the witness!"
She was muttering terrifying things, her grip tightening by the second. Cold sweat poured down my neck as my vision began to dim from the lack of oxygen.
This is it. Is this how I die? In the most ridiculous way possible?
I still don't even know why she's overreacting like this just because I mentioned the damp floor. Was it that embarrassing that she spilled a juice box?
Ah, everything's going dark... my brain is shutting do—
"I'm home!"
"Eh?"
Suddenly, the sound of the front door opening and a young girl's voice echoing through the house caused Theresa's grip to slacken. Sensing my chance, I mustered every ounce of strength I had left.
I grabbed both of her wrists and pried her hands off my face. As I pushed her back, her weight shifted, bringing our faces inches apart as she stared at me with trembling, wide eyes.
"Gasp*... Wheeze..."
"...Ah."
I gulped down the sweet, precious air, locking eyes with a stunned Theresa who seemed paralyzed by our sudden proximity.
"Ugh, seriously... the picnic got postponed because of the heat wave—"
At that moment, the living room door swung open. A young girl, looking to be about six or seven years old, walked in fanning her sweat-soaked shirt. She stopped dead in her tracks, the bag slung over her shoulder sliding off and hitting the floor with a thud.
She stared at our compromising position, her eyes darting between me and Theresa. A deep blush crept up her cheeks as she quickly bowed her head.
"Oh... um... sorry for interrupting your... 'fun'!"
"W-wait, it's not like that! I mean—wait! Who taught you words like that?!"
Theresa scrambled off me and chased after the girl as she bolted. I sat up slowly, trying to fix my disheveled clothes and process what just happened.
By the way... who exactly was that girl?
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