Chapter 139: BrawlDown the corridor of the changing room, heavy, resentful footsteps approached from afar.Haru was sneaking along the wall, preparing to retreat, when he bumped into a creature that was barely recognizable as human.It was the blonde-haired Dust, but he looked absolutely wretched: his left eye was swollen like a purple bun, his body exuded a mixture of cheap, powerful soap and the stench of stale sweat, and most conspicuously, stamped upon his normally handsome face was the clear, unmistakable tread pattern of a middle-aged woman's cloth shoe, size 40 or larger."Lin! Jin! You! Bastard!" Dust let out a roar like a dying beast, his trembling fist raised, the rage in his eyes nearly setting the air on fire. "What noblewoman! What Golden Holy Spring! That was the Axis Order's public underwear washing station! That middle-aged woman kept screaming about some perverted blonde guy and scrubbed my face with a washboard for three whole minutes! Three minutes! Do you know how I spent those three minutes?!"Facing Dust's murderous glare, Haru didn't panic at all. Instead, he put on an expression of extreme grief and indignation, even squeezing a few tears from the corners of his eyes.He lunged forward, grabbing the swaying Dust, his tone filled with heartache."Big Brother Dust! You've finally returned! I knew that plan would be the ruin of you!"Dust froze for a moment, his raised fist hanging in mid-air. "...Huh? What the hell are you talking about?""Don't you get it, Big Brother Dust!" Haru lowered his voice, acting as if he were terrified of being overheard, his acting reaching its peak. "All of this... it was all planned by Satou Kazuma! He told me just now: 'That blonde guy is such an eyesore. Not only is he better looking than me, but he's also more popular at the Guild. If I don't get him out of the way, how am I supposed to show off in the mixed bath?'""...W-what?!" Dust widened his one eye that wasn't completely swollen shut."I was forced into this!" Haru wiped away non-existent tears, describing the scene vividly. "Satou Kazuma said he had evidence of me accidentally stealing women's underwear in the past. If I didn't cooperate with his act and trick you away, he would have every Axis Cultist in the city hunt me down! He even specifically told me to find a place with the fiercest middle-aged woman so your annoying, handsome face would be completely ruined!"Haru grew more and more agitated as he spoke, even mimicking Satou Kazuma's signature scumlaugh: "'Hehehe, once that idiot Dust gets beaten into a pig's head by that woman, I'll be able to have Darkness and Megumin all to myself...' Those were Satou Kazuma's exact words! I'm just a lowly sidekick, what could I do?"As Haru spoke, the aura radiating from Dust evolved from anger to pure destruction.The light in his eyes became increasingly terrifying, and one could even vaguely see some kind of black resentment swirling above his head."...Satou... Kazuma..." Dust gritted his teeth as he spat out the name. Because he was clenching his jaw so hard, blood seeped from the corner of his mouth. "That shut-in NEET... to think he'd dare to scheme against me, the great Dust... and dare to covet my handsome face...""Exactly! He's in the mixed bath right now, peeping at the girls while mocking you as a blonde dishwasher!" Haru struck while the iron was hot, pointing toward the mixed bath area. "I just saw him get caught by Aqua and the others, and he even tried to pin the blame on me! Luckily, I ran fast! Big Brother Dust, he is at his weakest and most vulnerable moment right now (meaning he's getting beaten up), this is your best chance for revenge!"Dust took a deep breath; the humiliation from being slapped by that washboard erupted in that moment.He shoved Haru aside, charging toward the mixed bath area like a crazed bull, carrying an overwhelming, crushing killing intent."Satou Kazuma! Give me your life, you bastard! I'm going to shove your head into the drain and wash it ten thousand times, aaaaaah!"The beautifully patterned curtain of the hot spring inn seemed, at that moment, to be a one-way exit to hell.Accompanied by an extremely loud sound of physical impact, Satou Kazuma flew out of the mixed bath area like a kite with broken strings. Hit by the combined force of Aqua's Holy Kick and Darkness's shove, he sailed through the air in an incredibly pathetic arc."Ouch, ouch, ouch! You violent women! I really was just passing by... just passing by!"Satou Kazuma slammed onto the slippery floor. Before he could recover from the humiliation of being mobbed by women, and before he could look up to find the true culprit—Haru—he felt a shadow descend upon him, heavy enough to make his soul tremble, shrouding him like Mount Tai."Satou... Kazuma... you... scum NEET who plays with a man's pure heart!!!"A thunderous battle cry exploded in the narrow corridor.Dust's face, swollen like a pig's head, looked particularly ferocious in the dim light of the hot spring inn.He didn't give Satou Kazuma a chance to speak. Like a crazed rhinoceros, he threw his entire body weight and overflowing resentment into a flying tackle, slamming Satou Kazuma, who was just trying to stand up, back onto the floor."Waaaah! Dust?! What are you going crazy for! What's wrong with your face? Get away from me, you smell so bad!"Satou Kazuma screamed in terror, his hands desperately blocking Dust's wild, primal assault."Bad?! You have the nerve to call me smelly?!" Dustwas trembling with rage, his left and right hooks falling like raindrops on Satou Kazuma's defensive stance. "It's all because of you, you bastard! I just got absolutely hammered by a fifty-year-old woman with a washboard in the public laundry sink for three minutes! You dared to lie to me and say it was a noblewoman's retreat! You even dared to mock me as a blonde dishwasher! I'm going to show you today what true, primal devastation is!""Huh?! What dishwasher? What middle-aged woman? When did I ever say those things... Wait! Haru! It must be that brat Haru!" Satou Kazumafinally realized what was happening. As he rolled on the floor to dodge, he shouted at the top of his lungs, "Dust, you idiot! You've been played by Haru! He's the one who planned all of this! He backstabbed me in the water, and now he's backstabbing you! Where is he? Haru is right there!"Satou Kazuma pointed frantically toward the end of the corridor, but apart from a few Axis Cultiststrembling in fear, there was no sign of Haru.At this moment, Haru was leaning leisurely against the shadows at the corner of the changing room. He had swiped a bottle of chilled fruit milk from somewhere and was sipping it slowly while enjoying the dog-eat-dog show he had personally directed."Don't try to change the subject! Brother Haru told me everything! You're holding something over him to force him to act!" Dust had clearly fallen completely into the logical trap Haru had woven. He grabbed Satou Kazuma by the collar, the rage in his eyes nearly becoming tangible. "You trash who would even sell out your own companions, and you still want to smear Haru? I misjudged you, Satou Kazuma! Only one of us is walking out of this hot spring inn standing today!""You're the one who misjudged the situation, you blonde muscle-brain! Help! Murder! Aqua! Save me!"Inside the hot spring inn, two half-naked men (wearing only bath towels) were brawling on the floor.Satou Kazuma tried to counterattack with [Scratch], while Dust relied on his level advantage to use [Thug Headbutt]. The scene was chaotic and filled with eye-straining visuals.Just then, the girls from the hot spring pool walked out wearing bath towels, and they happened to witness this incredibly philosophical scene."...Uwah, so gross." Aqua covered her eyes with an expression of disgust, though her fingers were spread wide apart. "These two perverts are actually playing such intense games in broad daylight... As expected, Alcanretia is a place that really lets people unleash their true nature.""Satou Kazuma... Dust... you two..." Megumin raised her staff, trembling, her face flushed so red it looked like it might bleed. "To engage in such shameless physical collision right in front of girls... Did Chrissteal your sense of shame?!"Only Darkness kept her eyes locked on the two men brawling, her breathing becoming abnormally rapid. She covered her burning cheeks with her hands and let out an incredibly dangerous exclamation:"...Haa... haa... This kind of unrefined, violent conflict filled with masculine energy... this process of tearing at each other, humiliating each other... If only I could join in and be... by both of them together...""Don't even think about it! Darkness, your fetishes are completely beyond saving!" Aqua delivered a chop to Darkness's head.Haru nodded in satisfaction from the shadows. He tossed the empty milk bottle into the recycling bin and, while everyone's attention was fixed on the two men fighting, slipped silently back to the changing room and quickly changed into his own clean, refreshing Adventurer outfit.
