Afternoon. Ninja Academy Classroom.
Hiruzen was still staring intently at Koharu Utatane.
"Psst, Mizuna. Is she playing hard to get with me?"
Hiruzen asked Mizuna without taking his eyes off Koharu.
"Hiruzen, listen to me. That is an illusion. It's not real. You need to distinguish between fantasy and reality," Mizuna advised.
"Aiyaya~ Mizuna, stop being jealous of me. Being watched by so many girls is actually quite a heavy burden~"
Hiruzen brushed his hair back as he spoke, then winked at another girl nearby.
The girl shuddered, feeling a sudden chill run down her spine.
"Hana, why do I feel like that perverted stalker is staring at me?"
The girl, Hana Kurama, asked her friend sitting next to her, Fuka Yamanaka.
"Every girl in the class feels like they're being watched today. It's definitely him... Now that you mention it, I feel unsafe too."
Fuka Yamanaka felt a chill on her back. She turned around and saw Hiruzen staring right at her.
Seeing Fuka turn around, Hiruzen immediately started posing. He covered half his face with his hand, revealing only one eye. He smiled a smile so cursed and eerie that if you didn't know better, you'd think he was about to cast Amaterasu on her.
Fuka trembled. Just as she wanted to turn back around, she noticed Hiruzen mouthing something to her. Out of curiosity, she tried to read his lips.
That one glance nearly made Fuka vomit up her stomach lining.
Hiruzen slowly mouthed the words:
"Don't... fall... for... me... I'm... just... a... legend..." (Note: Reference to the vintage "Brother is a Legend" meme).
After finishing the sentence, Hiruzen puckered his lips and blew a slow-motion air kiss.
Witnessing this sequence of events, Fuka felt like she had been forcibly kissed by a baboon in heat. She felt a wave of powerlessness, like being crushed under a pile of toads.
Fuka couldn't take it anymore. She bolted out of the classroom and sprinted to the bathroom to throw up.
Her best friend, Hana Kurama, chased after her.
Mizuna watched this with a helpless expression. He was about to tell Hiruzen to spare the girls in the class.
But Danzo couldn't take it anymore and spoke up first.
"Hiruzen, stop it! Those girls don't like you at all! You're just making it worse! You're making them hate you even more!"
Danzo didn't sugarcoat it like Mizuna. He laid out the brutal truth, leaving Hiruzen no face, because he knew Hiruzen wouldn't understand otherwise.
Truthfully, Danzo didn't want to get involved. But the surrounding girls seemed to think that because he was friends with Hiruzen, he might be a pervert too.
"Danzo... you know... neither of us has ever had luck with women growing up... I know the whole class is watching me because... because..."
Hiruzen lowered his head. He tried to say the rest, but for some reason, he couldn't get the words out.
Danzo thought he had hurt his best friend's pride and started to panic.
"Uh... Hiruzen, actually, I didn't mean it entirely. For example, you are still..."
"Because they finally realized my charm! A hidden gem like me couldn't stay buried forever! Gold will always shine!"
Clearly, Danzo had underestimated the thickness of Hiruzen's skin.
"So, Danzo... all those things you just said... you're just jealous of me, aren't you?"
Hearing this shameless accusation, Danzo's face turned beet red.
"Hiruzen Sarutobi! I'll f your m! Is your face thicker than the Hokage Rock?! Can't you see they all despise you?!"
Danzo shouted this so loud that almost everyone in the class heard it.
Every girl cast a grateful look at Danzo, finally understanding that Danzo was not, in fact, an accomplice to the pervert.
Hiruzen didn't pay attention to what Danzo said. He noticed the girls looking at them and thought they were checking him out again.
So, Hiruzen activated his Vocal Fry (Greasy Voice) again.
"Danzo~ Don't be so petty~ I know my charisma is overpowering~ But you can't get jealous of the girls just because of that~ To be honest~ I~ like~ everyone~ e~qual~ly~"
Hiruzen dragged out the last syllable so long it sounded like a dying frog croaking.
