At the main gates of Konoha, a twelve-year-old boy with vibrant red hair was currently clinging for dear life to the leg of a man who stood about 5'10".
"Big Bro Madara! You absolutely cannot leave!" The boy howled, hugging the man's thigh like his life depended on it, screaming at the top of his lungs.
"What exactly are you trying to do? Uzumaki Mizuna!"
Seeing a mixture of snot and tears about to smear onto his pant leg, the man finally snapped, shouting down at the kid.
This man was none other than the "Asura of the Ninja World," Uchiha Madara! And the thing attached to his leg...
That's right! The little boy hanging off Madara like a limp ragdoll is the shameless protagonist of this book: Uzumaki Mizuna.
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Only a few months ago, Mizuna—formerly known as Mizu—was a self-proclaimed "genius" who had just flunked his college entrance exams. Feeling down, he decided to relieve some stress the old-fashioned way. He opened up a certain "Incognito Mode" website, clicked on the amateur category, and—Bam! A blinding light flashed, and an eighteen-wheeler came flying out of the screen.
When he woke up, he was in Konoha. The only thing he remembered was the grill of the truck, which seemed to have the words "Hey Kid! It's Isekai Time!" painted on it.
Yes, Mizu was his name in his past life, but that was history now.
When he first regained consciousness in this world, he found himself lying at the base of the Hokage Rock. After sorting through the original host's memories, he realized his new identity was quite the big deal: Uzumaki Mizuna, the younger brother of Lady Mito and, by extension, brother-in-law to the First Hokage, Senju Hashirama.
As for why he had fallen off the Hokage monument? It was actually hilarious. The original owner of this body had decided to film a TikTok dance challenge (or the ninja equivalent) on top of the monument, had a brain fart, slipped, and plummeted to the ground.
To make matters worse, this kid was a certified, good-for-nothing rich kid. He didn't know a single Ninjutsu. Forget Ninjutsu—he couldn't even mold Chakra!
"Are you kidding me? What kind of screwed-up way to die is this? And wait, does this character even exist in the canon?" Mizu had muttered helplessly, roasting his own tragic situation.
"Yo! Congratulations on binding the Omni-Treasure System!"
A voice that sounded suspiciously like Gintoki from Gintama echoed in his head.
"Huh? Gin-san, is that you? Am I in Gintama or Naruto right now?" Mizu stared blankly at the holographic panel floating before him.
"Huh? Who's Gin? Who's San? I am the great Omni-Treasure System! Being bound to me is a blessing, you ungrateful brat!" The System roared back with an incredibly nasty attitude.
"What are you barking at?! I got dragged to this place for no reason—I'm the one who should be yelling at you! Plus, I'm paralyzed from the waist down right now! What do you want me to do, cosplay Johnny Joestar?" Mizu retorted, using his hands to lift his twisted, broken legs for emphasis.
"Why are you shouting?! I never said I wouldn't heal you. Just my luck, getting stuck with such a high-maintenance host!"
As it spoke, a pill was ejected from the system interface. Yes, literally ejected—thrown onto the dirt.
"Here. There's your medicine. Go fetch. Just so you know, you're running out of time~" The System added with sadistic glee.
"Damn it... you bastard! How dare you... how dare you treat me like this!"
Mizu made a face of pure disgust, but anger wouldn't fix his legs. He began to crawl desperately toward the pill.
"Must... reach... the precious! Cough! Just need to get... to that spot!"
He clawed his way forward, eyes locked greedily on the muddy pill that could save his life. Finally, he grabbed it and, without a second thought, swallowed it whole.
When he woke up again, his body was good as new. He stretched his limbs—nice. He felt fantastic. No pain, no lasting damage.
He looked back at the interface, staring at the System that had just humiliated him. He felt like he'd been locked in a dark room and worked over by a sadistic priest a thousand times. But he wasn't planning to start a war with the System just yet; he needed this cheat code to survive in this world.
"The meds worked. I don't feel any pain," Mizu said casually.
"Well, look who made the medicine. I am the strongest Omni-Treasure System! I have every item from every universe in the multiverse!" The System bragged.
"Oh? So you're pretty cracked then? What features do you have?" Mizu asked playfully.
"Are you kidding? I'm super OP! I have a Daily Check-in, a Gacha Lottery, and a Shop. Every day you check in, you get 'Dignity Points.' You can use these points to buy or draw items. The Shop refreshes daily. The Gacha pool is ranked: White, Blue, Purple, Black, Gold, and Red. Higher ranks mean better loot. How about that? Impressed?"
The System finished its explanation and waited for Mizu's gasp of awe. But after a long silence, there was nothing.
Mizu just looked at the screen blankly.
"Is that it? Sounds kinda mid to be honest," he said flatly.
"WHAT?! You think I'm mid?! Don't use me then! Who wants to be used by you anyway? Bastard!" The System went silent, effectively giving him the silent treatment.
Mizu realized he might have pushed it too far and immediately switched up his act. If the System actually bailed, he'd be better off climbing back up the rock and jumping off again.
"Aiyaya! System-sama is so amazing! System-sama is the MVP! I, Mizu, am just a noob getting carried!" he said with exaggerated, fake enthusiasm.
"Tch! You're really annoying. Whatever, I'll let it slide this time," The System replied haughtily.
"Yes, yes, yes! I will definitely repay System-sama's kindness in the future!" Mizu said, looking up at the sky, his inner monologue taking over.
I never thought I'd get a second chance at life. This time, I'm going to live it up. Make bank, marry a sugar momma, and reach the peak of life!
"Uzumaki Mizuna, huh? I don't know where you came from, but since I'm here now, I'll make sure the whole world knows your name. Just watch! I'm no longer Mizu, the flunked loser. I am Uzumaki Mizuna!"
He turned his attention back to the interface. "System, check in!"
[Ding! Congratulations Host, you obtained 10 Dignity Points. Keep up the good work.]
[Ding! Issuing Mission!] The familiar mechanical voice chimed again.
"Oh? Is it starting? The beginning of my legendary saga!" Mizuna said excitedly.
[Mission: Prevent Uchiha Sasuke from leaving the village. After all, you guys are 'tomodachi' (friends), right?]
The moment the mission appeared, time seemed to freeze. Mizuna looked up at the Hokage Rock, which currently only had one face carved into it (Hashirama's). Then he looked back at the System...
"Are you freaking kidding me?! Look at the mountain! Look at the timeline! Sasuke isn't even a sperm cell yet!" Mizu roared in rage.
[Eh? (??ω??) Did I get the time wrong? Let me scan again...] The System emitted a sheepish blue light.
[My bad, I definitely teleported to the wrong era... Let me just hotfix the mission real quick,] the System said helplessly.
Mizuna stared at the screen, wondering if this thing was reliable at all. But reliable or not, he didn't exactly have a choice. Could he call customer service and request a trade?
After a moment of awkward silence, the System finally announced Mizuna's actual first mission.
[Mission Update: Prevent Uchiha Madara from leaving Konoha.]
As soon as these words came out, the world seemed to hit the pause button again. Mizuna looked at the System, dumbfounded, and then pointed a trembling finger at his own confused face.
"Stop Uchiha Madara?"
"Me?"
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