The dust from my Haki-infused punch slowly settled over the shattered battlefield.
Manda's gargantuan head was firmly wedged into the bedrock, his massive tail twitching erratically. Up on the snake's crest, Orochimaru struggled to keep his balance, his useless, necrotic purple arms swaying at his sides.
The snake Sannin narrowed his golden, slitted eyes, staring down at me in my pristine crimson silk suit.
"You..." Orochimaru hissed, his long tongue flicking out to taste the air. Recognition suddenly flashed in his reptilian gaze. "I remember you. The Forest of Death. You're the little pest who interfered while I was marking my vessel... the one who sprayed that agonizing, blinding chemical into my eyes."
"It's called premium-grade, concentrated pepper spray, Orochimaru," I corrected smoothly, dusting a speck of dirt off my lapel. "Twenty percent capsaicin. Highly effective against pests and reptiles. I'm surprised you didn't shed your skin right there."
Kabuto, who had managed to drag himself out of the rubble after taking Naruto's Rasengan, adjusted his cracked glasses. "Lord Orochimaru, that boy... his physical strength defies logic."
"I will kill him!"
The ground erupted as Manda violently yanked his snout out of the crushed rock. The Boss of the Snakes was absolutely livid. A massive bruise was already forming between his yellow eyes where I had punched him.
"NO MERE HUMAN STRIKES MANDA!" the giant snake roared, rearing high into the sky, casting a massive shadow over the ruins. "I WILL DEVOUR YOU ALIVE, BRAT!"
"Yeah, I don't really do the whole 'getting eaten' thing," I sighed, biting my thumb.
I didn't bother weaving signs. I just slammed my bloody palm into the ground.
"Summoning Jutsu."
A massive, intricate array of violet light flared across the cracked earth. The smell of sulfur and burning brimstone instantly overpowered the metallic scent of blood in the air.
BOOM!
A cloud of thick, black smoke exploded in front of me. Two glowing, blood-red eyes pierced the darkness.
Doom stepped out. The Nether-Hound let out a deafening, demonic roar that shook the remaining trees. His pitch-black fur absorbed the sunlight, and ashen hellfire spilled from his jaws, superheating the air. He was the size of a tiger, but the sheer, oppressive Yin chakra radiating from him made him feel ten times larger.
"A hellhound?!" Jiraiya shouted from across the battlefield, his jaw dropping. "Where did he even get a contract for that?!"
"Doom," I pointed up at the towering, furious snake. "I hate reptiles. Make him an expensive handbag."
ROOOAAR!
Doom didn't hesitate. He launched himself off the ground with terrifying speed, scaling the sheer rock face of a nearby cliff before leaping directly at Manda's thick neck.
Manda lunged, his massive jaws snapping shut. But Doom was an A-Rank apex predator. He twisted mid-air, avoiding the venomous fangs, and clamped his own razor-sharp teeth directly onto Manda's purple scales.
Instantly, black-and-crimson hellfire erupted from Doom's mouth, burning right through the snake's supposedly impenetrable armor.
"GAAAAAAH!" Manda shrieked in genuine agony, thrashing wildly. "OROCHIMARU! GET THIS DEMON OFF ME!"
With Manda distracted by the very angry, very hot dog attached to his neck, Orochimaru's slitted eyes locked onto me. His killing intent spiked.
"Kabuto! Kill the boy!" Orochimaru commanded, his neck suddenly stretching to an impossible, grotesque length. His head shot toward me like a fired missile, his jaw unhinging to reveal a thick nest of venomous snakes bursting from his mouth. "Hidden Shadow Snake Hands!"
"I'll handle him, Lord Orochimaru!" Kabuto yelled, pushing through the pain of the Rasengan. His hands flared with light blue chakra. "Chakra Scalpel!" Kabuto rushed me from the left while Orochimaru's snake-vomit attack came from the right. A coordinated, deadly pincer maneuver.
"Too slow."
[Skill: Body Flicker (Shunshin)]
I vanished, leaving only a faint ripple in the air.
Kabuto's chakra scalpel sliced through empty space. Before he could react, I materialized directly behind him.
"Looking for me, four-eyes?"
I didn't use Haki. I just used pure, unadulterated Uzumaki physical strength. I grabbed Kabuto by the back of his collar and the waistband of his pants, hoisted him over my head, and hurled him like a javelin directly into the path of Orochimaru's incoming snake attack.