Hiruzen's intention was to reassure Danzo that their brotherhood wouldn't be affected by his newfound "popularity."
But to the girls' ears? It sounded completely different.
They interpreted it as Hiruzen and Danzo having a... Passionate♂ relationship. Yes, a Bromance♂.
The surrounding girls looked at them with disbelief and shock.
Danzo sensed the change in atmosphere but didn't know why.
Hiruzen looked around and assumed the girls were agreeing with his statement.
He decided to randomly reward a lucky girl with a Flying Kiss.
Hiruzen puckered his lips. "Mwah!"
A visible, pink aura in the shape of a heart flew out of Hiruzen's mouth and drifted toward the crowd.
The girls reacted as if it were a high-level Ninjutsu.
Some used their textbooks to create wind pressure to deflect the heart.
Some were backed into a corner and spontaneously mastered the Body Replacement Jutsu out of sheer desperation.
Now, you might ask: What about those who couldn't use Body Replacement and were trapped against the wall?
Well, one girl just punched a hole through the wall and escaped outside.
The heart drifted around and finally landed right on the forehead of Fuka Yamanaka, who had just returned from vomiting.
Fuka froze. She was trying to figure out what happened. Then she saw Hiruzen puckering his lips, and everyone looking at her with horror. She connected the dots.
She turned around and sprinted back to the bathroom at a speed of 50 meters per second.
Hana Kurama, who had just dragged Fuka back, sighed and ran after her again.
On the way, Hana ran into Tobirama, who was returning from lunch.
Hana stopped immediately to greet him.
Tobirama saw Hana running frantically and asked what that blue blur was that just zoomed past him.
Hana explained what happened before she left the room (the air kiss incident) but said she didn't know the aftermath.
Tobirama was confused.
"Hiruzen Sarutobi harassing classmates? Impossible. Isn't that kid usually quite honest?"
Hana didn't have time to explain. She said goodbye and ran to the toilet, afraid her best friend might do something drastic.
Tobirama, realizing the urgency, ran toward the classroom to investigate.
As soon as he entered, he heard Hiruzen's voice, which sounded like he had a slipper lodged in his throat.
"Don't~ be~ anx~ious~ girl~ies~ there~ is~ e~nough~ of~ me~ for~ ev~ery~one~"
Hiruzen puckered his lips again, preparing to give the surrounding female classmates a childhood trauma they would never forget.
Suddenly, the girls saw a kunai fly toward Hiruzen. Then, they heard a sharp voice:
"Flying Raijin!"
Tobirama teleported next to Hiruzen.
He grabbed Hiruzen's puckered lips and pulled them, stretching them out like rubber.
"Hiruzen Sarutobi! Tell me... what the hell are you doing!"
Tobirama demanded coldly.
Hiruzen was sweating profusely. He wanted to speak, but he couldn't because his mouth was being stretched by the Second Hokage.
Just as the atmosphere became awkward, a scream pierced the air.
"Help! Someone help! Fuka... Fuka is trying to carve her own forehead off with a kunai!"
It was Hana's voice.
Hearing this, Tobirama realized the gravity of the situation. He used Flying Raijin to vanish from the scene. The rest of the class followed.
When they arrived, they saw Tobirama restraining Fuka, who had been dragged out of the bathroom by Hana.
A kunai dropped to the floor with a clang.
Fuka Yamanaka's eyes were dull and lifeless as she muttered:
"My... my forehead... I don't want it anymore! It's dirty!"
Seeing her looking like she had been possessed by a demon, the other students broke out in cold sweat.
From the back of the crowd, Hiruzen, nursing his swollen lips, mumbled:
"Is my kiss really that powerful?"
"HIRUZEN SARUTOBI!"
---
Tobirama notified Sasuke Sarutobi (Hiruzen's dad) after the incident.
When Sasuke Sarutobi found out, he tied Hiruzen to a tree and "rewarded" him with 100 lashes. He didn't let him down until past midnight.
Meanwhile, Hiruzen began to have some slight doubts about his own charm.
......
---