4 Privet Drive.
This ordinary Muggle house, which should have smelled of burnt toast and Dudley's tantrums, was now filled with the scent of... expensive aromatherapy candles?
Ivan sat on the sofa, holding a glass of chilled pumpkin juice, reading today's Daily Prophet.
The headline was him again: "SHOCKING! The Dark Lord Trims Lawns in London Suburbs! Is This a Twisted Human Nature or the Decay of Magic?"
The accompanying photo showed Grindelwald wearing a pink Hello Kitty apron, holding pruning shears, casting spells on a rose bush with a gloomy expression.
"IVAN!"
Aunt Petunia's signature drill-like screech came from the kitchen.
"Tell your... 'friend' to turn that 'fire' down! My pudding is burning!"
Ivan sighed and put down the newspaper.
In the kitchen, Grindelwald stood before the stove.
His dazzling blonde hair was tied casually in a low ponytail, loose strands framing his face. The custom-fitted apron wrapped tightly around his broad shoulders and narrow waist.
If you ignored the wand emitting black smoke in his hand, this was practically a picture of "The Peerless Good Husband Cooking."
"Petunia," Grindelwald's voice was ice-cold, "this is 'Fiendfyre Micro-Control Technology'. Only this way can a steak be seared to medium-well in three seconds. Also, Dudley got his math homework wrong. I used Crucio... no, used 'Dominion Theory' to explain it to him. He should understand now."
In the corner of the living room, Dudley was curled up on a chair, trembling, clutching a wand (a toy version Ivan gave him).
Hearing Grindelwald, he didn't cry. Instead, his eyes shone with fanaticism.
"Bro... Brother Grindel-King," Dudley hiccuped, scared out by Grindelwald's aura. "That spell just now... the one that makes teacups float, can you teach me again? I want to use it to steal the neighbor's cookies!"
> [System Alert: Dudley (Seduced by Dark Magic + Thirst for Power + Becoming a Lackey): Emotion Value +200!]
Aunt Petunia walked out carrying a plate of charred steak, looking on the verge of a breakdown.
She had intended to give these two "uninvited guests" a piece of her mind. But the moment she opened her mouth, Grindelwald used a Scourgify to make her greasy apron spotless, and casually transfigured her old Ford into a limited-edition sports car.
"Eat!" Petunia slammed the plate onto the table, shouting to hide her fear. "And no Apparating inside the house! You teleported cat food directly into my mouth just now!"
Grindelwald untied the apron and sat elegantly opposite Ivan.
He cut a piece of the charred steak and put it into his mouth without changing expression.
"Tastes decent," he commented flatly. "Has a texture of... 'Despair'. Very fitting for the temperament of this house."
Ivan rolled his eyes. "That's just the burnt taste. Also, getting expelled from Durmstrang is one thing, but can you stop blowing up my summer homework?"
"That was an experiment." Grindelwald wiped his mouth, a dangerous light flashing in his blue eyes. "I was researching 'The Correlation Between Paper Flammability and Defense Against the Dark Arts Grades'. Facts prove blowing up homework doesn't improve grades, but it does shut the professor up."
Just then, a crackling sound came from the fireplace.
Not Floo powder, but a more violent method of transport.
Bang!
A puff of black dog fur exploded.
Sirius Black tumbled out of the fireplace, stumbling, a dead rat in his mouth.
"Ivan! Help!" Seeing Ivan, Sirius pounced like he'd seen family, hugging Ivan's leg. "The Ministry's Dementors have gone mad! They stopped sucking souls and started delivering takeout! A Dementor just shoved a pizza at me on a London street and asked if I wanted a membership card!"
Ivan kicked him away with disdain. "That's my new project, 'Dementor Delivery'. Give them a whiff of a happy memory, and they'll deliver anywhere. Where did that rat come from?"
"It's a gift for you!" Sirius offered the rat like a treasure, then suddenly smelled a familiar, nauseatingly noble scent.
He jerked his head around to look at the blonde man by the dining table.
The air froze for three seconds.
Sirius's fur stood on end, and he froze in place.
"Grin... Grin... Grindelwald?!"
As the rebellious son of a pure-blood family, Sirius naturally recognized the legendary Dark Lord (though not yet fully risen to power in this timeline/context, his fame was huge).
Grindelwald lifted his eyelids, swept a glance at the dirty black dog, and a mocking smile curled his lips.
"A Black? How did you fall to this state? Dirtier than a Potter house-elf."
"Why are you here?!" Sirius let out a scream and hid behind the sofa. "Ivan! Were you kidnapped? Blink if you were! Did he force you to cook for him with Fiendfyre?!"
"No." Ivan sipped his juice. "He's here voluntarily. Because he lost a bet, he's now my 'Summer Intern Butler'. Responsible for sweeping, cooking, and practicing Dark Magic with Dudley."
"But... Butler?!" Sirius felt his worldview had been eaten by a dog.
The future Dark Lord is mowing lawns for Muggles?
