Chapter 30: Crocodile SwarmAt the dark and damp entrance to the sewer, the air was filled with a complex stench sufficient to make an ordinary Adventurer retire on the spot.Haru walked in the lead, carrying his staff. Although his lower body felt chilly, in this environment, this ventilation actually prevented him from being knocked unconscious by the thick odor."Waaaaah! A place like this! How could a place like this be somewhere the great Lady Aqua should come to! My clothes! My skin! They're all going to be tainted by this poverty-stricken, foul-smelling stench!"Aqua pinched her nose, tears hanging from the corners of her eyes, and she curled herself up almost into a ball."So noisy, you idiot goddess! If you can't stand it, hurry up and do something about it!" Kazumacovered his mouth and nose tightly with his scarf, his voice muffled. "Aren't you the goddess who presides over water? Handle this stuff!""That's right! I am Lady Aqua! For this level of filth, watch me purify it all in an instant!" Aqua, as if grabbing a life-saving straw, stood up straight, and dazzling blue divine light burst forth from her body.She raised her hands high, and holy magic spread out like ripples. "Sacred High-Level Purification! Become beautiful for me, Axel's sewer—!!"Hum—!In that instant, the originally viscous, pitch-black sewer sewage became crystal clear under the baptism of divine power, and it even emitted a faint fragrance similar to high-end perfume.However, an unexpected change occurred.The sludge, excrement, and unidentified impurities that had been piled up throughout the sewer underwent a strange physical expansion the moment they were purified—or rather, because Aqua had used too much force, she not only purified the sewage but also incidentally drew a large amount of water from the atmosphere to dilute this cleanliness.Whoosh—!!The water level, which had only been at their ankles, surged crazily in less than three seconds, instantly passing their knees, then their waists, and finally turning into a clear but violent torrent that poured down along the narrow sewer pipes!"Pfft! Aqua, you idiot! What have you done—!!"Before Kazuma could even complain, he was smashed directly against the wall by a giant wave."Help! Glug, glug... The water is too clear! I can't see the path! Glug..."Aqua herself was tossed about, and because the water quality was too pure, her light, flowing goddess raiment created huge resistance in the water, dragging her deeper like a parachute.Haru grabbed Megumin, who was being carried away by the current, and gripped the stone crevices on the wall tightly with his other hand. "Don't move around! There are no impurities in this water, so the buoyancy has decreased! Everyone, hold onto the wall!""Mmm... Ha... This... being mercilessly washed in clear holy water, perhaps even drowning in the goddess's blessing because I can't breathe... Hah... Is this the so-called baptism of God?!" Darkness didn't struggle; instead, she opened her arms to welcome the torrent, her body being repeatedly rubbed against the wall by the impact of the water, a terrifying ecstasy appearing on her face. "More intense! Let this holy water completely wash away my sins—!!""Someone save me... I don't want to die in such a clean place..."Kazuma was spun around like a top and finally managed to hold onto Darkness's thigh tightly, barely avoiding being washed into the deeper, filthier sections.After five minutes of "holy drifting," the torrent finally gradually calmed down due to the diversion of the sewer system.The five of them slumped on a relatively spacious underground platform like drowned rats.This place had been purified by Aqua until it was like the indoor swimming pool of a five-star hotel, the air so fresh it was almost excessive.Haru looked down at himself; his pants were soaked and clinging to his legs. Because there was no support from underwear, certain outlines appeared exceptionally clear under the wet fabric."Aqua..." Haru wiped the holy water from his face, his tone terrifyingly calm. "If you cast skills randomly again next time, I'll use you as a signpost and shove you into a crocodile's mouth.""Waaaaah! Haru is so scary! Kazuma, look at him, that place of his is so strange right now! Is he threatening me with that kind of look?!"Aqua hid behind Kazuma, pointing and shouting at Haru's lower body, which was clearly outlined due to being soaked by the water."You still have the mood to worry about his lower body?! Look around!"Kazuma pointed weakly to the front.Beneath the crystal-clear water surface, countless pairs of eyes glowing with golden light were coldly watching them.Because Aqua had made the water too clean, those Golden Sewer Crocodiles that were originally lurking in the sludge were now exposed to everyone, completely visible like exhibits in an aquarium.And the leader, the size of a small truck, was opening its mouth full of sharp teeth, letting out a low roar at these uninvited guests.In the crystal-clear holy water, the millstone-sized pupils of the Golden Sewer Crocodiles emitted greedy light, and they slowly swung their strong tails, closing in from all directions.The water flowed between their scales, making a hair-raising rubbing sound."Waaaaah! They're coming! They're swimming over! Kazuma, help! Haru, help! Lady Aqua doesn't want to become a crocodile's excrement!"Aqua, like a frightened octopus, clung tightly to Kazuma's back, the immense impact