Kenji sat at his desk, staring at the thick manuscript of The Kunoichi's Forbidden Heat.
"I can't publish this yet," he muttered, closing the leather cover with a heavy sigh.
It wasn't a matter of content—the content was gold. It was a matter of logistics. He was Kenji Sato, a six-year-old orphan who still had to ask permission to go to the bathroom during class. If he walked into a publisher's office holding a manuscript that described, in vivid detail, the Secret Art: Thousand Years of Pleasure, two things would happen:
He would be laughed out of the building.
The ANBU would arrest him for being a prematurely developed pervert, and Inoichi Yamanaka would be called in to scour his brain.
"I need a front," Kenji decided, shoving the book into his inventory. "Or I need to wait until my Transformation Jutsu can hold a consistent adult form for more than an hour without burning out my chakra. Until then... the world must wait for its salvation."
He grabbed his backpack. It was time for school.
*****
Kenji walked into class, feeling the weight of his empty SP balance.
The classroom was buzzing with the chaotic energy of unsupervised children.
"Did you hear?" Kiba was shouting, standing on his desk with Akamaru barking in agreement. "Iruka-sensei is out sick! They say he ate something bad!"
"I heard he exploded," Choji added solemnly, munching on a chip as if paying respects to the fallen.
"He didn't explode, idiot," Shikamaru yawned, his head already on the desk. "He just... had a digestive malfunction. My dad saw him running to the hospital holding his... well, never mind."
Kenji suppressed a smirk and slid into his seat between Shino and Hinata.
"Good morning, fellow inmates," Kenji greeted.
Hinata jumped slightly, her face turning pink. She poked her fingers together. "G-Good morning, Kenji-kun."
"It's... uh... a new cologne," Kenji lied smoothly, leaning back. "It's called 'Desperation'. It's all the rage in the capital."
Shino paused. "Illogical. But distinctive."
Suddenly, the door slid open with a sharp clack.
But it wasn't Iruka who walked in.
It was Mizuki.
He looked smug. He looked happy. He was holding the attendance book like it was a scepter.
"Morning, class!" Mizuki beamed, scanning the room.
His eyes twitched slightly when they landed on Kenji. Mizuki frowned, a flicker of confusion crossing his face. He still hadn't figured out where his wallet or his explosive tags had gone, but every time he looked at Kenji, he had a vague, hazy memory of a beautiful woman named Kaori.
Weird, Mizuki thought, shaking his head.
"Since Iruka-sensei is indisposed today due to a... unfortunate incident involving chili powder..." Mizuki's grin widened. "I will be your substitute."
The class groaned. They liked Iruka. Mizuki always smelled like hair gel and ambition.
"And," Mizuki slammed the book shut. "Since I am in charge, we are not going to do something boring. Who wants to learn about the 'History of the First Hokage's Wood'? No one, right?"
"Uh, phrasing," Kenji whispered.
"So!" Mizuki shouted. "We are going to the training grounds! Practical assessment! Sparring!"
The class erupted in cheers. Boys punched the air. Girls squealed.
"Finally!" Kiba yelled. "I'm gonna crush everyone!"
****
The sun beat down on the dusty sparring circle. The students formed a large ring, watching the matches.
It was a bloodbath of incompetence.
Kiba fought Shikamaru. Kiba charged; Shikamaru forfeited immediately because "sweating is a drag."
Naruto fought a random background character. He tried to use a flashy kick, tripped over his own feet, and headbutted the ground.
"Winner: Random Kid!" Mizuki announced, sneering at Naruto. "Pathetic, Uzumaki."
Naruto rubbed his forehead, growling. "Just you wait! I slipped!"
"Next match!" Mizuki looked at his clipboard. A cruel glint appeared in his eyes. He wanted to see the "Weird Kid" get humbled. And who better to humble someone than the class genius?
"Kenji Sato vs... Sasuke Uchiha."
The crowd went silent, then exploded.
"Sasuke-kun!" "Kyaaa! Kick his butt, Sasuke!" "Beat up the pervert, Sasuke-kun!"
Sakura and Ino were leading the cheerleading squad, practically shaking pom-poms.
Kenji walked into the circle, hands in his pockets. He looked at Sasuke.
Sasuke stood opposite him, hands also in his pockets. He wore a high-collared blue shirt and white shorts. His hair was perfectly styled in a duck-butt shape that defied aerodynamics. He looked cool. He looked bored. He looked like he was modeling for a magazine cover titled 'Elite Monthly'.
Look at him, Kenji thought, feeling a vein throb in his forehead. The Pose. The Attitude. The 'I don't care' vibe.
"Do your best," Sasuke said coolly. "I won't hurt you too much."
"KYAAAA! He's so kind!" Sakura shrieked. "He's so merciful!"
