The kitchen had barely returned to a state of domestic peace before the storm of the century rolled in.
The front door burst open, and before Keifer could even register the heavy footsteps, two whirlwind figures charged straight into the kitchen. It was Keigan and Keiren, his younger twin brothers. They were supposed to be out for the day, but clearly, the universe had decided to test Keifer's patience.
The moment the twins spotted Jay sitting at the table, their faces morphed into identical masks of exaggerated, tragic despair.
"Jay Jay!" Keigan wailed, dropping to his knees with his hands clutched over his heart. "You're alive! We thought the tyrant had finally locked you in the dungeon forever!"
"Oh, the tragedy!" Keiren joined in, collapsing against the kitchen counter and wiping a nonexistent tear from his eye. "I missed you so much, Jay! The house is a desolate wasteland without your shining light! Look at us, we are practically wasting away!"
Jay didn't hesitate for a fraction of a second.
She sprang out of her chair, matching their energy instantly. "Keigan! Keiren!" she cried out, her voice trembling with theatrical grief. "I missed you guys too! It's been an eternity! I've been trapped here with a block of ice!"
The three of them collided in the middle of the kitchen, locking into a massive, dramatic group hug. They swayed side to side, sniffled loudly, and let out synchronized, fake wails of joy.
Keifer stood frozen by the stove, holding a spatula, completely ignored. He was a ghost in his own house. His eye twitched as he watched his wife and his brothers create a three-way shield of pure, unadulterated nonsense.
"Okay, okay, break it up," Keifer muttered, crossing his arms. "You saw her yesterday."
"Silence, monster...i mean kuya" Keigan snapped, not breaking the hug. "You have no heart. You cannot understand our bond."
Eventually, the tragic trio detached from each other, but the torment for Keifer was only just beginning. They moved to the living room, setting up a multiplayer console game, and immediately turned Keifer into their primary target.
"Hey Keiren," Keigan said loudly, keeping his eyes glued to the TV screen as his fingers mashed the controller. "Have you noticed how Keifer's frown lines are getting deeper? I think he's officially transitioning into a grumpy grandpa."
"Oh, absolutely," Keiren smirked, leaning into Jay's shoulder. "He's definitely losing his hair soon from all that brooding. Jay, how do you deal with him? Does he just grunt at you for breakfast, lunch, and dinner?"
"Worse," Jay giggled, aggressively driving her in-game character past Keifer's avatar on the screen. "He does this thing where he stares at his coffee mug like he's trying to initiate a staring contest with the ceramic. It's tragic, really."
"Hey! I am sitting right here," Keifer growled from the armchair, his jaw clenching as he watched them ruthlessly gang up on his character in the game, completely destroying his high score.
"Did you hear a breeze, Jay?" Keigan asked, completely unfazed.
"Just the wind howling, Keig. Just the wind," Jay grinned, bumping her shoulder against Keiren's as they shared a triumphant high-five.
The peak of the chaos arrived when Jay decided they should bake a cake to celebrate their "survival." Keifer had foolishly retreated to his office for an hour, hoping for peace.
When he walked back down, his jaw dropped.
The kitchen looked like a bomb had detonated inside a flour factory.
There was white powder covering every square inch of the dark granite countertops.
Eggshells were scattered on the floor like hazardous debris. A massive smudge of chocolate frosting was smeared across the refrigerator door, and the sink was overflowing with a terrifying mountain of bowls and whisks.
In the middle of the wreckage stood the three culprits, covered in flour, looking entirely proud of a very deflated, lopsided chocolate cake.
"What in the absolute hell happened here?" Keifer demanded, his voice dropping into his dangerous, low register. "It looks like a disaster zone."
"It's called art, Keifer," Keiren said, casually wiping a streak of flour onto Keigan's shoulder.
"Yeah, stop being a critic," Keigan chimed in, holding up a bowl of leftover batter. "We made this with love. And a little bit of structural damage. But mostly love."
Jay turned around, her face smeared with a smudge of chocolate on her cheek, holding a wooden spoon like a weapon. "Don't yell at them, Keifer! We worked really hard. Keigan was the chief mixer, Keiren was the taste tester, and I was the visionary."
"The visionary?" Keifer pinched the bridge of his nose, feeling a massive headache forming.