CRASH.
Kabuto screamed as he collided mid-air with his master's jutsu, a dozen venomous snakes sinking their fangs into his arms and legs as they tangled together in a messy heap on the ground.
"Useless," Orochimaru hissed, retracting his stretched neck and spitting Kabuto away.
Orochimaru opened his mouth impossibly wide. A thick snake slithered up his throat, opening its own mouth to reveal the gleaming, impossibly sharp blade of the Kusanagi sword. Since his arms were dead, he was wielding the legendary sword entirely with his mouth and neck muscles.
He lunged at me again, moving with blinding, erratic speed, swinging the Kusanagi blade in a deadly horizontal arc aimed right at my neck.
I didn't dodge. I raised my right hand.
[Skill: Armament Haki (Hardening) - Maximum Density.]
CLANG!
The Kusanagi—a blade rumored to be able to cut through anything in the world—sparked violently as it collided with my bare, jet-black palm. The impact cracked the earth beneath my feet, but my skin didn't yield a single millimeter.
Orochimaru's eyes bulged in pure shock. "Impossible! The Kusanagi cuts through all ninjutsu!"
"I told Kisame the same thing," I smirked, my fingers clamping down like a vice on the flat of the legendary blade. "It's not ninjutsu. It's just built different."
[Skill: Elastic Chakra (Bungee Gum)]
With my left hand, I shot a thick cord of pink, rubbery chakra directly onto Orochimaru's pale forehead.
"What is this?!" Orochimaru gasped, trying to pull his head back, but the Bungee Gum held fast.
"A one-way ticket," I grinned.
I kept my grip on the Kusanagi sword and violently retracted the Bungee Gum. The rubbery chakra snapped Orochimaru's face forward at breakneck speed.
[The Ruins - The Clash of Monsters]
The dust from my Haki-infused punch slowly settled over the shattered battlefield.
Manda's gargantuan head was firmly wedged into the bedrock, his massive tail twitching erratically in the air. Up on the snake's crest, Orochimaru struggled to keep his balance, his useless, necrotic purple arms swaying limply at his sides.
The snake Sannin narrowed his golden, slitted eyes, staring down at me in my pristine crimson silk suit.
"You..." Orochimaru hissed, his long tongue flicking out to taste the air. Recognition suddenly flashed in his reptilian gaze. "I remember you. The Forest of Death. You're the little pest who interfered while I was marking my vessel... the one who sprayed that agonizing, blinding chemical into my eyes."
"It's called premium-grade, concentrated pepper spray, Orochimaru," I corrected smoothly, dusting a speck of dirt off my lapel. "Twenty percent capsaicin. Highly effective against pests and reptiles. I'm surprised you didn't shed your skin right there."
Kabuto, who had managed to drag himself out of the rubble after taking Naruto's Rasengan, adjusted his cracked glasses, wincing in pain. "Lord Orochimaru, that boy... he is using some unconventional method. That didn't seem like it was chakra."
"I will kill him!"
The ground erupted as Manda violently yanked his snout out of the crushed rock. The Boss of the Snakes was absolutely livid. A massive, comical bruise was already forming between his yellow eyes where I had punched him.
"NO MERE HUMAN STRIKES MANDA!" the giant snake roared, rearing high into the sky, casting a massive shadow over the ruins. "I WILL DEVOUR YOU ALIVE, BRAT!"
"Yeah, I don't really do the whole 'getting eaten' thing," I sighed, biting my thumb.
I didn't bother weaving signs. I just slammed my bloody palm into the ground.
"Summoning Jutsu."
A massive, intricate array of violet light flared across the cracked earth. The smell of sulfur and burning brimstone instantly overpowered the metallic scent of blood in the air.
BOOM!
A cloud of thick, black smoke exploded in front of me. Two glowing, blood-red eyes pierced the darkness.
Doom stepped out. The Nether-Hound let out a deafening, demonic roar that shook the remaining trees. His pitch-black fur absorbed the sunlight, and ashen hellfire spilled from his jaws, superheating the air. He was the size of a tiger, but the sheer, oppressive Yin chakra radiating from him made him feel ten times larger.
"A dog?!" Jiraiya shouted from across the battlefield, his jaw dropping as he balanced on Gamabunta's head. "Where did you find a dog like that?! Damn it, it's way cooler than my summon!"