almost forcing Kazuma to kneel directly into the water."Let go of me! You idiot goddess, hurry up and cast a skill! Use your divine power to scare them away!"Kazuma struggled desperately while looking in despair at the bloody maw that was gradually approaching.At this critical moment where everyone's intelligence seemed to have gone offline, Harusuddenly wiped the holy water from his face, a calm unprecedented in his eyes.Haru looked around, his gaze falling on Darkness, who was supporting herself against the wall with an abnormally flushed face.Due to the earlier torrent, the Crusader armor of Darkness had become somewhat loose. The shirt, soaked with holy water, clung tightly to her voluptuous and muscular body, her long golden hair draped wetly over her shoulders. Combined with her rapid breathing and hazy eyes, she radiated a highly impactful, carnal beauty at this moment.Of course, in the eyes of the crocodiles, this beauty translated into a large, fragrant, high-grade steak."Everyone, calm down! Listen to my command!" Haru roared, stunning the chaotic scene. "Darkness! Now is the time to show your Crusader glory! Do you see that largest crocodile? It is looking for a target to attack!"Darkness's delicate body trembled, and she suddenly lifted her head, a flash of ecstasy in her eyes. "W-what?! Haru, are you saying... you want me to face those monsters covered in slime and rotting meat in their teeth all by myself? You want this body of mine, which has been baptized by holy water, to be rubbed by their cold scales, and even dragged into a dark corner to be fiercely... Mmm!""Exactly! That's right!" Haru ordered loudly, following her line of thinking (though the direction was completely wrong). "Your current wet look is a fatal temptation to them! Go! Jump into the center of the water and block their path with your body! Try to assume some poses that are easy to attack, and draw the attention of all the crocodiles to yourself!""Too cruel... Haru, you are simply a demon... to actually make a delicate woman (self-proclaimed) act as this kind of bait... Ha... Ha... I'm going!"Darkness let out an excited scream, actually abandoning her greatsword, opening her arms, and like a fearless moth flying into a flame, leaped into the center area where the crocodile swarm was densest.Splash! Darkness kicked up a huge splash in the water, her alluring figure appearing and disappearing in the clear holy water."Come on! You ugly monsters! Use your strong jaws to fiercely crush this armor soaked in holy water! Even if it's a death roll, I will absolutely not yield—Uwooooooh!"The crocodile swarm obviously hadn't seen such a buffet that actively delivered itself to their doorstep. The lead Golden Crocodile froze for a second, then let out a tyrannical roar, leading a group of minions to rush crazily toward Darkness."Hey! Haru! Your command is way too sadistic!" Kazuma watched Darkness, who was instantly submerged by the crocodile swarm and emitting strange cries, and couldn't help but complain. "Although she is indeed happy, are we really not planning to save her? She'll be bitten into pieces, right?!""Rest assured, her defense is off the charts." Harucalmly raised his staff, blue electric arcs already crackling and gathering at his fingertips. "Now! Aqua, imbue my lightning magic with the Holy attribute! Megumin, although you can't cast Explosion Magic right now, find a high spot and help me observe the crocodiles' weak points! We're going to take them all out in one wave!""O-oh! Leave it to me! Sacred Protection—!!"Although Aqua was still trembling, she obediently placed her hand on Haru's shoulder.Haru felt the magic surging within him, watching Darkness in the middle of the crocodile swarm, being bitten while declaring "This is great" like a pervert, and his heart was filled with the heroic spirit of certain victory.Although the style of this battle had deviated from the norm, as long as they could get that forty million, this little sacrifice (referring to Darkness's sanity) was completely worth it!
Chapter 31: Ending the BattleHaru felt Aqua's cold yet holy palm rest on his shoulder, as a surge of mana so vast it was nearly overflowing rushed up his spine and straight to his head.In that instant, Haru felt as if he were no longer that penniless mage hauling bricks in Axel, but a tyrant wielding the power of thunderous judgment."Aqua, there's too much mana! It's going to burst out!"Haru let out a low growl, and the tip of the staff in his hand erupted with blinding blue-white electrical sparks."Then fire it all! Turn these vermin who dare covet a goddess (and money) into charcoal! Sacred Enchantment—!!"Aqua screamed at the top of her lungs with her eyes shut, her mana output completely unrestrained.Seizing the moment, Haru thrust his staff violently into the clear Holy Water.Boom—Crack!!In an instant, the entire section of the sewer pipe was flooded with intense light.Countless arcs of electricity, like giant pythons, spread wildly through the highly conductive Holy Water.The minion crocodiles that had been besieging Darkness didn't even have time to scream before they floated up, eyes rolling back and bodies twitching; the air was instantly filled with a strange smell, like charcoal-grilled seafood mixed with ozone.And Darkness, at the center of the electric shock, had become the perfect lightning rod."Ugh... Ohhhhhhh—!! Such... such an intense impact! This feeling of every cell