ELARA (17 Years old)
17 YEARS LATER.
Mornings followed a script. Wake up. Go to school. Come home. Do homework. Sleep.
Recently, one more thing was added to my routine. Taking pills. Those damn pills.
Now it went like this: wake up, take pills, go to school.
I was two steps from the door when I heard my mom's voice.
"Didn't you forget something?"
I rolled my eyes and turned back. She was already waiting — a glass of water in one hand, the pill resting in her palm.
I didn't argue. I swallowed it, washed it down, then opened my mouth to prove I'd taken it.
"Going to school", I said, already turning away. "Bye."
"Take care", she called after me.
I didn't answer. I just walked out.
At School
"You okay?"
Iris fell into step beside me the moment I entered the hallway.
"Fine."
She studied my face. "You're quiet today."
I shrugged.
We walked a little further before she spoke again.
"What was that… thing the other day?"
"I don't know."
She stopped walking. I didn't.
"Elara", she said carefully. "If you feel another breakdown coming, tell me. I'll walk you out of class. We'll skip. I don't care."
"You don't have to."
"I want to."
"It probably won't happen again."
Her brows pulled together. "What do you mean?"
"My mom gave me meds," I said. "They help."
Her face softened instantly. "Oh."Then she smiled. "That's good, right?"
I nodded.
She looked relieved, but I didn't feel anything at all.
The lessons passed in a blur. Everything felt dull. Flat. I caught myself almost falling asleep more than once. Iris kept glancing at me, asking if I was okay. Each time, I gave the same answer.
"I'm fine."
But was I? Nothing felt bad enough to break me again. That was good. But nothing felt good either.
Maybe my life was just boring as fuck.
The final bell rang.
"Finally. Home time", Iris said, stretching.
"Yeah," I repeated, lost in my thoughts. "Home time."
"Want to come over later?" she asked.
"Probably."
She raised a brow. "Probably?"
"I'll let you know."
She nodded, letting it go.
I barely made it home before my mom started asking about school.
"Boring", I said, dropping my bag near the stairs and heading to the bathroom.
When I looked up, I barely recognised the girl in the mirror. Pale skin. Dark circles under my eyes. Like I'd already been through a war and was bracing for another. No wonder Iris kept asking if I was okay. At least my hair still looked decent. Long. Straight. Black. The only thing that hadn't given up on me yet. Lack of sleep was going to kill me one day. I was sure of it.
In the kitchen, I caught my mom and grandma whispering. They stopped the second they noticed me.
"Come eat", my mum said, placing a bowl of noodle soup in front of me. "Your favourite."
"Thanks."
She sat across from me. Silence stretched between us. Normally, I hated silence. It made my skin itch. Made me restless. But now? It didn't bother me much at all. Maybe the meds really worked.
I glanced at the empty chair at the table.
"Your dad's still at work," my grandma said quickly, smiling. "He'll be home soon."
Home.
Funny word.
For most people, it meant safety. Family. Belonging.
For me, it felt more like an obligation than a place.