Chapter 38: Welcoming Our ParadiseHaru stood at the city gate, looking back at that lonely and arrogant figure.Megumin's chant echoed across the plains, each syllable heavy with magical pressure:"Darker than black, darker than Darkness, I entrust my deep crimson to this. The time of awakening has come, descend into the realm of absurdity, manifest as formless distortion!"Following the chant, a massive red magic circle appeared in the sky. The swarm of red cabbages, which had been flying about wildly, seemed to sense a destructive threat and began to scatter in panic, but in the face of that overwhelming magical pressure, all struggle was futile."[ Explosion ] (Explosion Magic)!!!"A pillar of red light that pierced the heavens and earth erupted in the center of the plain.In that instant, the intense light forced everyone to close their eyes, followed immediately by a deafening roar and a shockwave that swept through everything.Countless wild cabbages were instantly vaporized in the light, turning to ash before they could even let out a scream.The heatwave swept past, and Haru felt that even the silk underwear beneath his robe was toasted warm by this heat.When the smoke cleared, the once dense tide of cabbages had vanished, replaced by a massive, charred crater, and the faint scent of... charcoal-grilled vegetables in the air."Phew... ninety-five points... today's Explosion... was art..."Megumin fell straight forward like a broken puppet, a look of extreme satisfaction and emptiness on her face.Haru stepped forward, picked her up like a kitten, threw her onto Kazuma's back, and then looked at the experience points shimmering all over the ground, revealing a satisfied smile.As the sun set, the Adventurers Guild in Axel was brightly lit. In addition to the usual scent of ale, the air carried a rich, scorched smell of grass from the high heat.Haru led his battered group, and under the awed (mostly looking at a lunatic) gazes of the crowd, he slammed dozens of heavy wooden boxes onto the checkout counter."Miss Luna, let's settle the bill. This is our team's hard-earned money for today." Haru wiped the dust from his face. Although he looked a bit disheveled, the sharp glint in his eyes constantly reminded him—I am a rich man now.Miss Luna wiped the cold sweat from her forehead and skillfully pried open the first wooden box."Okay, let me see... one, two, three... eh?" Her movements suddenly froze. She pushed up the glasses on the bridge of her nose and pulled a green plant out of the box that looked fresh but somewhat "slender." "Um... Mr. Lin Jin, this is lettuce, right?""Huh?" Haru was stunned.Miss Luna immediately pried open the second and third boxes. Among the expected green gold coins, a large amount of this cheap vegetable, which was crisp in texture but almost worthless in the market, was mixed in."This box... is all lettuce. This box... half is cabbage, half is lettuce. And this box, it actually has a few large radishes stuffed inside?"Haru's neck turned stiffly, making a creaking sound like a rusty spring, as he stared fixedly at Aqua, who was holding a bottle of unpaid ale and planning to drink it herself."Aq—ua—! Explain to me, what is going on with this lettuce? I remember you were responsible for the final packing and cleaning!""Pfft—!" Aqua spat out a mouthful of wine, her eyes drifting toward the ceiling, her fingers twisting the hem of her clothes uneasily. "Th-that... Haru, listen to my explanation! The wind was so strong, there was green stuff flying everywhere, and they looked so similar! And... and I saw them lying in the mud, looking so pitiful, so I just... just picked them up! Anyway, they're all vegetables, they taste about the same, right!""They taste very different, you idiot goddess!" Kazuma threw Megumin off his back onto the bench, jumped up, grabbed Aqua by the neck, and shook her frantically. "Cabbage is 10,000 eris, lettuce is less than 100 eris! You turned our gold mine into a garbage dump!""Waaah! Stop shaking! My brains are going to shake out! Haru, help! Kazuma is going to kill a god!"Haru took a deep breath, resisting the urge to smash Aqua's head with his staff. He looked at Miss Luna, his voice trembling: "Then... excluding this trash, how much is the rest worth?"Miss Luna gave a professional, comforting smile and pointed to the last special box that Haru had personally guarded, which was emitting a faint golden light: "Fortunately, this supreme large meat cabbage is genuine. Adding the remaining sixty ordinary cabbages, as well as those red cabbages that were scorched by Miss Megumin but can still be recycled... the total reward is: 1,100,000 eris!"Hearing this number, Haru's tense nerves instantly relaxed.Although it was hundreds of thousands less than expected, in this starter village where the average daily income was less than 1,000 eris, 1,100,000 was already a huge sum, enough to make everyone kneel and call him daddy."Hmph, in light of this one million, Aqua, you are allowed to order two bottles of high-grade liquor tonight." Haru took the heavy money bag and tossed a stack to Kazuma. "Take it, go change those clothes of yours that smell like vegetables. As for the rest, I, as the captain, am going to perform some 'reasonable asset allocation'.""Oh oh oh! Haru! You really are the most loyal... no, you are the greatest captain of the Axis Order!" Aqua instantly revived, happily rushing towards the drink menu.Darkness, on the other hand, lowered her head in disappointment: "Actually... actually, I didn't receive a severe punishment from the captain for mixing in the lettuce? Even though I was already prepared to accept the shameful play of being sold to a vegetable shop as a laborer for dereliction of duty...""Darkness, you are responsible for eating all those dozens of boxes of lettuce tonight. No leftovers allowed. That is your punishment."Haru issued the order expressionlessly."Ugh! This kind of... this kind of simple yet cruel torture of having my body filled with large amounts of fiber... the captain is truly understanding!" Darkness covered her face, her body trembling again.Haru ignored this group of problem children. He took the Succubus Shop membership card he had swiped from the Silver-Haired Lion's wallet out of his pocket and gave Kazuma a wink.Kazuma immediately understood. Amidst the noisy background of the guild, the two men revealed an extremely synchronized and lecherous smile.Night fell, and pedestrians on the streets of Axelgradually decreased, with only the sounds of noisy finger-guessing games coming from the taverns.On the road to a quiet alley in a corner of the town, two sneaking figures were walking side by side."Hey, Haru." Kazuma lowered his voice, looking left and right like a thief, and only breathed a sigh of relief after confirming that the blue-haired idiot, the Crimson Demon Clan loli, or the perverted knight were not following them. "Let's get this straight, today is a holy gentleman's night. Although you swiped that membership card from those elite monsters, I was the one who found it. So...""So what?" Haru raised an eyebrow, his robe swaying gently in the night wind. The dignity of a captain vanished at this moment, replaced by a kind of lecherous smile that only men understand. "Are you trying to say, don't mess with you like I usually do? For example, when you fill out the ideal type questionnaire, secretly changing 'older sister' to 'Aqua'?""Don't mention that name! That's a nightmare!" Kazuma shuddered, a look of horror appearing on his face, then he grabbed Haru's shoulders seriously. "I'm serious! Today we are comrades-in-arms! We are accomplices! There must be absolutely no backstabbing! If you wake me up when I'm having a sweet dream, or if you only order one set meal to save money and then let me watch you enjoy it... I'll fight you to the death!""Don't worry, Kazuma." Haru patted the back of his hand, his tone as sincere as if he were taking an oath in a church. "I am also a man, and I also crave that... that gentle paradise that only exists in fantasy. Today, there are no schemes, no perversions, only pure enjoyment. I swear, if I cheat you today, let me be reincarnated as a believer of the Axis Order in my next life.""Hiss—you dare to make such a poisonous oath?" Kazuma gasped, the suspicion in his eyes finally dissipating, replaced by tears of emotion. "Good brother! I knew that although you are usually a bit perverted, you are still reliable at critical moments! Let's go! Let us go and welcome our paradise!"PS: Whether I can graduate depends on you brothers!!! Remember to add it to your bookshelf and comment a lot, brothers!!!
