"Kakashi-sensei!" I shouted, pointing a finger at the emotionally compromised, pants-less swordsman. "Tag in! Hit him while he's questioning his life choices! Strike while the irony is hot!"
Kakashi didn't hesitate. He was a professional. He pushed aside the absurdity of the situation—the Sexy Jutsu, the reverse harem, the underwear—and focused his chakra into his right hand.
CHIRP. CHIRP. CHIRP.
The sound of a thousand birds shrieked into existence. High-density blue lightning coated Kakashi's hand, illuminating the mist like a strobe light.
"Raikiri (Lightning Blade)!"
Zabuza's eyes widened. He snapped out of his embarrassment-induced rage, but the realization came a fraction of a second too late. He was weaponless (I was leaning on his sword), he was exhausted, and he was currently mentally debating his sexuality.
"Die!" Kakashi charged.
The speed was blinding. A blue streak tearing through the world.
Zabuza couldn't dodge. He braced for death, his eyes closing.
But then—
WHOOSH.
A figure blurred from the melting ice mirrors.
"Zabuza-san!"
Haku.
He abandoned the army of sexy Narutos. He abandoned the confusion. His "Tool" programming overrode his new awakening. He moved faster than thought, throwing himself into the trajectory of the lightning.
CRUNCH.
The sound was wet and sickening.
Kakashi's hand plunged into a chest. But not Zabuza's.
Blood splattered onto Zabuza's face, warm and red.
The world froze.
"Haku..." Zabuza breathed, his pupils trembling.
Haku gripped Kakashi's arm, coughing blood. His mask shattered, revealing a gentle, smiling face. "I... will not let you... touch him."
Kakashi looked horrified. His Sharingan spun wildly. He hadn't meant to hit the boy.
I watched from the sidelines, chewing my lip.
[Observation Haki: Active] [Target: Haku] [Status: Critical.] [Damage Assessment: Punctured lung. Severe shock. Cardiac arrest imminent.] [Survival Chance: 0% without immediate intervention.]
Good, I thought, my eyes narrowing. He's alive. For now. The heart was missed by two centimeters. Kakashi flinched at the last second.
"Why..." Zabuza whispered.
"Because..." Haku smiled, blood staining his teeth. "I am... your weapon."
Haku slumped, his dead weight dragging Kakashi down. Zabuza stared at the body. For a second, I thought the Demon would cry. I saw the water gather in his eyes.
But Zabuza was a monster. He suppressed it. He grabbed the handle of his own kunai, preparing to slash through Haku to kill Kakashi.
"Heh," Zabuza chuckled darkly, though it sounded like broken glass. "Good work, Haku. You gave me an opening."
Kakashi jumped back, pulling his hand free with a wet squelch. Haku's body fell to the cold concrete.
"You monster!" Naruto yelled, dispelling his sexy clones instantly. "He died for you! He jumped in front of a lightning bolt for you! And you just treat him like trash?!"
"Shut up, kid," Zabuza said, though his voice wavered. "He died as a tool. That was his purpose. A broken tool is useless."
Clap. Clap. Clap.
A slow, sarcastic applause echoed from the end of the bridge, cutting through the drama.
The mist began to clear, revealing a short man in a suit surrounded by a hundred armed thugs. Mercenaries, bandits, and rogue samurai.
"Bravo," the man sneered. "What a touching performance. Truly. I teared up."
[Target Identified: Gatou] [Status: Rich / Arrogant / Soon to be Dead.]
"Gatou?" Zabuza narrowed his eyes. "What are you doing here? And who are these guys?"
"Change of plans, Demon," Gatou adjusted his expensive sunglasses. "I'm firing you. You see, paying you is expensive. It's much cheaper to hire these thugs to kill you and the ninja. Two birds, one stone. It's just good business."
Gatou walked forward, tapping his cane. He stopped next to Haku's motionless body.
"And look at this," Gatou sneered. "The little pet is dead."
He lifted his foot and kicked Haku's face.
THUD.
"He broke my arm earlier," Gatou laughed, grinding his expensive leather shoe into Haku's cheek. "Now he's just garbage."
Naruto roared. The Nine-Tails chakra flared. He started to charge. Kakashi held him back.
"Don't, Naruto," Kakashi warned, his eye glued to Zabuza. "Look."
We looked.
Zabuza was trembling. Not from fear. Not from cold.
"Hey, kid," Zabuza whispered. He didn't look at Gatou. He looked at me.
"What?" I asked, leaning on the bridge railing, casually twirling a kunai.
"Give me... a kunai."
"I thought you hated me," I said calmly.
"I do," Zabuza said, his voice thick with repressed emotion. Tears mixed with the blood on his face. "I hate your guts. I hate your perverted jokes. I hate that you stole my pants. But..."
He looked at Haku's body. He looked at Gatou kicking his only friend.
"That pig... needs to die. And I don't have arms to hold a weapon."
(Kakashi had disabled his arms during their earlier exchange).
I smirked.
"System," I whispered. "[Inventory: Standard Kunai]."
I walked over to Zabuza. I ignored the thugs. I ignored Kakashi.
"Here," I placed the handle of the kunai between Zabuza's teeth. He bit down hard.
Then, I leaned in. My lips brushed his ear.
"Also," I whispered, my voice dropping to a serious frequency. "He's not dead. Haku is alive. Barely. His lung is punctured, but his heart beats."
Zabuza's eyes widened. He froze.
"If you kill Gatou," I continued, "and if you pledge your loyalty to me... I can save him."
Zabuza looked at me. He searched for the lie. He saw only the cold calculation of a merchant.
"You..." Zabuza grunted around the kunai. "You better not be lying, brat. Or I will haunt you from hell."
"I never lie about merchandise," I winked. "Now, go. Clear the trash."
Zabuza turned to Gatou.
A demonic aura, visible and red, erupted from his body. It took the shape of a literal demon, overlaying his half-naked form. He looked ridiculous—underwear, arm warmers, and bandages—but he was the most terrifying thing on that bridge.
"Gatou..." Zabuza's muffled voice echoed like a growl from the abyss.
"What? You want to dance?" Gatou mocked, retreating behind his wall of thugs. "Kill him! He's barely standing!"
Zabuza charged.
He tore through the mercenaries like a hurricane of teeth and legs. He dodged swords, bit through throats, and kicked men off the bridge.
"Monster!" one thug screamed as Zabuza ripped his jugular out.
"He's not human!" another yelled, running away.
Zabuza didn't stop. He took a sword to the back. He kept running. He took a spear to the shoulder. He kept running.
He reached Gatou.
"Stay back!" Gatou screamed, backing up to the railing. "I have money! I'll pay you!"
SLASH.
Zabuza swung his head. The kunai in his mouth severed Gatou's head cleanly.
The head flew off the bridge, sunglasses still on, splashing into the ocean below.
Zabuza stood there, covered in blood, dozens of swords and spears sticking out of his back. He looked like a porcupine of death.
He wobbled.
He turned back toward Haku.
"Haku..."
He took a step.
"Is it... over?"
He fell.
THUD.
He landed right next to Haku.
Author's Note:
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