in my body being pierced and scorched... even my soul feels like it's being electrified into pieces... Haa... Haru... m-more, give me more..."Darkness trembled violently in the water, her long blonde hair standing on end like a sea urchin's spines, black smoke billowing from the gaps in her armor; yet on her face, contorted by pain and pleasure, there appeared a smile that was somehow both holy and broken."Hey! Darkness is going to break! Stop it!" Kazuma, crouching on the edge of a high pipe, nearly slipped in fright. "And look at the big one! It's not dead at all!"Haru didn't have time to check on Darkness; he focused his gaze, and his heart suddenly sank.The massive Golden Sewer Crocodile Elite, though its scales were sparking and some parts had even charred and fallen off, had golden pupils that had turned blood-red from the intense pain.The golden scales on its body seemed to possess some strange magic resistance, actually redirecting most of the lightning into the surrounding water.Worse still, instead of killing it, the powerful electric shock had only incited its ferocity.It let out a deafening roar, its massive body jolting as it forcibly broke free from paralysis. Carrying crackling residual sparks, it burst through the water like an out-of-control tank, aiming straight for Haru, who was still in a post-casting recovery state!"Crap! It's entered a Berserk State!"Haru tried to retreat in a hurry, but because his mana output had been too intense just now, his legs felt weak."Haru! Get out of the way! It's going to spray!"Megumin shrieked a warning from above.The elite crocodile suddenly opened its massive maw, and a golden light began to glow deep within its throat.Countless hard scales and debris it had swallowed, now reinforced by mana, shot toward Haru like machine-gun bullets!"Help me—!!"Seeing things take a turn for the worse, Aqua's first reaction was to duck directly behind Haru, using him as a human shield.Looking at the overwhelming rain of golden projectiles, only one thought crossed Haru's mind: this forty-million quest really isn't that easy to complete!Just as the overwhelming golden rain was about to turn the immobilized, mana-depleted Haru into a sieve, a heavy figure smelling of char, like an insurmountable mountain, suddenly stepped between Haru and the elite crocodile.Clang, clang, clang—!!Countless hard scales and debris struck Darkness's Crusader armor like rain, sending sparks flying everywhere.Her armor, already blackened by the lightning, was now riddled with dents, and some sharp scales were even deeply embedded in the gaps."Ugh... ha... ahh... is this... the feeling of being baptized by a berserk monster... with its powerful gift across my entire body?!"Darkness held her shield firmly, her body forced back by the heavy impacts as her boots screeched against the slippery stone floor. Although her face was pale from blood loss and exhaustion, a sense of duty bordering on madness burned in her eyes. "L-Haru... hurry, while you can... although my body is nearly at its limit... if I can be riddled with holes here to protect my comrades... then that would be the highest honor for a knight... Ugh! It hurts! This pain... it's wonderful!""Darkness! You're so perverted it's actually touching!"Looking at her trembling yet unyielding back, an inexplicable heat flared in Haru's heart.Haru gritted his teeth, forcibly squeezing out the last dregs of mana from his parched body."Kazuma! Stop just watching! Use your [Snipe] to interfere with its vision!"Haru shouted toward the high pipe."Tch, I know! It's a pain, but if we don't get that forty million, I'll be washing dishes at the guild for the rest of my life!" Kazuma produced a simple longbow from somewhere and calmly drew the string, a sharp glint flashing in his eyes. "Snipe—!!"Swish—!A precise arrow pierced the Darkness and, at the moment the elite crocodile opened its mouth for a second spray, accurately punctured its bloodshot left eye."Roar—!!"The elite crocodile let out a shrill cry of pain, its attack instantly interrupted.It thrashed its massive head wildly, its once-steady balance faltering from the intense pain."Now's the time! Haru! Give it the final blow!" Seeing the danger pass, Aqua jumped out from behind Darkness, waving her staff to cheer him on. "Show it your free-spirited wrath!"Haru took a sudden step forward and, using Darkness's shoulder for support, leaped into the air.The tip of his staff didn't gather lightning; instead, he condensed all his remaining mana into extreme cold."Since you're resistant to electricity, then turn into an ice sculpture for me! Freeze!!"Haru precisely thrust his staff into the eye socket that Kazuma had pierced.The cold instantly invaded its brain through the wound.The behemoth's movements came to a screeching halt. A thick layer of ice crystals rapidly spread from its head across its entire body. In less than two seconds, the once-unrivaled King of the Sewers was transformed into a massive ice sculpture shimmering in the Holy Water.A deathly silence fell over the surroundings, with only Darkness's heavy, satisfied panting echoing through the air.Haru sat down exhausted next to the ice sculpture, looking at the frozen giant crocodile, and finally let out a long sigh of relief:"We won... the forty million is ours.""Yay—!! Fine sake! Premium beef! Lady Aqua is reborn!"Aqua cheered and jumped into the water, starting a strange dance around the crocodile ice sculpture."Hey, Haru." Kazuma jumped down from the pipe, looking at the smoking, satisfied, and unconscious Darkness, then back at Haru. "We won, but I can't help but feel... is there something seriously wrong with our party's fighting style?"Haru looked at his soaked clothes and then at Megumin in the distance, who was trying to pry a crocodile tooth loose as a trophy, and smiled faintly:"In this world, as long as the outcome is good, the process... just let it blow away with the wind