Chapter 39: The Two AlliesWith their arms around each other's shoulders, the two of them turned into that legendary alleyway with light steps.It was a building that looked quite ordinary, with an inconspicuous sign hanging at the door depicting a tail with a heart shape.Pushing the door open, a faint sweet fragrance wafted towards them, the soft lighting forming a sharp contrast with the pitch-black street outside."Welcome~ This is the Succubus Cafe, providing sweet dreams for weary Adventurers~" A scantily clad Succubus with small black wings on her back greeted them with a smile.Kazuma's eyes instantly bugged out, and drool almost spilled from his mouth.Although Haru still maintained a shred of sanity, his heart couldn't help but speed up a few beats."Two, two of us! We want the highest-tier package!" Kazuma slammed his coin purse onto the counter, full of bravado. "I have a membership card! The kind... the kind that allows for customized special services!"The Succubus took the card and glanced at it, her gaze becoming even more alluring. "Oh my, a distinguished VIP guest. Well then, please follow me, gentlemen. We need you to fill out a detailed wish list~ No matter what kind of partner you want, what kind of setting, or even... what kind of playstyle, you can write it all down."The two were led to two adjacent private booths.Holding the fragrant parchment and quill, Haru and Kazuma exchanged a look, both seeing the fire in each other's eyes."Haru, remember our oath." Kazuma clenched his fist."Of course. Tonight, there is only joy." Haru nodded solemnly.Then, the two quickly ducked into their respective booths and began writing furiously.Inside the booth, the air was filled with a subtle scent—a mix of testosterone and pink fantasies.Haru held the lightly scented quill, his gaze more focused than ever, as if he were drafting a magical contract that would decide the fate of the world."Target: It must be her... that legendary actress with the 'God's Tongue' and 'Miraculous Plumpness'—Teacher Hatano!" He wrote the name heavily on the parchment, every stroke infused with his long-suppressed homesickness and gentlemanly soul in this other world."Setting: A Showa-style hot spring inn, cherry blossoms drifting outside the window, and she's wearing that classic deep blue yukata, kneeling on the tatami pouring wine for me...""Plot: No need for unnecessary words, just that gentle gaze and that classic line, 'You've worked hard today, let me heal you properly...'"After writing the last word, Haru let out a long sigh of relief, as if he had completed a great work of art.He carefully blew the ink dry and pushed open the booth door to step out.Almost at the same time, the door to the neighboring booth opened as well.Kazuma walked out with a dreamy look, a trace of suspicious crystal-clear liquid hanging from the corner of his mouth, clutching the parchment tightly as if it were a ticket to heaven.The two met in the hallway, their gazes meeting in mid-air, generating a spark that only true gentlemen could decipher."Finished writing?" Haru raised an eyebrow, his tone carrying a hint of testing."Finished." Kazuma took a deep breath, his eyes determined. "This is my lifelong dream, my only spiritual pillar in this other world full of idiots and perverts.""Since we both swore not to screw each other over..." Haru suddenly lowered his voice and leaned closer to Kazuma. "Want to... exchange and take a look? I want to confirm if your taste, as my teammate, is worthy of me."Kazuma hesitated for a moment but then revealed a 'you get it, I get it' smile. "Fine! I also want to see what kind of dark desires are hidden deep inside the heart of the usually serious and Kichiku Haru!""One, two, three, exchange!"The two pieces of parchment swapped owners in the air.Haru looked down at Kazuma's paper, and his gaze instantly froze."Target: That legendary home tutor... Teacher Yui Hatano!""Setting: An empty classroom after school, with the sun setting..."Meanwhile, Kazuma looked at Haru's paper, his eyes widening like copper bells, his mouth forming an 'O' shape."Target: That legendary hot spring landlady... Teacher Yui Hatano!"The air seemed to stand still at this moment.The next second, the two men jerked their heads up, their eyes filled with shock, emotion, and the burning light of finding a soulmate."Haru... you bastard..." Kazuma's voice trembled, his eyes moistening. "So... so you like Teacher Hatanotoo! And from that most classic period!""Kazuma..." Haru tightly grasped Kazuma's hands, as if he had found a long-lost brother. "I never expected to meet a kindred spirit with such refined taste in this other world! Goddesses, Crimson Demon Clan geniuses—they're all just passing clouds compared to Teacher Hatano!""Exactly! That all-encompassing maternity! That acting which, though it's just a performance, feels incredibly real! That is the ultimate healing we seek!" Kazuma was incoherent with excitement. "Haru! From today on, you are my brother from another mother! As long as I have a bite to eat, you'll never lack a sip of wine!""Good brother!" Haru was also moved to tears. "To celebrate our friendship's sublimation, I've decided to change that line you wrote about 'hoping to be lightly punished by the teacher's pointer' to 'hoping to be severely punished by the teacher's pointer.' That fits your masochistic potential much better!""Hey! What happened to not screwing each other over!" Kazuma instantly broke character, trying to snatch back the parchment. "And that was 'lightly'! It's foreplay! Not perversion!""Oh, don't sweat the details." Haru smiled and dodged. "Anyway, as long as it's Teacher, anything goes, right?"Just as the two were having a joyful argument that only men could understand—about 'lightly' versus'severely'—the Succubus smiled and walked over, taking the two pieces of parchment."Both of your wishes are very... well, very deep." The Succubus looked at the content; although she didn't quite understand who "Teacher Hatano" was, she still gave a professionally suggestive smile. "Rest assured, we will tailor the most perfect dream for you based on your descriptions. Tonight, please be sure to lock your doors and windows and await our arrival~"The two exchanged a look and once again revealed a knowing, lewd smile.Late at night, the air in Axel was filled with a restless yet expectant silence.Haru and Satou Kazuma, the two men who had just established the Hatano Alliance, were each lying on their beds in the inn in extremely strange and stiff postures.To ensure the dream wouldn't be disturbed, Haruhad even stuffed three layers of soundproofing cotton into the door gap, while Kazuma had placed a ring of supposedly calming, cheap incense around his bed."Whew... calm down, Haru. You're a highly educated Reincarnator; you can't act like a middle schooler who's never seen the world. Even if it is Teacher Hatano... even if it's a hot spring inn... even if it's a yukata..." Haru stared at the ceiling, his heartbeat deafening in the silent room.However, what the two didn't know was that at this moment, on the roof of the inn, an accident was occurring that was worthy of being recorded in Axel's history of bad luck.A Succubus with a graceful figure, preparing to carry out her mission, was crouching breathlessly by the chimney, holding two order forms with a conflicted expression."Dammit... what kind of weird Barrier did that blue-haired archpriest set up around this inn?! That sacred aura is ridiculously pure; it almost charred my wings!"Because Aqua had a sudden whim before bed to prevent dirty things from disturbing her sleep (actually, she was just afraid of mosquitoes), she had casually released an enhanced version of a Barrier in the center of the lobby.This resulted in one of the two succubi originally scheduled to come fainting and being carried away as soon as she approached the inn, unable to withstand the pressure of that idiot goddess's aura.The remaining Succubus looked at the two orders in her hand, then at the reality that she was the only one who had successfully infiltrated, and fell into deep thought."The requests of these two guests... Teacher Hatano? I don't know who that is, but based on the descriptions, it seems to be the same person. In that case, to save on essence consumption, I'll just pull their consciousnesses into the same public dream space. Since the scenes will switch fast enough anyway, they probably won't notice each other..."
Chapter 40: Chasing in the Same DreamThe Succubus slapped her thigh, closed her eyes, and a powerful wave of mental interference instantly covered the room of Haru and Kazuma....Haru felt his consciousness blur, and immediately after, the scent of warm spring water drifted into his nostrils.He opened his eyes and found himself wearing a loose yukata, sitting inside a hot spring inn room filled with a Showa-era atmosphere.Outside the window, pink cherry blossom petals were drifting down leisurely, landing on the wooden floor of the corridor."It's here... Is this the starting point of my dream?" Haru nervously adjusted his collar, and just then, the door was gently pushed open.A figure wearing a dark blue yukata, with long hair draped over her shoulders and eyes so gentle they could melt one's heart, slowly walked in.That face, those familiar contours—it was none other than Teacher Hatano, the one who haunted Haru's dreams!"Mr. Lin Jin, you've worked hard today. The hot spring is ready. Let me... properly heal you."Just as Haru was preparing to flash an elegant smile and take her hand, he suddenly noticed that Teacher Hatano seemed to be carrying something on her back... a blackboard eraser?Before Haru could figure it out, the wall on the other side of the room suddenly began to shake violently, like a malfunctioning holographic projection.Where there should have been an exquisite folding screen, a scarred desk had appeared out of thin air, along with... Satou Kazuma, who was sticking his butt out, wearing a lewd grin, and holding a pointer!"Hehehe... Teacher! Please, you must punish me severely with that pointer! I didn't bring my homework today; I'm a bad student!" Kazumashouted with his eyes closed, clearly unaware that he had clipped through the reality of the scene.The air froze completely at that moment.Teacher Hatano's gentle expression also froze. She looked at the bewildered Haru, then at Kazuma, who was still sticking his butt out waiting for punishment, and finally at the pointer that had inexplicably appeared in her hand, pointing directly at Kazuma's butt."Eh? Is this scene... perhaps a private tutor at a hot spring inn?" Teacher Hatano asked, her voice full of professionalism yet tinged with confusion."Sa—tou—Ka—zu—ma—! What are you doing in my hot spring?!" Haru finally exploded, grabbing a sake cup from the table and throwing it at him."Wah! Who threw that?!" Kazuma snapped his eyes open. Seeing Haru in a yukata with a murderous look on his face, along with the teacher of his dreams, he was completely stunned. "Lin, Haru?! Why are you in my classroom? And why aren't you wearing any clothes (referring to the yukata)? Could it be... could it be that you're the bad student who's supposed to be punished by the teacher?!""This is my hot spring inn! Get out, you pervert with a pointer!"In the steam-filled dream space, the sulfur smell of the hot spring and the chalk dust smell of the classroom mixed strangely, creating an absurdity that would instantly shatter the sanity of any normal person.Haru looked