Chapter 140: Dumping All the Blame on UsThe afternoon sun in Alcanretia was bright and sunny, but in the hotel lobby, the atmosphere seemed unusually heavy—or rather, filled with a kind of negative energy called disgust.Haru stood right in the middle of Aqua, Megumin, and Yunyun with a righteous expression on his face. He was wearing neat Adventurer casual clothes and even thoughtfully handed each lady a cup of ice-cold barley tea provided for free by the hotel."It is truly terrifying, everyone." Haru sighed deeply, his tone filled with heartache. "I originally just wanted to go check on Wiz, but at the entrance of the changing room, I heard Kazuma muttering some insane things about wanting to steal everyone's panties today. I wanted to stop him at the time, but I was threatened by him with that scum look of his... Sigh, I am truly too incompetent, failing to protect everyone's hot spring time.""This is not your fault, Haru!" Aqua chugged a large mouthful of tea angrily, sparks flying in her azure eyes. "That NEET shut-in is completely hopeless! He actually dragged that blond punk to wrestle in public! My eyes, my holy eyes of the Intellectual Disabled Goddess are about to be polluted by those two perverts! Haru, you must never learn to be bad from them in the future; you are the last conscience of our party!""That's right." Megumin blushed, gritting her teeth and waving her fist. "To actually do such a thing in such a sacred place... Next time, I will definitely place a timed Explosion Magic under Kazuma's bed while he is sleeping, letting him ascend in the literal physical sense!""Um... although fighting is wrong, Kazuma-san and Dust-san looked really... intimate." Yunyun hugged her teacup, innocently making a dangerous comment. "Is this the friendship between boys?""Haa... haa... that is not friendship, that is the collision of pure, unadorned desire!" Darkness, sitting to the side, had already entered some kind of trance, slumping on her chair, staring at the ceiling with dazed eyes. "That kind of barbarism where they cursed each other, tore at each other, and finally merged into one on the slippery floor... Wuwu, why wasn't I the one being pressed onto the floor...""Shut up, Darkness!" Haru and Aqua shouted in unison.After soothing the several (except for a certain masochist) agitated ladies and sending them back to their rooms to rest, Haru turned around, the righteousness on his face instantly vanishing, replaced by an extremely malicious smile belonging to a victor.At this moment, two extremely miserable groans came from the entrance of the lobby.It turned out to be Kazuma and Dust, supporting each other (actually, they were locking each other's throats to prevent the other from escaping), limping into the lobby.Kazuma's left eye socket was bruised, his already sleazy face now swollen like a moldy bun, and he was only wearing a tattered bath towel he had picked up from somewhere; Dust wasn't doing any better, his originally dazzling short blond hair now pulled into a mess like a bird's nest, his face covered in scratch marks, and he was even staggering as he walked.As the two looked up, they happened to see Haru, who was leisurely brushing off his clothes and even showing them a kindly smile.The air froze in that instant."Yo, isn't this our hot spring war god and blond lady-killer?" Haru walked slowly in front of the two, looking at their miserable appearance, his tone filled with fake concern. "How did you end up in such a state? Could it be that you were fighting in the hot spring just now to compete for the title of the biggest pervert?""Lin... Jin..." Kazuma squeezed these words out from between his teeth, his voice becoming extremely hoarse because he had shouted too loudly earlier. "You... you... devil... in human skin...! You actually... actually told them... that I threatened you...""And me..." Dust pointed at Haru, trembling, the light in his eyes already extinguished, replaced by a grayness of having seen through the secular world. "That lady you mentioned... really was an auntie who washes underwear... She even said... that a blond guy like me... is best suited for scrubbing toilets..."Haru watched these two completely broken men and couldn't help but let out a low and pleasant laugh. He leaned close to their ears and whispered in a voice only the three of them could hear: "Kazuma, Dust, this is the art of backstabbing. While you were busy ravaging each other, I had already become the victim and protector in everyone's eyes. As for you two..."Haru straightened his waist and pointed at the sign on the lobby wall prohibiting perverts from entering. "I wish you success in dodging the righteous sanctions of the entire city's cultists during the rest of your Alcanretia trip. By the way, Kazuma, I accidentally dropped your clothes into the ventilation duct of the women's restroom just now. If you want to go get them, remember to write your will in advance.""You... you absolute... trash, aaaaaah—!" Kazuma let out a desperate roar, but because he used too much force, he pulled at his wounds and screamed, falling into Dust's arms again.In the following days in Alcanretia, the corner of the hotel restaurant became a restricted area in a certain sense.Satou Kazuma and Dust, two men who should have soaked in the hot spring until they were exhausted, were sitting side by side at a dark little square table.Kazuma's face still had a few crooked plasters on it, and Dust's face, with the swelling half-subsided, looked particularly gloomy under the lights.Their gazes were identical—cold, viscous, filled with a kind of resentment that could make an ordinary Adventurer wet their pants on the spot, fixed firmly on Haru, who was leisurely cutting steak not far away."Hey, Kazuma. Do you think if I pour that bottle of specially made Axis Order Holy Water (high concentration version) into his soup now, he will die?"Dust's voice was so low it sounded like it was crawling out of a crack in the ground."He won't die, but he will turn into an idiot who only knows how to shout 'Long live Lady Aqua'. But that would be letting him off too easily, Dust." Kazumabit his fork, his eyes flashing with a scum light. "I want to make him feel the joy of heaven first, then push him down hard from the clouds, and finally, by the way, steal all his eris, making him fall to the point where he can only go and help that Intellectual Disabled Goddess scrub toilets."Haru felt a chill down his spine. Although he was now a saint in the eyes of all the women, as a fellow kind, he knew the nature of these two guys all too well.If he didn't resolve this resentment quickly, when he returned to Axel, what awaited him would likely be the insane revenge of these two guys—like sewing him together with some Axis Order auntie while he was sleeping or something.Haru put down his knife and fork, elegantly wiped his mouth, then revealed a highly approachable smile, carrying two bottles of high-end sparkling wine that were extremely expensive even in this Water City, and strode toward that little table filled with negative energy."Yo, you two. Plotting how to save the world here?" Haru squeezed between the two extremely naturally, and before they could react, he skillfully pried open the wine bottles. The crisp sound made the ears of the two poor devils twitch involuntarily."Get lost, you treacherous devil."Kazuma snorted coldly, but his eyes had already involuntarily glanced at the bottle of wine exuding an expensive aroma."That's right, Haru. Your face is only worth a washboard in my eyes now."Although Dust was stubborn, his Adam's apple honestly bobbed up and down.Haru lowered his voice, putting on a mysterious expression that only insiders would understand: "I know, I know. Regarding the hot spring incident the other day, I did indeed go a little... a little too far. But that was for the sake of the big picture! If we didn't find a scapegoat, the three of us might have been dragged away by the Axis Cultists to be forced into the religion by now.""So you dumped all the blame on us?!" The two growled in unison.My new book, "My Undercover Hero Party is Full of Idiots," has been signed and released. It follows a comedic style. If you are interested, please go check it out. I ask everyone to comment, like, and add it to your bookshelves! You won't be reading for free; today there are five updates for Konosuba!!! Please be sure to support it."My Undercover Hero Party is Full of Idiots"The data for the first 7 days of a new book is really important; I ask everyone to support it if you have time.If it flops again, I'll have to go find a job, wuwuwuwu~ Also, remember to join the Suqing discussion group!