Chapter 32: Unequal Distribution of SpoilIn the clear holy water, the massive ice sculpture of the Golden Crocodile emitted a faint chill.Darkness's eyelashes, slightly singed from the electric shock, fluttered a few times before she suddenly snapped her eyes open.At first, she looked around in confusion, then, as if remembering something, her hands frantically felt over her body."Is... is it over? That... dreamlike time... of being pierced by countless sharp scales and repeatedly ravaged by violent fangs... is it already over?" Darkness sat up abruptly, looking at the lifeless crocodile now turned into an ice sculpture, her eyes filled with a heartbreaking despair. "This has to be a lie... I was clearly prepared to be dragged into the darkest mire by it, entangled in filthy water weeds, and left with no choice but to let out tragic cries for help... Why did it die just like that? Haru! Why did you use Freeze magic? You cold-blooded, heartless man! Don't you know how immense the emptiness is for a knight to achieve victory without being completely finished off by a monster?!"Haru looked at Darkness, who seemed on the verge of tears from regret, and his mouth couldn't help but twitch."Hey, I saved your life! If you really got dragged in, we'd be a four-person party right now!""It's okay! Darkness, watch me!" Aqua approached with a face full of confidence. Her slender palms glowed with a soft green light as she pressed them directly onto Darkness's dented and cracked armor. "Heal! Heal! Heal!—!!"As Aqua chanted, the bruises and scrapes on Darkness's body vanished at a visible rate, but that wretched Crusader armor remained singed and twisted."Aqua, what are you doing?"Kazuma watched her from the side with a skeptical squint."I'm repairing her armor! I'm a goddess, a small thing like this... Huh? Why is there no reaction?" Aquaincreased her mana output, her face turning bright red from the effort. "Turn back into something shiny and bright! You stubborn hunk of junk!""Idiot, Heal can only Heal living things. How could it possibly fix metal?" Kazuma retorted mercilessly. "Even if you rub it until sparks fly, it'll still just be a slightly cleaner piece of scrap metal.""Waaaaah! Even the armor is rejecting me! There's definitely something wrong with the physical laws of this world! They're definitely targeting me, a goddess who possesses both beauty and wisdom!"Aqua's composure instantly shattered, and she squatted in the water, starting to draw circles on the ground.Haru looked at this group of problem children who had already started their daily antics, then glanced at the massive golden ice sculpture in the distance. He took a deep breath and assumed the authority of the (self-proclaimed) Acting Party Leader:"Alright! Stop acting crazy! Darkness, if you feel empty, you can go sleep in the stables for a night once we get back; I promise no one will stop you. Aqua, stop trying to fix that junk and hurry up and pick up that Golden Treasure Chest. We're heading back to the guild!"Haru pointed at the solid gold treasure chest frozen beneath the crocodile's belly; its glittering golden light looked exceptionally enticing through the refraction of the holy water."Listen up, that's forty million eris! Once we collect the bounty, not only can we pay off our debts, but we can also move to a better inn, buy the best equipment, and eat the most expensive barbecue!" Haru paused, revealing a devious smile. "I might even be able to buy a few pairs of the highest quality underwear!"At the mention of money and meat, the group, who had been dejected just moments ago, were suddenly revitalized as if they'd been injected with chicken blood."That's right! Let's go! Back to the guild!"Kazuma hoisted the heavy Golden Treasure Chestonto his back. Although it felt like his waist was about to snap, the smile on his face was brighter than Aqua's purification halo."I want to eat high-grade beef! And I want to buy that staff inlaid with rubies!"Megumin also followed excitedly, though her mana hadn't recovered yet and her steps were a bit unsteady."R-returning to the guild to claim the reward... walking onto the stage under everyone's gaze, wearing this tattered armor that even smells singed... that feeling of being pointed at and whispered about—'Oh my, what kind of excessive things did this young lady go through?'