"Also," Ivan pointed to the kitchen, "go wash the dishes. Since you're here, don't expect a free meal. Dobby can't handle it all alone."
Sirius: ???
I'm an Animagus! I'm an escaped convict! You want me to wash dishes?!
Ten Minutes Later.
A bizarre scene unfolded in the Dursley kitchen:
Grindelwald levitated plates with magic, moving elegantly like conducting a symphony.
Sirius (human form) wore a floral apron, crying while washing dishes.
Dudley stood by with a wand, practicing Aguamenti at the faucet, spraying Sirius all over.
"Is this the life you want?" Sirius asked Grindelwald indignantly while scrubbing a plate. "Where's your 'For the Greater Good'? Your world domination?"
Grindelwald leaned against the doorframe, holding a glass of red wine (which Petunia hid on top of the cabinet), looking coldly out the window.
"Ruling the world is too tiring." He said flatly. "Besides, Ivan hasn't finished explaining that 'Quantum Dominion Theory'. I found... I can learn more in this small house than at Durmstrang."
He turned to look at Ivan, who was watching TV in the living room.
Ivan held a game controller, battling Mario Kart on the screen.
Grindelwald's gaze suddenly softened, carrying a hint of... doting affection he didn't even realize?
"Besides," Grindelwald whispered, "the steak here is burnt, but at least... it tastes like home."
Just then, the doorbell rang.
Aunt Petunia went to open it.
Standing there was a man in worn robes with a face full of beard.
It was Dumbledore.
He held a bag of Sherbet Lemons, smiling kindly.
"Good afternoon, Mrs. Dursley. I am Ivan's... distant cousin." Dumbledore blinked. "I'm here to pick up the two children for summer school... oh no, summer camp."
The three in the room froze.
Grindelwald almost crushed his wine glass.
Sirius dropped a plate into the sink.
Dudley's wand misfired, a red light hitting Dumbledore's beard and singeing it.
Dumbledore touched his burnt beard, still smiling.
"My, it seems lively here. Am I interrupting a... family gathering?"
His gaze bypassed Petunia and locked directly onto Grindelwald in the kitchen.
The two future (and current) Dark Lords locked eyes across the air.
Sparks flew.
"Gellert," Dumbledore said softly, a trace of nostalgia and warning in his tone. "Go home if you've played enough. Your... 'friends' are looking for you."
Grindelwald huffed and downed the red wine.
"No need to worry, Albus. I am currently the Potter family's 'Live-in Tutor'. Unless Ivan kicks me out, I'm going nowhere."
With that, he walked to the living room. Passing Dumbledore, he whispered so only they could hear:
"Don't think I don't know what you're plotting. I'm interested in that 'Deathly Hallows' clue too."
Dumbledore blinked, saying nothing, just popping a Sherbet Lemon into his mouth.
In the living room, Ivan looked at this room full of monsters (Dumbledore, Grindelwald, Sirius, Dudley) and covered his forehead in pain.
"Dobby," Ivan called weakly. "Get my luggage. I think... it's safer back at Hogwarts."
"Yes, Master!" Dobby appeared excitedly. "Dobby has parked the Hogwarts Express on the lawn! Also, Master Grindelwald's luggage is packed, containing thirty tailcoats and a box of hair gel!"
Grindelwald nodded in satisfaction. "Well done, elf."
Aunt Petunia stood at the door, looking at this group of weirdos, then at the scorched lawn and the steam train in the garden.
She took a deep breath and suddenly felt...
This summer seemed much more interesting than previous years?
"Hey, Blondie!" Petunia shouted at Grindelwald. "Wash your apron before you leave! That's my favorite Hello Kitty one!"
Grindelwald paused, looking back at Petunia.
In the past, anyone daring to speak to him like that would be ash.
But now, he just raised an eyebrow and pointed his wand at the apron.
"Freshen."
The apron instantly became spotless, emitting a faint lavender scent.
"Thanks, Auntie." Ivan said casually.
Petunia froze, blushing suddenly, waving her hands flusteredly.
"Who... who's your Auntie! Get out! All of you! Don't ruin my roses!"
Ivan smiled, shouldered his bag, and led the group of "problem children" out of 4 Privet Drive.
Behind them, Dudley waved his toy wand shouting:
"Brother Grindel-King! Come back next summer! I'll treat you to fish and chips!"
On the Train.
Ivan looked at Dumbledore and Grindelwald sitting opposite him.
One eating candy, one polishing a wand.
The awkwardness was thick enough to build a three-bedroom apartment with.
"So," Ivan broke the silence, "where are we going?"
"To find a Horcrux." Grindelwald said without looking up. "I know a place hiding a relic of Ravenclaw. I think... you'll be interested."
Dumbledore swallowed his honey candy, giving Grindelwald a meaningful look.
"Oh? Ravenclaw's Diadem? That is a very dangerous object."
"Dangerous?" Grindelwald looked up, blue eyes shining with fanaticism. "In a world filled with 'Science' and 'Magic', is there anything more dangerous than making Ivan wear a dress?"
Ivan: "...Both of you, go sweep the floor."