Chapter 141: A God Overlooking AntsHaru looked at the two of them, who looked as if they wanted to swallow him alive but were simultaneously salivating at the aroma of the high-grade sparkling wine. He knew the timing was just right.He lowered his voice, his tone taking on a magnetic quality that tempted them toward depravity:"Brothers, I know you've been wronged by taking the fall for me these past few days. To show my sincerest apologies, I've decided to use all the secret savings I've accumulated on this trip to treat you to a real place."Kazuma raised an eyebrow and looked at him suspiciously: "A real place? You said that last time too, and as a result, I got kicked flying by Aqua, and Dust got his face scrubbed with a washboard by an old lady.""This time is definitely different!" Haru slammed the table, heroically holding up three fingers. "Alcanretia's largest and most luxurious Royal Special Mixed Bath, known as the Paradise of the Gods! The kind where a single ticket costs ten thousand eris! Not only does it have the clearest Holy Springs in the city, but it's also frequented by noble socialites and high-level Adventurers from various countries. The most important thing is..."Haru paused, revealing a scum-like expression that made Kazuma and Dust's hearts race:"There's no harassment from Axis Cultists, no washboard-wielding old ladies, only the purest hot spring socializing filled with a rosy atmosphere. All entrance fees, drinks, and massage costs will be paid for by me, Haru! You just need to bring your romantic hearts and go!"The air fell silent for three seconds.Dust's face, which had been gloomy, immediately collapsed like melting ice cream upon hearing the keywords 'ten thousand eris ticket' and'socialite mixed bath'.His hands trembling, he grabbed Haru's sleeve, the resentment in his eyes instantly transforming into a fanatical glow as if he were looking at his own father."Lin... Brother Haru! Is what you just said true? All-inclusive? Including that Holy Water Massage that's said to have professional big sisters?""Of course. As long as you can forgive me, even if it's three big sisters massaging you at the same time, I won't even blink!"Haru patted his chest in guarantee.Kazuma took a deep breath, trying his best to maintain his last bit of dignity as a victim, but the upward curve of his lips completely betrayed him.He snatched the wine bottle from Haru's hand and poured a full glass for both himself and Dust:"Hmph, since you've put it that way, if I still don't forgive you, it would make me, Satou Kazuma, look narrow-minded. But let's get this straight: if anything goes wrong again this time, I will immediately cast [Steal] and take your last shred of dignity, making you suffer a social death in the royal bath!""Deal!"Haru also raised his glass, and the three glasses clinked crisply in the air."To a man's romance!" Dust growled excitedly."To the sight of socialites bathing!" Kazuma followed closely behind."To the bond of brotherhood (and my wallet)!" Haruadded silently in his heart.Alcanretia's Royal Special Mixed Bath indeed lived up to its reputation.Passing through the magnificent archway carved from a single piece of white marble and decorated with pure gold borders, a dreamlike scene greeted their eyes.The massive dome was made of transparent crystal. It was currently evening, and the afterglow of the setting sun spilled over the tiered spring pools, making the water shimmer.The air was filled with a faint scent of sandalwood and expensive essential oils, completely devoid of the strong sulfur stench found in ordinary baths.Haru stood at the entrance, feeling the warm jade floor beneath his feet and listening to the melodious sound of a zither in the distance. Although his wallet was mourning (that was a full thirty thousand eris in ticket money!), looking at this scene filled with high-society atmosphere, he couldn't help but feel the illusion that the money was well spent."Oh... Ohhh... Haru, I take back what I said about you being trash." Kazuma had already changed into a high-quality silk bathrobe and was leaning against a pillar as if his bones had been removed, his eyes glowing as he scanned the misty pools in the distance. "This place is simply heaven... No, it's more like heaven than Lady Eris's celestial realm! Look at that back over there—that's definitely a princess from some country, right?!""Stop talking and get in there! I can already smell the scent of mature big sisters!" Dust couldn't wait to untie his belt and rush into the pool. However, the moment he took his first step, his eyes—sharpened in the red-light district to be keener than a hawk's—suddenly locked onto a certain direction.As if hit by a paralysis spell, he suddenly reached out and grabbed Haru and Kazuma, who were about to walk forward."Wait... Hey! Look over there! Three o'clock direction, that woman leaning by the Golden Holy Spring in the deepest part!" Dust's voice trembled violently, a low growl that mixed extreme awe with a certain animalistic instinct of fear.Haru and Kazuma instinctively looked in the direction he pointed.Deep within the layers of white mist, by the pool made of pure gold where pale purple spring water flowed slowly, sat a woman who looked like the incarnation of the night.She had reddish-black hair that fell like a waterfall over her fair back. Her extremely mature and deep facial features appeared somewhat blurred in the steam, adding a touch of mysterious charm.She was currently tilting her head back slightly, resting with her eyes closed. With just her profile, she exuded an overwhelming presence that made all the surrounding so-called socialites pale in comparison.But what made it impossible for these three scums to look away was her magnificent curves, which nearly defied the laws of physics.Even with only half her body above the water, her scale already gave the three of them—who had seen Darkness in her full armored state—a suffocating sense of pressure.*Gulp.*Three synchronized sounds of swallowing echoed in the air."Kazuma, does your intuition as a shut-in NEET tell you if that's human?" Haru asked in a low voice, feeling his heart beat irregularly."No... that's definitely not human..." Kazuma's eyes were bloodshot, and the light of [Farsight] began to appear in his pupils. "That's a work of art... a miracle... a ultimate weapon capable of starting a world war! Dust, is your handsome face ready? I feel like if the three of us can sit next to that big sister for five minutes, it would be worth it even if we were purified by Aqua!""Don't stop me! I'm going to offer my loyalty (and my body) to that goddess right now!"Dust had entered a state of frenzy, with two trails of white steam snorting from his nostrils.However, the red-haired woman seemed to have noticed those three extremely intense and lewd gazes.She slowly opened her eyes, and those deep, dark red pupils that seemed to contain an endless twilight shifted slightly, nonchalantly sweeping over the three lecherous men at the entrance.In that instant, Haru felt a chill that made his hair stand on end.It wasn't bloodlust, but a higher-dimensional pressure, as if a god were looking down at ants.
Chapter 142: The Last PurityBy the misty Golden Hot Spring, the atmosphere was in a state of extremely bizarre balance.Haru, Kazuma, and Dust, as if performing some solemn ritual, crab-walked slowly toward a position less than two meters away from the red-haired woman, moving with a stride they thought looked cool but actually resembled someone dodging landmines.Kazuma made the first move. He elegantly (in his own opinion) brushed back his wet, tousled hair, deliberately raised his voice, and spoke to Dustbeside him in a tone filled with the weight of worldly experience:"Oh my, Dust, come to think of it, this trip to Alcanretia has been quite dull. Although I just led a team to take down the Demon Kings Army's Mobile Fortress Destroyer a while ago, and even dealt with a Demon Kings Army General along the way, this level of adventure is, as expected, still too lacking in challenge for me.""Huh? What kind of nonsense are you spouting, Kazuma?"Dust, refusing to be outdone, puffed out his chest, trying to show off his pathetic pectoral muscles, while his eyes darted frantically toward Wolbach. "What's a mere Destroyer? Back when I was serving in the Knights Order in the Royal Capital... ahem, I mean, when I was sweeping through armies in Axel, you were still playing in the mud back in the village! A man like me, who has the potential of a Dragon Knight, only deserves this highest-grade Royal Hot Spring to match my status.""Dragon Knight? I think you're more of an Extra Knight!"Kazuma immediately switched to his sabotage mode. He lowered his voice but ensured Wolbachcould hear him. "Who was it that owed the tavern three thousand eris two days ago and was almost dragged off by the landlady to wear women's clothes and solicit customers on the street? That kind of aura was indeed quite stunning.""You bastard! That was for an undercover investigation! An investigation, do you understand?!"Dust was so angry his face turned bright red, and he immediately retorted, "Still better than you, a shut-in NEET who was kicked out of your house and can only get by relying on an Intellectual Disabled Goddess and two problem children! I heard you even save up SP points for learning skills by picking up scraps?"The two of them, in this priceless hot spring, began to engage in extremely low-level mutual sabotage, like two fighting cocks.Haru, however, appeared much more composed.He did not rush to join that foolish debate. Instead, he chose a perfect spot to sit, letting the spring water submerge his shoulders, revealing only half his face. With a gaze that was profound and carried three parts curiosity, three parts appreciation, and four parts "I have a story to tell," he quietly watched Wolbach not far away.Wolbach finally turned her head slowly.Her dark red eyes rested on Kazuma and Dust for less than 0.1 seconds—presumably confirming that these two creatures were non-aggressive and merely pure idiots—before her gaze fell upon Haru.Watching these two men who had almost started a fight in the water just to get her attention, a subtle, yet playful curve appeared on Wolbach's icy, cold, and beautiful face."Very energetic companions."Wolbach spoke.Her voice was low and elegant, carrying a magnetism like aged fine wine, echoing in the spacious bathhouse. "Compared to those two gentlemen over there who are busy exposing each other's shortcomings, you look more like the... brain of this strange team?""You flatter me, beautiful lady."Haru nodded slightly, his tone humble yet maintaining poise. "They are just experiencing some hallucinations because the spring water here is too miraculous, causing their cerebral cortexes to be overactive. Allow me to introduce myself; my name is Haru, just a passing, mediocre Adventurer.""Mediocre?"Wolbach let out a soft laugh, her magnificent figure rising and falling slightly with the laughter, which nearly caused Kazuma and Dust nearby to suffer myocardial infarctions on the spot. "To be able to bring these two clowns into a place like this and still keep your heart rate steady under my gaze, your definition of mediocre seems rather unique.""Hey! Haru! You guy actually snuck ahead!"Kazuma finally reacted. Seeing that Haru had already struck up a conversation with the ultimate target, he went mad with jealousy. "Lady! Don't listen to him! This guy is the worst one! He just said he wanted to put something in your drink... Mmph!"Haru was quick-handed; he grabbed Kazuma's head and dunked him into the water, while simultaneously offering Wolbach an awkward but polite smile:"See? I told you the spring water here makes people hallucinate."Watching this scene, the amusement in Wolbach's eyes deepened.She didn't seem to dislike this chaos; instead, it was as if she had found some novel toy."So, Mr. Brain, since you invited your companions to such an expensive place, would you mind treating