The doctors say I'm fine and I don't need medicine. Just "a little stressed out, that's all."
Nikki and Aidan are so confused but they eventually have to leave. Larry, as always is quiet about it. He doesn't come with us to the doctor, though. My dad lets me stay home the rest of the week. He says I need to rest.
"You've been seeming distracted lately," he says as he starts up the car. We've just left the doctor's office and are on our way home. He turns around to squint at me over the top of his glasses. "Is there something going on that I need to know?"
"No," I mutter, twisting my fingers together and staring at my pink Twinkle Toes.
"You're sure?"
"Yeah."
"Can I get you an ice-cream?"
Sigh. "No thanks, dad. I'm all good."
We drive home together in silence. I stare out the window into the traffic zooming past us, thinking about all the drama I've caused. These past days have been so fast and full of weight. And now, I'm not even sure what even happened to bring me here.
My phone buzzes and I reach for it.
Hope ur better now 😋.
School is so dry without u😫😭.
Dont die before I get back, k
I smile as warmth flushes over my cheeks.
I won't!!! ✌😊
I put down my cell and resume staring. No, seriously. How the fuck did you get here?
I really don't know.
I drag myself up the stairs. "Anya?"
"Yeah?"
"Call if you need anything, won't you?"
"Yeah."
I slam my bedroom door and run to my desk. I need answers. I search under piles of loose bits of paper, dog-eared novels, full notebooks, and manga with fraying pages and find my diary.
"Woah," I think aloud. "I haven't written in here for a while."
I pick up a pen from the cup sitting at my elbow. I sit in silence for a few minutes, collecting my thoughts and trying to calm my overactive brain and tame my annoying subconscious. Finally, I put my pen to the paper.
Living with dad has been, well, different.
Larry is the biggest change. I remember when dad told me he was getting married and my mom went all 'ugh! to a guy, max. to a man'. Jeez, that's already five years ago.
I remember being so happy for him. And also confused why mom was so upset about it. Like, bih, let the man love who he wants to. Not like he loved YOU anyway!!! But I wouldn't say that to her. I'm not mean like that. But I really don't think he ever did though. He always seems mildly annoyed when I bring her up. Oh well.
I miss abuela. I'm still sad when I think about her. Funny how I've forgotten her for a while though. Wasn't that the reason I had to come live with dad and Larry?
OH! About Larry!
He's quiet. He doesn't say much to me or anybody. And he's huge. Like, 6'3, ig. I dunno. We never measured it. He seems to like me a lot. And I like him a lot. He cooks well, and I enjoy his food very much. He always wants to teach me because I'm trash at it.
Yeah, he and abuela are the same.
Honestly, I'm not even really sure what this entry is about anymore.
This is silly.
I tap my chin with my pen. Suddenly, something clicks and I realize I'm tapping my pen with a stable rhythm.
1-2-3-4 1-2-3-4 1-2-3-4 1-2-3-4
Oh! Nikki!!
Nikki! I write.
That's my best friend. I don't think I've ever really comprehensively written about her. Honestly, I don't remember how we met. Well, I know we met at school, but that's it. I'm not very good at remembering this stuff. But for some reason, I have wiki knowledge on Hello Kitty, Katseye, and World War 2.
Nikki's not much better. She's a whirlwind, if I could describe her in a word. I like her a lot. She is tall and pretty.
Jeez, everyone around me is tall and pretty. Except me, of course.
She is a musician. She can play the piano and violin. She doesn't do paid lessons, though. Her mom can't afford that. So, we use You Tube. She's super talented and knows how to read sheet music.
INSANE!
She's said to have even helped compose a piece for the school orchestra last year for the graduation ceremony. Too bad I wasn't there.
She's really, REALLY pretty.
And really messy.
I like her face shape. She looks like a cute little baby sometimes. Her hair this week is blue, and now she looks like Bulma from Dragon Ball.
Oh, and her brother.
I won't lie, I think he's hot.
But I have another crush.
Her name is Anna-Kat. I first noticed her during English Lit. She's Latina, like me. Well, she's not Latina. She's actually Spanish.
Quick thought though, Spanish isn't actually a Latin American language! Freaking Europeans!!! Oh well, what's done's been done.
She is from Europe. Nikki told me. My Spanish name is Juanita. Hers is Anita.
ヾ(≧▽≦*)o
But she uses Anna-Kat as casual version for Anita Katherine.
I just love saying her name out loud.
She's really stylish, and mature.
She dresses like my mom.
That's a good thing!!
I like how she would casually just wear a nice two-piece. I really love that time she wore gray pants and a gray jacket draped over her shoulders. The red cam and shoes and earrings were so shiny and her jacket and pants were so ironed you could cut yourself by just running your finger down that line at the front of her pants.
She's just so good to look at. She's also smart, and likes to read, just like me. And is also very nice to other people. I've never spoken to her. I'm too shy.
Honestly, if Nikki hadn't spoken to me first, I never would've met my only real friend since grade 6.
All this just makes me sad now.
I glance at the clock on my wall. It's just past midday. I feel tired. So, I return my diary back to it's initial spot and climb into my bed. I notice my clothes still smell like vomit, though I'd wiped with wet wipes.
Ugh! I scold myself. Anya! You still haven't changed your skirt.
As I head for the bathroom, strip, and step into the shower, I think: Maybe one day, I'll actually evolve into a sane human being who can talk to people without fidgeting. Maybe I would find other interests other than anime, k-pop, and dark fantasy novels. Maybe one day, Anna and I would be married.
WAIT! WHAT?!
Okay, not married. But sometimes, I tell myself. It's fun to be delulu.
What if she doesn't like you? What if Nikki--
BITCH! NOT NOW!!
And then, I relax.