(ZEVRAN)
As Asa entered the study, I braced myself for the punch of attraction I knew was coming.
Sure enough, it slammed into me at the sight of him. He looked as sexy as I remembered. His short blond hair was silky, and his eyes had that warm amber color. I'd almost been hoping I'd imagined how attractive he was.
But I hadn't.
My heart also stuttered when I recognized the baby blue shirt he wore. It had been one of Lukas' favorites, and I felt breathless seeing Asa wearing it. Of course, he'd arrived here with no clothes, so it made sense he'd needed something to wear. I'd forgotten that many of Lukas' things had been stored in the second master suite after his death. I'd need to have the staff take Asa clothes shopping. I didn't think my heart could handle seeing him in Lukas' clothes day after day.
"You found the study." I forced a smile.
He grimaced. "Not really. Mrs. Gentry had to bring me here. I got lost earlier."
"It's not unusual. I did warn you."
"Yes, you did." He moved closer, and I caught a whiff of his honey scent.
He truly did smell amazing. No wonder Nigel had been overcome with want. I myself had been driven to behave more territorially than usual.
"Sit. Let's talk about what's expected of you." As I spoke, I led the way to the seating area.
He took the seat closest to the fireplace. He shivered and held his hands out toward the crackling flames. Was he cold? I'd been living in this big old house so long I no longer noticed how drafty it could be.
"I'll have Mrs. Gentry turn the heat up," I said.
"You don't have to do that just for me."
"I want you to be comfortable."
He winced. "I am. I… I'm very comfortable. Everyone has been so nice to me."
I smiled inwardly, appreciating that he didn't throw Mrs. Gentry under the bus. I doubted she'd been very warm to him. She was very protective and suspicious of anyone new. It had taken her years to accept Finlay. These days, she greeted him with a stiff smile, which was a huge improvement. Hopefully, she'd warm up to Asa quickly. I didn't want her to make him feel awkward.
I leaned back in my chair, crossing my legs. I wanted to come off confident. I didn't feel confident. Something about Asa made me jittery. My pulse raced, and my palms were sweaty. "I wanted to have a frank talk with you about why you're here."
"Okay." He sat up straighter, biting his bottom lip.
I sucked in a breath because that little habit was drawing attention to his plump lips. The more I fixated on his mouth, the tighter my underwear felt. How was I going to endure him around me all the time if the littlest things turned me on? He wasn't even trying to turn me on, and my cock was throbbing.
"You shouldn't bite your lip," I said out of desperation. "You'll make it bleed."
"Oh, sorry." He touched his lip, looking sheepish. "Bad habit."
"Yes." I cleared my throat.
He clasped his hands in his lap. "So, what will be expected of me?"
"That's not an easy answer."
"No? I… I'm happy to do anything. I could help you in business, if that's something you'd want? I can answer phones and schedule appointments?"
"I already have a virtual assistant who handles all of that."
His face fell. "Darn." He brightened. "How about I help in the kitchen or perhaps the garden? I don't mind getting my hands dirty."
"Alas, I have a full household staff. Mrs. Gentry has the house well under control."
"I see," he murmured. "And Ronin is your driver, so you don't need me in that capacity."
"No."
He wrinkled his brow. "I really would like to earn my keep."
"I can appreciate that." I hesitated. "Obviously, seeing as I purchased you at The Auction, the assumption is that you'd simply bear my offspring. There would be no need for you to have a job. That would be your job."
Pink tinted his cheeks. "Yes. But… you… you don't want that with me."
"No. I don't." I spoke more brusquely than intended simply because I was fighting my own lustful urges. "Sorry, I didn't mean to snap."
"It's okay," he said softly.
He had no idea about Lukas, so he probably found it twice as odd as I didn't want him to fulfill his omega role. I wasn't sure if I wanted to tell him about Lukas. Eventually, I'd have to, and it would be best coming from me.
Would knowing my reason for not wanting to sleep with him make it easier on him? Or would he judge me? Would he think I was weird for still grieving my dead omega ten years later?
"Won't people wonder why you don't want that with me?" he asked gruffly.
"I'm sure they will. They'll no doubt think I'm nuts for paying that much money if I don't intend to breed you. Not that I really care what people think."
"No, I don't suppose you have to worry about such things." He bit his lip again, looking uneasy.
I lifted one shoulder. "Maybe I'll just let them think we do fuck. It's not like they're going to ask for proof."
"Really?" He didn't look pleased. "You'll let them think we're sleeping together even though we aren't?"
"Is that a problem?"
"Well, Sir, may I speak frankly?"
"Of course." His anxious expression made me curious. "Say whatever you need to say."
He grimaced. "If people think we are… having a sexual relationship, won't they wonder why I'm not getting pregnant?"
"Maybe. Does it matter?"
He blinked at me. "Of course it does."
He laughed. "Why? It's none of their business. They don't need to know I acted out of pity when I bought you."
A flush crept up his face. "I don't want your pity."
"No? But that's what I felt when I bid on you," I lied. He didn't need to know that I'd purchased him because of a longing I couldn't control. He didn't need to know I'd had an overwhelming desire to protect him. That was way too embarrassing.
His eyes glittered. "Still, no one wants to hear they were… pitied."
I grimaced. "Let me rephrase then. I pitied the situation you found yourself in, better?"
"I guess," he murmured.
"You still look upset. Why?"
He sighed. "My concern is that when I don't get pregnant, they'll think something is wrong with me."
"No. Do you think so?"
"I know so. They'll blame me."
I rubbed my jaw. "Not necessarily. The problem could lie with me."
"While that is definitely true…" He swallowed hard. "Omegas tend to get blamed for that sort of thing."
"Do they?"
He grimaced. "Usually."
"Maybe you're right. I'll admit, I tend to think it must be the omega when one of my alpha friends can't conceive an heir."
His mouth thinned, but he didn't say anything. "So, you don't like my idea then?"
He hung his head. "I just don't want to be labeled as defective."
"Ahhh." I nodded. "I see. It's a pride thing?"
"It's not just pride." He met my gaze. "I have to consider the future. I can't be sure you won't sell me to another alpha at some point."
"I have no immediate plans of doing that."
"But you might do that in the future?" he asked tentatively.
"Perhaps." I couldn't imagine selling him at the moment. I was still too territorial about him, but I hoped that would fade. I didn't like lusting after him, but the idea of letting him go to another alpha made me agitated.
He lifted his chin. "If you can't get me pregnant, I'll be worthless. No one will know the reason why I'm not getting pregnant. They'll assume I can't breed. No other alpha will want me. At least, not any respectable alpha."
"And you're worried if no other alpha wants you, you won't ever be able to fulfill your purpose?"
He winced but didn't speak.