at Kazuma, who was gripping the pointer tightly while half-submerged in the hot spring pool, took a deep breath, and forcibly suppressed the urge to retort."Listen, Kazuma. Things have reached this point; there is no turning back." Haru stood up with a solemn expression, his wet yukata clinging to his body, yet he radiated a tragic sense of martyrdom. "If we exit the dream now because of this minor collision, we won't just lose our money—we'll lose our dignity as men!"Kazuma was stunned. He looked at Haru, then turned to look at Teacher Hatano, who was gently pushing up her glasses while simultaneously undoing the sash of her yukata. His Adam's apple bobbed with difficulty. "B-but... the two of us together... this kind of script is way too advanced for another world! And our roles are in complete conflict!""Idiot! This is a crossover event!" Haru slammed his hand on the desk floating on the water, splashing a ring of water. "Since our kinks are the same, there's no need for competition, only double the pleasure! We can set it as... an after-school tutoring session held at a hot spring inn! You're the failing student, and I'm the... the sponsor who happened to pass by and decided to supervise your studies!"The look in Kazuma's eyes gradually shifted from confusion to clarity, and finally, a flame called determination ignited.He reached out with a trembling hand and gripped Haru's hand tightly. Their hands clasped above the hot spring, as if they were performing some kind of sacred transfer of power."Haru... you guy, you really are a total sadist." Kazuma gritted his teeth, his eyes moist with the emotion of being understood. "But I have to admit, you're right! In front of Teacher Hatano, all awkwardness can be overcome! From today on, we are no longer just comrades who despise each other... We are brothers who have transcended bloodlines, transcended dimensions, and are pursuing the truth in the same dream!""Good brother! I'll share half of my permissions with you right now!" Haru, also excited, squeezed back.Teacher Hatano, standing to the side, offered an extremely professional and tolerant smile. She parted her lips, her voice as sweet as a clear spring infused with honey: "Then, you two brothers, it's time for tutoring. Whether it's hot spring etiquette or the knowledge in textbooks, Teacher will... teach it to you little by little, in depth."As the teacher's voice trailed off, the chaotic dream space began to self-correct.The desk turned into a low table carved from mahogany, the blackboard turned into a folding screen printed with 'the sea of learning is boundless,' and the hot spring pool expanded enough to accommodate three people."Oh, oh, oh! The scene fusion was a success!" Kazuma let out a howl of joy, tossed the pointer aside, and dove headfirst into the hot spring. "Teacher! I don't understand what friction is; please, you must demonstrate it for me personally!""Hey! Kazuma, you're too cunning! I was here first!" Haru, no longer caring about maintaining his dignity, jumped directly into the pool and claimed the other side of the teacher. "Teacher, I also have questions about fluid mechanics that I would like to ask!"The Succubus watched this scene from the void, wiped the cold sweat from her forehead, and revealed an expression of relief: "Phew... although these two humans' kinks are very strange, they are surprisingly easy to handle. Just by putting them together, the output of life energy actually doubled? What incredible creatures..."The steam from the hot spring rose in curling wisps, rendering this dream space—half Japanese-style room, half classroom—increasingly hazy.Haru and Kazuma leaned against the pool wall side-by-side, the warm spring water soaking their weary bodies, long exhausted from running around in the other world. At this moment, any so-called awkwardness had long been cast to the nine heavens, replaced by a profundity known as the "ultimate tacit understanding between men.""Phew... Haru, I finally understand now why Adventurers risk their lives to make money." Kazuma tilted his head back, eyes closed, with an expression of pure ecstasy. "This isn't a dream; it's practically a baptism of the soul. Look at those cherry blossoms, look at the shimmering water, look at Teacher's... ahem, that wise gaze."Haru exhaled a breath of stale air in deep agreement, holding a cup of dream sake that had appeared out of nowhere. "That's why I say, Kazuma, you need to have a long-term vision. For a mere few eris, being able to buy this level of mental comfort is an absolute steal. Teacher, regarding the 'human anatomy' you mentioned earlier, I think we need more hands-on practical guidance."Teacher Hatano chuckled, the sound like silver bells ringing, and she elegantly moved her body, tracing a beautiful arc through the water, stopping between the two of them.Her dark blue yukata clung to her body, becoming semi-transparent in the water, outlining curves that would make any male creature spray blood from their nose on the spot."Since both students are so eager to learn, Teacher naturally cannot be stingy." Teacher extended her soft hands, placing one on Haru's shoulder and gently brushing her fingers through Kazuma's hair. "Then, shall we start by talking about the relationship between heartbeat and blood circulation? Please close your eyes and feel Teacher's palm..."PS: Where exactly is the limit for Tomato!!! I'm going to have a breakdown!!!!
Chapter 41: Teacher Hatano · Aqua"Oh, oh, oh! I can feel it! My blood is circulating like crazy! It's almost off the charts!" Kazuma was so excited he almost rolled around in the water, but he quickly realized something and snapped his head toward you. "Haru! As brothers, I'll let you experience the lesson on the left first, the right side is mine! Absolutely no stealing classes!""Why divide it into left and right at a time like this? We should progress together!" Haru retorted righteously, while taking the opportunity to lean closer to the teacher, feeling that dreamlike touch.In the void, the Succubus responsible for maintaining the dream was staring dumbfoundedly at the monitoring panel.The slot representing "Vitality Output" was soaring at an unscientific speed, almost breaking through the red line."Are... are these two guys really human?" The Succubus wiped the sweat from the tip of her nose, her face flushed. "This level of desire explosion is even more exaggerated than the cadres of the Demon Kings Army! And they are actually discussing mechanics and biology in their dreams... Although I don't understand it, it feels so amazing. Oh my, such high-quality vitality, it's a bumper harvest tonight!"In the dream, the tutoring had entered a white-hot stage."Teacher! Regarding gravitational acceleration, if I fall like this, will you catch me?" Kazuma leaned into the teacher's arms like a spoiled giant baby."Kazuma, that move is too old-fashioned!" Haru, not to be outdone, pointed at a copy of "Basic Magic Theory" floating on the water. "Teacher, the words on this are too small, I can't see them clearly. Could you please lean in closer... a little closer, and help me point them out?"Teacher Hatano displayed amazing tolerance. Like a true Madonna, at the boundary between the hot spring and the classroom, she patiently responded to the various unreasonable demands of the two "bad students."Cherry blossom petals fell into her hair, water droplets danced on her collarbone, and the entire dream space became increasingly stable due to the extreme excitement of the two, to the point where even the bird chirps outside the window became clearly audible."Haru..." During a break in studying, Kazuma gave Haru a thumbs up. "You are the most art-appreciating mage I have ever met in my life. From now on, whoever dares to call you perverted, I will be the first to slap them!""Likewise, Kazuma. Your spirit of sacrificing your dignity for the sake of learning is enough to be recorded in the history of Axel." Haru raised his wine glass and clinked it with him in front of the teacher. "To Teacher Hatano, cheers!""Cheers—!"In this absurd yet perfect dream, the two completely let themselves go, leaving behind the troubles of reality, the goddess's stupidity, and the threats of monsters.At this moment, they were not heroes saving the world, but two purest gentlemen seeking solace in the dead of night.However, just as the two were preparing to welcome the climax of the teaching, a subtle ripple suddenly appeared in the sky of the dream.It was a force that felt extremely out of place, full of pure and sacred aura, attempting to forcibly cut into this pink space from the outside...The hot spring mist was still swirling, but for some reason, the originally sweet fragrance was mixed with the scent of... cheap sparkling wine.Haru was closing his eyes, feeling Teacher Hatano's gentle, water-like fingertips brushing his cheek, his heart filled with unprecedented tranquility."Mr. Lin Jin... you have really... worked very hard..." The teacher's voice was as soft as a feather.However, in the next second, that gentle voice suddenly rose by eight octaves, turning into an extremely piercing scream with a crying tone: "—So hurry up and get up and buy me some wine! I'm out of money! The tavern in Axel raised its prices again, waaaaaah!"Haru opened his eyes abruptly, and the scene before him made him almost lose his sanity on the spot—Teacher Hatano, who was originally mature and steady, wearing a dark blue yukata, still maintained a perfect silhouette on one side of her body, but her face was flashing crazily like a broken old television.One moment it was the teacher's maternal, gentle smiling face, and the next it turned into that idiot goddess Aqua, with blue hair hanging to her ankles, crying with tears and snot, and even hiccuping from alcohol!"Teacher...?" Haru called out tentatively."Mm, I'm here... God Blow—!!!"Accompanied by a delicate shout, the teacher's slender hand, which had been preparing to massage Haru, suddenly transformed into a heavy punch filled with sacred radiance, swiping past Haru's ear and smashing the blackboard behind him into powder!"Waaaaah! Help! Blasphemy! This is a blasphemy against art!" A shrill scream came from Kazumanearby.Haru turned his head and saw that Kazuma had clearly received a bigger shock.He was just about to accept the teacher's pointer punishment, but the pointer in the teacher's hand instantly turned into a huge folding fan, which was crazily hitting Kazuma's head while emitting Aqua's signature mocking laughter: "Kukuku... This NEET Kazuma actually thinks of such obscene things in his dreams, it's too disgusting! Behold my Natures Beauty!"The Teacher Hatano in the dream suddenly pulled two folding fans out of her yukata sleeves and started an extremely useless art performance in the hot spring pool.Water splashed onto Kazuma's face, and her face continued to jump back and forth between a peerless beauty and an idiot meme at a rate of sixty frames per second."Haru! Think of something!" Kazuma shouted while covering his eyes and dodging the physical attacks of the folding fan. "My brain is about to fry! What kind of perverted setting is this mixture of 'mature big sister' and 'idiot stalker'? This isn't healing, this is mental pollution!"Haru gritted his teeth, feeling Aqua's magical power in the real world rushing into this dream like a tsunami."Damn it... that water-brained goddess must be drinking and casting spells randomly outside!" Haruroared at the void. "Succubus! Hey, Succubus! This