I figured Katori Batsunsaia, the Captain of Squad 8, would eventually catch a man and get married one day.
Aside from when she's fighting, she has a gentle personality and genuinely enjoys taking care of people.
But Saito Furufushi? This girl, I truly didn't expect.
While she doesn't go around killing people indiscriminately anymore thanks to my guidance, she's still a battle-crazed lunatic with a tomboyish attitude.
"What are you looking at?"
"Nothing."
"Bor-ing."
Since she has the body of a child, no matter how you look at it, I thought marriage was completely off the table for her.
Honestly, if anyone married someone with that physique, I'd have to suspect the husband was a damn pedophile.
Of course, Saito might have just overwhelmed her future husband with a physical assault, but… well. Even if she's a madwoman, could she really pin down a man from the Kuchiki family, one of the Four Noble Houses?
'…This is a headache.'
It had been a while since I felt my temples throb this much; it actually made me a bit dizzy.
Thanks to that, the contents of the meeting went in one ear and right out the other. Nothing registered in my head.
In the end, the meeting finished with me just standing there blankly, doing absolutely nothing.
"Phew…"
I tried to organize the scraps of info left in my brain like a disk defragmenter, but nothing came up.
The only piece of information I had was that Saito Furufushi would soon become Kuchiki Furufushi.
Fuck, I didn't retain anything else.
I'll have to ask someone for the meeting notes later.
"Hey."
"Huh? Oh, it's you. What is it?"
Surprisingly, the one calling me was Saito. No, she's a Kuchiki now. I'll just stick to calling her Furufushi.
Anyway, Furufushi gestured with her chin for me to follow and started walking with heavy strides.
We arrived at a tea house near the main headquarters.
"What do you want?"
"I don't even know what they have here, so what's the point of asking? Just get me a green tea."
"Two ginger teas and dango over here!"
"Why did you even ask me if you were going to order whatever the hell you wanted, brat?"
"The ginger tea is better here."
She's unbelievable.
I let out a deep sigh and rested my chin on my hand.
"So, what did you want to talk about?"
"Well… that can wait until the tea gets here. It's not like you have anything better to do anyway."
"Hey, what do you take me for?"
"A lunatic who whines about hating work but goes out of his way to create more work and then solves it all by himself."
I opened my mouth to retort, then promptly shut it.
She was surprisingly accurate, so I had no comeback.
Eventually, just as she planned, the tea and dango arrived. It wasn't until half the dango and tea were gone that we finally started talking.
"Is it okay for a girl about to get married to be hanging out with a man who isn't her fiancé?"
"Gah! Are you actually trying to flex your 'manliness' right now? You're way too late for that."
"She really is a madwoman."
Knowing we were both joking, we exchanged casual insults and shared a small chuckle.
Since it looked like she wasn't going to speak until the dango was completely finished, I stuffed the last few skewers into my mouth. Just as I was chewing, Furufushi let out a heavy sigh.
Seeing that tomboy sigh was a refreshing change of pace, so I blinked in surprise. Furufushi looked me straight in the eye and gave a small, faint smirk.
"Thanks for everything."
"…?"
A lot of shocking things were happening today.
I never thought I'd hear the word 'thanks' come out of her mouth.
"Where's this coming from all of a sudden? Are you going off to die somewhere?"
I cracked a joke with a smirk, but Furufushi just blinked and scratched her head.
"It's not like that. I just realized I've never properly said 'thank you' to you until now."
Usually, this would be the timing for her to swear at me for even suggesting she couldn't say thanks, yet here she was, giving such a lukewarm response?
For a fleeting second, some very unsavory thoughts crossed my mind.
Saito Furufushi being blackmailed, or her being forced to marry into a noble house in exchange for never leaving the estate again and living only to bear children.
Blackmail, coercion, and all sorts of other unholy scenarios.
…But the more I thought about it, the more I knew that couldn't be it.
If anything like that actually happened, knowing her personality, she would never take it lying down.
The moment someone tried to threaten her, she would have released her Bankai or whatever and scorched the entire surrounding area to the ground.
But if it's not that, why would she be thanking me so sincerely?
The tomboy I know wouldn't do this.
Let me say it again: that girl would definitely not say 'thank you' like this.
"…Seriously, there's nothing wrong, right? If the Kuchiki family is intimidating or threatening you as a clan, don't hide it. I don't give a damn if they're one of the Four Noble Houses—I'll tear the Soul Society apart for you. I have the power to do it."
