"So, what are you even doing here?"
"I heard Bronya was going to be late today, so I came over because I thought little Bronie might be lonely~"
"And what exactly does Bronie being lonely have to do with you?"
"I mean, isn't a child always lonely on the days their mother isn't home?"
"No, you aren't the mother. You're just her friend. To put it another way, you're just a close Auntie—"
*Schwing!*
"I am so sorry! That was a slip of the tongue! Please, I beg you, put the sword away!"
Her eyes were definitely smiling, but the freezing aura radiating from them and the edge of the blade pressed against my throat forced a very rapid apology out of me.
"Mmhmm. Admitting your mistakes quickly is a very good trait to have."
I let out a heavy sigh of relief as Kiana spoke, dissipating the sword she had manifested in her hand.
"Anyway, how did you even know Bronya was going to be late?"
"Oh, that? Well, I offload—I mean, I heard it from one of Bronya's colleagues."
I'm pretty sure she was about to say she dumped her work on her. This Auntie... I mean, sorry.
No wonder I heard the sound of my wife grinding her teeth when she said she had to stop by Schicksal HQ... Now I know why.
"So! Tonight, I've come to stand in as the mother! As the wife! You can definitely look. forward. to. tonight, okay?"
"Please don't say things like that in front of the kid. It's bad for her education."
Look, Siegfried-san is behind us looking completely flustered because Bronie just asked, 'Grandpa Ziggy, why is Mama Kiana telling Papa to look forward to tonight?'
Wait, hold on... Did a very concerning word just come out of that child's mouth? Was that a hallucination?
"More importantly, go put some clothes on."
"Ehh~ your reaction is so dull. I did research and worked up a lot of courage to try this outfit, you know?"
"It's bad for the child's emotional development, so go change. Seriously, a naked apron? In this house?"
If I didn't stop this, I'd lose my head to the Siegfried standing behind me before I ever got to see my daughter grow up.
"Well, if that's the problem, it's fine. I'm wearing a swimsuit underneath."
"Even with a swimsuit, you're out. Now go change, immediately."
"Tch."
At my words, Kiana clicked her tongue and lightly snapped her fingers.
Instantly, her 'outfit'—save for the apron—erupted in a brief flicker of flames and vanished, replaced by a henley shirt and a short skirt.
"Wait, that was a Herrscher manifestation?!"
You can even use that to swap clothes?!
I smacked my palm against my forehead, a chill running down my spine. If Bronie and Siegfried hadn't been here, I couldn't even predict what Kiana would have tried to do in that Herrscher state.
Exhaling in relief, I asked Siegfried to watch my daughter and headed into the kitchen.
Tonight's menu: Salisbury steak.
I chopped the bell peppers into tiny, microscopic bits so the little one wouldn't pick them out. This was the only way she'd eat her greens—it was a two-birds-one-stone situation for cleaning out the fridge and getting her nutrients.
"So, what did you think of the look?"
"What do I think? I was horrified, obviously. Why would you even wear something like that?"
"Hehe, I just assumed you'd be happy. Isn't that obvious?"
"Who would be happy about that?"
"Who else but you? I tailored it specifically to your tastes."
"Ah, well, certainly... NO! How would you even know what my tastes are?"
"Schicksal Database, Hyperion Folder, Captain's Private Folder. Dated February 29th, 20XX."
"...H-how did you find that?"
"There wasn't even a February 29th that year, so when I saw the file path, I just had to check it out. It was a total jackpot."
Urgh! I thought I'd hidden it so naturally, but she actually found it!
Look, I couldn't help it! As time went on, the girls were all growing up and becoming more womanly by the day. There's no way a healthy, red-blooded man could remain completely unaffected!
You think it's fine because I'm a reincarnator with a high mental age? Ridiculous.
Let me tell you the truth: the mind naturally aligns itself with the age of the physical body. As my new life stretched on, my previous life faded. Even if my mental age technically hit thirty, it's just thirty years of memories—your hormones and your brain still respond to your physical state. Just look at the Overseer's Auntie if you want an example.
Because of that, a man inevitably needs some 'private time' to himself! Just think about it!
"Ah, Captain~ there you are."
*Bounce.*
"Oh, you're here? You're late."
*Jiggle.*
"Brother, so this is where you were."
*Boing.*
"Were you looking for the Captain?"
*Sway.*
"Captain, found you! I found a new game, let's play!"
"It's definitely going to be fun."
*Bounce. Bounce.*
"Captain, I haven't seen you exercising lately. Would you care to join me?"
*Soft Sway.*
"Captain, a new shipment of tea arrived. Please, have a cup."
*Firm Jiggle.*
"Captain, have you seen Fu Hua?"