is not what we agreed on! Does this 'Teacher Hatano · Aqua' crossover version require extra payment or what? Hurry up and cut off that blue part!"The Succubus's voice, filled with a crying tone, rang in their minds: "I can't do it! That priestess's sacred power is too pure, she is physically purifying my dream space! If this continues, all of the teacher's data will be overwritten by Aqua! By then... by then your dream will become doing homework in the hot spring with Aqua!""Who would want to stay in that kind of hell!"Haru and Kazuma roared in despair in unison.Just as Haru and Kazuma were about to be driven crazy by that Aqua face flashing with the brilliance of wisdom, the Succubus's almost exhausted voice rang out in the depths of their consciousness again, with a kind of suicidal determination."Two guests! Listen up! I'm giving up my three-year year-end bonus, and I'm going to burn my Succubussoul to forcibly reinforce the dream for you now! But that priestess's power is simply too unreasonable... I can only maintain it for another ten minutes at most! Just ten minutes!"The Succubus let out a final roar: "Don't worry about those flashing blue hairs! Treat them as some kind of special... some kind of special mosaic or filter! Hurry! Seize these last ten minutes bought with money and soul!"As the Succubus's voice fell, the dream space, which had been crumbling and almost turned into an Axis Order preaching scene, suddenly shook.Although Teacher Hatano's face was still flashing every second, and although she would occasionally blurt out "You NEET Kazuma," her body movements, under the Succubus's forced correction, returned to that extremely seductive tutoring mode.Haru and Kazuma looked at each other, and a glint of what could be called determination erupted in their eyes."Kazuma! No time to complain!" Haru wiped the holy water (actually hot spring water) off his face and let out a heart-wrenching roar. "Ten minutes! This is our final stand as men! Even if the teacher turns into a giant cabbage in the next second, I will finish all the lessons in these ten minutes!""Oh, oh, oh! I understand, brother!" Kazuma was also fired up. He squeezed his eyes shut, using only his sense of touch and that faint, unpolluted fragrance to orient himself. "As long as I don't look at her face, she is the perfect teacher! As long as I don't listen to her voice, she is the incarnation of salvation! Charge—!!!"P.S.: The new book really needs data!!!! Dear readers, if you like this book, could you please take a minute to leave a review!!!! Thank you all!!!! Also, if you have any thoughts, you can tell me, I really read all of your suggestions! Dear readers, if you like this book, could you please take a minute to leave a review!!!! Dear readers, if you like this book, could you please take a minute to leave a review!!!! Important things said three times!!!!
Chapter 42: The Abnormal DuoThe next ten minutes were a "limit-break cram session" worthy of being recorded in the annals of Succubus Shop history.Amidst the waves of the hot springs and under the cover of the desks, Haru and Kazuma, with an efficiency that transcended human limits, engaged in a frenzied academic exchange with that "Teacher Hatano-Aqua.""Teacher! Regarding this topic of 'Deep Integration,' please be sure to finish it within three minutes!""No problem, Student Haru! Ow... don't pull my hair, that's Aqua's... no, that's Teacher's wig... Waaaaah!"In the very last second of the ten minutes, the dream space completely collapsed with the crisp sound of shattering glass....Axel, Stables Inn.The early morning sunlight spilled through the window and onto Haru's face.Haru snapped his eyes open. His entire body felt as if it had just been salvaged from the deep sea; he was drenched in sweat and gasping for breath.Haru stared blankly at the ceiling for a full three minutes. Then, an extremely eerie, profound, and deeply satisfied smile slowly curled across the corners of his mouth."...I won."Haru muttered to himself.Although in the final five minutes of the dream, Teacher's face had completely transformed into Aqua crying and shouting, "Give me back my alcohol money," that thrill of dancing on the edge of destruction and demanding satisfaction on the brink of sanity was unexpectedly exhilarating.The sound of something heavy hitting the floor came from the room next door, followed by Kazuma's exhausted yet "Saintly Radiance"-filled exclamation:"Haru... are you awake?"Haru walked out of his room just in time to see Kazuma leaning against the wall as he emerged.The dark circles under his eyes were terrifyingly deep, and his face was as pale as paper, yet his eyes shone with a sense of compassion that had seen through the mortal world."Kazuma... how are you feeling?" Haru leaned against the doorframe, lighting a non-existent cigarette.Kazuma gave a smile of relief, an expression one could only possess after undergoing a baptism in hell: "Haru, I feel now... that this world is so beautiful. Whether it's that Intellectual Disabled Goddess, that Chuunibyou Loli, or even that Masochistic Knight, I can forgive them all with a smile. Because in those final ten minutes... I saw the Truth.""Yeah." Haru patted his shoulder, and the two sat side-by-side on the wooden floor of the corridor, bathing together in the morning light. "Even though at the end Teacher was giving me a massage while asking if I wanted to buy Axis Order soap... that touch was definitely the real deal Teacher Hatano."Just then, Aqua's energetic (and punchable) voice came from the end of the corridor:"Hey—! Haru! Kazuma! Why are you two lazybones still in bed! Get up already! I felt the aura of a demon yesterday! I spent the whole night using my mana to help exorcise you! Hurry up and thank me, then treat me to a nice meal!"Haru and Kazuma turned their heads simultaneously, looking at the blue-haired figure skipping toward them.Normally, the two would have already started looking for a brick or preparing a retort.But now, they simply glanced at each other and shared an extremely synchronized, philosophical, and gentle smile."No problem, Aqua," Haru said softly. "You can eat whatever you want today, and there will be plenty of alcohol too."Kazuma added kindly, "That's right. After all, you really did work hard... during those 'ten minutes' last night."Aqua froze. She stopped in her tracks and looked at these two men radiating a "Saintly Aura" with some horror, instinctively taking a step back."Eh? Ehhh?! What's wrong with you guys? That look is disgusting! Did my purification spell purify your brains away too?! Waaaaah, Kazuma has become gentle! This must be some kind of terrifying curse!"The morning sun shone on the streets of Axel. What should have been a vibrant city of Adventurers was now shrouded in an eerie atmosphere of peace due to the "Saintification" of two men.Aqua stared suspiciously at Haru and Satou Kazuma, her large water-blue eyes scanning the two of them back and forth.In her understanding, these two guys were usually either arguing over the last cabbage or discussing how to skim off her alcohol money.This kind of kind gaze, as if they were looking at a "Savior" or a "long-lost daughter," gave her goosebumps all over."Hey... are you two really okay?" Aqua shrank back again, holding her staff across her chest. "Did the demon last night put some weird curse on you? Like 'if you're gentle to Aqua your body will explode' or something? If that's the case, you'd better hurry up and turn back into those scumbags! I don't want to get splashed with blood!"Haru smiled and shook his head. That sense of detachment from having seen through the mortal world made his voice sound a bit more magnetic: "Aqua, don't look at us with such worldly eyes. Last night's experience made us realize that life is short, and beauty is meant to be shared. Since you 'worked hard' all night, satisfying your trivial desire for alcohol is part of our cultivation as teammates."Kazuma pressed his palms together at his side, as if a golden Buddhist light were radiating from his back: "Amitabha. Haru is right. Money is but a worldly possession; only the insights from those 'ten minutes' are eternal. Aqua, let's go buy the alcohol you want to drink. Whether it's 'Sparkling Wine' or 'Aged Red Wine,' it's on us today."Aqua's expression gradually shifted from horror to blankness, and finally... upon hearing the keywords "on us" and "alcohol," her instincts as an Intellectual Disabled Goddess instantly shattered all suspicion."—Really?! Any alcohol is really okay?!" Aqua's originally tense face instantly bloomed into a brilliant (and idiotic) flower. She threw down her staff, lunged between them in one stride, grabbed Haru with her left hand and Kazuma with her right, and jumped for joy. "Since you've said so, I won't be polite! I'm going to that high-end liquor store and buying that top-shelf Sparkling Wine with the 'High Priest Recommended' label! And I'm buying fried chicken and premium cheese to go with it!"She completely forgot that she had been suspecting the two of being replaced just a moment ago. At this moment, Aqua only wanted to drain these two "mobile wallets" dry."Let's go, let's go! Hurry up! If we get there late, that limited-edition wine will be bought by someone else!" Aqua, like a little girl dragging her parents to a toy store, pulled the two stumbling "Saints" toward the commercial street.The two let her drag them along, their footsteps light as if they were walking on clouds.Passing Adventurers saw this scene and one after another showed horrified expressions."Hey, look, those are Haru and Kazuma, right? What happened to them? Their eyes are so hollow...""They look exactly like mummies that have been sucked dry of their essence, yet their expressions are unexpectedly happy... Is that Succubus Shop really that magical?""Dammit, I want to go too! I want to become that 'about to die but very satisfied' way too!"On Axel's commercial street, Aqua's cheerful singing echoed through the skies, while Haru and Kazuma maintained that eerie smile—the kind that could stop a child's crying—as they walked toward that expensive liquor store under everyone's gaze.Pushing open the shop door, the owner behind the counter habitually wanted to shout "no credit without money," but upon seeing Haru following behind, radiating an aura of "I have money and I don't care," the owner immediately put on a fawning face."Welcome! Oh my, isn't this Mr. Lin Jin? Are you here today to buy wine for this... this Priestess lady who frequently patronizes (troubles) my shop?"Haru nodded slightly, pulled a thick stack of erisbills from his pocket, and placed them elegantly on the counter: "Bring out all the most expensive wines, the ones Axis Cultists love most. Today, we shall toast to 'Truth' and 'Cram Sessions.'""Ooh ooh ooh! Haru! You're practically a true god! You're way better than that eris who's stingy all day!" Aqua excitedly hugged a massive wine bottle, even starting to rub her face against it, completely unaware that she had just insulted her junior.Kazuma watched this scene and sighed with a profound look in his eyes: "Look, Haru. She's smiling so happily... just like Teacher in the dream. Although she's a bit noisy, that pure greed is also a kind of beauty."Haru replied with a smile: "Yes, Kazuma. This intertwining of reality and dreams is the true essence of life."The shop owner trembled while counting the money: These two are definitely crazy! Definitely crazy!