Gamabunta grunted, puffing his pipe. "I heard that, Jiraiya."
"Doom," I pointed up at the towering, furious snake. "I hate reptiles. Make him an expensive handbag."
ROOOAAR!
Doom didn't hesitate. He launched himself off the ground with terrifying speed, scaling the sheer rock face of a nearby cliff before leaping directly at Manda's thick neck.
Manda lunged, his massive jaws snapping shut. But Doom was an A-Rank apex predator. He twisted mid-air, avoiding the venomous fangs, and clamped his own razor-sharp teeth directly onto Manda's purple scales.
Instantly, black-and-crimson hellfire erupted from Doom's mouth, burning right through the snake's supposedly impenetrable armor.
"GAAAAAAH!" Manda shrieked in genuine agony, thrashing wildly, completely forgetting about me. "OROCHIMARU! GET THIS DEMON OFF ME!"
With Manda distracted by the very angry, very hot dog attached to his neck, Orochimaru's slitted eyes locked onto me. His killing intent spiked.
"Kabuto! Kill the boy!" Orochimaru commanded. His neck suddenly stretched to an impossible, grotesque length. His head shot toward me like a fired missile, his jaw unhinging to reveal a thick nest of venomous snakes bursting from his mouth. "Hidden Shadow Snake Hands!"
"I'll handle him, Lord Orochimaru!" Kabuto yelled, pushing through the agonizing pain of the Rasengan. His hands flared with light blue chakra. "Chakra Scalpel!" Kabuto rushed me from the left while Orochimaru's snake-vomit attack came from the right. A coordinated, deadly pincer maneuver.
"Too slow."
[Skill: Body Flicker (Shunshin)]
I vanished, leaving only a faint ripple in the air.
Kabuto's chakra scalpel sliced through empty space. Before he could even blink, I materialized directly behind him.
"Looking for me, four-eyes?"
I didn't use Haki. I just used pure, unadulterated Uzumaki physical strength. I grabbed Kabuto by the back of his collar and the waistband of his pants, hoisted him over my head, and hurled him like a javelin directly into the path of Orochimaru's incoming snake attack.
CRASH.
Kabuto screamed as he collided mid-air with his master's jutsu. A dozen venomous snakes sank their fangs into his arms and legs as they tangled together in a messy heap on the dirt.
"Useless," Orochimaru hissed, retracting his stretched neck and violently spitting Kabuto away.
Orochimaru opened his mouth impossibly wide. A thick snake slithered up his throat, opening its own mouth to reveal the gleaming, incredibly sharp blade of the Kusanagi sword. Since his arms were dead, he was wielding the legendary sword entirely with his mouth and neck muscles.
He lunged at me again, moving with blinding, erratic speed, swinging the Kusanagi blade in a deadly horizontal arc aimed right at my neck.
I didn't dodge. I raised my right hand.
[Skill: Armament Haki (Hardening) - Maximum Density.]
CLANG!
The Kusanagi—a blade rumored to be able to cut through anything in the world—sparked violently as it collided with my bare, jet-black palm. The impact cracked the earth beneath my feet, but my skin didn't yield a single millimeter.
Orochimaru's eyes bulged in pure shock. "Impossible! The Kusanagi cuts through all ninjutsu!"
"I told Kisame the exact same thing," I smirked, my fingers clamping down like a vice on the flat of the legendary blade. "It's not ninjutsu. I'm just built different."
[Skill: Elastic Chakra (Bungee Gum)]
With my left hand, I shot a thick cord of pink, rubbery chakra directly onto Orochimaru's pale forehead.
"What is this?!" Orochimaru gasped, trying to pull his head back, but the Bungee Gum held fast.
"A one-way ticket," I grinned.
I kept my iron grip on the Kusanagi sword and violently retracted the Bungee Gum. The rubbery chakra snapped Orochimaru's face forward at breakneck speed.
At the exact same time, I coated my knee in Armament Haki and drove it forcefully upward.
CRUNCH.
Orochimaru's face met my Haki-coated knee with devastating force. The sickening sound of his jaw shattering echoed across the ruins. He was launched backward, the Kusanagi sword slipping from his snake's mouth and remaining firmly in my hand.
He tumbled across the dirt, crashing into the base of a shattered stone pillar, coughing up blood and teeth.
