Chapter 47: The Aftermath, The Potato-Lord, and The Art of Flirting with R-Rated Heroes
[Tenya Iida POV]
[
A/N: Surprise (and also no surprise)—I'm sick! I'm currently legally obligated not to leave my bed. My girlfriend is taking care of me, and honestly? It hits a lot differently now than it did back when we were just friends.
Since my brain is currently running on fever dreams and soup, here is a "cool down" chapter for the USJ aftermath. Enjoy the chaos while I try to recover!]
"I AM COMING THROUGH THE DOOR LIKE A NORMAL... WAIT, I'M ALREADY HERE!"
The doors of the USJ burst open with a pneumatic hiss. I stood there, panting, my engines smoking from the strain of running to the main campus and back. Behind me stood the cavalry: Principal Nezu (on Snipe's shoulder), Midnight, Cementoss, Ectoplasm, Vlad King, and Present Mic.
"Do not fear, Class 1-A!" I bellowed, chopping the air so hard I nearly dislocated my shoulder. "We have brought reinforcements! The villains shall not—"
I stopped.
I blinked.
I adjusted my glasses.
The central plaza of the Unforeseen Simulation Joint did not look like a battlefield. It looked like the aftermath of a confetti factory explosion.
The "Nomu"—the bio-engineered weapon of mass destruction—was tied into a literal pretzel knot and was currently being used as a beanbag chair by Noko Shikanoko, who was asleep.
Kurogiri, the terrifying warp-gate villain, was taped to the floor with so much of Sero's tape that he looked like a modern art installation titled "Regret."
And sitting on the stairs, sharing a massive bucket of popcorn, were Eraserhead and Thirteen.
"You're late, listener!" Present Mic yelled, his voice cracking as he took in the scene. "I tuned my vocal cords for a scream, but the vibe here is... weirdly chill?"
"Iida-boy," All Might (who was sitting on the ground making a daisy chain with Eri's Reality Crayon—wait, when did Eri get here? Oh, Sunny probably portaled her in) looked up. "You missed the funeral. It was... very moving. There were water balloon babies."
I looked at the teachers. They looked at the students.
"Is... is everyone alive?" Midnight asked, stepping over a pile of glitter that used to be a villain.
"Alive?" Aizawa sighed, tossing a piece of popcorn into his mouth. "They're not just alive, Nemuri. They're bored. They finished the boss fight ten minutes ago and have been playing 'I Spy' ever since."
[Sunny Midoriya POV]
The police arrived shortly after the teachers, led by Detective Tsukauchi, who looked like he hadn't slept since 2005.
"Okay," Tsukauchi sighed, holding a clipboard. "I need a headcount. Please tell me you didn't lose anyone in the... whatever this was."
"Role call!" I chirped, popping out of Tsukauchi's hat. He didn't even flinch. He just kept writing.
"Get out of my hat, Midoriya."
"You got it, Boss!" I backflipped onto the pavement. "Alright, listen up, Class of Calamity! Sound off!"
1. Izuku Midoriya: "Here! My costume is ruined, but my spirit is high!"
2. Katsuki Bakugo: "I'M HERE, YOU DAMN EXTRAS! STOP LOOKING AT ME!"
3. Aqua: "I demand financial compensation for emotional distress! My hair is frizzy!"
4. Himiko Toga: "Here! I stole a villain's kidney! Just kidding! (Maybe)."
5. Ochaco Uraraka: "Present! I think I floated a villain into orbit... is that okay?"
6. Tenya Iida: "REPORTING FOR DUTY! ALTHOUGH I AM CONFUSED BY THE TIMELINE!"
7. Kyoka Jirou: "Here. My ears are ringing from the explosion, but we're good."
8. Denki Kaminari: "Yay! We won! Can I touch the Nomu?"
9. Mina Ashido: "Here! Did you see my slide? It was totally tubular!"
10. Fumikage Tokoyami: "The darkness has receded. I remain."
11. Momo Yaoyorozu: "Present. The structural damage to the facility is... extensive."
12. Mei Hatsume: "I scanned the Nomu! It has cool babies inside its brain!"
13. Shoto Todoroki: "I'm here. The hand-villain seemed sad."
14. Tsuyu Asui: "Kero. I'm okay."
15. Eijiro Kirishima: "That was so manly! We jumped him good!"
16. Mashirao Ojiro: "I hit a mist-man with my tail. It was weird."
17. Rikido Sato: "I need sugar. Immediately."
18. Koji Koda: "The squirrels... they helped..."
19. Mezo Shoji: "Present."
20. Hanta Sero: "I used all my tape. I feel naked."
21. Yuga Aoyama: "I did not twinkle enough! Next time, more lighting!"
22. Minoru Mineta: "I'm stuck to the ceiling! Help!"
23. Noko Shikanoko: "Nunn. (Asleep on the Nomu)."
24. Sunny Midoriya: "The Star of the Show!"
"Wait," Tsukauchi counted. "That's 24. Plus the support student... 25. Everyone is accounted for. Zero casualties. Zero injuries."