me to a drink as well?"Wolbach pointed to the tray floating by the pool, maintained at temperature by magic. "Traveling alone, one occasionally feels a bit thirsty."Just as Haru was racking his brains, trying to dig further for information about her identity without offending this big sister, the heavy marble door of the Royal Bathhouse was slowly pushed open again.Accompanied by a faint, crisp sound, as if some viscous liquid were sliding across the floor, a tall man with a fair complexion and a somewhat effeminate air walked into the Golden Hot Spring area.He was wearing a luxurious, dark purple bathrobe, his long golden hair neatly tied behind his head, and his eyes revealed a coldness and arrogance like a viper, making one feel extremely uncomfortable.He did not look around like an ordinary guest but walked straight toward the side of the pool where Wolbach was, his gait unnervingly steady."Tch, another pretty boy who looks better than me."Kazuma poked his head out of the water, wiped the water from his face, his tone thick with jealousy. "Haru, look at that guy's eyes; he's clearly the type of gigolo who scams free meals in the Royal Capital. Hey, Dust, should we team up and squeeze him out? This pool is crowded enough as it is!""Wait a second, Kazuma."Dust, for once, did not agree. His intuition as a former knight was screaming warnings. He stared at the man slowly approaching, his brow furrowed. "That guy... the smell on him is very strange. It's not sweat, and it's not perfume, but a kind of... indescribable, nauseating, fishy sweetness. Haru, be careful, this guy might be trouble."Haru didn't speak; he just silently scooted closer to Wolbach—of course, on the surface, it was to politely make room, but in reality, he wanted to block him.The man known as Hans stopped three steps away from the edge of the pool.He first glanced contemptuously at Haru, Kazuma, and Dust, who were squatting in the water like three drowned rats, and finally let his gaze land on Wolbach.In that instant, Haru keenly captured an extremely subtle exchange of glances between the two."The spring water here seems even purer than expected, my lady."Hans spoke, his voice hoarse and carrying a strange stickiness, sounding like bubbles bursting in a mud puddle. "However, this purity might soon be polluted by some unclean things. Don't you think that in such beautiful scenery, having these noisy flies around is quite appetite-ruining?"As he said this, Hans's gaze pierced coldly toward Haru once more."Flies?"Kazuma immediately bristled. He stood up abruptly, pointed at Hans's nose, and shouted, "Hey! Who are you calling a fly, you pretty boy?! I'm a hero who took down the Destroyer! If you know what's good for you, get lost and go soak in the cold water pool next door, and stop interrupting our deep conversation with this big sister!"Wolbach ignored Kazuma's clamoring. She simply picked up the glass of red wine Haru had just treated her to, took a light sip, her tone calm and without a ripple:"Han... ahem, sir. The hot springs of Alcanretiabelong to everyone. I think these young men are quite interesting, at least much more real than those who only know how to hide in the shadows and engage in petty tricks."The corner of Hans's eye twitched slightly. He seemed somewhat surprised by Wolbach's attitude of defending mortals.He sneered and slowly walked into the pool as well, sitting down not far from the three of them.As he entered the water, Haru discovered with horror that the spring water around Hans seemed to have become more viscous than before, even bubbling up with an extremely faint, eerie purple foam."Is that so? Since you say so, then I shall also enjoy this last bit of purity."Hans closed his eyes, a cruel arc curling at the corner of his mouth. "I hope your luck stays this good, after all... the spring water of Alcanretia is very fragile."
Chapter 143: That Blue-Haired WomanInside the Golden Holy Spring, purple ripples were silently spreading around Hans.Haru stared intently at those eerie bubbles, sweat sliding down his forehead—this definitely wasn't some acceleration of blood circulation, but a shrill scream emitted by some biological instinct."Oh my, Miss, actually, I'm not just a hero, I'm also a very tasteful..."Kazuma was planning to scoot his body a few centimeters closer to Wolbach, while incidentally showing off his non-existent biceps."That's right, speaking of taste, I, Dust, am in Axel...""Pfft—wa!!!"Haru suddenly let out an earth-shattering scream. He sprang up from the water, hands clutching his chest tightly, eyes rolled back, and his body shaking wildly as if electrocuted."Li—Haru?! What's wrong with you?!" Kazuma was so scared he almost sank into the water."My... heart! My chronic illness is acting up! The spring water here is too nourishing, my body can't withstand this holy power!"Haru, while dramatically retching, reached out with hands like iron pincers and accurately grabbed Kazuma and Dust by the scruffs of their necks. "Quick... quickly help me out... I'm dying... I'm going to see Lady Eris...""Hey! Let go! How are you such a strong bastard!" Dust struggled desperately, but in the face of the strength born from Haru's desire to survive, he had no power to resist. "My big sister! My socialite! Haru, let go, ahhh!""No... I can't... die here... you two... are my best friends... you must accompany me... let's go..."Haru didn't give them a chance to talk nonsense. He forcibly dragged the two men, who were howling incessantly, and rushed out of the Holy Spring area like a gust of wind, under the playful gaze of Wolbach and the cold, icy stare of Hans."Bang!"The marble door of the royal bathhouse was slammed open, and the three of them scrambled back into the changing room."Haru!!! You absolute piece of trash!!!" Kazumakicked aside a wet bathrobe, shaking with anger, and pointed at Haru's nose, cursing, "Do you know what the atmosphere was like just now? That was a fated encounter! That was the opening for a harem protagonist! You actually faked an illness at a time like that? And dragged me out?! My ticket money! My ten thousand eris!""That's right! I want to protest too!" Dust crouched on the ground, drawing circles, looking utterly listless. "I clearly saw that lady smile at me... She must have thought I was a man worth entrusting my life to... But you dragged me out like a dead dog, my image is completely ruined!"Haru panted heavily, and only after confirming that the heavy door was shut tight did he wipe the cold sweat from his face with lingering fear."You two... calm down."Haru lowered his voice, his tone so serious that the two of them couldn't help but shrink their necks."Calm down? You caused me to lose ten thousand eris, how do you expect me to calm down?!" Kazumaremained indignant."Listen, that pretty boy who just walked in, something is wrong." Haru frowned, replaying that eerie scene in his mind. "I saw purple bubbles in the water just now, and... didn't you smell it? After he came in, the air was filled with that nauseatingly fishy, sweet smell. My intuition tells me that if we had stayed in that pool for another five minutes, tomorrow there would be three corpses floating in the moat of Alcanretia, swollen like pig heads."Kazuma was stunned for a moment, looking suspiciously at Haru: "Really? Isn't this just a lie you made up to have that big sister all to yourself?""Do I have any need to joke about thirty thousand eris in ticket money?" Haru rolled his eyes at him dismissively. "Also, did you notice that woman's gaze? The way she looked at that man didn't look like she was looking at a stranger, but more like... looking at a troublesome acquaintance. Anyway, that bathhouse isn't safe anymore. Let's hurry back to the inn, pick up that Intellectual Disabled Goddess Aqua, I have a premonition that something big is going to happen in this city."Dust looked at Haru's serious expression and shrank his neck:"Although it's annoying... but you, Haru, really have a knack for saving your own skin. Fine, since you've said so... However, after we return to Axel, you have to treat me to a drink again!""No problem, as long as we can make it back alive." Haru put on his clothes and prayed silently in his heart: Aqua, please don't go running off to purify some well right now!The three of them, Haru, Kazuma, and Dust, had just run back to the commercial street where the inn was located, panting heavily, when they were stunned by the scene before them.Countless believers wearing the robes of the Axis Order were waving torches, brooms, and even wooden tubs used for scrubbing, running wildly through the streets in groups.The sounds coming from their mouths weren't the usual scalp-numbing proselytizing, but roars filled with anger and despair."Where is that blue-haired woman?! Catch her! She just walked into the spring eye in my shop, and in less than three seconds, my priceless concentrated golden hot spring turned into plain water that could be used to make tea!"An innkeeper was crying his heart out, holding a huge rolling pin in his hand."And mine too! My Beauty Spring is now so clear that you could even raise fish in it! That's murder! That's a desecration of the Water City! Where is that lunatic who claims to be a goddess?!"Listening to these roars, Haru felt his temples throbbing.He turned his head and looked at Kazuma and Dust, who were also pale."Hey, Haru." Kazuma shrank extremely stealthily into the shadows, and said in a calm, world-weary tone, "Although I knew early on that that Intellectual Disabled Goddess would destroy this city sooner or later, I didn't expect it to happen this fast. Listen, from now on, I don't know anyone named Aqua. I'm just a passing tourist who is extremely indignant because the hot spring turned into plain water. How about you?""Me too!" Dust nodded frantically, even tucking his signature blonde hair into his bathrobe collar. "I'm just a wandering warrior who came to the Water City in search of true love. What Aqua? What Intellectual Disabled Goddess? I've never even heard of them! Haru, let's run away quickly. If this group of fanatics finds out we're with her, we'll be tied to a cross and force-fed Holy Water until we explode!"Looking at these two pieces of scum who were ready to abandon their companion at any moment, although Haru was filled with contempt, his body was very honest as he followed them into the alley."Have some backbone, you two!" Haru roared in a low voice, but his tone also carried a hint of a breakdown. "I just saved you, and the backyard is already on fire?! What on earth is that Intellectual Disabled Goddess doing? I clearly told her to stay properly at the inn!"Just then, a familiar, piercing scream came from the distance:"Waaaahhh! Help! Haru! Kazuma! Where are you?! These believers are crazy! I was clearly helping them purify those unclean auras, and they actually called me a demon! I am their goddess! Why are they splashing Holy Water on my face? This is just a waste of resources!"A blue figure turned the corner at a speed so fast it was a blur. Aqua was wiping her tears while dragging an exhausted-looking Megumin and an embarrassed-looking Darkness, sprinting towards Haru and the others.Behind her, at least fifty Axis Cultists armed with heavy blunt weapons were following."There! That blue-haired lunatic is there! And her accomplices!" The leading priest spotted Haru and the two others who were planning to sneak away, and let out a shrill accusation. "Brothers! For the hot springs! For the income of the Order! Catch these heretics!""We're done for." Kazuma looked expressionlessly at the approaching Aqua, then looked at the sea of people behind her. "Haru, do you think if we hand Aqua over to them now, we can trade it for our acquittal?""Don't make jokes that are tempting but will definitely get us scolded by readers at a time like this!" Haru shouted at the two who were still dazed. "Run! Run out of the city! If we get caught, we'll really have to perform a group Holy Water enema in the plaza of Alcanretia!"