Chapter 43: A Heartfelt, Sadistic SmileIn the early morning of Axel, the air in the stable inn still held the sour, putrid scent of cheap sparkling wine.Haru sat before a dilapidated wooden table, gripping a bill covered in numbers, his fingers trembling slightly.Satou Kazuma sat opposite him, holding a pencil that was about to snap; his eyes, once filled with compassion and a saintly glow, were now being slowly overtaken by bloodshot veins born of "poverty.""...Haru, have you finished calculating?" Kazuma's voice was hoarse, sounding like a demon that had just crawled out of hell.Haru took a deep breath and slammed the bill onto the table with a loud bang. "It's calculated. In these three days... that braindead goddess drank two hundred thousand eris worth of top-tier liquor, ate fifty thousand eris worth of premium fried chicken, and even donated thirty thousand eris to the Axis Order as an idiot tax. And us... what did we get?"Kazuma froze. He recalled how they had both smiled at Aqua like idiots over the past few days, even proactively wiping the grease from the corners of her mouth. His stomach suddenly churned violently. "We... we got a saint experience card and a wallet drained of all its savings. Damn it! The ones who sent us to heaven in our dreams were Teacher Hatano and the Succubus, so why is it that in reality, the one footing the bill is this troublemaking dead weight?!""This isn't right, this is seriously not right, Kazuma!" Haru stood up abruptly, his eyes flashing with a long-lost, malicious, sadistic glint. "We were tricked by that girl's victim filter! All that talk about working hard all night to exorcise demons—she clearly just destroyed our wonderful dreams and then frantically extorted money while our brains were offline! This is fraud! This is an interdimensional slaughter-pig scam!"Kazuma also stood up abruptly, kicking over an empty wine bottle nearby, his expression gradually becoming twisted and ferocious. "Exactly! Give me back my emotional investment! Give me back my two hundred and eighty thousand eris! Haru, I've decided—to hell with saint mode! From now on, that creature called Aqua is no longer our companion, but our debtor!""Hmph, since she can drink the alcohol down, I have ways to make her spit it back out." Haru sneered, adjusting his mage robes as dangerous sparks danced between his fingers. "Let's go see what that debtor is doing right now."The two of them aggressively pushed open Aqua's door and found the goddess lying spread-eagled on the bed, clutching a half-empty bottle of aged red wine in her arms, muttering, "Hehe... Haru... another bottle... Kazuma... go buy me some more cheese... Axis Order... long live..."Seeing this, Haru and Kazuma exchanged a glance, their lips simultaneously curling into a sadistic smile that would have made Lucifer shudder."Kazuma, is the rope ready?""Of course, Haru. I also prepared a work-to-repay-debt agreement; the penalty for breach of contract is all of her alcohol money for the next three years."Just as they were preparing to execute justice, Aquaseemed to sense the killing intent. She groggily opened one eye, saw the sinister, terrifying faces of Haru and Kazuma, and was so frightened that her drunkenness vanished instantly. She screamed and shrank into the corner of the bed. "Aaaah! What is wrong with you two?! Where did that kind gaze from just now go? Where did that cool Haru who could provide all the alcohol I wanted go?! Help! Demons! The demons are back!""Stop screaming, Aqua." Haru approached step by step, his smile growing even brighter. "The dream is over, and it's time to settle the bill. Do you intend to go to the guild yourself to take on a hundred sewer cleaning quests, or do you plan to have us dispose of your body today?"Inside the stable inn, the once warm morning light now seemed to have turned into the searchlight of an interrogation room."Waaah! Help! Kidnapping! These two men have finally gone crazy; they're going to sell a poor goddess to some perverted noble for booze money!"Aqua let out a wail loud enough to shatter the window glass.However, Haru and Kazuma remained completely unmoved.Haru skillfully tightened the rope, binding Aqua into a perfect, highly artistic hairy crab shape, while Kazuma was in charge of holding down her flailing legs, taking the opportunity to stuff a rag used for wiping tables into her mouth."Mmph, mmph—!! Mmph—!!" Aqua's eyes widened, and water-blue tears gushed out like a fountain."Aqua, save your energy." Haru dusted off his hands and revealed an extremely cold smile. "We checked at the guild earlier; due to the recent rainy season, several reservoirs and lakes on the outskirts of the city have been polluted by toxic Slime and mutant moss. The reward for purifying one pond is five thousand eris, and you, my dear Goddess, are our most potent, cheapest, and zero-consumable water purification filter."Kazuma added with a sinister tone from the side, "That's right, Haru. I've already accepted all the water purification quests at the guild—fifty-six in total. Counting travel expenses and stamina consumption, as long as we toss you into the water a few dozen times, we'll be able to recoup a good chunk of that two hundred and eighty thousand eris."Half an hour later, on the outskirts of Axel, by a polluted reservoir that emitted an eerie purple light and was as viscous as snot.Haru and Kazuma worked together to lift Aqua, who was tethered by the waist with a rope, and stood by the edge of the pond.The rag in Aqua's mouth had already been spat out, and she was currently grabbing Haru's pant leg, begging frantically, "I beg you! That place looks so disgusting! There are definitely monster fish with tentacles in there, right?! I'm a Goddess! If you throw me in there, my priceless raiment will start to smell!""Shut up!" Haru mercilessly kicked her toward the water surface, clutching the other end of the rope tightly. "Go, Aqua-teabag! Purify this body of water for me!""Splash!"With a loud splash, Aqua plunged into the purple Slime like a lead weight.Instantly, a holy white light burst forth with her as the center! The originally nauseating purple liquid, the moment it touched the goddess's body, seemed to meet its natural enemy; it rapidly faded and clarified, eventually turning into crystal-clear, pure water."Oh, oh, oh! Super effective!" Kazuma pulled the rope excitedly, bobbing it up and down as if fishing for a big catch. "Haru, look! She's actually purifying it! This efficiency is even faster than the top-tier water purification magic circles!""Very good, Kazuma, shake it faster, let her body fully contact every inch of the water." Harucommanded coldly. "Aqua, don't just cry, move your hands and feet! If you dare to slack off, we'll pull you up and throw you into that septic tank filled with excrement in the south of the city!"A string of bubbles rose to the surface, and Aquapoked her head out. While spitting out clear pond water, she let out a desperate roar: "—You two sadists! Scum! NEETs! Disgrace to mages! I curse you! I will absolutely make eris write 'impotent' all over your reincarnation applications! Waaah, it's so cold! Help!"The Adventurers passing by stopped one after another, watching this scene in horror."Hey... isn't that the saintly duo from yesterday? Why are they fishing for a Goddess today?""Shh, keep it down! Don't you see the red light in their eyes? That's definitely the eruption of three days of pent-up resentment... Let's go, don't get caught in the crossfire!"As the sun set, when Aqua was dragged back to the guild by Haru and Kazuma like a dead dog to hand in the quest, she had completely turned a translucent "holy water color." Her eyes were dull, and she could only mechanically repeat, "I am a teabag... I am a filter... I am a heartless water purifier..."Haru and Kazuma counted the thick stack of rewards in their hands and finally revealed the first truly heartfelt, sadistic smile they had had in days.
