Amara.
It hurt.
It hurt too much.
Pain tore through me in an unimaginably cruel way—violent, merciless and unrelenting. I screamed, barely recognizing the sound that ripped out of my throat as my hands slammed into the frozen ground. Snow scattered beneath my palms, but the cold did nothing to numb the agony. Instead, it burned.
My gloves ripped in an instant.
A sharp, piercing pain shot through my fingers as claws forced their way out, tearing through both the glove and my skin.
"Hah—hah—hah—"
My shallow and panicked breaths shattered into broken gasps as something inside me clawed outward—furious, desperate, and enraged at being caged for so long.
No. God. No
Please…Not now.
I pleaded with myself as my vision violently blurred. Everything of color around me started to blend together as my senses sharpened against my will. Sound crashed into me like a tidal wave—too loud, too close, too much. I could hear gasps behind me, whispered words meant to be secret, heartbeats thudding in chests meters away. Even the distant rustle of animals hiding deep within the woods reached my ears with cruel clarity.
It was overwhelming.
I was losing myself.
And everyone was watching as it happened.
My right hand flew to my ear, pressing hard, as if I could physically block out all the noises. But that did absolutely nothing. My fingers curled into the frozen earth instead, my nails digging deep as my spine arched into something inhuman. Then, a sensation, hotter than fire raced along my bones—reshaping, demanding, tearing me apart from the inside.
My wolf howled within me.
Like always, it wasn't calm. Nor patient.
Rather, it was feral—frantic and furious, maddened by my restraint.
You are hurting us, it snarled.
Let me out.
"I can't," I whispered through clenched teeth, tears stinging my eyes. I wasn't sure the words even left my mouth. "I can't lose control again."
But my body no longer listened.
Heat surged through my veins, violent and consuming. My hair spilled down my back—longer, thicker, heavier. My shoulders burned as bones shifted just enough to steal my breath, just enough to remind me what I was becoming—but not enough to finish the change.
And then it stopped.
The transformation halted mid-motion, leaving me trapped between two forms.
Between two worlds.
And that…that was worse than the pain.
Now I wasn't human, nor was I a wolf.
I was something twisted and unfinished—an exposed anomaly caught halfway through shifting.
Suddenly, the embarrassment I felt overpowered my agony.
"How hideous."
"She can't even transform properly."
"Pathetic."
"I almost pity her."
Their whispers slithered into me, each word a sharp dagger. I wanted to disappear. I wanted the ground to open up and swallow me whole. I wanted anything but this—this humiliation, this exposure.
When I looked down at the sharp claws sticking out of my ripped gloves, a memory I tried countlessly to bury resurfaced in my mind.
—————————————————-
I remembered it clearly, the smell of oil and rust.The disorganized mess on the metal shelves.
My mother's bowed head.
I was standing at the entrance of the workshop, fists clenched, watching as her boss towered over her—his voice sharp and venomous, tearing into her for a mistake that wasn't her own.
She didn't look at me—or in truth, she couldn't. All she did was endure in silence.
On that day, I remembered being extremely on edge, and witnessing that sight, something inside me had snapped.
I remembered shouting, breaking a few glasses, and confronting her boss.
Instead of relief or gratitude, my mother was furious at me.
"Why would you do that, Amara? Do you know how hard it is to find a job like this?"
I remembered the argument at home. The truth spilling out—that she had endured his cruelty for months because she couldn't afford to lose the work.
Because she had a family to cater to. And because she wanted to raise money to send me to college.
I had felt disappointed, guilty, and enraged.
I remembered the moment my heart shattered under all those emotions.
And then, out of nowhere, came the pain. The heat. The claws.
I remembered her scream when she realized what I was becoming.
I ran out, to anywhere but where she was.
I didn't stop. I hoped I could escape what I had become. And that I would be human again. Then, there was blood. A deer fell beneath my fury, its life ending far too easily. The thrill of that kill had felt like ecstasy.
