Chapter 38: The Great UA Slapstick-Off (Or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love the 24-Frame-Per-Second Life)
[Himiko Toga POV]
The air in front of UA's Exam Center D didn't smell like nerves or sweat. It smelled like possibility. And strawberry milk.
I looked down at the small, glowing glass vial in my hand. Sunny-kun had given it to me with a wink that produced a physical yellow star. "A little bit of the 'Good Stuff,' Toga-chan," he'd said. "Go show 'em that red is the best color for a protagonist."
I popped the cork. The blood didn't taste like copper. It tasted like pop-rocks, sunshine, and a New York deli at noon.
[SLURP!]
My body didn't just change; it vibrated. My skin turned a slightly more vibrant shade of 'Animation Cel,' my messy buns snapped into a single, gravity-defying tuft, and a pair of crisp white gloves appeared on my hands with a loud [SNAP!].
"Aw, geez!" I chirped, my voice dropping into that bouncy, Brooklyn-adjacent lilt. "I feel like a million bucks—and I've got the frame rate to prove it!"
[Momo's Director Commentary: Entry 01]
"While Himiko's Quirk typically involves a mimicry of physical traits, the consumption of Sunny's 'Toon-Infused' blood has seemingly bypassed biological limitations. She isn't just wearing his face; she is currently operating under a localized reality-distortion field. My analysis suggests the laws of thermodynamics are currently weeping in a corner. It's... statistically delightful."
The buzzer rang. [AHOOO-GA!]
While the other candidates stood there like 'beige' statues, I took off. My legs turned into a literal spinning circle of dust.
A three-pointer robot rolled toward me. I didn't kick it. I reached into the air, pulled out a giant, oversized pencil, and simply erased the robot's wheels.
[SQUEAK-SQUEAK-SQUEAK]
The robot face-planted into the concrete. I patted its head. "Nice try, scrap-heap! Go find a toaster that'll love ya!"
I saw a boy with glasses tripping over his own feet. I skidded to a halt, pulled a giant spring out of my back pocket, and shoved it under him. [BOING!] He flew over a group of two-pointers, accidentally crushing them.
"You're welcome, pal! Keep your chin up—it's easier to see the anvils that way!"
I was having the time of my life. Being Sunny-kun was like being a holiday. I wasn't the 'monster' anymore. I was the punchline.
[Center A: The Professionals]
In the middle of the wreckage of Center A, the air was less 'slapstick' and more 'demolition derby.'
Bakugo was a blur of orange and black. Thanks to months of playing 'human drum kit' for Sunny's band, his reaction time was inhuman. He wasn't just blasting robots; he was using the recoil to perform mid-air pirouettes that would make a ballerina jealous.
"GET OUT OF THE WAY, EXTRAS!" Bakugo roared, a double-palm blast vaporizing a row of one-pointers. "I'VE GOT A RHYTHM TO KEEP!"
Behind him, Tokoyami and Dark Shadow were moving in perfect sync. Sunny's training—which usually involved Dark Shadow wearing glow-in-the-dark headphones—had made the shadow faster. It wasn't just attacking; it was breakdancing through the robots' defenses.
"The darkness... it grooves," Tokoyami muttered, his cape billowing as Dark Shadow head-butted a robot into scrap metal.
[Momo's Director Commentary: Entry 02]
"Bakugo-san's efficiency has increased by 42% since joining the 'Chaos Crew.' By treating combat as a percussion-based exercise, he avoids the traditional 'Heroic Pause.' As for Tokoyami-san, he's currently using a 4/4 beat for his shadow-strikes. It's terrifyingly rhythmic."
[Center C: The Divine Disaster]
Meanwhile, in Center C, the genre had shifted from 'Action' to 'Absurdist Theater.'
Kyoka Jirou was using her jacks like high-frequency whips, shattering robot sensors with precise clicks. Kaminari was trying to act cool, but he was currently serving as a human battery for a giant popcorn machine that Sunny had somehow sneaked into the exam grounds.
"Why am I doing this?!" Kaminari yelled, sparks flying from his ears.
"Because the fans need snacks, Sparky!" Aqua yelled back.
The 'Goddess' was currently standing on top of a three-pointer that she had 'purified' with holy water. The robot wasn't dead; it was just... very clean and refused to move because it was 'reflecting on its sins.'