Kenji looked at the girls. They were looking at him with pure disgust, like he was a cockroach on a wedding cake.
This is discrimination, Kenji raged internally. Just because I talked about wet clothes and laxatives, I'm the creep? But this guy acts like an emo prince and he gets the harem?
[DING!]
The world slowed down. A blue screen flashed before Kenji's eyes.
[System Mission: The Equalizer]
[The System detects high levels of 'Pretentious Energy' from the target.]
[Host is being belittled. This cannot stand.]
[Objective: Teach Sasuke Uchiha a lifelong lesson. Destroy his 'Cool' image.] [Method: Explode his Back Door.]
[Reward: Skill - 'Konoha Secret Finger Jutsu: One Thousand Years of Death' (Instant Mastery).]
Kenji's eyes lit up. A dark, sinister aura flared around him.
Explode his back door? System, you dirty dog... I love it.
"Begin!" Mizuki shouted.
Sasuke moved instantly. He was fast for a six-year-old. He dashed forward, aiming a crisp punch at Kenji's chest.
Kenji's eyes tracked the movement. Thanks to his +5 Agility from the Mizuki scam, the punch looked slow.
Kenji sidestepped.
Whoosh.
Sasuke's punch hit air. Sasuke blinked, surprised. He spun and threw a kick.
Kenji ducked.
Whoosh.
"Stop running!" Sasuke grunted, losing his cool facade for a second.
"I'm not running," Kenji said, his voice dropping an octave. "I'm positioning."
Kenji leaped back, creating distance.
"Look! Behind you! Itachi is eating your tomatoes!" Kenji pointed frantically behind Sasuke.
It was the stupidest, most childish distraction ever.
But Sasuke was six. And he loved tomatoes. And he loved/missed his brother.
"Nani?!" Sasuke turned his head for a fraction of a second.
That was all Kenji needed.
[Speed Boost Activated]
Kenji blurred. He didn't attack Sasuke's front. He slid low, dashing right behind the Uchiha heir.
The girls stopped cheering. Mizuki dropped his pen. Naruto's eyes popped out.
Kenji crouched behind Sasuke. He clasped his hands together in the Tiger Seal—index and middle fingers extended, pressed together, rigid as steel.
Chakra flooded his fingers. The knowledge of the [One Thousand Years of Death] downloaded into his brain instantly.
"Sasuke!" Kenji yelled.
Sasuke turned around, confused. "Wha—"
"You left your rear guard open!"
Kenji lunged.
"SECRET TAIJUTSU! ONE THOUSAND YEARS OF DEATH!"
THWACK.
The aim was true. The connection was solid.
"GAAAAAHHHHH!"
Sasuke Uchiha, the prodigy, the stoic avenger, let out a sound that was not human. It was a high-pitched squeal, like a tea kettle achieving enlightenment.
He launched into the air. Literally. He flew three feet off the ground, eyes rolled back, clutching his rear end.
He landed face-first in the dirt, twitching.
Silence.
Absolute silence descended on the training ground. A crow cawed.
Sakura's jaw was on the ground. Ino dropped her flower.
Mizuki stared, horrified. "What... what was that technique?"
Kenji stood up, blowing imaginary smoke from his fingers like they were gun barrels.
"That," Kenji announced to the silent crowd, "Is the ultimate technique for punishing those who ignore their surroundings. It stimulates the... chakra network."
Sasuke groaned, trying to crawl away, his dignity shattered into a million pieces. He would never walk the same way again.
[DING!]
[Mission Complete: The Equalizer]
[Reward: 'One Thousand Years of Death' (Mastery Acquired).]
[Bonus: Sasuke's Trauma Level +50.]
[Reputation Update: The Ass Assassin.]
Suddenly, a singular sound broke the silence.
"BWAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Naruto was on the ground, rolling, clutching his stomach. "KENJI! THAT WAS AWESOME! DO IT AGAIN! DO IT TO KIBA!"
Kiba instinctively covered his butt and backed away. "Stay away from me, you freak!"
The girls, recovering from their shock, turned their gaze on Kenji. Their eyes burned with hatred.
"YOU PERVERT!" Sakura screamed. "HOW DARE YOU TOUCH SASUKE-KUN THERE!"
"DISGUSTING!" Ino yelled. "YOU'RE THE WORST!"
"WEIRDO! CREEP! BUTT-POKER!"
The insults rained down like kunai.
Kenji stood in the center of the hate, basking in it. He closed his eyes and spread his arms.
Yes... feed me your hatred. It only makes me stronger.
[Shameless Points: +10] [Shameless Points: +10] [Shameless Points: +10]
He looked at his point total.
[Current Balance: 200 SP]
Worth it, Kenji thought, watching Sasuke waddle toward the infirmary. Totally worth it.