He lowered the clipboard. "In all my years... I have never seen a villain attack end with the villains needing therapy and the students needing a snack break."
"That's the Calamity Guarantee!" I grinned.
But my victory lap was cut short.
[BAM!]
I was tackled. Hard. Not by a villain, but by a blue blur of sobbing divinity.
"SUNNY!" Aqua wailed, pinning me to the concrete. Her tears were flowing so fast they were creating a localized flood zone around my head. "YOU IDIOT! YOU STUPID HIKIKOMORI! I SAW YOU TURN TO DUST! I THOUGHT THE DEBT COLLECTORS HAD FINALLY CLAIMED YOUR SOUL!"
"Aqua! It was a gag! A visual metaphor!" I sputtered, trying not to drown in holy water. "I'm fine! Look, I'm solid! Squishy, but solid!"
[THUD!]
Before I could get up, a shadow fell over me. I looked up. Momo Yaoyorozu was standing there. She wasn't crying. She was glowing with a terrifying, calm aura. She raised her hand, and a 50-Ton Weight materialized above my chest.
"Mr. Midoriya," she said, her voice polite but deadly. "While I appreciate the narrative impact of a 'Fake Death' scene, doing so without informing your Vice-Captain is a violation of protocol."
She dropped it.
[CRUNCH!]
I flattened into a pancake. "Worth... it..." I wheezed from under the iron.
Then came the biting.
"Sunny-kun!" Toga chirped, pouncing on my flattened form. "You tasted like dust for a second! I don't like dust flavor! You promised to taste like strawberries!"
[CHOMP!]
She bit my arm. It didn't hurt (because Toon Force), but it definitely left a mark shaped like a heart.
Finally, Mina walked over. She wasn't crying. She wasn't summoning weights. She just knelt down, grabbed my flattened cheeks, and pulled them until my face snapped back into 3D.
[SLAP!]
It wasn't a hard slap. It was a "Wake up, dummy" slap.
"Don't do that again," Mina said, her eyes shimmering. "If you die, who am I going to dance with? The deer? She has two left feet. Literally. Hooves."
I popped back into my full shape, dusting off my suit. I looked at the girls—the Goddess, the Creator, the Vampire, and the Dancer. They were all looking at me with that mix of "I want to hug you" and "I want to murder you."
"Okay, okay!" I raised my white-gloved hands. "I promise! No more dying unless it's for a really, really funny bit! Cross my heart!"
I crossed my fingers behind my back. (Spoiler: I was absolutely going to do it again).
[Principal Nezu POV]
"Remarkable," I chuckled, sitting on the hood of a police car.
I was holding a tablet provided by Young Toga. On the screen was the footage of the "Funeral for Sunny."
"Look at Shigaraki's face," I laughed, pointing a paw. "Right here. Frame 402. That is the exact moment his will to live leaves his body."
"It's not funny, Nezu," Aizawa grumbled, though I noticed the corners of his mouth twitching. "They traumatized him. The report says he was crying about 'water balloon babies' when he escaped."
"It is entirely funny!" Midnight squealed, looking over my shoulder. "The drama! The pacing! And look at Sunny's outfit changes! He went from 'Corpse' to 'Lawyer' in three frames! It's artistic genius!"
Even Snipe, usually the stoic cowboy, tipped his hat. "I reckon I've never seen a villain defeated by a photo album before. The kid's got style."
"He has more than style," I said, my eyes narrowing as I watched the final clip where Sunny handed Shigaraki the glitter bomb. "He has control. He manipulated the entire battlefield like a chessboard made of rubber. Gentlemen... and ladies... I think it's time we bring our young Director into the fold."
[Sunny Midoriya POV]
Ten minutes later, I was sitting in the UA Conference Room.
Usually, this room is reserved for serious discussions about budgets, villain threats, and curriculum. Today, it contained:
Me (Sunny): Sitting in a chair I had edited to look like a throne made of comic books.
Nezu: Drinking tea out of a beaker.
All Might: Still slightly brain-rotted, wearing a "I Survived USJ" t-shirt I made him.
Aizawa: Sleeping in the corner.
Midnight, Present Mic, Cementoss, Snipe, Ectoplasm, Vlad King: Looking at me like I was a zoo animal that had learned to do calculus.
"Welcome, Sunny!" Nezu chirped. "Cookie?"
"Don't mind if I do, Nezu-bo!" I grabbed a cookie. It tasted like justice. "So, what's the haps? Are we discussing my budget increase? Because the 'Anti-Gravity Confetti' I used today wasn't cheap."
"We are discussing the threat," Vlad King grunted. "Shigaraki Tomura. He escaped."
"He ran away crying," I corrected. "There's a difference. But yeah, Handy Wendy is just the puppet. We all know who the real Producer is."
The room went quiet.
"You mean..." All Might's smile dropped slightly.
