Aerin was in the middle of a panic before the screaming started.
This was important context.
He stood on the western balcony, clutching a cup of tea that had long since gone cold, trying to convince himself that today's meeting would not end in magical disasters, public humiliation, or amphibian-related trauma.
"I can do this," he muttered. "I'm a king. Kings do things."
The tea sloshed.
He stopped moving.
The doors behind him opened.
"Your Majesty," the High Chancellor said cautiously, "our next candidate has arrived."
Aerin swallowed. "Is she… calm?"
The Chancellor winced.
The answer arrived before words did.
The floor shook.
Heavy footsteps echoed down the corridor.
A woman strode onto the balcony wearing armour.
Not decorative armour.
Not ceremonial armour.
Real armour. Scratched, dented, battle-worn.
She was tall. Broad-shouldered. Muscular in a way that suggested she solved problems by breaking them. Her dark hair was tied back in a practical braid, and a massive sword rested casually across her back like it weighed nothing.
She bowed sharply.
"Princess Kaela Ironveil of the Northern Marches," she said. "I hear you need a queen."
Aerin dropped his tea.
It shattered.
He stared at the shards.
"…I'm sorry," he said faintly. "Could you repeat that more slowly?"
Kaela blinked. "I said—"
"I heard the words," Aerin interrupted. "I just wasn't emotionally prepared for them."
The Harem Alarm flickered.
Kaela laughed—a deep, booming laugh.
"Oh good," she grinned. "It works."
"It… works?" Aerin echoed.
"Yes," she said proudly. "If it rings, I know the person is weak."
The alarm buzzed angrily.
Kaela crossed her arms. "Hmm. That's loud."
"I'm not weak," Aerin said automatically.
She raised an eyebrow.
At that exact moment—
The city bells began to ring.
Not the romantic, ceremonial kind.
The danger bells.
The sky darkened as smoke rose from the outer district.
A horn sounded.
Then another.
Aerin's soul attempted to leave his body.
"B-bandits?" he squeaked.
A guard burst onto the balcony. "Your Majesty! Northern raiders breached the west gate!"
Kaela's grin widened.
"Oh," she said happily. "Finally."
Aerin grabbed the guard's sleeve. "Where is the safest place?"
"The—uh—the vaults beneath the palace," the guard said.
"Excellent," Aerin said. "I'll… supervise from there."
Kaela stared at him.
"You're not coming to fight?"
Aerin blinked. "Fight?"
"Yes," she said slowly. "With swords."
"Oh," he said. "No, I don't do that."
The Harem Alarm wailed.
Kaela laughed again.
"Stay here," she said, drawing her sword in one smooth motion. "I'll handle it."
She vaulted over the balcony railing.
Aerin screamed.
She landed three floors below and sprinted toward the smoke.
Aerin ran in the opposite direction.
The vaults were dark. Cold. Safe.
Aerin crouched behind a stack of gold chests, hands over his ears.
"I am a responsible king," he whispered to himself. "Delegation is leadership."
Distant screams echoed.
Metal clashed.
Something exploded.
Aerin whimpered.
"I should have learned swordplay," he muttered. "Or magic. Or bravery."
Footsteps echoed.
Aerin shrieked.
"It's just me!" Lina hissed, ducking behind the chests with him. "Why are you under the gold?"
"I like to be near my accomplishments," Aerin said.
She rolled her eyes. "She's incredible."
"Who?"
"The princess," Lina said. "She took down five bandits with one swing."
Aerin peeked out. "Five?"
"She threw one at another one."
"…Threw?"
"Yes."
Aerin closed his eyes.
The sounds outside intensified.
Then—silence.
Too much silence.
Aerin held his breath.
A horn sounded again.
Victory.
Minutes later, Kaela stormed into the vaults, armour splattered with dirt and bandit blood—not hers.
She wiped her sword clean on a rag and looked at Aerin.
"You missed it," she said cheerfully.
Aerin waved weakly from behind the gold.
"I cheered… internally."
Kaela laughed.
"You're alive," she said approvingly. "That's something."
The Harem Alarm gave a long, disappointed buzz.
Kaela glanced at it, then at him.
"You ran."
"Yes," Aerin admitted. "Very efficiently."
She nodded thoughtfully.
"Good kings know when not to fight," she said.
Aerin blinked. "You don't think I'm a coward?"
She shrugged. "I think you're honest."
The alarm clicked.
Kaela sheathed her sword.
"But," she added, "I need someone who can stand beside me in battle."
Aerin smiled sheepishly. "I'd trip."
She laughed.
"I withdraw," she said. "But you're not useless, little king."
Little king.
She clapped him on the shoulder so hard he nearly collapsed.
"Protect your people your way," she said. "Leave the fighting to people like me."
She left.
Aerin exhaled.
Lina smirked. "You hid behind gold."
"It worked."
The Harem Alarm hummed quietly.
Somewhere, the kingdom slept safely.
Even if its king had spent the battle under a pile of coins.