Even as I pulled away from Lily, my hands trembled.
And what scared me the most was the truth that I genuinely want her death.
Preserve the inevitable.
"This pitiful sheep has found its way back home," an ascended said sadly.
"The show was just starting, yet you choose to draw the curtains," another added in a tone filled with mirth.
I stood up, and the fragmented memories filling my mind made me more aware of the truth.
I once existed in another world.
And that world was destroyed.
I have died twice.
So what does that make me?
"What did you see?"
I looked up at the first ascended who stared at me calmly, but I knew he knew something was off.
I didn't need him to ask to know that I wasn't supposed to remember anything from my previous life, but even if I told him, they wouldn't believe me.
I shook my head. "I don't remember," I lied.
He looked at me for a while, and I contemplated telling him, when the truth smacked into me like a bomb.
If he wasn't aware of anything from that group I was part of in my past life, why is he using the same words?
What does it mean to truly ascend?
"You sound uncertain. What did you see?" he asked again.
My stomach twisted and I frowned, now sure he knew something I didn't.
"He wasn't himself, I don't think..."
Lily was speaking, stepping closer, but I didn't hear her words clearly.
My mind shook with a strange feeling, my body shook with fear, and my hands shook with urge.
Lily stepped closer, reaching to grab me, but I twisted away.
"Don't come closer!" I screamed, breathing heavily.
She didn't look surprised and just stood there calmly.
"He's not supposed to react that way, something is wrong," he said.
I stared at Lily.
Something was wrong indeed. Lily's death was constantly playing in my head. I was scaring myself.
"I let you burn you identity to others, and there shouldn't be any effect on you, yet you wanted to kill yourself, and you wanted to kill her. You saw something you shouldn't see. Tell the truth and you can be helped."
I looked at him, and he looked like a savior, gentle and caring for a suffering person.
He said he would help, but I knew better.
The Entity came to me when I was desperate, giving me a life and a chance.
I felt like I was being saved, but now I know I was just being prepared to be used.
There is no saving for the damned, only the curse of being used.
For all I know, I could be removed for knowing this.
"Nothing," I answered.
He looked into my eyes for a moment, knowing very well I was lying.
Raising his head, he turned to the ring.
"The hunt begins, claim their lives to claim something worthy."
Click.
He disappeared after that.
One after another, each ascended disappeared from the room, leaving Lily alone with me.
"What happened?" I asked Lily sitting down before my legs gave in.
"You wanted to kill yourself, so I stopped you, then you tried to kill me," she said simply.
I shuddered.
" You can't kill me in such a manner."
"I know, but..."
"Let's leave this place."
I nodded, standing up and leaving with her, but the moment we stepped out into the real world, I remembered what I sacrificed.
I have no home.
Lily held my hand, and I shook slightly, but didn't pull away this time.
I needed her.
"You still belong to me," she tried to assure me. "Let's go home."
I heard her and knew what she meant, but I couldn't help but think of the Entity we belonged to.
Home.
I could only live with her. Now, and till the end.
I squeezed her hand, remembering someone else.
"He won't be there."
Taylor.
He left that mansion a year ago, leaving Lily to care for herself.
I could stay there, but I wanted to see my mother once more.
I missed her.
Lily allowed me, following me quietly as we walked to my house.
It wasn't far, and we reached there in under 30 minutes.
I gazed at the place I called home for 19 years, and the emotions in my chest almost burst out.
It was empty and dark, as usual she was out overworking.
Footsteps approached, so I moved aside with Lily to let the person pass but at that very moment, it felt as if someone had gripped my heart and was cruelly stitching it.
I couldn't help but reach out and grab that shoulder.
"Excuse me...?"
She turned around, polite, but displeased.
"Do you need s..."
Her words were stuck in her throat, and my voice froze.
Lily stared at us both in disbelief.
Tears flowed down her face as she stared at me.
I couldn't believe it, she remembered me.
Did he lie?
But once again, I was reminded how cruel hope was.
Her astonishment lasted only a short moment before she quickly shook he head and took out a tissue to wipe her tears.
"I'm sorry, you just remind me of my son," her voice cracked, and my heart cracked.
"He would have been your age if he didn't die three years ago."
Like a cruel joke, thunder and lightning overlapped, and rain fell.
The rain fell together with my heart and hope.
"Do you... need something?"
I stared at her, unable to decide what to do.
"We're leaving," Lily said to both of us before dragging me away.
I followed her blankly, feeling hollowed out.
For almost an hour, we walked in the drizzling rain, with rolling thunder shaking my heart.
"We're here,"Lily reminded me
It was then I was able to think clearly.
"Let me...think," I told Lily, letting go of her hand.
She watched as I went on to sit in a sofa.
Quietly, I started to sort my thoughts.
So much happened in such a short while, and I had to choose what to prioritize: Our safety, and my past.