I awoke on my couch, feeling sore all over. I remembered taking a nap and it felt a lot softer than now. I stood up and saw my friend Raze munching on potato chips while scrolling mindlessly through TicToc.
Raze's hair was messy and his face was painted with freckles. A silver necklace hung weakly over his neck. He was wearing a striped shirt below the unbuttoned jacket that I'm pretty sure he never washed. He had the stupid green sports pants on again, even though I told him it looks terrifying.
He looked at me and grinned. "Up already? It's just been, I dunno, eight hours?"
So much for a 'short nap', I guess. I grumpily made my way to the bathroom to wash my face as Raze kept teasing me "Oh, I'll wake up just in time for lunch! After all, I'm not that sleepy! Yeah, it's fine, you don't need to wake me up!"
I suppose he was pissed at being locked inside my apartment for the entire day. I looked in the mirror and wow, I looked bad. After fixing myself knowing I'll look the same when I wake up tomorrow, I kidnapped Raze to the local restaurant.
"NOOO!! LEAVE ME BE!" "Look Raze, it's either you go or no dinner!" He really didn't want to leave, but I was feeling lazy today and we ran out of instant noodles. I figured I'd take the guy out to buy more, and feed him at the same time.
After a lot of convincing - or should I call it shouting at each other, we finally reached the damn restaurant. "Now. You stay here, or I call Charlotte," I threatened. "Fine!" he replied grumpily, sitting with his phone held hostage in my pocket. It's about time Raze felt all the pain I go through when I go buy stuff for him.
Oh yeah, Charlotte is Raze's adopted sister. She's younger than him, but she orders him around and he listens. Trust me, you do not want to know why.
Leaving a grown man to grieve for his phone, I went to the market nearby to stock up on food. Entering the doors, I was greeted by 3 potatomen. The potatomen have been here since I moved in, which was 2 years ago. Their entire purpose is to advertise some smelly potatoes that your stomach doesn't prefer. Communicating with them is not an option.
Stop thinking it's funny, Will!! That's disrespectful!
That did not help, and I let out a small giggle. Thankfully it didn't bother the potatomen, although I'm pretty sure they heard it. As I was turning a corner to the noodles section, I was greeted by a bloody corpse. Standing above it?
A potatoman.
I panicked. I felt more and more guilty about all those times I laughed at them. Now it's not funny anymore. The potato costume was painted with blood. Nail marks scattered along the once smooth surface. The fabric was ripped out in some parts, revealing a bit of the monster inside. The potatoman held a chipped knife in one hand, the other being deformed and looking really disturbing. He looked as if he was expecting me.
Hang on, why'd I find the hand disturbing?
"Uh. I think I went the wrong way. I'll just...leave you to your business, kind sir," I said with a strained smile, hoping he'd just ignore me. The potatoman unfortunately had different intentions and lunged at me with his weapon.
At that moment, it's like something clicked in me. I dodged to the side, barely avoiding the hit. I took a noodle bag from a stall and threw it at the potatoman. "Take that you potato!" It bounced harmlessly off his head, but I don't think he liked it. Also my rude remark. I tried apologizing "I'm sorry. I should've followed common social etiquette and not thrown that at you. Don't worry, you aren't injured thanks to your potato thing!"
The man looked stunned. Maybe he didn't anticipate, or maybe it's just my dazzling aura. He regained his composure quickly though "Shut up you uneducated swine!"
Get ragebaited.
I was about to say something insulting but I felt something sharp poking at my spine. My vision slowly went black. "Damn you....potato people..." I uttered my last words before I fell to the ground and died.
Yep, that's it. I died. I didn't get saved or get magically reborn or anything. Nope. I just died. It hurt a lot, but thanks for asking. Goodbye. This is the end. Totally. Thanks for reading this wonderful piece of literature. Remember kids, don't do this at home! Dying is not fun. It also hurts a lot.
You can leave now. Nothing happens from this point.