... Mmm! That sounds pretty good too!"Darkness's fighting spirit was reignited, and she wobbled to the front of the party.In the late-night Adventurers Guild, the usually noisy hall was now occupied only by Haru's party, who were covered in the smell of singing and the lingering scent of holy water.Miss Miss Luna behind the counter, her hands trembling, finally stamped the thick debt certificates with a bright red "Paid" seal after counting everything three times."Whew... I've never seen this much money in my life."Kazuma watched the IOUs being taken away and slumped into his chair as if freed from gravity, letting out a long sigh.After paying off the astronomical mansion repair fee, exactly 6.3 million eris remained on the table.The pile of glittering golden coins shimmered enticingly under the faint candlelight, as if beckoning to everyone."Hehe... hehehe..." Aqua's eyes had turned into the shape of coins. Like a greedy hamster, she lunged at the table, spreading her arms to gather all the money. "This is all mine! No objections, right? After all, if it weren't for my perfect, divine Sacred High Highness Purification, you'd all still be rolling around in that stinking mire! I'm going to buy that fifty-year-old vintage 'God's Bubbles,' and a full set of silk pajamas, and—""Hey, you stupid goddess, have you forgotten who the victims were that you almost drowned?"Kazuma's gaze instantly turned cold, and the dark aura belonging to Scumzuma began to spread through the guild.Haru stood to the side. Although his lower body still felt waves of cold from his soaked clothes, his IQ seemed to have reached its peak under the stimulation of the money.Haru and Kazuma exchanged a glance. With just that one look, the two reached a silent understanding that only exists between scumbags and deviants."Kazuma, you feel it too, right?"Haru sneered and slowly walked toward the table."Yeah, Haru, I completely agree. It seems a certain high-level laborer, who only knows how to cause trouble, use teammates as shields, and even try to fix armor with Heal, has some misunderstandings about her contribution to this battle."Kazuma cracked his knuckles with a sharp sound."W-what are you two trying to do?! I'm a goddess! I'm your faith! I'm your savior!"Aqua felt the suffocating pressure and pulled her hands back in fear, tears beginning to well up in her eyes."First, for purifying the sewers and causing the water level to surge, nearly wiping out the party—deducting two million for mental distress."Haru extended one finger expressionlessly."Second, for using teammates as human shields during battle—deducting one million for risk compensation."Kazuma immediately added."Third, for wasting mana on useless spells and causing irreversible visual pollution to Darkness's armor—deducting one million for repair fees."Haru hoisted Aqua off the pile of money and tossed her onto the nearby empty floor like a piece of trash."Waaaaah! This is too much! You two demons! Scumbags! Perverts! Haru, you panty-less exhibitionist! Kazuma, you panty-stealing lecher! I'm going to sue you! I'm going to complain to eris about you—!!"Aqua lay on the floor, wailing loudly and kicking her legs frantically against the ground, her voice so shrill it sounded as if she had suffered a monumental injustice."Alright, the nuisance has been dealt with."Haru completely ignored the wailing in the background and turned to look at Kazuma.At this moment, 6.3 million eris remained on the table.The atmosphere instantly became tense, as if swords were drawn."Haru, I was the one who landed that final arrow shot." Kazuma narrowed his eyes slightly, his hand already resting on the hilt of the short sword at his waist (though he didn't actually dare to draw it). "Besides, if I hadn't led the way, you'd still be wandering in circles in the sewers.""Oh? And who cast the final Freeze magic? Who insisted on commanding even while not wearing any underwear, and nearly got electrocuted to death?"Haru raised an eyebrow, a dangerous red light glowing at the tip of his staff. "Kazuma, don't be too greedy. I'll take four million, and the remaining 2.3 million can be split between you, Megumin, and Darkness. That's fair, right?""Fair my foot! Megumin is already asleep, and Darkness is currently in the afterglow of being commanded by you and couldn't care less about money! This is clearly just you and me trying to pocket the lion's share!" Kazuma slammed the table. "Men should settle things like men! Come on, Haru! Rock-paper-scissors! The winner takes five million!"On Kazuma's face, somewhat pale from being a shut-in for so long, was a twisted "all according to plan" smile.His right hand rubbed restlessly against his thigh, and his eyes glittered with a mysterious confidence that screamed, "My Luck stat is EX, what do you have to fight me with?""Come on, Haru! This is the fairest, fastest way, and most fitting for low-tier Adventurers like us!" Kazuma chuckled, already striking a pose to throw his hand. "One round to decide it all. The winner takes five million, and the loser takes 1.3 million to buy that idiot goddess over there some booze. How about it? Pretty generous, right?"Haru looked at Kazuma's confident expression and sneered. Instead of reaching out, he crossed his arms over his chest and stared at him with eyes that seemed to see through everything."Kazuma, do you take me for a fool?" Haru narrowed his eyes, his tone full of mockery. "Who in all of Axeldoesn't know your Luck stat is ridiculously high? Playing rock-paper-scissors with you isn't a duel; it's a live payout from the Lin Jin Charitable Foundation. I may not be wearing underwear, but my brain hasn't been pickled by holy water yet."Kazuma's smile froze on his face. He awkwardly withdrew his hand and coughed twice."Ahem... what are you talking about? This kind of game is all about momentum. Do you understand momentum? Since you don't dare, it means you've already lost. The money is mine—""Hold on." Haru slammed the table, making the pile of gold coins clink loudly and scaring Aqua, who