"BOW DOWN!" Aqua wailed, splashing a bottle of 'Goddess-Blessed Concert Elixir' at a group of charging robots. "I AM THE DIVINE CENTERPIECE! IF I DON'T GET AT LEAST FIFTY POINTS, I'M FILING FOR DIVINE BANKRUPTCY!"
Jirou sighed so hard her jacks vibrated. "God help us. Literally."
[Center B: The Protagonist's Curse]
Izuku Midoriya was a god trapped in a gag.
He was fast. He was strong. He had 10% of One For All flowing through him like a green lightning storm. He lunged at a three-pointer, his fist pulled back for a devastating blow.
[POOF!]
The robot didn't explode. Instead, a giant bouquet of flowers popped out of its head. The robot looked at the flowers, looked at Izuku, and let out a confused 'Beep.'
"What?!" Izuku shrieked. "I hit it! I definitely hit it!"
He tried again. He kicked a two-pointer. Instead of shattering, the robot turned into a giant, vibrating jelly donut. Izuku slid off it and landed in a pile of marshmallow dust.
0 points.
"SUNNY!" Izuku yelled at the sky. "STOP EDITING MY FIGHTS!"
Then, the ground shook. The Zero-Pointer emerged—a mountain of steel and bad vibes. Candidates were fleeing.
Izuku saw her. The girl from the gate (Uraraka), her leg pinned under rubble.
The 'Gag' vanished. The 'Hero' took the stage.
Izuku didn't think. He didn't use 100%. He channeled a steady, controlled 10% into his legs and launched. He didn't break a single bone. He reached the robot's head, but instead of a punch, he pulled a giant 'ACME' cork out of his pocket and jammed it into the robot's main exhaust.
[PHUT-PHUT-BANG!]
The Zero-Pointer puffed out a cloud of pink smoke and gently sat down, turning into a giant, inflatable bounce-house version of itself.
Izuku landed gracefully next to Uraraka, lifting the rubble with ease. He looked at her, his green hair sparking with power, a genuine, heroic smile on his face.
"Are you okay?" he asked, his voice steady.
Uraraka stared at him. A physical pink blush appeared on her cheeks, accompanied by a small [K-CHING!] sound effect. "I... uh... yeah. My hero."
[Momo's Director Commentary: Entry 03]
"Midoriya-san has successfully navigated the 'Slapstick Barrier.' While his point total is technically zero, his 'Rescue Karma' is off the charts. Also, the girl's blush is a perfect hex-code shade of #FFB6C1. Romantic tension: 10/10."
[Rooftop: The Intermission]
High above the chaos, Himiko (still in Sunny-form) was sitting on the edge of a water tower.
She snapped her fingers, and a vintage 1950s television set grew out of the concrete. She kicked her feet, pulling a bowl of popcorn out of her chest cavity.
The screen showed the real Sunny, over in the Support Course exam, currently engaged in a high-speed unicycle race against Mina Ashido through an obstacle course.
"Look at them," Himiko sighed happily, her eyes turning into literal spinning hearts. "Sunny-kun is so fast... and Mina-chan's acid-slides are getting so much more glittery."
She leaned back, watching her love exist in two places at once—on the screen and in her own skin. "I love being you, Sunny-kun. Everything is so much louder this way."
[UA Observation Room]
The Pro Heroes were staring at the monitors in a silence that could only be described as 'existential.'
"We have a problem," Aizawa sighed, rubbing his temples. "One student turned the Zero-Pointer into a bounce house. Another is erasing robots with a pencil. And I'm pretty sure the blue-haired girl is trying to sue the exam for 'lack of divine recognition.'"
All Might looked at the screen where Izuku was helping Uraraka walk. He beamed. "It was... unconventional. But the spirit is there!"
Principal Nezu sipped his tea, his eyes glinting with a chaotic intelligence.
"The world is changing, gentlemen," the mouse-bear-thing chirped. "The 'Script,' as Young Sunny calls it, is expanding. We cannot fit this much talent into the old boxes."
He tapped a button on his tablet, updating the enrollment files.
"The Hero Course will be expanded," Nezu announced. "To accommodate the 'Calamity Class' and their peers, we will take 48 students. 24 for Class A. 24 for Class B."
He looked at the screen where Sunny-Toga was currently doing a victory dance.
"After all," Nezu grinned, his teeth doing a literal [DING!], "we're going to need all the help we can get. The next season is going to be... animated."
[CLACK!]
[AND CUT!]