Chapter 144: The Wanted Water PurifierDeep in the labyrinthine alleys of Alcanretia, three sneaky figures finally intercepted the blue figure attempting to dart into a dead end, behind an abandoned warehouse that reeked of salted fish."Gotcha! You Intellectual Disabled Goddess who only knows how to run away!"Kazuma lunged like a tiger, precisely pinning down Aqua's shoulders."Waaah! Don't kill me! I haven't eaten today's special hot spring bun yet! Haru, help me! Kazuma is trying to sell me to the Eris Order for a bounty!"Aqua flailed her fists and struggled wildly, tears and snot streaming down her face."Shut up! If you yell again, I'll stuff you into the sewer next to us!"Haru scolded in a low voice, while simultaneously pulling out a huge sun hat he had swiped from some street stall.With the help of the old cloak that Dust handed over, the three of them moved with the efficiency of people handling contraband, quickly stuffing Aqua's signature, glittering blue hair tightly into the hat.Wearing the oversized cloak, sunglasses, and hat, Aqua didn't look like a goddess anymore; she looked like a down-and-out middle-aged woman preparing to rob a bank."Wuuu... My hair... My divine aura has been covered up by this cheap linen smell..."Aqua huddled in the corner, pouting and twiddling her fingers aggrievedly.Haru leaned against the wall, listening to the sounds of the search party fading away outside the alley.He wiped away some sweat and stared at Aquaseriously: "Alright, no one can recognize you now. Aqua, tell the truth, what exactly did you do? Why have all the springs in the city turned into plain water?"Aqua looked up, and those big eyes, which usually always exuded a clear, foolish quality, were now flickering with a rare seriousness, and even a hint of compassion:"I... I just sensed it. When I was walking down the street just now, I suddenly noticed that the smell in the air had changed. Those hot springs, which were originally filled with natural magic, suddenly had something extremely disgusting, viscous, and emitting a highly toxic aura added to them... It was as if a giant Slime was spitting into the veins of the entire city!"Haru's heart sank. He remembered Hans, whom he had seen at the Royal Bathhouse, and those purple bubbles."So, you went and purified it?" Kazuma raised an eyebrow, his tone carrying his usual sarcasm."Hey, even though your intentions were good, you clearly overdid it again, didn't you? You purified away all the minerals, magic, and medicinal components that they rely on to survive. Now, all that's flowing out of those pools is pure water! Do you have any idea that with that single wave of your hand, you evaporated ninety percent of Alcanretia's GDP?!""But! If I hadn't purified it, everyone in the city would be dead by tomorrow morning!"Aqua suddenly stood up, her voice tinged with a sob but surprisingly firm."I know they hate me right now and even want to capture me... Even if everyone is misunderstanding me and cursing me, they are still my followers! As a goddess, how could I just stand by and watch my children be corroded by toxins? Even if I can only save one more spring, I must help them..."The air fell into a brief silence.Dust scratched his head, sounding somewhat moved as he muttered: "What is this? Suddenly acting so cool, I can't even bring myself to make a snide comment..."Kazuma also awkwardly averted his gaze: "Tsk, acting so much like a goddess at a time like this just makes us, who just want to run away, look despicable."Haru looked at Aqua's resolute appearance (even though her hat was crooked) and sighed heavily.He knew that Aqua's intuition was correct; this Intellectual Disabled Goddess was using her clumsy and highly destructive methods to single-handedly fight against the conspiracy."Alright, stop making that expression like you're about to be martyred."Haru walked over, straightened Aqua's hat, and flashed a scum and confident smile."Since you've said so, if we continue to stand by, wouldn't we be even worse than you? Listen, Aqua, we've already seen the guy who's poisoning everything. Since you want to save this city, we'll go crazy with you once!"The Royal Special Mixed Bathhouse under the cover of night was still brightly lit, but the originally elegant scent of sandalwood in the air had now been replaced by a sickening, sweet, and fishy stench.Haru took the lead, with Kazuma and Dust flanking the fully armed Aqua.The four of them moved like a string of ghosts hugging the wall, slipping silently back into the Golden Sacred Spring area through the gap in the side door they had left during their previous escape."Shh! Keep it down. If we get caught by the security here, we won't be able to explain it away with a heart attack. That would be breaking and entering for robbery in the middle of the night, and we'd be sent straight to prison!"Haru warned in a low voice, his eyes scanning the surroundings sharply."Damn you, Haru, you have the nerve to say that! My 10,000 eris entrance ticket hasn't even warmed up yet, and now I have to climb through a window to get in? This is an absolute disgrace to Adventurers!"While complaining, Kazuma skillfully activated [Lurk], his whole body nearly blending into the shadows.The four of them returned to the golden pool that symbolized wealth and power.By now, the pool water was no longer a noble light purple, but had taken on a murky, deep purple color like thick snot, and it was even slowly wriggling, emitting bursts of malicious bubbles."Ugh... This is the smell! It's a hundred times worse than Kazuma's smelly socks!"Even through her thick veil and hat, Aqua showed an expression of extreme disgust.She crouched down and waved a finger over the water surface."Confirmed! This aura is exactly the same as what I found in the city. This isn't any kind of hot spring ingredient; it's the secretion of some evil creature! If we don't deal with it, the spring here will soon become a breeding ground for monsters!""Then stop talking nonsense and get to work!"Haru guarded the entrance, listening to the footsteps of the patrol approaching from afar, feeling anxious.Aqua took a deep breath, and her eyes lit up with a holy blue glow in the darkness.She suddenly threw back a corner of her cloak, pointed her slender finger at the murky pool, and said with an unquestionable dignity:"Let this filth dissipate under the Goddess's mercy! Sacred High-Level Purification!!"Hum—!A blinding, pure white light that illuminated nearly half the bathhouse erupted from Aqua's fingertips.Under that sacred radiance, the originally viscous and wriggling purple venom was like residual snow meeting the scorching sun; it emitted a piercing hiss and was instantly evaporated away.Immediately after, the water in the entire golden pool changed from a murky purple to crystal clear—even emitting a faint fluorescence—pure water in less than three seconds.Because the magic power was too strong, even the few gems embedded around the pool were purified into ordinary transparent glass."Done! Hehe, as expected of me!"Aqua proudly put her hands on her hips, just about to give a speech."Done my ass! You made such a huge commotion that the whole city could see it!"Haru lunged forward in one step, grabbed Aqua in a standard headlock, and dragged her back, while signaling Kazuma and Dust."Retreat! Retreat quickly! The patrol is coming!""Hey! Over there! There's a blinding light! Catch those thugs who destroyed the hot spring!"Urgent whistles and the sound of clashing armor came from the distant security room."Go, go, go! Dust, stop staring at that pool; even if you keep looking, you won't turn back into a socialite!"Kazuma grabbed the still-dazed Dust, and the four of them burst through the back window like a gust of wind, leaping into the streets of Alcanretia under the night sky.It wasn't until they had run three streets away and hidden in an abandoned clock tower that the four of them collapsed on the ground, panting heavily."Huu... Huu... Haru... What... what are we now?" Dust asked while wiping off sweat."What are we?" Haru looked at Aqua's sun hat, which had gone crooked during their run, and flashed a scum smile."We are now the greatest, and most wanted, Water Purifiers in the history of Alcanretia. Aqua, well done. Although you turned that hot spring into plain boiled water, you did indeed save quite a few of your followers!""Wuuu... Haru, you actually praised me... Although that 'plain boiled water' description is annoying, I'll be merciful and forgive you!"Aqua wiped away her tears and once again revealed that clear smile.