was about to sneakily swipe a coin, into pulling her hand back.Haru looked around at this party whose art style was gradually collapsing: a goddess crying like a messy cat, a perverted knight covered in smoke but looking entranced, a chuunibyou mage sleeping like a log, and this shut-in with a head full of deviant thoughts."Arguing over just a few million is far too petty."Haru stood tall. In the faint moonlight streaming through the window, his figure actually seemed somewhat imposing in Kazuma's eyes (though it was likely an illusion). "Kazuma, since we have to survive in this world and carry the constant risk of going bankrupt, this party needs a true core."Kazuma was taken aback. "Core? What do you mean?""Leader," Haru said, enunciating each word with an unquestionable decisiveness. "Since this huge sum of money arrived today, why don't we just settle it? We'll have a real competition to decide who will be the sole leader of this party with absolute authority. The winner not only takes that five million but also gains full control over the party's finances, quest selection, and the right to discipline these troublemakers!"At the words "right to discipline," Darkness, who had been lying there like a corpse, snapped her head up, her eyes shining like two high-powered light bulbs."D-discipline?! Do you mean... the right to be locked in a dark room by the leader for making a mistake, subjected to all kinds of inhumane admonishments and physical punishments? Ooooh... whether it's Haru or Kazuma, as long as they can give those kinds of excessive orders... I-I have no objection!""Shut up! This is a battle for dignity between men!" Kazuma barked at Darkness, then turned back to Haru, his gaze becoming serious. "Interesting... Haru, although you're a panty-less pervert, this proposal is indeed tempting. So, how do you plan to compete? If it's magic, I'm out."The corners of Haru's mouth curled up, revealing a smile that sent a chill down Kazuma's spine:
Chapter 33: A DeadlockHaru slammed his staff, now slightly warm from the surging magic, heavily onto the wooden floor, the dull thud causing the guild's noisy background to fall silent for a moment.Haru looked at Kazuma's face, which practically screamed "Luck Stat EX," and revealed a smile of absolute confidence."Kazuma, since we're choosing a leader, we certainly can't just look at personal combat power or that elusive luck." Haru stepped over Aqua, who was still drawing circles on the floor, and locked eyes with Kazuma. "A qualified leader must be able to earn the genuine approval of this group of… *cough*, this group of distinct individuals. So, let's have a public opinion poll. Whoever can win the support of Aqua, Darkness, and Megumin will be the rightful leader of this party."Kazuma blinked, then let out a sneer, leaning back in his chair with his hands behind his head. "Popularity contest? Haru, have you forgotten how I usually lead these guys through life-or-death situations? Even though I was a bit mouthy earlier, when it comes to time spent together and our bond, do you really think they'd choose a… pervert who can't even keep his own panties, or me, their reliable guide?""Oh? Then let's see."Haru turned to look at Aqua, who had stopped crying and was now curiously eyeing the two with red, swollen eyes, and at Darkness, whose breathing was growing heavy.The guild hall's lights flickered slightly due to a lack of magical power, casting long shadows of everyone present.Sensing things were going south, Kazumaimmediately put on an incredibly sincere and slightly seductive expression. He leaned in close to Aqua's ear, lowering his voice while ensuring everyone could still hear: "Aqua, listen, if I become the leader, two million of that 6.3 million is yours to spend however you want! Whether it's the most expensive God's Bubble in Axel, or that high-grade Wagyu beef that sends you straight to heaven with a single bite, you can order whatever you like! I'll even buy you those lace-trimmed silk pajamas so you can finally say goodbye to that pile of hay in the stable. How about it?"Kazuma's one-two punch of money and food clearly hit Aqua's weak spot with pinpoint accuracy.The foolish goddess, who had been sobbing in grievance just moments ago, saw her water-blue eyes instantly light up like two 1000-watt light bulbs.Her pretty face, which had previously been plastered with an expression of "you are all devils," was now becoming slightly distorted as visions of endless booze and feasts flooded her mind, a trail of glistening drool even forming at the corner of her mouth."Re-really? Two million? And high-grade beef and sparkling wine?" Aqua turned her head, her gaze shifting from hatred to the desperate longing of someone looking at a long-term meal ticket. "Kazuma… even though you're a shut-in, you occasionally say things that make sense! In that case, I'll reluctantly—""Aqua, have you forgotten something?" Haruinterjected suddenly, his voice as flat as if he were stating an immutable truth.He slowly walked up to Aqua, looking down at the intellectually challenged goddess, and pointed at the smug-faced Kazuma. "Don't you want to think about why you're here in the first place? Why aren't you sitting on that comfortable, holy throne in the heavens, sipping the premium nectar offered by your followers, instead of wearing these clothes that are practically molding, risking your life against crocodiles in the sewers, and begging