(Corrected Edition: One God-Trunk, One Chosen-One Trunk)
There is a sacred law of storytelling across all universes:
If a main character goes to Diagon Alley, there must be a shopping arc.
Preferably with chaos.
Preferably with lies.
Preferably with someone who is legally dead walking around under fake hair.
Preparations (a.k.a. Crime, But With Consent)
Sirius Black was still very much wanted.
So we did the responsible thing.
We committed fraud.
Polyjuice Potion worked flawlessly.
Sirius turned into a random, forgettable wizard with a nose you'd never remember twice.
He examined himself in a shop window and grimaced.
"…I look like I sell cursed kettles."
"Accurate," I said. "Very employable."
Lupin looked the same, just slightly healthier and less tired, which honestly confused people more than Polyjuice ever could.
Before we left, I paused.
"System," I said quietly, "status check. Shadow replacement."
[Shadow Replacement: Active.]
[Note: Mercy clause applied. Shadow remained intact during user nerf.]
I stopped walking.
"…So the fake Sirius I left behind when I kidnapped the real one never vanished?"
[Correct.]
I stared into the middle distance.
"…You're telling me there are currently two Siriuses?"
[One is a shadow construct performing canon-compatible actions.]
I slowly raised a thumb.
"Good system."
Sirius blinked. "I don't like that sentence."
"Relax," I said. "You're alibi-proof."
Diagon Alley: Sensory Overload Edition
Diagon Alley unfolded before us in all its chaotic glory.
Noise. Magic. Color. Explosions that were probably legal.
Alice immediately latched onto my left arm.
"Ooo! Everything's shiny!"
Rosalie claimed my right arm like a warning sign.
"This place is overcrowded."
I nodded. "Correct. Also historically irresponsible."
Harry walked between us, eyes wide, trying not to look like a kid who'd just discovered money and magic.
Sirius grinned under his fake face. "Missed this place."
Lupin smiled faintly. "Let's try not to get arrested."
"I make no promises," I said.
Speedrunning the Hogwarts List
I pulled out my school supply list.
Books? Bought.
Extra copies? Bought.
Cauldron? Reinforced, self-cleaning.
Ingredients? Bulk purchase.
Quills? Enchanted.
Ink? Color-changing.
Robes? Tailored, warded, dramatic.
I moved like a man possessed by deadlines.
Alice blinked. "You're… terrifyingly efficient."
"I've been trapped in too many filler arcs," I replied. "Never again."
Rosalie frowned. "You didn't buy a wand."
"I know."
Everyone stopped.
Harry tilted his head. "Isn't that important?"
"Oh, it's very important," I said calmly. "I'm just not buying their wand."
System Shop: Because Wandmakers Lack Imagination
I opened the system shop mid-alley.
No one noticed.
Which was deeply concerning.
I scrolled.
Past artifacts.
Past cursed relics.
Past items labeled "Probably Fine."
Then—
There it was.
[Wand Material: World Tree Wood]
[Core: World Eater Heart String]
I stared.
"…That seems excessive."
[Recommended for user compatibility.]
"Of course it is."
I bought it.
The wand formed in my hand—warm, heavy, alive.
Magic recoiled around it.
Shop windows rattled.
Somewhere, Ollivander sneezed violently for no reason.
Alice gasped. "That wand likes you."
"I'm deeply uncomfortable with that sentence."
The Trunks (Important Distinction Edition)
Next purchase.
Two trunks.
But this time—very clear roles.
Trunk One: Mine
Black dragon leather.
Blue accents.
Subtle. Regal. Threatening.
This was my trunk.
My personal dimension anchor.
No one else's.
Ever.
The chain attached to it shrank smoothly, wrapping around my neck like a necklace.
Enchantments:
Feather-light
Shrinking
Unbreakable
Rosalie squinted. "You're wearing luggage."
"Divine luggage," I corrected.
Trunk Two: Harry's
Brownish-red dragon leather.
Gold accents.
Warmer. Safer.
This one was Harry's trunk.
Not a personal dimension.
Not mine.
A gift.
The chain attached, shrunk, and wrapped around his neck.
Harry froze.
"…Is it okay if I touch it?"
"Yes," I said gently. "It's yours."
Inside the Trunks (Reality Takes Damage)
We returned to my personal dimension.
I opened my trunk.
Reality unfolded.
Inside—
A mansion.
A ridiculous, beautiful mansion.
Two acres of land.
Grass. Trees. Sky.
Perfect atmosphere. Controlled weather. Comfortable magic.
Alice screamed.
"THIS IS ILLEGAL."
Sirius stared. "I lived in a cave."
Lupin rubbed his face. "I'm so tired of being impressed."
Rosalie walked inside slowly, touching the walls.
"…This is excessive."
I smiled proudly. "Yes."
Then I opened Harry's trunk.
Inside—
A large, comfortable magical space.
Bedrooms. Training area. Study rooms.
Not infinite.
Not godly.
But safe.
Warm.
A place to grow.
Harry's eyes widened.
"…This is mine?"
"Yes," I said simply. "A head start. Not a shortcut."
He swallowed hard and nodded.
"…Thank you."
I ruffled his hair.
"Don't make me regret it."
End of the Day
Shopping complete.
Wand acquired.
One god-tier trunk.
One chosen-one trunk.
Two necklaces.
Zero arrests.
I leaned back in a chair inside my mansion and looked at you.
"…Yup," I said contentedly. "This was a successful shopping arc."
Somewhere in the multiverse—
The Author frowned.
And honestly?
That was worth it.
[Chapter Sixteen Complete.]