Chapter 145: My Bathwater...The atmosphere in the small hotel room was as heavy as Wiz's paper-white face.This unfortunate lich shopkeeper was lying weakly on the tatami mat, her translucent body looking as if it would dissipate with the wind at any moment.Every time Aqua waved her arms in excitement, Wizwould let out a faint whimper and shrink further into the blanket like a startled mimosa—clearly, Aqua's overflowing divine aura was pure poison to this Undead."So, that blonde pretty boy... *cough*, I mean Hans, he's already made his move, right?" Megumin sat at the table, clutching her staff with a serious expression. "A Demon Kings Army General actually daring to pull such stunts in the City of Hot Springs? This is simply a desecration of art! Haru, please be sure to bring me along tomorrow. I'll use my most magnificent Explosion Magic to blast him into dried Slime!""Being hunted by the city's cultists, being plotted against by a Demon Kings Army General, and possibly even being thrown into a dark, damp basement for torture..." Darkness's cheeks flushed red, her breathing quickened, and she gripped her collar tightly. "Th-this kind of desperate situation... Alcanretia really is heaven!""Darkness, now is not the time to be acting like a pervert, although I know that's hard for you." Kazuma interrupted the Crusader's delusions with a look of disgust, then turned to Haru. "Haru, what do you think? We can't count on Wiz in her current state, and although Yunyun is reliable, she's currently busy explaining to those Axis Cultists that I am definitely not Aqua's illegitimate daughter."Just as everyone was arguing without reaching a conclusion, Aqua, who had been huddled in the corner fiddling with a sun hat, suddenly stood up.Her long blue hair moved without wind, and divine radiance flowed through the small room.Her face, which usually exuded an Intellectual Disabled Goddess vibe, was surprisingly filled with the dignity and compassion of a deity at this moment."Enough!" Aqua's voice was crisp and loud. "I am the Goddess of Water, Aqua! This is the holy land of the Axis Order, and the people living here are my dearest, albeit slightly brain-damaged, but absolutely loyal believers! Since the Demon Kings Army dares to poison my territory, I will absolutely not sit idly by! No matter the cost, I will save this city!"In that instant, even Haru felt as if wings had sprouted behind Aqua; she looked incredibly cool.Thus, at Haru's suggestion, the group formulated a city-wide hot spring inspection plan.Early the next morning, everyone split into four groups to conduct on-site inspections of hot spring areas of different levels across the city....By evening, the setting sun had dyed Alcanretiaorange-red. The group returned to the inn one after another to report the day's findings."The public bathhouse in the West District is normal. Although the water quality is a bit murky, that's just because there are too many people bathing." Kazuma yawned, looking exhausted."The open-air hot spring in the East District is also fine. There were even believers holding a Holy Water baptism inside; the scene was extremely chaotic." Yunyun reported with a red face, clearly having been dragged into it as well."The water source in the South District that I was responsible for is also very stable." Haru rubbed his sore legs and turned to look at Aqua, who was walking through the door with a smug expression, humming a little tune. "Aqua, what about your side?""Heh heh! As expected of me! The six large fountains and three luxury bathhouses in the North District are all brand new now!" Aqua puffed out her chest proudly. "I found that there were those disgusting purple deposits at the bottom of those pools, so I just purified them all! Now the water in those pools is so pure that even the water from the heavens can't compare!"Haru and Kazuma looked at each other, cold sweat instantly streaming down.Sure enough, before Aqua could finish bragging, earth-shattering roars and synchronized slogans came from outside the window:"Catch that blue-haired saboteur! She turned the North District's Fountain of Longevity into plain water!""My hair-growth hot spring! My hair! That crazy woman purified all my hope away!""The shame of the Axis Order! Hang her in the square to be exposed to the sun!""Hey!!!" Haru and Kazuma roared at Aqua in unison. "You aren't saving the believers at all; you are physically eliminating your own cult! Except for the places you handled, the hot springs all over the city are perfectly normal, okay? The Demon Kings Armyhasn't even made a move, and you've already torn down the reputation of Alcanretia!""Eh? Eh eh eh?! Why is it like this! I was clearly doing it out of kindness!"Aqua let out her familiar wail once again.Inside the hotel room, Haru stood by the window, watching the fanatics below waving torches and shouting for the return of their hair-growth hot spring, his brows furrowed into a frown."Something's not right, something is very wrong." Haru muttered to himself, his fingers tapping the window sill unconsciously. "The Demon Kings Armyisn't here for a vacation in Alcanretia. If they really wanted to destroy this city, they wouldn't just spit in a few public bathhouses and call it a day. The fact that all the hot springs performed so normally today is the biggest anomaly in itself."He turned his head abruptly, staring fixedly at Aqua, who was squatting on the floor."Aqua, let me ask you, does the city's hot spring system have a common main source? You know, the kind of core spring where 'if you take a leak in it, everyone in the city can smell it'?"Aqua shuddered at Haru's scum-like gaze and answered subconsciously: "Eh? What's with that vulgar analogy... However, it does exist. The Great Holy Spring behind the mountain is the gathering point for all the branch springs. It contains the richest natural magic power and is also the place where my divine power is most easily sensed."As expected! A flash of insight appeared in Haru's eyes.The Demon Kings Army was likely planning to poison the main source.Once they succeeded, all the hot springs in the entire Alcanretia would instantly turn into deadly poison pools, and it would be too late to purify them."Tonight, Aqua, you're coming with me. We need to go check out that Great Holy Spring."Haru said while beginning to check his equipment."I'm going too!" Kazuma was the first to jump up, his eyes flashing with a light called 'kindred spirit'. "Sneaking into the mountain spring in the middle of the night? Haru, have you finally opened your eyes? There must be many high-society ladies doing midnight Holy Water baptisms in that kind of place! Take me with you, my [Lurk] and [Farsight] will definitely come in handy!""And me!" Darkness's cheeks flushed, her breathing quickened. "Sneaking into a restricted area in the middle of the night, getting caught by guards, and then being tied to a tree and humiliated as a perverted voyeur... For this kind of mission, please be sure to let me be the vanguard!""Rejected!" Haru slapped Kazuma across the face without mercy and kicked the approaching Darknessback into her blanket. "Both of you listen to me, this kind of peeking... *cough*, this kind of secret investigation, the more people there are, the bigger the target. Especially Kazuma, your sleazy aura can be smelled by dogs from a hundred meters away; and Darkness, your heavy armor sounds no different from a demolition crew when you walk. So, it's best if only I and this Intellectual Disabled Goddess go. Although she has no brains, her sensing of water is off the charts.""Hey! Who are you calling brainless! I am a goddess! A goddess!" Aqua clamored in dissatisfaction, but was quickly silenced by Haru."Haru! You bastard, you definitely want to hog all the midnight benefits for yourself!" Kazumascratched the floor in frustration. "What's the point of bringing an idiot! Other than turning hot springs into plain water, what else can she do! Take me! I promise not to steal your spot!"Haru ignored Kazuma's loser wailing. He grabbed Aqua by the collar, skillfully vaulted out the window, and sped toward the back mountain under the cover of night."Listen, Aqua." Haru lowered his voice, moving quickly through the dense forest. "When we get there, no matter what you see, you are not allowed to scream loudly.""Hmph, you don't need to tell me that." Aqua rarely didn't retort. Her eyes, which were glowing slightly in the dark, stared fixedly at the direction of the mountain peak, and her tone became somewhat cold. "I can already smell it... that sickening, fishy sweetness that is desecrating my Holy Watersource. Those bastards from the Demon Kings Armyactually dared to put poison in my bathwater... *cough*, in my Great Holy Spring!"