a shut-in for a few bottles of booze?"Aqua's expression froze, as if someone had hit the pause button."Who dragged you down here as carry-on luggage when they reincarnated?" Haru took a step forward with every word. "Who made you haul bricks in Axelfor months, forced to live off half-price bentos for dinner? Who is to blame for you, a goddess, having to bear millions in debt and nearly getting dragged off by creditors to pay it back?"Aqua's pupils began to tremble violently as those painful memories she had deliberately ignored came flooding back like a tidal wave."If it weren't for him, you'd still be that high and mighty Goddess of Water." Haru revealed a devilish grin and delivered the finishing blow. "So, you actually intend to choose the very culprit who ruined your entire life to be your leader? Are you trying to repay your enemy with kindness?""Waaah… Waaaaahhh—!! I remember! I remember everything!!" Aqua let out a piercing scream that shattered eardrums. She whipped her head around and glared at Kazuma with the eyes of someone looking at their sworn enemy. "Kazuma, you bastard!! It's all your fault! If it weren't for you, I wouldn't be suffering like this! And you actually want to use *my* money to bribe me with booze? That's my money! It's all my money!!"She lunged forward like an angry kitten, pouncing on Kazuma and unleashing a flurry of blows—her signature "Goddess Rhapsody"—directly onto his face."Hey! Haru, you bastard! You're just rubbing salt in the wound! Aqua, stop! Your nails are scratching me! Ow, ow, ow—!!"Kazuma shouted at Haru while dodging the blows in a pathetic display.Inside the guild hall, Aqua continued to relentlessly scratch and bite at Kazuma's calf, but Kazuma was too distracted to care about the pain. His bloodshot eyes were locked onto Megumin, who was rubbing her sleepy eyes and looking completely bewildered."Megumin! You've woken up at just the right time!" Kazuma violently shook off Aqua and scrambled over to Megumin.He took a deep breath, as if resolving himself to do something incredibly shameful, then jumped back and struck an exaggerated, quintessential Crimson Demon Clan chuunibyou pose—left hand covering his right eye, right hand clawed and reaching toward the sky, his body tilted at a bizarre angle."My dear friend, who dwells within the crimson lotus of the abyss, the great mage who has mastered the ultimate mystery—Megumin!" Kazuma's voice echoed through the empty guild, radiating a level of secondhand embarrassment that made one's toes curl. "In the dark depths of the sewer, I witnessed it! The ultimate art, capable of causing stars to fall and all things to perish! That's right, there is no one else in this world worthy of the word Explosion! You are a lone traveler on the path of truth, and I, Satou Kazuma, wish to be the witness to your destructive light that illuminates the world! Choose me, for I alone can understand your noble and fanatical soul!"Megumin was stunned, her red eyes shimmering slightly in the moonlight.As a veteran Crimson Demon Clan chuunibyou, she was clearly shaken by Kazuma's incredibly professional display of "mutual admiration.""Ka-Kazuma… your pose just now, although the angle of your elbow was off by three degrees, those words… mmm, they really spoke to my heart." Megumin's face flushed slightly, and she bashfully twirled a lock of her hair. "I never expected that a lowly thief like you, who usually only knows how to steal things, would have such refined taste…"Haru sneered inwardly as he watched Megumin, who looked like she was about to be won over.When it came to dealing with this group of problem children, he possessed strategies that were practically a level above."Megumin, empty praise might sound nice, but does it fill your stomach… no, wait, does it let you have your fun once a day?" Haru walked forward slowly, his tone filled with an undeniable temptation. "Kazuma only pays lip service, but I can offer you the most practical support. If I become the leader, I promise to personally accompany you out of the city every single day to find the perfect target. Whether it's a hard boulder or some unlucky cabbage, if you want to blow it up, I'll take you there. And—"Haru paused deliberately, flashing a considerate smile."When you've finished casting your magic and are completely paralyzed and unable to move, I will personally carry you back. You won't have to worry about being snatched away by wild dogs on the roadside, or falling into the mud and dirtying your beloved robe. One shot a day, rain or shine—what do you think of having an exclusive Explosion-exclusive nanny?"Megumin's breathing hitched."E-every day one shot… and an exclusive carrying service…"Visions immediately flooded her mind: her casting Explosion Magic under the sunset, then lounging on Haru's broad back as he leisurely carried her back to town. That was simply the ultimate life every user of Explosion Magic dreamed of!"Li-Haru… you bastard, to think you'd offer such an irresistible condition…"Megumin's body began to tremble slightly, and her gaze had completely shifted away from Kazuma."Wait!! I can do that too!!" Kazuma let out a desperate cry. Abandoning all dignity, he lunged between Haru and Megumin and shouted, "One shot a day, right? I can do that too! Carrying you? Piece of cake! Not only will I carry you every day, but I'll recite those chuunibyou lines you just taught me while I do it! I'll even buy you the best