Chapter 44: Tea Bag-samaThe setting sun dyed the streets of Axel a hauntingly beautiful orange-red.On the steps in front of the Adventurers Guild, Haruand Satou Kazuma sat side by side, with the heavy money bag filled with the newly exchanged eriscoins placed between them.At their feet lay Aqua, who, even after being untied, remained curled up, radiating holy steam, with eyes more hollow than those of a dead fish.She was muttering to a passing snail by the roadside: "...Snails have moisture too... Should I purify it?... As long as it's liquid... I can purify it... Hehehe... Hehehehe..."Haru watched her clearly broken mental state, his eye twitching slightly, before turning his head to look at his comrade beside him."Say, Kazuma." Haru rubbed the non-existent stubble on his chin, his tone unusually deep with compassion. "Looking at her soul-departed state, even starting to communicate with insects, I suddenly feel that our actions just now... were perhaps a bit, um, how should I put it, too beastly?"Kazuma was clutching a handful of coins, feeling the cold and solid metal, and his movements stiffened upon hearing Haru's words. He turned his head, looked at Aqua—who appeared exceptionally fragile (though it was self-inflicted) in the setting sun—and also sighed deeply."Ah, I was thinking about that too. Haru, you're right. Although this girl's IQ is definitely not right, and she's always causing trouble, at the very least... she is a genuine goddess. Treating a deity like a tea bag and swishing her around in stinky muddy water for an entire afternoon—if this kind of thing reached the heavens, we'd probably be carved onto a monument of human shame. I can't help but feel like our conscience is aching a little."The air fell into a deathly silence.The two "scumbag" Adventurers stared at the broken goddess at their feet, remaining silent for two seconds.Then, the two of them exchanged a glance in unison and simultaneously looked down at the bag filled with money."...So, how many eris is a pound of conscience worth on the black market in Axel?" Haru asked expressionlessly.Kazuma let out a cold snort, skillfully tightened the money bag, and shoved it back into his embrace, the compassion in his eyes instantly replaced by a greed known as being a scumbag:"It probably wouldn't even trade for a cup of the cheapest ale. Since it's something worthless, it doesn't matter if we throw it away. Haru, I just calculated it; if we go to purify that larger septic tank—no, wait, that reservoir lake—in the south of the city tomorrow, the reward could double!""Makes sense." Haru nodded in deep agreement, slapped his thigh, and stood up, taking the opportunity to lightly kick Aqua's butt with his toe. "Hey, Tea Bag! Stop playing dead, get up! To reward you for your hard work today, Kazuma and I have decided to treat you to a good meal tonight!"Aqua, who was originally discussing life philosophy with a snail, had her hollow eyes instantly erupt with a terrifying, predatory light the moment she heard the four words "treat you to a good meal"!"——Really?! I want to eat frost-marbled red crab! And I want to drink that most expensive bottle of sparkling wine with the shiny glitter in it!" She jumped up with a carp-flip, showing no signs of being mentally unstable anymore, and even brushed the dust off herself, looking at the two of them with full anticipation. "Let's go, let's go! Since you still have a conscience and know to treat me, I'll magnanimously forgive you for using me as a filter this afternoon!"Haru and Kazuma exchanged a look again, their mouths twitching simultaneously."See, Kazuma. Talking about conscience to this kind of creature is simply an insult to the word 'conscience'."Haru sneered as he walked toward the restaurant inside the guild."That's right, Haru. I take back what I said earlier; we aren't scumbags, we are practically the saviors of this idiot goddess."Kazuma followed closely behind.Just as they were preparing to have a big meal, the guild doors were suddenly pushed open violently."——Haru! Kazuma! And Aqua!"Megumin ran in, clutching her staff, her face flushed and panting, followed by Darkness, who was looking excited and squirming her body."I heard you conducted a cruel, inhumane, and soul-crushing secret special training on the outskirts of the city today?!" Megumin demanded loudly, though her eyes betrayed a hint of curiosity. "Why didn't you call me? Is it because my Explosion Magic would make that kind of training transcend to a higher level?!"Darkness grabbed Haru's arm, her breathing ragged, her cheeks flushed crimson: "Haru... I heard... you tied up Aqua and threw her into a mud pit... that kind of thing... that kind of thing... please must do that to me once! No, please must do it to me ten times! I can take responsibility for purifying the dirtiest sewers!"Looking at this hopeless group of teammates, Haru's original, faint sense of guilt completely vanished."...Kazuma, I think we should just feed our conscience to the dogs; there are no normal people left in this party."Amidst the noise of the Adventurers Guild, Haruand Satou Kazuma squatted in a corner, their heads together, their eyes flashing with that kind of desperate, all-in fanaticism only seen in corporate slaves working overtime through the night."Haru, opportunity knocks but once!" Kazumalowered his voice, his tone as urgent as if he were plotting a bank robbery. "The rainy season is about to end. Once those poisonous Slimes and mutant moss retreat, these tasks where you just sit on the bank and pull a rope to earn a fortune a day will all be gone! We must take advantage of the time before Aqua completely goes on strike and work overtime to take on all the dirty water in the city!"Haru nodded vigorously in agreement, his fingers moving rapidly over the bill: "That's right, Kazuma. This kind of work has a high safety factor and stable income; it's practically Axel's angel round of financing. But... what about those two troublemakers?"Haru glanced out of the corner of his eye at Megumin, who was staring at him with burning eyes, and Darkness, who was flushed and ready to tie herself up at any moment."Hmph, leave it to me." Kazuma revealed an extremely despicable smile.Kazuma suddenly stood up, walked up to Meguminwith a serious expression, and pressed his hands on her shoulders: "Megumin! I just saw some top-secret intel in the corner of the quest board! In the wilderness north of the city, a group of highly agile, high-defense, and extremely provocative Jumping Cabbage Emperors of the Crimson Demon Clanhave appeared! They are mocking your Explosion Magic as nothing more than a dud firecracker! As an Archwizard, can you tolerate this?!""Nani?! How dare they insult my Explosion Magic?!" Megumin took the bait instantly, the red light in her eyes almost turning into a tangible substance as it erupted. "Lead the way! Lead the way quickly! I want to show those cabbages what the ultimate art is!"Then, Kazuma turned to look at Darkness, his tone becoming deep and full of temptation: "Darkness, actually, those Cabbage Emperors to the north not only have high defense, but they are also particularly fond of using those hard leaves to crazily whip passing Crusaders, and they even drag people into thorn-filled bushes... Oh my, it's too cruel. I originally wanted to ask you to go with us, but that level of ravaging, I'm afraid even you...""Please, you must let me go!!!" Darkness let out a shriek, drool almost spilling out. She grabbed her greatsword, dragged Megumin, and rushed out the door. "Quick! Megumin! Before those cabbages run away, hurry and take me to receive the whipping... No, to accept the challenge!"Watching the backs of the two troublemakers disappear at the end of the street, Haru and Kazumabreathed a sigh of relief simultaneously, then turned their heads in unison to look at Aqua, who was hugging a bucket of fried chicken and eating until her face was covered in grease."Hehehehe... Aqua, are you full?" Haru revealed a fatherly (scumbag) smile.Aqua burped and looked at the two of them with some wariness: "I... I'm full. Why are you looking at me with those eyes? We agreed that tonight is rest time! I still need to go buy new bathwater additives!""Rest? In the face of a debt of 280,000 eris, a goddess does not need rest!" Kazuma snatched her fried chicken bucket and pulled out that bundle of water-soaked thick rope. "Haru! Are the torches ready? We are going to fight through the night, and purify all three reservoirs in the south of the city!""Ready, Kazuma! I've even prepared powerful, refreshing peppermint oil, specifically to apply to our Tea Bag-sama's temples!" Haru grinned menacingly as he grabbed Aqua's left arm."No!!! Help!!! These two men are devils! They are slave owners even more ruthless than the Demon King!!!"Aqua's shrill scream once again echoed through the night sky of Axel.Late night. The southern reservoir.Under the moonlight, the clear pool water rippled continuously with the rhythmic sound of Aquaentering the water.Haru and Kazuma each held one end of the rope, dragging Aqua back and forth in the pool as if they were operating a giant saw."One, two, heave-ho! One, two, heave-ho!"Haru wiped away some sweat, looking at the gradually clearing water surface, and sighed with emotion: "Kazuma, you're right. This feeling of working overtime—although the body is tired, seeing the money bag bulge bit by bit, my heart truly feels fulfilled.""That's right, Haru." Kazuma also revealed a gratified smile. "This is the happiness of adulthood. Aqua, don't stop! That corner at the bottom of the pool is still a bit purple; dive deeper!"From the bottom of the water came Aqua's muffled, resentment-filled curses, along with a string of desperate bubbles.