*Supple Sway.*
Bouncing to the front of me, jiggling to the side of me, swaying behind me. And their faces? Every single one of them was a top-tier beauty.
"What? What are you staring at?"
*Flat.*
"Hmm, Captain. Looking at me like that makes things complicated for a maiden's heart, you know?"
*Washboard flat.*
"Ah, Captain. Here you were."
*Dead flat.*
"Captain, is something the matter?"
*Absolute zero.*
Seriously, thinking back, the 'Auntie,' the Class Monitor, and the Anti-Entropy staff were my only sanctuary, my only oasis. Truly!
Of course, if I ever said that to their faces, I'd be turned into a pincushion by the end of the day.
...What? You're asking why I didn't just make a move when I was surrounded by so many women? The war against the Honkai was right in front of our noses! If I did something like that and ruined our teamwork, we'd all be dead!
Back then, we couldn't even breathe the word 'romance.' Everyone was united in the singular goal of slaughtering the enemy.
But the 'build-up' was unavoidable, so I had to... relieve the pressure in secret while making sure nobody noticed. And Kiana caught me. No, if Kiana caught me... wait, did everyone else find out too?
"Don't worry. The others don't know yet."
"Well, that's a relief."
I felt a deep sense of relief at Kiana's words, having read my mind. But then I caught the hidden meaning behind her statement.
"So... what do you want?"
"I want you to use the steak sauce I made for your serving."
As she spoke, she handed me a bottle of steak sauce that looked perfectly ordinary. Yes, emphasis on *looked*.
But why? My instincts were screaming at me to hurl this thing away as fast as possible. However, if I did that and Kiana leaked those files to the other girls, I'd never be able to hold my head up again.
Because the original files? They're still on the Hyperion!
I should have deleted them before I left!
What do I do? How do I escape this crisis?
"...You didn't put anything weird in here, did you?"
"Geez, I'd never play pranks with food. I just added some ingredients to make you a little 'healthier.' Go on, try it."
"A little healthier, huh..."
Once the table was set and we all sat down, Kiana gave me a brilliant smile from across the table, urging me to use the sauce. I picked up a piece of roasted asparagus and dipped it in the liquid. Staring at it with trembling eyes, I shot a glance toward Kiana.
She was sitting with her back to the door leading to the hallway. In that case!
"Ah, Bronya! You said you were going to be late, but you're already here!"
"What?!"
"Mama?"
Startled, Kiana whipped her body around. Behind her, my daughter's face lit up as she turned too. Feeling a pang of guilt toward the little one, I immediately made my move.
"Siegfried-san!"
"Hmm? Why are you calling—Mmph?!"
"I'm so sorry!"
I jammed the asparagus dipped in the sauce straight into Siegfried-san's mouth. Frowning at the sudden intrusion, he chewed and swallowed, giving me a look that asked what the hell I was doing.
Huh? Was it just normal sauce after all?
"Urgh?!"
"...Siegfried-san?"
I gulped as Siegfried suddenly clutched his chest and leaned forward. It definitely wasn't normal sauce!
As I watched in tense silence, Siegfried slowly raised his head. His eyes were burning with a terrifying intensity as he stared at me. Wait, burning?
*Thud!*
The moment I realized something was wrong, Siegfried tackled me to the floor.
"Si-Siegfried-san?"
"Call me Ziggy... Captain."
His voice had dropped into a low, gravelly baritone. I had never felt such a pure sense of dread in my entire life.
"Um, Siegfried-san? Are you okay?"
"Oh~ I'm more than okay. So don't be afraid."
"You saying that is making me feel nothing *but* fear!"
"Just count the dots on the ceiling for a bit. It'll all be over soon, so it's fine."
"It is NOT fine!"
"My heart hasn't raced like this since I met Cecilia. Yes... this is... this must be love."
"No, it's just the drugs! Please snap out of it, Siegfried-san!"
The man's eyes had completely rolled back! Stop! Don't put your face that close! I can feel your breath!
And you! The culprit! Why are you just standing there with a red face, barely pretending to cover your eyes while watching this with such interest?! This is your father! Stop him!
And daughter, this isn't pro wrestling! Please don't cheer with sparkling eyes saying, 'Go Papa!' Stay back! You'll get hurt if you get caught in the crossfire!
Aaaah, wait! Where are you trying to touch, old man?!
My virtue is something I haven't even surrendered to my wife yet!
I've barely managed to fend off my wife whenever she smacks her lips and aims for my backside—I am not losing it like this!
...I'm sorry! The power gap is too big! If I knew it would end like this, I should have just given it to my wife!
No, no, I can't give up! If I give up, who will protect my purity?!
Please! Somebody! Anybody! Help me!