"Oh, for fuck's sake, it's really nothing like that, you stupid bird-brain!! Am I not allowed to say 'thank you' once in a while!? Just how much of a socially stunted psychopath do you think I am?!"
Pretty much exactly what you just said.
I blinked and asked again while thinking that.
"So you really just wanted to express your gratitude?"
"Yes, you dense-as-a-brick dumbass! Why are you so sharp about useless things but turn into a complete moron when it comes to this?!"
"Well… anyone would react this way if someone who normally doesn't act like this suddenly says thanks with a serious face."
When I answered while scratching my head, Furufushi seemed to realize she didn't have much of an argument. She started to shout, then stopped and let out a long, weary groan.
"Ugh…. Just what the hell is your perception of me?"
"Exactly the same as my first impression."
"That's because you never leave your gym! For your information, I'm known as a pretty good Captain in my squad!"
"Fine. Sorry for the misunderstanding. But why the sudden gratitude? Is there something you want? I don't have much to give as a gift."
"Phew…. It's not that. It's just… I have a favor to ask."
I expected as much, but here comes the favor.
Since it was a request from a soon-to-be-bride, it was hard to refuse. I scratched my head again.
"So what kind of favor warrants buying me tea and snacks and acting all thankful? If it sounds impossible after I hear it, can I turn you down?"
"The fact that your first thought is how to reject it is honestly offensive."
If you were in my shoes, you'd think about rejecting it first too.
I was about to say that, but realizing it might lead to us drawing swords and having a full-blown brawl, I took a step back.
"Alright, let's hear it. What's the favor?"
"The wedding… please come."
I had been tense, wondering what kind of monumental task she'd ask, but the request was surprisingly normal.
Man, I wasted all that nervous energy for nothing.
"I'd attend that even without you asking."
"I want you to sit in the bridal parental seat. As my father."
"Iiiii think I need to give that some thought."
What kind of sudden drift was this?
At least use your turn signal before pulling a stunt like that.
"Listen, I'd understand if you asked me to be the officiant or the host. But as a parent? Not to nitpick, but why me of all people?"
"You're older than me. And…. Ugh…. This is embarrassing to say."
Furufushi scratched her head, mulling it over, then hugged her knees and muttered.
"Back when I was just wandering around, on the day we first met… you helped me even while calling me a madwoman. When I was flailing because I didn't know how to live, you helped me then, too. That… it helped a lot. Honestly, it would be accurate to say I was reborn. That's why I'm asking you to play the role of my father."
A father's role, huh….
What could be the reason behind this sudden request?
She probably ran into her husband's parents while spending time with that Kuchiki man.
Comparing her husband, who grew up with parents, to herself—a total orphan—maybe it made her feel inadequate or something.
She seemed fine all this time, but was she secretly bothered by it?
"I know what I'm saying sounds disjointed. But you're the only one who can play this role. If it's too much of a burden, it's fine if you say no. This is just my own selfishness."
Whether it was from embarrassment or awkwardness, she kept stealing glances at me. Then, she irritably scratched her hair and jumped up from her seat with a shout.
"Ahhh! Shit, I can't take this cutesy crap anymore! This really isn't like me!!"
"No, I roughly get what you're saying."
"Well, ending it like that makes me feel like shit, so why not?! Just shut up and listen!!"
Is this the attitude of someone trying to give thanks…?
I was a bit annoyed, but the fact that this tomboy was even trying to say thanks was unprecedented, so I listened quietly.
"You! Be my dad!"
"Are you kidding me?"
What are you even saying?
People will misunderstand!
*
Long story short, I decided to take on the father's role.
I debated whether I should bring Unohana as the mother, but she told me not to.
"You're old enough to pass for it."
"I am quite old. But at this point, shouldn't I be going as your grandfather instead of your father?"
"Your face looks young enough, so just be the dad."
"Doing whatever the hell you want, as usual."
"Where would you find a father who swears at his own daughter like that?"
"Where would you find a daughter who talks back and swears at her father? You trying to be a delinquent?"
Of course, just because I was playing the father didn't mean our relationship actually changed; we were exactly the same as always.
"So, when is the wedding?"
"Tomorrow."
You crazy brat.
…I shouldn't say that, right?
'Stay calm, my inner Confucian dragon.'
I swallowed the sigh that was threatening to burst out.
I already knew this was how she was.
"Fine. Since I'm playing the father, let's have a little chat."
"Eh?"
Sit your butt down.
I'm telling you this for your own sake.