"Well," I admired the legendary Kusanagi blade, giving it a few practice swings. It cut through the air with a beautiful, lethal hum. "Finders keepers, snake-face. Consider it tax for property damage."
Up above, Manda finally managed to scrape Doom off his neck by violently slamming himself into a cliff face. The Nether-Hound landed gracefully next to me, panting but completely unharmed, while Manda sported a massive, smoking, black burn mark on his purple scales.
"OROCHIMARU!" Manda shrieked, furious. "I AM DONE WITH THIS! YOU WILL PAY DEARLY FOR THIS HUMILIATION!"
With a massive poof of smoke, the Boss Snake dispelled himself, abandoning his summoner to his fate.
Orochimaru struggled to his knees, his face mangled, his arms useless. He looked at me, casually tossing his own legendary sword in the air. He looked at Gamabunta and Katsuyu, who were closing in. He looked at Tsunade, whose hemophobia was completely gone, her eyes burning with lethal intent.
He had completely lost.
"Kabuto..." Orochimaru gargled through his broken jaw.
Kabuto, bleeding and poisoned by his master's own snakes, stumbled over, forming a hand seal with agonizing effort.
"We'll remember this, Tsunade! And you, brat!" Orochimaru hissed, his eyes burning with pure, hateful venom.
"Don't forget to write," I waved lazily with the Kusanagi.
Kabuto slammed his hand down, and the two missing-nin vanished in a swirl of earth and leaves, fleeing the battlefield.
The ruins fell silent, save for the gentle, healing hum of Katsuyu's chakra as she tended to Naruto nearby.
Tsunade slid off her slug, walking slowly toward me. Jiraiya landed next to her, looking between me, the massive hellhound, and the legendary sword I had just casually stolen from one of the most dangerous men alive.
"Kenji," Tsunade breathed, looking at me in a completely different light. It wasn't just amusement anymore; it was deep, profound respect mixed with utter bewilderment. "Who... exactly are you?"
I spun the Kusanagi, sliding it smoothly into my dimensional inventory with a flick of my wrist. I looked up at her, offering my signature, shameless smile.
"You can call me your husband," I said, giving her what I knew was a devastatingly cool, albeit incredibly perverted, grin.
A few feet away, Shizune gasped. Her hands flew to her chest, her heart fluttering wildly against her ribs. The residual corruption from last night combined with the sheer, raw display of dominance he had just shown made her lower stomach clench. He is so... manly, she thought, her face turning a brilliant shade of crimson.
But Tsunade did not share her assistant's swooning sentiment.
The profound respect vanished instantly. A massive, throbbing, anime-style tick mark popped onto Tsunade's forehead.
"You little..." Tsunade gritted her teeth. "You are still a kid! And you are so completely, unbelievably lecherous!"
BAM!
Tsunade didn't hold back. Her fist came down like a meteor, landing squarely on the top of my head.
"Ow!" I yelped, rubbing the massive, smoking bump that instantly formed on my skull. "Hey! I just saved you from a giant snake! Where's the gratitude?!"
Tsunade didn't answer me. She slowly turned her furious, amber glare toward her former teammate.
Jiraiya froze, instantly breaking out in a cold sweat. "Now, Tsunade... let's be reasonable..."
"Reasonable?!" Tsunade cracked her knuckles, her killing intent skyrocketing. "He's twelve years old, Jiraiya! Twelve! And he's already acting like a complete, shameless pervert! This is your fault! You corrupted him with your 'research'!"
"I didn't teach him that! He came like this!" Jiraiya screamed, backing away.
"EXCUSES!"
Tsunade lunged.
CRASH! WHAM! POW!
"GAAAAAH! MY RIBS!" Jiraiya's screams echoed through the devastated valley as Tsunade proceeded to beat him into a bloody pulp, unleashing all the pent-up stress of the last week onto the Toad Sage.
I sat on a nearby rock, rubbing the bump on my head, watching the Sannin get absolutely destroyed.
Shizune trotted over, looking incredibly shy. She sat down next to me, pulling a small medical kit from her pouch.
"Let me look at that, Kenji-kun," she said softly, her fingers glowing with green chakra as she gently touched my head.
I looked at Jiraiya flying through the air, then up at the blushing, devoted kunoichi tending to my wounds.
"Totally worth it," I smirked.
Author's Note:
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