And so I had went on a killing spree, slaughtering any animal unlucky enough to meet me. Then—
I regained some consciousness. But it was only after I recognized the human I had attacked. My own friend, Davis. He lay underneath my towering frame, covered in blood. I remembered my reflection in his eyes that day—the hideous monstrosity he saw. I remembered his expression at that moment when he looked upon me…
I remembered fleeing the scene immediately, terrified out of my mind of myself.
————————————————-
"Step back!"
Beta Kael's voice cracked through my thoughts and the chaos, forcing me back to reality.
"Everyone—back away. Now."
I cried out again, the sound raw and unfiltered, my chest aching from the effort of holding myself together. My stomach twisted with fear—not of the pain, but of what would happen if I lost control completely.
Because if I did…
I would become exactly what they believed I was.
An abomination.
A danger.
A mistake that should never have returned.
Then—silence.
It wasn't the mocking kind. Nor was it the heavy, judging kind.
This silence was different.
All I could hear now were distant birds, controlled breathing, steady heartbeats—and footsteps approaching.
Measured.
Unhurried.
Certain.
I lifted my head weakly, sweat-damp hair clinging to my face before sliding down my back.
He was there.
The Alpha stood at the edge of the training ground.
Close—yet somehow impossibly far.
Still, his presence crashed over everything. The air itself seemed to bend around him, and the ground on which he walked, acknowledged him without question. Power radiated from him in slow, deliberate waves—unrestrained and undeniable.
And his eyes—they were bottomless. As though they were sucking me in.
"Oh Goddess…" someone whispered.
Alpha Lucien didn't look at them.
He didn't look at Kael.
He only looked at me.
"Enough."
The word wasn't loud, yet it carried immense weight. It sank into the ground, into bone, then finally, into instinct.
My wolf stilled.
Not completely submitting, but listening.
Lucien crossed the space between us in three long strides. Snow soaked into his trousers as he knelt before me, but he didn't react to that. It was as if the cold meant nothing at all.
"Amara," he whispered.
My name—spoken like that—calmed me. His tone wasn't commanding… it was pleading.
"You are hurting yourself."
I shook my head weakly. "I—I can't stop it."
"I know," he said instantly, as if he had always known. As if he had felt every second of my struggle. "You are suppressing her. Forcing her down for far too long."
I forgot to breathe.
"You don't suppress a wolf," he continued softly. "Not without consequences."
"I don't want to hurt anyone," I whispered, my voice breaking. "I don't want to lose myself."
"You won't."
The certainty in his voice startled me more than the pull of his scent.
"Running drills—now!"
Kael's command rang out sharply. The pack obeyed immediately, forming ranks and disappearing into the woods.
Lucien's attention never left me.
He reached out slowly, deliberately—giving me every chance to pull away. When his hand wrapped around my wrist, warmth flooded through me, steady and coaxing.
My wolf surged forward.
Not in rage. But in recognition.
I gasped, eyes locking with his. All I saw reflected in there was myself—raw, feral, real.
I turned away with a sob.
Lucien caught my chin gently, turning my face back to his. His forehead nearly touched mine.
"Listen to me," he murmured. "You don't need to hide her forever. You can't. That would break you both."
My breathing slowed.
"Let her breathe," he said. "She isn't your enemy. She is a part of you."
I closed my eyes.
And for the first time since my awakening—
I didn't resist.
The pain dulled. My claws retracted slowly. My bones settled. The world stopped spinning.
I focused on the rhythm of his heartbeat and his steady breaths which calmed me without reason.
When I looked at him again, his expression was controlled—Alpha once more—but his grip tightened just slightly.
"From today onward," he said quietly, "you will train differently. And you will not be pushed beyond your limits."
I nodded weakly.
He lifted me effortlessly into his arms.
As my consciousness faded, I leaned into him.
"I'm sorry, Amara," he whispered.
My hand reached up, brushing his cheek.
"Mate."
The word slipped free from my lips.
Then, darkness claimed me.