"Have you never seen the surface before, ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇?"
"…"
"I'll take that grumpy face as a no! Like within the city, I, Rinara, daughter of the almighty detective, will be your guide to the wonders of the blue sky. Though I really don't know too much, Father says I shouldn't be up here alone. Hehe…"
"…"
"Oh! I just had an idea, ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇! Once we get older, let's come up here and visit the places that Father forbade me from entering. That'll show him how serious I am about taking his role…and about you."
"Axien, are you okay?"
"Yeah," I turned to Muller, who had his arm on my shoulder. He stood blocking the setting sun, an array of colors surrounding him as if he were some kind of saint. "Just a trip down memory lane. I'm fine." I smiled, and Muller let out a sigh.
There was no blaming him for worrying. I did just murdered that man out of rage the night before. But this was not the haunting shadow; it was truly just a memory. One that I cherished more than anything. That smile Rinara gave me that day, those lovely words that clung to my heart. I guess one could say that it was here that I learned that there was something more to feel than just the need to survive.
I felt something in my chest. Was it pain from my wounds? No, it was something else, something that I knew I could never heal from.
Muller stepped off the elevator platform while the others who rode with us stood in shock, staring at the canvas above, breathless despite the fresh air dancing around us.
Flirting, teasing, chattering—I could hear it all around me. The liveliness of the layer. This was the Middle Outer Ring. A place where buildings stood tall. Fancy metalwork lined the streets with beautiful ornaments that tell of the past.
It's amazing that something beautiful can overlook the devastation that lies right beyond the railings that divide the city from the wasteland.
"You know," Muller said once I caught up to him. We walked along the busy street known for being a tourist trap. Many men and women, dressed up in fancy and alluring clothing, approached couples trying to sell them a service for more than it was worth. "Have you thought of moving on? Looking for someone in your life?"
Where was this coming from? It was not new for someone to tell me to move on from Rinara; hell, Margaret tells me that all the time. But this was Muller, and given the way his usually stiff face looked right now, I could tell this was something he had thought about for a while.
"Not really…It's hard to find someone while saving the people."
"Well…" There was a strange awkwardness in his voice. I could not help but smile at that. "They say that having someone close to you can help you be less likely to die in battle. Maybe if you had someone worth dedicating your life to, maybe you would have fewer blunders that we have to bail you out of." I accidentally chuckled at that, prompting him to turn around. "I'm being serious."
"I know, I know." I said. "But you shouldn't worry so much, Mister Bear. I have something now."
"No," Muller said sternly, "I don't mean out of obligation. I mean someone that you genuinely want to protect, not because someone told you to."
Those words he spoke, I let them linger in my mind. Besides Rinne, there was nobody I wanted to protect. My relationships were scarce, with Muller and Margaret being the only two I actually considered friends.
"What about you, then?" I gave him a hollow smile. There was no answer I could give him, as there was no one else in my life. I live along the border of life and death; what right do I have to burden someone with the unpredictable nature of life?
What right do I have to love after I killed the one I truly loved?
"I mean…" Muller sighed as if he knew I was gonna change the direction of the conversation. "I serve the goddess and her people. Unlike you, I exist to protect everyone. But…" Muller paused as he took a breath and looked around, avoiding eye contact with me. "I guess that someone to me would be Margaret."
"You know that's a losing battle, buddy." I patted him on the back. "Not because of you, but because of the baggage she carries."
In a way, that was still an unfair assessment. Muller, Margaret, and I are each scarred in our own ways. Simply, we are broken people who are stuck with each other. But those two are able to move on, search for things that matter to them. Unlike me.
"Heh,"
"What's so funny, Axien?" Muller turned around and began walking. "The day is almost extinguished; we have to return to the Middle Core before it's too late. You still have a 'daughter' to look after."
Even a cruel executioner of a man can show a valuable side. Just goes to show that even a beast like him is still human under all that skin.
So, what makes a monster different from you?
My lungs betrayed me. I stopped, my legs feeling like iron chains holding them tight. A chill ran down my spine as the voice that was my own played in my mind. Something moved in the corner of my eye. A shadow. One that danced from person to person—wearing that same taunting expression until it reached the person standing in front of me.
If a beast can show emotions like a human, what makes them different? What makes a void spawn different from a human? They speak. They scream. They cry. That's a human reaction, is it not?
My heart was beating out of my chest. I slowly reach behind me. I needed to cut down this shadow…it's the only way to make it disappear.
Kill. Yes, killing it is the only way.
Relax, ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇ ▇.
A hand reached out to me, resting its caramel-colored, slender fingers on my chest. It was followed by Rinara's voice, both sending warmth throughout my body.
Don't let it bother you; I am by your side.
"Mister?"
The shadow vanished, and I was met by a beautiful woman dressed in a crimson dress that clung tightly to her skin. Her brown eyes stared at me with concern as she tilted her head. Gentle ripples were sent down her long, brown, curly hair that cascaded to her hips.
"You look stressed; I can see it in your eyes…erm, eye." There was a gentleness in her voice, but I couldn't help but feel that it came more from practice than from the heart.