It was Friday night. The weekend of sin.
Stan was in his room, lying on his bottom bunk. He was reading a book titled "Advanced Macroeconomics". He was not an Economics student. He just liked the cover because it looked difficult.
Suddenly, Tobi burst into the room. He was sweating. He looked panicked.
"Stan! Code Red!" Tobi whispered, closing the door aggressively.
Stan turned a page. "Lower your voice, Tobi. I am absorbing knowledge."
"Forget knowledge!" Tobi hissed. "Precious is coming. She is coming here. Right now. I need the room."
This was the Hostel Rule. If a roommate brings a girl, the other roommate must disappear. You go for a walk. You go to the mosque. You go to the chapel. You just vanish.
But Stan was comfortable. The fan was actually working for once.
"No," Stan said simply.
"What do you mean 'No'?" Tobi's eyes bulged. "She will be here in two minutes! Bro, please. I bought you Gala yesterday."
"I ate that Gala out of pity," Stan replied, closing the book. "I am not leaving. This is my habitat. A king does not leave his throne because a visitor is coming."
"She will think you are weird!" Tobi cried.
Knock. Knock.
Tobi froze. He looked at Stan with begging eyes. Stan just put his sunglasses on. Inside the room. At night.
Tobi opened the door. "Heyyy Precious!" he smiled nervously.
Precious walked in. She was chewing gum and looking around the messy room. She saw the bunk beds. She saw the clothes hanging on the rail.
Then she saw Stan.
Stan was sitting perfectly still on the bottom bunk, wearing sunglasses, reading the heavy book. He didn't look up.
"Um, Tobi... who is that?" Precious asked, pointing at Stan.
Tobi scratched his head. "That's Stan. Just ignore him. He's leaving soon."
"I am not leaving," Stan said. His voice was calm, like a radio presenter. "I am part of the room's aesthetic."
Precious giggled. "He's funny."
She sat on Tobi's bed. Tobi tried to make conversation.
"So, Precious, how was class?"
"It was fine," she said, but her eyes kept drifting to Stan.
Stan turned a page loudly. SWISH.
"What are you reading?" Precious asked Stan.
Stan lowered the book slowly. He looked at her over the rim of his sunglasses.
"I am reading about the collapse of the global market," Stan lied. He was actually looking at the copyright page. "It makes me wonder... why do we chase things that have no value?"
Precious's eyes went wide. "Omg. That is so true."
Tobi looked stress. "Precious, look at me. I have a new movie on my laptop."
"Shh, Tobi," Precious said, waving him away. "Stan is speaking facts."
She moved her chair closer to Stan. "So, you're an economist?"
"I am a thinker," Stan said. "I observe. Tobi watches movies. I watch reality."
Precious was hooked. For the next 20 minutes, Tobi sat in silence while Precious asked Stan about his "philosophy." Stan answered with random quotes he saw on Instagram reels.
"Wow," Precious sighed. "You are so mature."
Finally, Stan stood up. He checked his phone. It was time to go (he needed to use the toilet).
"I must depart," Stan announced. "My presence here is overwhelming the atmosphere."
He walked to the door.
"Wait!" Precious said. "Can I have your number? In case I have questions about... the market?"
Tobi looked like he wanted to cry.
Stan stopped at the door. He looked at Tobi. He looked at Precious.
"Ask Tobi," Stan said. "He is my secretary."
He walked out into the corridor.
He didn't look back. He heard Tobi arguing with Precious. Stan had stolen the show without even trying. He was the main character in someone else's date.
Mission Status: Hijacked.