Chapter 45: The Tacit Understanding Between Scum and BastardAt three in the morning at the gates of Axel, the moonlight stretched their shadows long.Haru and Satou Kazuma certainly didn't look like serious Adventurers at this moment.Haru's originally neat wizard robe was covered in green pond slime, and his dark circles were so heavy he looked like a zombie that had just crawled out of a grave;Kazuma was even more miserable; his sleeves were worn through from pulling the rope, and he exuded a mixture of dead fish and sweat.Between them, they were dragging Aqua, who was bound tightly with thick rope, soaked to the bone, looking dazed, and constantly emitting a holy white light.Just as the two intended to keep their heads down and sneak into the city, a flash of sword light, bright enough to be blinding, suddenly blocked their path."Stop! You two villains radiating an evil aura!"A man wearing ornate full-body armor, with a face so handsome it was infuriating, stood in the middle of the road.He gripped a holy sword emitting powerful magical fluctuations, staring intensely at the two with a gaze overflowing with a sense of justice, yet also filled with a sense of intellectual deficiency."That is... Lady Aqua?!" After seeing Aqua bound like a rice dumpling, Mitsurugi Kyouya looked as if he had been struck by Thunderbolt, his holy sword trembling. "How could you... how could you bind that noble, pure Goddess who bestowed my holy sword upon me in such a shameful posture, and drag her through this desolate wilderness in the dead of night... You remnants of the Demon Kings Army! What kind of insane torture have you subjected her to?!"Haru and Kazuma exchanged a glance, their brains, which had been exhausted to the limit, suddenly whirring into action."Hey, Haru, who is this guy? That 'I am the protagonist' look on his face makes me want to spit on him."Kazuma lowered his voice, his tone filled with class hatred.Haru wiped the mud from his face and sneered: "Probably just some unlucky reincarnated person tricked by Aqua. Look at that sword; it should be worth quite a bit."The magic sword Gram in Mitsurugi Kyouya's hand emitted an increasingly dazzling golden light, a radiance that threatened to purify the dark circles under Haru and Kazuma's eyes.With a righteous expression, he stepped forward and pointed the tip of his sword at their noses, his voice loud enough to wake the entire city at three in the morning:"You two shameless rats! Don't try to deceive me with those clumsy lies anymore! Look at the state of Lady Aqua now; she is a noble Goddess, yet you drag her through the mud like a mop! You have not only desecrated a deity but trampled on the dignity of an Adventurer! I, Mitsurugi Kyouya, absolutely will not allow such atrocities to occur in Axel!"Haru and Kazuma had their ears ringing from his justice-filled roar.Kazuma rolled his eyes, intending to use Steal to teach this arrogant pretty boy a lesson, but he suddenly noticed that Aqua, who had been making "mmph mmph" noises, was now directing her angry gaze not at Haru or Kazuma, but at Mitsurugi Kyouya."Mmph! Mmph mmph mmph!" Aqua struggled violently, even kicking the ground with her legs, which were bound tight.Haru was quick-witted and yanked the rag out of her mouth.Haru expected her to immediately beg Mitsurugi for help, but to everyone's surprise, Aqua took a deep breath, and her first scream was:"You annoying guy, get lost! Don't block my way back to the guild to collect my reward!"Mitsurugi Kyouya froze, his expression as a partner of justice instantly collapsing: "Eh? La... Lady Aqua? What are you saying? I am trying to save you! Look, you are bound up like this...""So what if I'm bound like this?! This is called the professional water purification stance! Do you even understand?!" Although Aqua was still lying on the ground, her aura was like a debt-collecting landlady. "Although Haru and Kazuma are a bit twisted, they've bought me top-tier red wine these past few days and even took me to eat frost-covered red crab! As long as I finish purifying those pools in the south of the city, I'll have enough money to buy that holy water basin studded with rubies! You jump out now and treat them like the Demon Kings Army; if they get caught, who is going to pay me the remaining 150,000 eris reward?! You?! You stalker who only knows how to wave around a glowing toy!"Haru and Kazuma listened in stunned silence, then simultaneously broke into expressions of relief and extreme smugness.Haru brushed the mud off himself and looked askance at Mitsurugi: "Did you hear that, Hero? This is called an employment relationship. Lady Aqua is the core water purification consultant of our party; we not only provide meals but also pay high bonuses. A guy like you, who interferes with someone's livelihood without knowing the facts, is the real villain, right?"Kazuma added insult to injury: "Oh my, Haru, look at this guy, dressed so fancy, but he can't even understand a 'labor contract.' Mr. Mitsurugi, if you really feel bad for Lady Aqua, why don't you just pay off that 150,000 eris for her? Or... mortgage this sword that looks so valuable to us?"Mitsurugi Kyouya felt his worldview undergoing a magnitude eight earthquake.He looked at Aqua, who was righteous and indignant, even wanting to go back and continue being a teabag, and then looked at Haru and Kazuma, who were smiling like villains; the magic sword Gram in his hand even dimmed slightly due to its master's embarrassment."No... this isn't right... this doesn't fit the script of a Hero saving a Goddess..." Mitsurugi murmured in despair, his originally upright posture instantly wilting."Forget the script! Haru! Kazuma! Hurry up and pull me up!" Aqua writhed on the ground, urging them, "Before the guild closes, we have to hurry and collect tonight's reward! I want to drink that bottle of sparkling wine with the 'Limited Edition' label on it!"The cold wind of 4:00 AM blew by, and the awkward, frozen atmosphere instantly became lively when Mitsurugi Kyouya gritted his teeth and shouted that number."Enough! You two money-grubbing guys!" Mitsurugi Kyouya suddenly pulled a thick stack of checkbooks (or high-level currency vouchers) that smelled of fresh ink from his pocket, his hands trembling slightly, "300,000 eris! I'll give you 300,000! Now, immediately, right now, untie the rope on Lady Aqua! From this moment on, she is no longer your water purification filter; she is a free Goddess! She shouldn't be rolling in the mud; she should be worshipped in a temple!"The moment Haru and Satou Kazuma heard the word 300,000, their pupils, which had been unfocused from staying up all night, simultaneously snapped into focus. The two, as if they had rehearsed countless times, turned their heads and exchanged a look in perfect unison.In that 0.1-second eye exchange, the two completed an extremely complex soul communication:Haru: [Hey, Kazuma, he said 300,000. We worked ourselves to death cleaning pools all night and only earned 85,000.]Kazuma: [I heard it too, Haru. And most importantly, dumping this ticking time bomb, Aqua, on this pretty boy means we not only get money but also get precious sleep time without any idiot screaming.]Haru: [Deal?]Kazuma: [Deal.]"Oh, Lord Mitsurugi! You should have said so sooner!" Haru instantly put on a bright, spring-breeze-like smile, moving with the efficiency of a five-star hotel waiter. He bent down and began untying the ropes on Aqua, "If we had known you had such high awareness for environmental protection and the freedom of Lady Aqua, how would we dare to trouble Lady Aqua to get into the water herself!"Kazuma snatched the check from Mitsurugi's hand, licked his finger, and immediately began verifying its authenticity on the spot, muttering incessantly: "That's right, that's right, it's a cashier's check from the Axel Bank. Mr. Mitsurugi, you really are a great person, a pure person, a Hero who has transcended low-level interests! Lady Aqua is in your hands now; please be sure to take good care of her, and whatever you do, don't let her run back to find us... ah no, I mean, don't let her suffer any more grievances."After being untied, Aqua froze for a moment, then looked at the 300,000 eris, her eyes glowing with greedy green light: "Wait a minute! That 300,000 should be split with me in half... Mmph mmph mmph!"Haru was quick and stuffed the last piece of salted-fish-flavored rag back into her mouth, then he and Kazuma each grabbed one side of Aqua and shoved her directly into Mitsurugi Kyouya's shiny arms."Wishing you happiness! Lord Mitsurugi, Lady Aquareally loves drinking top-tier red wine, at least three bottles a day, and it must be paired with fresh red crab. Remember to feed her on time, otherwise, she will use Natures Beauty to make your armor disappear!"Haru waved goodbye while pulling Kazuma to retreat at high speed."Goodbye! Hero! I hope we can still see this justice-filled expression of yours in three days!" Kazumalaughed like a fox that had stolen a chicken, and the two greased their heels, instantly disappearing into the shadows of the street before dawn.Mitsurugi Kyouya held Aqua, who was still struggling desperately and trying to snatch back her share of the 300,000, and a victor's smile appeared on his face: "Rest assured, Lady Aqua, those two demons have already left. From now on, I will protect your dignity with my life... Eh? Lady Aqua, why are you choking my neck? And trying to snatch my wallet? Is this also some kind of holy ritual?"At this time, Haru and Kazuma had already run two streets away, hiding in a small alley and counting the money frantically."Hahahaha! Haru! We're rich!" Kazuma patted the stack of money, tears of laughter almost coming out, "300,000! Added to what we had before, not only have we paid off our debts, but we have also temporarily gotten rid of the big trouble that is Aqua!"Haru leaned against the wall and let out a long sigh of relief. Although the dark circles were still there, he was full of spirit:"Yeah, Kazuma. And the best part is, for at least the next three days, we won't have to hear the high-decibel crying from that idiot Goddess because she lost her hair clip or couldn't drink wine. This tranquility... is even more precious than 300,000 eris."The two looked at each other and smiled; it was the purest tacit understanding between scum and bastard.