He looked at his beautiful, chaotic girl, and then at his two idiot brothers who were currently snickering behind her back. They were absolute menaces, the three of them. A synchronized unit of pure trouble.
He walked over, his heavy steps cutting through their laughter. Stopping right in front of Jay, he took a kitchen towel and gently wiped the chocolate smudge from her cheek. His expression softened just a fraction, though he still looked thoroughly exasperated.
"You three are cleaning every single inch of this kitchen," Keifer commanded, his eyes lingering on Jay with a mixture of helplessness and deep affection. "And if this cake tastes like cardboard, you're eating the whole thing yourselves."
"Deal!" Jay beamed, instantly leaning up on her tipples to plant a flour-filled kiss on his jaw. "See? He's not a total monster, guys!"
"Barely," Keigan whispered loudly.
Keifer just sighed, accepting his fate. He was completely outnumbered, entirely defeated, and hopelessly in love with the ringleader of the chaos.
The corporate presentation on my laptop screen blurred into a buzz of corporate jargon.
Keifer's POV
I tried to focus, but the muffled shrieks bouncing off the hallway walls made it impossible.
"No! Left! Left! Drop the shield!"
"I'm trying! Ahhhh!"
I muted my microphone, rubbed my temples, and took a deep breath. Ignore it, I told myself.
They are just blowing off steam. I unmuted, spoke for two minutes, and then another ear-piercing screech shattered my concentration. My patience, which had been hanging by a thread, finally snapped.
I excused myself from the meeting, slammed my laptop shut, and marched down the hall.
I threw the playroom door open, ready to unleash hell. Instead, I froze on the threshold, completely shocked. The room was an absolute disaster zone.
The three of them sat side-by-side on the couch, wearing matching black t-shirts, completely glued to the TV. But the state of the room was horrifying. Popcorn covered the carpet like a layer of gritty snow. Half-eaten slices of pizza and crushed burger wrappers littered the coffee table. A plate with a melting slice of cake sat precariously on an armrest, while discarded fries, empty burrito foils, taco crumbs, and sticky ice cream bowls occupied every other flat surface. Crinkly plastic bags rustled under my feet as I took a step forward.
They looked up, blinking at me like caught wildlife. In their matching black shirts, with chocolate smudge marks on their faces and wide, guilty eyes, they looked incredibly cute, peacefully and mostly important...happy.
They looked genuinely happy.
My heart softened for a fraction of a second.
Then, the responsible adult in me kicked in.
This amount of junk food wasn't just messy it was dangerous. If I didn't get strict right now, they were going to end up severely sick.
I crossed my arms, my face hardening into a stern glare.
"Are you three completely out of your minds?" I demanded, my voice dropping into my lecture tone.
The three of them instantly dropped their controllers, sitting up straight.
"Keifer! Hey!" Jay chimed, trying a weak smile. "We were just..."
"Save it," I interrupted, launching into what I knew would be a long lecture. "Look at this room! Look at what you are putting into your bodies! Pizza, burgers, tacos, cake, ice cream—all in one afternoon? Your health is not a joke. You cannot survive on pure grease and sugar. If you keep eating like this, you are going to get incredibly sick, and I am the one who has to deal with the stomach aches and the doctor visits. Do you want to end up in the hospital? Because this is exactly how you end up in the hospital. And the noise! I am in a middle of an important business meeting, and you are screaming like the house is on fire!"
I went on for a solid five minutes, breaking down the lack of nutritional value in their feast and the absolute necessity of basic cleanliness. They just stared at me, nodding solemnly, their expressions a mix of mock remorse and patience.
"We are really sorry, Keifer,kuya," keigan said, putting on a perfectly tragic face. "We didn't mean to make a mess."
"Yeah," keiren added quickly, crossing their heart. "We won't do it again. We promise. We didn't even do anything bad, really. We were just hungry."
"We'll be good," Jay concluded, blinking innocently. "We're done."
I exhaled a long sigh, feeling a bit guilty for ruining their fun, but satisfied that my words had finally sunk in. They looked thoroughly scolded.
"Fine," I said, turning on my heel. "Clean this disaster up. I'm going back to my call."
I stepped out into the hallway. The moment my heel cleared the threshold, the playroom door slammed shut with a loud crack!