Chapter 146: Late Night Battle of WitsThe moonlight was as clear as water, spilling over the Great Holy Spring on the mountain behind Alcanretia.This place was not only the source of all the hot springs in the city, but also the holiest sanctuary in the hearts of the Axis Cultists.However, at this moment, this sacred body of water was being shrouded by a spine-chilling, evil aura.Haru and Aqua were lying prone in the bushes less than ten meters from the spring source.Haru firmly pressed down on the back of Aqua's head, his other hand covering her mouth like an iron clamp, because right in front of them, a man with long golden hair and wearing a sophisticated suit was smiling with a blissful, perverted expression as he thrust his entire right hand deep into the gushing spring source.Following his actions, the originally clear spring water instantly rippled with eerie purple rings, accompanied by a sizzling sound of corrosion."Mmph! Mmph mph!"Aqua struggled frantically in Haru's arms, her eyes nearly popping out of their sockets; she looked as if she desperately wanted to rush forward and gnaw that man's hand off."Shut up! You idiot, be quiet!" Haru leaned into her ear and roared in a low voice, his tone filled with unquestionable, scum-like authority. "Are you stupid? That guy clearly isn't just some regular tourist; with this level of magical fluctuation, he's probably a Demon Kings Army General! Do you want to jump out now and serve yourself as his afternoon tea? Stay put, and once he's done poisoning it and leaves, we'll clean up the mess!"Perhaps sensing the low pressure radiating from Haru—which was even more terrifying than the Demon Kings Army—Aqua finally shrank her neck and quieted down, eyes brimming with tears. However, her eyes, which were fixed on the spring source, were filled with the determination that she would scrub this pool a hundred times once he left.The golden-haired man—Hans—did not seem to notice the presence of these two lurkers.He elegantly withdrew his right hand, which had turned deep purple, shook the Slime off his fingertips, and let out a satisfied chuckle."Heh heh, by tomorrow morning, this city will become the most perfect poisonous paradise. Those lunatics of the Axis Order shall serve as the sacrifice for my promotion."After saying this, he transformed into a purple afterimage and disappeared into the depths of the fog-filled forest.After confirming that Hans had gone far away, Haruabruptly let go of Aqua."Go, Pika... cough, go, Aqua! Fulfill your only purpose and clean this pool for me!""Sacred High Purification!!!" Aqua rushed to the edge of the spring, practically roaring.This time, she did not skimp on any magic power. A brilliant, dazzling holy light illuminated the entire mountain behind them like daytime, and those purple toxins that hadn't yet flowed downstream were completely evaporated under the goddess's fury.She cast Purification Magic over and over again until the spring water became purer than distilled water, and even the pebbles at the bottom of the pool were washed until they sparkled."Huff... huff... Haru, there isn't... there isn't a single drop of poison left."Aqua collapsed by the side of the spring, her face pale, but her tone filled with the pleasure of revenge....When the two returned to the inn, it was already late at night.After hearing Haru's vivid description, Wiz, who had been lying there like a dead fish, sat up abruptly, a look of extreme terror on her face."Golden hair... suit... can transform part of his body into a poisonous Slime..." Wiz's voice was trembling. "Mr. Lin Jin, Lady Aqua, that person... that person is one of the Demon Kings Army Generals, the Poison Slime Hans! He is my... former colleague. He possesses extremely strong physical immunity, and as long as a single drop of his body remains in the water source, he can regenerate infinitely!"The room instantly erupted into chaos."Huh? A Demon Kings Army General?!" Kazumajumped straight off the bed and began packing his luggage with practiced movements. "Haru, let's just split our gear and go our separate ways. That's a Slime, you know? Physical attacks are ineffective, and it's poisonous too. This simply isn't something that Adventurers from a newbie village like us can handle!""A Slime..." Darkness, however, revealed an extremely suspicious, flushed expression, cupping her face with both hands. "That kind of monster that dissolves clothes, is all slimy, and even crawls into the gaps of one's armor... is actually a Demon Kings Army General? Ah... Alcanretia, you truly are the City of Dreams!""Shut up, all of you! Let me think.""Got it! After Hans poisons the water, if he finds the town is fine the next day, he will definitely go to poison it again at night. So, we just need to arrange for Aqua to wait there. Once Hans finishes poisoning it, Aqua goes to purify it. Wouldn't that solve the problem without needing to confront Hansdirectly?"In the small inn room, the atmosphere, which had been tense to the breaking point, fell into a deathly silence the moment Haru stated that genius plan."Wait, Haru, you mean..." Kazuma put down the luggage he had already packed and asked tentatively, "We're not going to fight him? We're just going to let him poison it, then wait for him to leave before cleaning up? Playing this sanitation worker game of 'you throw the trash, I clean it up' every night?""Exactly." Haru crossed his legs and revealed an extremely scum-like, slothful smile. "Taking on a Demon Kings Army General head-on is something for heroes to do; we're just Adventurers here on vacation. That guy Hans thinks he's being subtle, but as long as we don't show ourselves, he'll just keep thinking the dosage isn't high enough. Since he wants to keep poisoning it, let him poison it to his heart's content. After all, Aqua's magic power is infinite, right?""Whoa! Haru, your idea is amazing!" Aqua jumped up excitedly, completely unaware that she was about to become a humanoid, self-propelled water purifier. "This is what you call a righteous tug-of-war! I'm going to use my infinite divine power to completely drain that Slime dry!""Tch, although it sounds cowardly, it unexpectedly fits our style." Megumin put down her staff with some disappointment. "I was hoping to see the magnificent sight of a Slime melting in a giant fireball.""No... no fighting?" Darkness appeared exceptionally dejected, her whole demeanor darkening. "I was looking forward to being enveloped by that giant Slime, having my whole body corroded by Slime, my clothes becoming tattered... that pleasure of being personally ravished by a Demon Kings Army General...""Go back to your dreams and wait for that!"Haru delivered a hand chop to the top of Darkness's head.Thus, over the next few days, Alcanretia staged an unprecedented and extremely absurd late-night battle of wits.Monday Night: Haru brought Aqua. Hans hummed a little tune while spitting into the spring water. After Hans left, Aqua grumbled and cursed while scrubbing the pool until it reflected light.Tuesday Night: Kazuma brought Aqua. Hansrealized the poison from yesterday didn't seem to work, so he increased the dosage, even dumping a glob of his main body into the water. After Hans left, Aqua retched while casting an enhanced version of Purification.Wednesday Night: Darkness brought Aqua. Hanshad already started doubting his life; he roared at the spring source, "Why! Why is it still plain water the next day!", and then frantically poured poison into the water. After Hans left, Aqua not only purified the water, but also incidentally purified Darkness, who was hiding nearby trying to get splashed by the toxic water, leaving her feeling refreshed.By Friday night, everyone in the inn was gathered around to watch Hans's current situation via Wiz's crystal ball.In the crystal ball, Hans's originally flowing golden hair had become sparse and withered, his sophisticated suit hung wrinkled on his body, and he had lost a significant amount of weight. He was kneeling by the Great Holy Spring, letting out a mournful cry to the moon:"Impossible... this is impossible! I am a Poison Slime! My toxins are enough to corrode a dragon! Why... why is the hot spring in this city not only not smelling, but becoming increasingly sweet to the taste?! Could it be... could it be that I am actually a mutant variant of a Purified Water Slime?!"Watching Hans's near-breakdown state, Harucalmly took a sip of the Holy Water that Aqua had just "produced":"See? I told you this psychological torture method is much more effective than violence. Aqua, it's Yunyun's turn to go with you tonight. Remember to add a bit more magic power; I see he still has some spirit left. Try to make him doubt his own species tonight.""No problem! Watch me! Sacred High Purification!!!" Aqua was already addicted to playing; she now felt that this game of "you poison, I clean" was even more fun than Natures Beauty.Wiz, watching from the side as her former colleague was tortured into this state, had a large drop of cold sweat running down her forehead:"Um... Mr. Lin Jin, Mr. Hans really looks like he's about to go crazy... If he discovers the truth, there might be a very terrifying, explosive mutation..."