Chapter 46: A Sustainable Path to WealthThe morning in Axel was so sunny and bright that it made one want to roll around on the grass.Over the next three days, Haru and Satou Kazumaexperienced a life that was the closest thing to "Heaven" since they arrived in this other world.There were no high-pitched wails from Aqua about losing her holy relic (which, in reality, she had traded for alcohol), no rolling on the floor to get money for expensive bathwater, and certainly none of that greedy, green glint in her eyes whenever she looked at the hard-earned money they had managed to save.Haru even felt that the very air in Axel had become much fresher.Haru and Kazuma would sleep until they naturally woke up every day, enjoy a delicious meal at noon, drink top-tier ale at the guild in the afternoon, and then use that glistening compensation voucher to enjoy life at the Succubus Shop at night.Even Megumin and Darkness had become much better behaved; without Aqua egging them on, their destructive power had dropped by at least five percent.However, this idyllic life came to an abrupt end on the morning of the fourth day.As Haru and Kazuma walked out of the hotel, yawning and preparing to go eat a hearty dragon meat feast, a dark figure suddenly darted out from the nearby shadows and let out an extremely shrill scream:"I beg you! Take her back! Please, just take her back!!"Haru was startled, and when he focused his eyes to look, he was completely bewildered.Standing before him was that once-shining, righteous hero, Mitsurugi Kyouya.But now, his magnificent armor was covered in stains of unknown liquid (it looked like high-end red wine), his originally handsome hairstyle was as messy as a bird's nest, the dark circles under his eyes were heavier than if you had worked overtime for three days straight, he had lost a significant amount of weight, and even his magic sword, Gram, had become like a charred stick due to his magic being completely drained."Mi... Mitsurugi-san?" Kazuma's mouth twitched, and he subconsciously took a step back, "Did you just crawl back from the Demon Kings Castle, or did you fall into a septic tank and get ravaged by a Slime for three days and three nights?"Mitsurugi Kyouya fell to his knees in front of the two, grabbing Haru's pant leg tightly with both hands, sobbing and snotting as he pleaded:"Lord Haru! Lord Kazuma! I was wrong! I shouldn't have questioned your water purification ritual! I shouldn't have tried to challenge your management style! These three days... these three days have been absolute hell!!"He sobbed, his voice filled with despair: "On the first day, she drank all my aged wine reserves and even used my magic sword as a stirrer to mix some 'Goddess Special Cocktail'! On the second day, to buy a glowing pet Slime, she sold my spare armor to a recycling station! On the third day... on the third day, she actually racked up a bill of 500,000 eris at the most expensive restaurant in the city, and then pointed at me, saying that since I'm a hero, I should stay behind to wash dishes to pay off the debt! I don't even have money for dry rations now, and she's still in the restaurant clamoring to eat deep-sea giant clams... Wuwuwu..."Looking at this hero, who was once full of spirit but was now crying like a three-year-old who had lost their favorite toy, Haru couldn't help but feel a shred of sympathy—but it was only a shred.Kazuma, looking disgusted, tried to pull his pant leg out of his grasp: "Hey, hey, hey, Mitsurugi-san, the sales contract has already been finalized, the payment has been made, and no refunds or exchanges are allowed. You were the one crying and shouting about wanting to save her from the sea of suffering, so how can you go back on your word now?""I'm not backing out! I'll give you money! I'll give you another 300,000! No, 500,000!" Mitsurugi Kyouya, acting like a madman, pulled a pile of crumpled IOUs and his last few large banknotes from his chest, looking at the two with hollow eyes, "As long as you can take her away, I'll do anything! Even if you make me pull your water purification ropes for the rest of my life, I'm willing! I beg you, if you let her stay by my side any longer, I might truly become the first reincarnated person to commit suicide due to being buried in debt..."Just then, from the end of the street, came that familiar, energetic voice that made Haru's soul tremble:"Mitsurugi! Where are you?! Come here quickly! The owner of that shop says if you don't pay the remaining 50,000 eris, they're going to send me to the temple to work as manual labor! Hurry up and pay, you useless hero!"Upon hearing this voice, Mitsurugi Kyouyashuddered violently, buried his head directly into the dirt, and let out a despairing whimper.Haru and Kazuma exchanged a look, and simultaneously, their mouths curled into an extremely cruel, yet commercial-minded, demonic smile.When Haru and Satou Kazuma accepted the heavy bag of 500,000 eris from Mitsurugi's trembling hands, a sort of holy hymn seemed to ring out in the air—it was the crisp sound of money landing in their pockets."Deal." Haru unceremoniously stuffed the money bag into his chest, patted Mitsurugi on the shoulder, and said earnestly, "Mitsurugi-san, you have made a wise choice. After all, in this world, there are some 'burdens' that only professionals like us, who have been tempered through fire and ice, can carry."Kazuma was counting the money with an evil grin, his eyes full of sympathy (mockery) for Mitsurugi: "Rest assured, our after-sales service is very professional. Since we've taken your money, we will definitely reclaim that trouble-maker to the very end."Mitsurugi Kyouya was moved to tears, almost kowtowing to the two of them.Subsequently, with the determination of someone trying to send away a plague, he led the two to the entrance of that high-end restaurant.Through the glass window, the two saw Aquasitting with her legs crossed in a completely unladylike manner, clutching a giant deep-sea red crab in her hand, sauce hanging from her lips, and bossing the waiter around: "Hey! You over there! Where's my top-tier sparkling wine? Also, put the bill on that sucker with the magic sword! He's my servant, and I have plenty of money to make him pay!""...Now!" Mitsurugi Kyouya let out a low growl and slammed open the restaurant door.Hearing the commotion, Aqua thought her ATM had returned and shouted without turning her head: "Mitsurugi! You're finally back! Hurry up and pay, I ordered another serving—"However, when she turned her head, what she saw was not that timid hero, but two familiar faces wearing demonic smiles—Haru was playing with that familiar thick rope in his hands, and Kazumawas cracking his knuckles with a crunching sound."—Eek?!" Aqua let out a strange squawk like a duck that had its tail stepped on, and the red crab in her hand dropped to the floor with a plop."Yo, Lady Aqua." Haru wore that expression that gave the Goddess nightmares and approached step by step, "Looks like you've been living quite luxuriously these past few days. Is the red crab tasty? Is the sparkling wine good? Did you miss our cozy stable and the pond full of the scent of nature?"Aqua's face turned pale instantly. She jumped onto the chair, pointed at Mitsurugi Kyouya, and screamed: "Mitsurugi! What is the meaning of this?! You betrayed me?! You actually sold a noble Goddess to these two demonic men?! Do you know what will happen to me if I fall into their hands?! I'll turn into a tea bag! I'll turn into a tool for unclogging toilets! I'll be forced to live in the stable and listen to them snore! I don't want to! I'm not going back! I want to stay in a big hotel! I want to eat red crab!"Compared to the days of lording over Mitsurugi and treating the hero like a slave, returning to the two was like falling from Heaven into Hell. Although Aqua's IQ wasn't high, she still possessed this kind of survival instinct."I'm sorry, Lady Aqua..." Mitsurugi Kyouya covered his face, and although he was full of guilt, his body honestly blocked the restaurant's back door, "My wallet can't take it anymore... And my mental state has reached its limit... For the sake of world peace, and so my magic sword isn't used as a fire poker, please go back with them!""Noooo! Help! Someone is kidnapping a Goddess!!"Aqua let out a shrill scream, trying to hug the restaurant pillar and refusing to let go.However, bolstered by the power of money, Haruand Kazuma's movements were shockingly fast."Cut the crap! We've already spent... ah, no, we've already received that 500,000!" Kazuma lunged forward and skillfully grabbed one of Aqua's ankles, "Haru! Hurry up! Grab her divine raiment! Don't let her use that Natures Beauty move to make the plates disappear!""Received!" Haru lunged forward with a sinister grin, the rope in his hand winding around Aqua's waist as if it had a life of its own, "Be good and come with us, Aqua! There are still several buckets of unwashed laundry at home waiting for you to purify!""I won't wash them! I am a Goddess of Water! Not a washing machine! Wuwuwuwu—Mitsurugi, you traitor! I will rain down divine punishment! I will—mmph mmph mmph!"After a chaotic commotion, Aqua was once again tied up tightly and carried on Haru's shoulder like a giant silkworm cocoon.She was still struggling desperately, but in the face of absolute strength (and Kazuma's shameless methods), all resistance was futile.The customers in the restaurant stared at this scene in dumbfounded silence, while Mitsurugi Kyouyastood where he was, watching Haru and Kazuma's retreating backs as two lines of clear tears slid down his cheeks."Goodbye, Lady Aqua... Although you are beautiful, keeping you is simply too expensive..."Haru, carrying the still "mmph-ing" Aqua, felt the heavy 500,000 in his pocket and said to Kazumabeside him, "Kazuma, although this thing is a huge trouble, I have to say... she is really valuable.""Yeah." Kazuma looked at Aqua, his eyes actually harboring a hint of affection (the look of looking at a cash cow), "When we're out of money later, we'll just throw her back to Mitsurugi for a few days. This is simply a sustainable path to wealth."