I am consumed by rage. It eats at me from the inside like a fire that spares nothing in its path. Every cell in my body is burning, every nerve is stretched to its limit. I feel the anger pulsing in my temples, my blood boiling in my veins, threatening to burst out. I fight with myself, trying to contain this storm so I won't hurt her — my girl, the only person who still matters in this chaos.
She stands before me, motionless, like a statue. Her silence is deafening. It cuts sharper than any words, as if she is deliberately testing my patience, checking how much more I can take. Her eyes, usually so bright and alive, now seem empty, as if she has gone somewhere far away, leaving only a shell behind.
"So, you are just going to keep silent?" I snap. My voice trembles, mixing anger with the pain I cannot hide.
I turn away, intending to leave before I do something stupid. But Rebel Girl stops me. Her movement is sharp, almost desperate, as if she has suddenly realized I might disappear forever. Katrin grabs my arm, her fingers digging into my skin with such force that I feel her nails leaving marks. Her touch is painful and simultaneously soothing, as if she is trying to keep me in reality, preventing me from falling into the abyss.
"Please, don't go. I did it for you," her voice finally comes out. It is quiet, almost a whisper, but it rings with such sincerity that my rage falters for a moment. Her eyes, full of tears, look at me with pleading, as if she is seeking salvation not outside, but in me.
"Did I ask for this? I can stand up for myself. And protect you."
"You can't. Yes, you can withstand Ivan alone, but not him and his goons — no," her words sound like a verdict. A bitter truth I do not want to admit. I know she is right, but this knowledge only fuels a new wave of rage inside me — not at her now, but at myself.
"What were you trying to offer him instead of me?" I ask, hoping she had a plan, that she didn't go there without hope.
"Myself."
The world stops. The ground slips from under my feet, the air becomes thick, as if I am trying to breathe underwater. I grab her hands, squeezing them so hard that she flinches but does not pull away.
"Have you completely lost your mind?!" my voice breaks, flashing with anger and fear.
"I couldn't let him touch you," her voice is full of pain, and my heart constricts.
In this moment, I realize: we are both trapped. Not just because of Ivan and his threats, but because of our own fears, because of a crazy desire to protect each other. We are ready to sacrifice ourselves, not even realizing that by doing so, we are only making the situation worse.
"Repeat what you said!" I shout, squeezing her hands tighter. My heart is beating wildly, blood thumping in my temples. One thought gives me no peace: she wanted to give herself to save me. It is unbearable.
"I decided he would trade anger for mercy if I offered to fulfill his desire," her voice trembles, but the words sound clear, as if she had prepared for this conversation in advance.
Desire. I do not need to ask which one. I know his vile plans, I know how he looked at her, I know what he wanted. From the mere thought of this, I am seized by rage mixed with disgust.
"And? Did you… give yourself to him?" I sharply release her, feeling my strength leaving me.
She shakes her head.
"No. He refused me. But not his plan to harm you. Ivan said he is giving us a month."
"What month?" I cannot stop, questions burst out one after another. "For what?"
"He said he would not touch you for a whole month. And then he will come for you," her voice becomes quieter, almost inaudible.
"And what then?"
Katrin presses her lips together.
"I don't even want to think about what they might do to you."
Rebel Girl is on the edge, and now she crosses it. Tears stream down her cheeks — bitter, hopeless. I cannot see her suffering. Approaching, I hug her, pull her to me, feeling her body tremble. I try to calm her, but I myself feel how fear and rage fight inside me. Fear for her, for us, for what might happen. And rage — at him, at myself, at this whole unjust world.
"He is lying, he won't do anything to me. He just wants to intimidate us. And if not, we will go to law enforcement, they will find a way to deal with him," I try to convince her, but deep down I understand that it is not that simple. I know how this city works. I know that some people are above the law.
"You just don't understand. He is a favorite of one of the gang leaders. They will cover for him, and it will end with you being killed."
If this is true, then he is involved with the city's criminal element. It means only one thing: he is dangerous, and all of this will end badly. But I have no regrets. Even knowing what awaits us, I cannot regret standing in his way. I could not have acted otherwise at that moment and would do the same if I had to. Because she is everything to me. Because I would rather die than let someone cause her harm.
"And what should we do then?"
"I don't know, no one will help us," there is emptiness in her eyes, and that scares me more than any threats.
"What if we run?" I suggest, trying to find at least some loophole. It is the only option that comes to mind, although I understand it is only a delay.
"No, he warned me what would happen in that case. This gang will find us no matter what, and we won't be able to hide from them for long."
I feel the last hope slipping away, like sand through my fingers.
"Fine, then I will meet my fate and decide what to do on the spot. And for now, let's not get upset in advance and spend this month with fun," I say, trying to find at least a drop of light in this darkness. Maybe it is foolish, but I don't want fear and despair to consume us ahead of time.
"What kind of fun is there here?" she smiles unhappily, but a spark of something that resembles hope flashes in her eyes. Maybe she, too, wants to believe that we can find a solution, even in this situation.
"Understand, we cannot change the situation, and by ending up in a dead end, we must not let it break us. Promise me that this month will be the best month of our lives. That you won't think about what comes after," I look at her, begging her to agree, begging her to give us a chance at happiness, even if it is temporary.
Rebel Girl is silent, her gaze fixed in the distance, as if she is weighing every word. I see how fear and determination fight in her eyes, how she tries to find the strength within herself to agree.
"I beg you," I add, feeling my heart beat faster and faster. I am ready for anything, just to see not tears in her eyes, but a smile.
"Alright, let's have some fun," she finally answers, and a firmness appears in her voice, as if she has decided that if this is our last month, it must be unforgettable.
I smile, feeling the weight on my soul ease a little. We don't know what lies ahead, but in this moment I understand: the main thing is to be near her. Together we can do anything, even if this "anything" is just a month of happiness.