"The Potato-Headed Man," I said, leaning back and putting my feet on the table. "Mr. Life-Support. The Guy Who Hoards Quirks Like Pokémon Cards. All For One."
The teachers stiffened. Midnight gasped.
"You know about him?" Nezu asked, his eyes sharp.
"I read the script, remember?" I tapped my temple. "He's alive. He's sitting in a dark room, breathing through a tube, trying to figure out how to conquer Japan. But here's the spoiler: He's boring."
"Boring?" Snipe asked. "He's the greatest evil in history."
"He's a cliché!" I waved a hand. " 'I want to rule the world.' Yawn. 'I want to steal power.' Booo. We're gonna cancel his show, folks. But not with punches. Punches are what he expects. We're going to hit him with the one thing a narcissist can't handle."
"And what is that?" Midnight leaned forward, intrigued.
"Irrelevance," I grinned. "We turn his terrifying legacy into a joke. We make the next generation of heroes so loud, so bright, and so utterly nonsensical that his 'Shadowy Mastermind' routine looks like bad community theater."
All Might let out a laugh—a real, booming laugh. "Young Midoriya! You truly are... terrifying!"
"I try!"
Then, I turned my gaze to Midnight.
Nemuri Kayama. The R-Rated Hero. She had been staring at me with a mix of curiosity and amusement since I walked in. But I knew her secret. I saw her blush during the Entrance Exam when Mina and I hit that JoJo pose.
"Speaking of theater," I said, sliding my chair closer to her. [SCREEEECH]. "Midnight-sensei. Or should I call you... User of the Stand: Pink Mist?"
Midnight froze. Her face went a shade of red that matched her glasses. "I... I don't know what you're talking about."
"Oh, really?" I smirked, reaching into the air and pulling out a manga volume. JoJo's Bizarre Adventure: Part 5. "Because when I hit that 'Torture Dance' pose on the robot, I saw you fan yourself. You recognized the angle. You appreciated the menacing katakana floating in the air."
"I... that was just... heatstroke!" she stammered, looking around to see if the other teachers were listening. (They were. Present Mic looked delighted).
"Nemuri," I whispered, leaning in. "You can't hide the Otaku spirit from a fellow artist. You appreciate the Drama. The Posing. The sheer, unadulterated Style."
I stood up and struck a pose—left hand covering my face, right hand extended, back arched. [MENACING].
"Admit it, Sensei. You loved the show today."
Midnight looked at me. She looked at Nezu (who was filming this). She looked at All Might. Then, she sighed, a smile breaking through her embarrassment.
"Fine," she admitted, flipping her hair. "It was... exquisite. The aesthetic was chaotic, but the execution? Flawless. You have a flair for the dramatic that most Pros lack."
"High praise from the Queen of Seduction," I chirped. "Tell you what. Since we survived the apocalypse today, how about a date?"
The room stopped. Aizawa stopped snoring.
"A... date?" Midnight blinked. "Midoriya, you are a student. I am a teacher. And you are... fifteen?"
"Age is a number, but Comedy is eternal!" I said. "And I don't mean a 'Dinner and Movie' date. That's for normies. I mean a Calamity Date."
"Define... Calamity Date," she asked, cautiously.
"We go to Italy," I listed on my fingers. "Via cannon. We fight a shark in a volcano. We eat pasta made by a ghost. And then we pose on top of the Leaning Tower of Pisa until it straightens up out of respect."
Midnight stared at me. She imagined it. The wind in her hair. The shark. The posing.
"It sounds..." she started, a blush creeping up her neck. "...kind of exciting."
"EXCUSE ME?!" Vlad King yelled.
"I accept!" Midnight blurted out. Then her eyes went wide. "Wait. No. I mean—hypothetically! As a... a chaperone! For training!"
"It's a date!" I cheered. "I'll pick you up at 8! Wear something fireproof! And maybe bring a parachute! Or don't! Gravity is optional!"
Midnight slumped in her chair, covering her face with her hands. "What have I done? I'm going to die. I'm going to die in a volcano with a cartoon character."
"But you'll look fabulous doing it!" I winked. [DING!].
"Nezu," Aizawa said from the corner, his eye twitching. "Is it too late to expel him?"
"Oh, Shota," Nezu cackled, rubbing his paws together. "We haven't even started the Sports Festival yet. The ratings are going to be astronomical."
I stood up, adjusting my pinstripe suit.
"That's a wrap on the USJ Arc, folks!" I announced. "Next stop: The Tournament Arc! Where I plan to turn the arena into a giant pinball machine! See ya!"
I pulled a zipper out of thin air, zipped open the fabric of reality, and stepped through into the void.
[ZIP!]
The teachers sat in silence.
"He's going to turn the arena into a pinball machine," Present Mic whispered, horrified. "And I have to announce it."
"Good luck, Mic," Snipe said, tipping his hat. "You're gonna need it."
[CLACK!]
[AND CUT! THAT IS A WRAP ON CHAPTER 47!]