Chapter 147: Blow Him Into a Puddle of Purple Potion!The air in the inn room seemed to freeze in that instant.Wiz's already pale complexion was now nearly transparent, her hands wringing together uneasily, her voice as faint as a mosquito's buzz yet every word was chilling."Mr. Hans... he is not human. He is one of the very few mutant Poison Slimes in the Demon King's Army. His body is the most virulent poison; if he wishes, he can instantly expand to cover the entire Great Holy Spring, dissolving and absorbing every living creature he touches... Furthermore, he absolutely hates it when people disturb him while he is feeding (poisoning)...""What did you say?!" Haru sprang up from his chair, his expression changing drastically. "Isn't that physical attack immunity plus infinite regeneration? Whose turn was it to accompany Aqua today?!""It, it's Dust..." Kazuma also realized the severity of the problem and swallowed hard. "That yellow-haired punk who only knows how to brag in the tavern and doesn't even have a decent magic weapon? Against a Slime, besides turning himself into an extra serving of protein, he has absolutely no way to fight back!""Damn it! Let's go!" Haru grabbed the staff from the table, not even having time to put on his coat. "Hanshas been tortured by us for four consecutive days; his mental state is on the verge of collapse! If he discovers Dust and Aqua washing the floor nearby tonight, he will definitely go berserk and reveal his true form on the spot!"On the main road of Alcanretia in the night, several figures were running wildly in a panic.Haru ran at the very front, waving his staff in his hand like a poker used to clear a path."Halt! Late-night curfew, large-scale group running is prohibited!"Several soldiers wearing fine armor, with the holy seal of the Eris Order tattooed on their chests, suddenly leveled their spears, blocking everyone's path."Tsk, to think we'd run into the rarest normal people in this city at a time like this?" Kazuma stopped abruptly, panting. "Haru, quick! Use that trick of yours—tell them you're Lady Aqua's secret messenger to bluff them!"Haru wiped away some sweat, put on an inviolable, holy expression, and pointed at the mountaintop, shouting:"My fellow devout believers! Goddess Aqua just appeared in my dream and said there is an evil Slime in the mountains behind us desecrating the water source. If you don't let us pass, tomorrow's hot spring water will turn into foot-washing water for the Eris Order!"If it had been ordinary Axis Cultists, they would probably have knelt down to kiss Haru's soles by now.However, the soldiers opposite just coldly raised their eyebrows, and the spears in their hands lowered even further:"Enough nonsense. We are guards of the Eris Orderassigned by the Royal Capital to protect the Great Holy Spring. We've seen plenty of lunatics from the Axis Order. One more step forward, and we will arrest all of you for disturbing the public peace!""Damn it, these guys are stubborn!" Haru cursed under his breath.Just then, Darkness, who had been running at the very back, suddenly rushed to the front.She ripped open her cloak, revealing her shining gold Crusader heavy armor, as well as the family crest hanging around her neck that symbolized her status as top-tier nobility."Stand down! I am the eldest daughter of the Dustiness Family, Lalatina Ford Dustiness!" Darkness's voice echoed in the night sky, carrying a kind of dignity never seen on her in daily life (though her face was still abnormally red). "A disaster of Demon King's Army level has indeed occurred in the mountains behind us. As a follower of eris, I stake my family honor on this—can you bear the consequences if you delay the battle?!"The soldiers looked at each other, intimidated by the aura of this perverted noble, and hurriedly retracted their spears, saluted, and let them pass.Everyone didn't bother with thanks and ran wildly up the rugged mountain road.Before they even reached the Great Holy Spring, a thick, suffocating, fishy-sweet smell rushed toward them, and immediately after, a scream of extreme misery pierced the silent night sky:"Awooooo! Help! My clothes! My handsome face! Haru! Kazuma! Save me quickly, I'm going to be melted by this blob of purple snot, aaaaaah!"That was Dust's voice.The moment Haru rushed out of the dense forest, the scene before him made him gasp.The once clear Great Holy Spring had completely disappeared, replaced by a massive, translucent gelatinous object three stories high, emitting an eerie purple light throughout.Hans had completely revealed his true form.His massive body was like a constantly writhing black hole, tightly enveloping the spring.And the unlucky Dust was being curled in mid-air by a purple tentacle; his prized leather jacket had already begun to smoke and dissolve, revealing his white belly.On the other side of the Slime, Aqua was sitting on the ground wailing:"Waaaaaaah! Haru, you finally came! This blonde man suddenly got bigger and said he wanted to eat me, the master of purification, as afternoon tea! My Holy Water has absolutely no effect on him; his toxin concentration right now is higher than a septic tank!"The air around the Great Holy Spring was filled with a pungent, fishy smell that reminded one of expired, spoiled grape juice.That three-story-high giant purple jelly—the Poison Slime Hans—was waving dozens of translucent tentacles, and the unlucky Dust was being curled by one of them in mid-air.His originally somewhat dashing yellow hair was now as messy as a chicken coop, half his face was swollen like a purple eggplant, and he kept foaming at the mouth."Oh my, isn't this Axel's famous number one scum, Dust?" Kazuma stood with his hands on his hips, looking at Dust hanging in mid-air. Not only did he feel no sympathy, but he also revealed an extremely scum-like smile. "How come I haven't seen you in a few days, and you've gone from a tavern overlord to Slime reserve rations? That leather jacket you bought at a street stall looks like it's about to be digested; do you need me to take a picture of you as a souvenir?""Ka... Kazuma! Haru! Stop talking nonsense and save me! Hurry!" Dust struggled desperately in mid-air, letting out a pig-like scream. "Not only does this thing have bad breath, but its body is also full of strong acid! If my handsome face is ruined, how will I be able to pick up the young ladies at the guild in the future?!"The giant Slime let out a deafening roar. A crack split open where its originally blurry face was, and Hans's voice, filled with resentment and anger, came from within:"Shut up! You lowly humans! It's because of you that the toxins I spent half a month cultivating have been diluted into mineral water! I am going to stuff all of you into my stomach and let you slowly become a part of my body while you wail!"Hans's tentacles suddenly paused. His huge purple compound eyes stared fixedly at Wiz, who was hiding behind Haru, his tone revealing a hint of unconcealable wariness:"Wiz... you traitor! As a Demon King's Army General, you are actually hanging out with this bunch of monkeys? Are you planning to make an enemy of me, your old colleague, for the sake of these humans?"Wiz shuddered at Hans's aura, her translucent body appearing even thinner in the moonlight.She waved her hands desperately, tears welling up in her eyes:"No, no, no, no! Mr. Hans, you've misunderstood! I, I'm just a passing-by, struggling magic item shop owner! I have always upheld the principle of absolute neutrality and will absolutely not participate in any battles! Please, please just treat me like air!"Hearing Wiz say this, Hans was stunned for a moment, then burst into arrogant laughter, his massive gelatinous body trembling violently from the laughter:"Hahahaha! As expected of that cowardly Ice Witch! Since you aren't interfering, then these few newbie-level trash can just obediently become my nutrients!"Hans suddenly heaved his massive body, and countless thorny tentacles smashed down toward the group like a rainstorm.Haru looked at the sky-covering purple shadow, then looked at Kazuma beside him, who was already starting to look for an escape route.The two exchanged a glance in a split second; it was a kind of deep resonance between scum and scumthat transcended dimensions.Their lips moved in unison at the exact same second, uttering one word:"Run!!!"Haru and Kazuma turned around almost simultaneously, putting on a burst of speed like a hundred-meter sprint, ready to make a run for it. However,Before they could take their first step, their foreheads slammed heavily into a cold, hard, and fanatical-smelling wall of flesh."Ouch!"Haru clutched his nose and retreated three steps, looked up, and saw Darkness blocking the only path for retreat, as steady as a mountain.This Crusader's cheeks were flushed red, her eyes unfocused, and a suspicious glint of saliva even hung from the corner of her mouth as she growled in an extremely excited voice:"Where are you going? That virulent poison strong enough to dissolve steel, that massive, viscous, aggressive body... Ah! This is the final destination I have dreamed of! Haru! Kazuma! Push me into the center of that Slime! Let me endure that endless torment in your place!""Hey! You pervert, stop blocking the way!" Kazumadesperately shoved Darkness's unmoving body. "That thing will kill people! It will really kill people!"Haru watched the purple tentacles that had already closed in before his eyes, then looked at Darkness, who was in a state of ecstasy and impossible to communicate with. He took a deep breath and slammed his staff onto the ground."Dammit, we can't run. Since that's the case, Aqua! Stop crying! Give Darkness every defensive buff you have! Megumin, find some high ground and start chanting! Since he wants to play big, we'll blow him into a puddle of purple potion!"