His eyes brimmed with tears, and he felt utterly cornered.
The immense burden of remorse upon his heart weighed heavily on his soul.
He slowly knelt upon the prayer mat and raised his hands once more.
Beneath the stillness of the night, he found himself wrestling with his own heart.
"Ya Al-Malik... I have returned to You once again, for my heart is burdened. If I am to wish for her to become my wife, then make me worthy of her. Purify me, guide me, and grant me patience."
A quiet whimper escaped his lips as tears streamed endlessly down his face.
He knew this was a test from the Lord above the seven heavens.
At only seventeen years old, he had to remain steadfast.
He had to be patient.
For indeed, with hardship comes ease.
"Rabbana atina fid-dunya hasanatan wa fil-akhirati hasanatan wa qina 'adhaban-nar."
[Our Lord, grant us good in this world and good in the Hereafter, and protect us from the punishment of the Fire.]
He repeated the supplication before lowering himself into sujood, his forehead resting against the cool fabric of the prayer mat.
There, he pleaded for strength.
For restraint.
For guidance.
The Almighty alone would determine his destiny.
Everything rested in His Hands.
Human beings were but servants of their Creator, and this worldly life had been granted as a test.
Haider knew the treasure he truly sought was the Hereafter.
More than anything else...
He longed to draw closer to his Lord.
His solution was not to erase the affection he felt for her.
Instead...
He begged for patience until the time decreed for him.
He continued his istighfar, gently rocking with each whispered remembrance.
"Astaghfirullah..."
"I seek forgiveness from Allah."
A sliver of dawn filtered through the gap between the curtains, its gentle light falling across his face.
Fajr had arrived.
The night had felt endless.
Haider gazed out of the window, his soul noticeably lighter as the first rays of sunlight slowly stretched across the horizon.
Haider's emotions resembled the ocean.
When left undisturbed, they were calm, deep, and cold- much like the composure he carried every day.
Yet when powerful waves crashed upon those tranquil waters...
So too did the emotions hidden within his heart.
***
Al-Aziz had sent countless prophets to mankind, guiding humanity toward truth and teaching them worship, patience, and submission.
My Rabb...
Grant me even a portion of the patience You bestowed upon Your prophets.
My Ar-Rahim... You are the One who knows every heart. You knew the loneliness of Adam عليه السلام and created Hawwa for him. You blessed Your Messenger Muhammad ﷺ with Khadijah رضي الله عنها, who became a source of comfort and support.
I clutched my shirt tightly and lowered my voice into a whisper.
"Please protect her from every evil gaze.
Keep her safe from every hardship.
Grant her peace.
Let her soar beneath the sky You created, and bless her with a life filled with goodness."
...
From that day onward...
I lowered my gaze whenever she was near.
Though she was my junior and our paths rarely crossed...
The more I tried to avoid her...
The more fate seemed determined to place her before me.
Each encounter tightened something inside my chest.
Whenever she drew near, I instinctively lowered my eyes and fought to restrain my heart.
Sabr.
That was the answer.
The more I surrendered to these emotions, the easier it would become for my heart to drift away from what was right.
She deserved to be honoured.
Not followed by my gaze.
"Haider, look! There she is-"
Instantly-
I seized Zayne's arm before he could finish.
He turned toward me, only to meet the sharpest glare I had ever directed at him.
For a brief moment...
I stood on the verge of losing my temper.
The fear and confusion on Zayne's face quickly pulled me back to my senses.
I took a slow breath.
Anger would accomplish nothing.
He was my brother.
It was better to explain than to lash out.
Later that afternoon, Yusuf, Zayne, and I gathered in the corner of our classroom during recess.
Zayne sat unusually quietly, still shaken by my earlier reaction.
Once the silence had settled...
I finally spoke.
Zayne... don't do that again."
"Huh?"
"Lowering my gaze is my responsibility. But if we're brothers, then help me obey Allah instead of making it harder."
Zayne's playful smile slowly disappeared.
"I... I didn't think about it that way."
"I know."
I lowered my eyes, absentmindedly fidgeting with my fingers.
"You're my friend- more like a brother to me. But every time you tell me to look at her..."
My voice faltered.
"...you're asking me to fight my own heart."
Silence settled over the three of us.
From the corner of my eye, I noticed Yusuf's expression subtly change.
Unlike Zayne, he understood immediately.
"Haider..."
He called my name quietly, concern woven into his voice.
I moistened my lips before giving him a small nod.
There was no point denying it anymore.
Zayne remained frozen for a moment before panic suddenly overtook him.
"Wait... wait! You mean you-"
"If you understand," Yusuf interrupted firmly, "don't say it aloud."
His gaze shifted toward Zayne.
"He's already carrying enough."
The words died in Zayne's throat.
"...Sorry."
Yusuf folded his arms across his chest.
"And you're coming with me after school."
Zayne stiffened.
"For what?"
"Etiquette lessons."
Yusuf's expression remained stern.
"You seem to have forgotten that lowering our gaze applies to us as well."
Zayne visibly shrank in his seat.
"...Yes."
Knowing Yusuf, that "lesson" would likely become a lengthy reminder from the mosque's Imam.
A faint smile finally found its way onto my lips.
I was grateful for them.
They hadn't laughed.
They hadn't belittled what I was feeling.
Instead...
They chose to help me carry it.