Before I could even turn around, the muffled sound of the TV volume blasting back to life echoed through the wood, followed immediately by the aggressive clicking of controller buttons.
"Go, go, go! He's gone! Respawn me now!"
They hadn't listened to a single word.
AUTHOR'S POV
The afternoon sun filtered through the blinds, casting long, lazy shadows across the living room. Kiefer was out cold on the sofa, his soft snores the only sound in the apartment.
Jay, Keiren, and Keigan huddled in the kitchen hallway, their heads practically knocking together as they plotted.
"Are you sure he won't wake up?" Jay whispered, holding up a bright pink tube of acrylic paint and a set of brushes.
"He ran five miles today, Jay. A bomb could go off and he'd just roll over," Keiren hissed back, unscrewing a bottle of neon green face paint. "Hand me the fine-tip brush. I'm drawing a mustache first."
"No, let me do the forehead!" Keigan giggled, stifling his laugh with his hand. "I want to write 'Princess' in bubble letters."
They crept into the living room on tiptoe, holding their breath every time the floorboards creaked. For twenty minutes, the trio worked with the intense focus of Renaissance masters, giggling silently until their stomachs hurt. Jay added a dramatic unibrow, Keiren handled the neon green mustache, and Keigan meticulously detailed a pair of oversized, sparkly pink glasses around his eyes.
"Hold still, let me get the lighting right," Jay whispered, pulling out her phone.
Click.
They took turns snapping selfies next to Kiefer's brilliantly vandalised face, flashing peace signs while the victim remained blissfully unaware.
Ten minutes later, Kiefer stirred. The three conspirators scrambled. Jay threw herself onto the armchair, pretending to read a book upside down. Keiren bolted to the kitchen counter, suddenly fascinated by a loaf of bread, while Keigan sat on the rug, intensely staring at his phone.
Kiefer sat up, blinking heavily. "Uhh... what time is it?"
Jay choked on her own spit, trying to look normal. "Uh, four. You slept a while."
Kiefer rubbed his eyes, completely missing the paint. He looked at Keiren, who was currently biting his own lip so hard it was turning white. "Keiren? You okay? Why are you vibrating?"
"Just... thinking about bread, man. Grain options. Very exciting stuff," Keiren squeaked, his voice cracking.
Keigan snorted. He tried to cover it with a cough, but it was too late. The dam broke. Jay let out a loud honk of laughter, burying her face in her cushion.
Kiefer frowned, sensing the trap. He caught his reflection in the dark, blank screen of the television. He froze. He leaned closer.
The living room went dead silent.
"You guys," Kiefer said, his voice dangerously calm as he stared at his neon-green mustache and pink 'Princess' forehead.
"Scatter!" Jay yelled.
Kiefer's POV
My head felt like it was stuffed with cotton.
Sleeping on that couch always gives me a crick in my neck, but I was too exhausted to care. When I finally cracked my eyes open, the apartment felt weirdly tense.
Jay was sitting across from me, staring at a book. It took me three seconds to realise the cover was upside down.
"Uh, four. You slept a while, buddy," Jay said. Her voice was an octave higher than usual.
I blinked, trying to clear the sleep from my vision. I looked over at the kitchen. Keiren was standing by the counter, holding a loaf of bread like it was a newborn baby, his shoulders shaking.
"Keiren? You okay? Why are you vibrating?" I asked.
"Just... thinking about bread, man. Grain options. Very exciting stuff."
Okay, they were definitely hiding something.
Did they break my coffee mug? Did someone scratch my car? Suddenly, Keigan let out this pathetic, muffled snort from the floor and clamped his hands over his mouth. Jay collapsed into a pillow, howling with laughter.
"What is wrong with you people?" I muttered.
I looked up and caught my reflection in the turned-off TV screen.
My heart stopped.
Twisting my face around, I stared at the neon green monstrosity painted under my nose.
There was a giant, unpolished unibrow bridging my forehead, and right above it, the word 'Princess' was written in bright pink bubble letters.
A wave of pure, vengeful adrenaline washed out every ounce of my sleepiness. I slowly turned my head back to the room. They were already backing away.
"You guys," I said, keeping my voice as low and terrifying as possible.
Jay didn't even hesitate. "Scatter!" she screamed.
"I am going to paint your entire lives!" I roared, throwing the couch cushions at them as they bolted down the hallway.