magic recovery potions! Choose me! Megumin, choose me, your old partner!"Megumin stood there, looking to her left at the sincere (yet devilish) Haru, and then to her right at the desperate (and pathetic) Kazuma."W-what should I do…" Megumin found herself facing the toughest decision of her life. Her clever brain seemed to be emitting smoke from the sheer overload. "On one side, a kindred spirit who understands art; on the other, a nanny who provides full service… Aaaah! Why can't I have both?!""You can only choose one!!"Haru and Kazuma shouted in unison."Th-then…" Megumin agonized for a long time before finally squatting on the ground in despair, clutching her head. "I-I can't choose! The conditions you two are offering are exactly the same! One to one! It's a tie! It's a tie!"Haru and Kazuma locked eyes, sparks seemingly flying in the air between them.Aqua supported Haru, while Megumin supported Kazuma.It seemed only Darkness's deciding vote remained
Chapter 34: Haru's PartyThe originally dim lights of the guild hall seemed to transform into sacred spotlights in Darkness's eyes.Her eyes, usually full of heroic spirit, were now covered in a heavy mist, and her hands were tightly twisted together, her knuckles turning slightly white from the excessive force."Ha—has it finally come to my turn..." Darkness's breathing became extremely chaotic, her chest heaving violently, and one could even hear the suppressed moans emanating from deep within her throat. "To be fought over by two men... and men with such filthy gazes, competing for the right to dominate me without any bottom line... Ugh! Is—is this what they call a public execution?!"Seeing this, Kazuma immediately unleashed his signature skill as a scumbag.He strode up to Darkness and revealed an extremely sinister and cold smile, his gaze—the kind one reserves for trash—perfected to the extreme."Darkness! You listen to me!" Kazuma waved his hand abruptly, his tone filled with unreasonable arrogance. "As long as I'm the leader, I will absolutely not treat you like a Crusader! I'll treat you like a walking human shield, or even a meat bait! When we encounter monsters, I'll be the first to kick you out to draw fire while I hide in the back, sipping tea leisurely! Not only that, I'll dump all the dirty and tiring work on you. I'll make you clean the guild's toilets, make you wait in line to buy me limited-edition adult magazines! I'll spend all your savings, making you, this Crusader, end up having to scavenge for food on the streets! How about that? This kind of life where your dignity is completely trampled—only I can give it to you!""Ohhh-ohhh-ohhh!! So—so amazing!!" Darkness let out a shriek, her body swaying, a dangerously intense flush spreading across her face. "Being treated like a tool... having my assets squandered... this kind of hopeless life... it's—it's too wonderful! Kazuma! You really do understand me!!"Looking at Darkness, who looked like she was about to ascend on the spot, Haru raised the corner of his mouth slightly.Kazuma's level of perversion was still too amateurish in front of someone like him, who possessed modern thinking and a deep understanding of abnormal psychology.Haru walked slowly up to Darkness. He didn't shout like Kazuma, but instead reached out his hand—slightly rough from previous battles—and gently pinched Darkness's chin, forcing her to look up and meet his cold, controlling gaze."Darkness, do you think what Kazuma said is... interesting?" Haru's voice was low and magnetic, carrying a chilling sense of oppression. "That's just a child's prank. If you choose me as your leader, I will give you a deeper despair, one that leaves you unable to live and unable to die."Darkness's pupils contracted sharply, and her body shuddered involuntarily."I will make you stand in front of all the Adventurers, wearing this tattered armor that I've scorched black—even revealing large patches of skin—and give a three-hour speech of reflection. I will order you not to use any defensive skills during combat, forcing you to attack enemies with your near-zero accuracy, watching as your companions fall into danger one by one while you can only helplessly let out cries of despair."Haru leaned close to her ear, his warm breath brushing against her neck, yet his tone was cold as ice. "Most importantly... whenever you crave punishment, whenever you yearn to be fiercely scolded or humiliated by me, I will speak to you in the gentlest, most righteous tone: 'It's alright, you've done a great job,' and then completely ignore all your perverted requests. I will leave you on the sidelines, letting you be driven mad by extreme, unfulfilled longing. This complete mental isolation and the absolute denial of your desires... can you handle it?""Ah... ahhh...!!!"It was as if Darkness had been struck by a Thunderbolt; her legs gave way, and she collapsed directly to the floor.She gasped for air, her eyes filled with unprecedented ecstasy and terror. "Mental... isolation... denial... of desires... Lin—Haru... you—you demon! You true, hopeless, most perverted mage in Axel!! This torture of 'yearning but never receiving'... Ugh-ohhh-ohhh!! I choose you! I choose you! Even if I'm played with until I break, I still choose you—!!"Kazuma was completely dumbfounded.He stared blankly at Darkness, who was kneeling at Haru's feet, seemingly considering whether to kiss the tips of his shoes, as his short sword clattered to the ground."I lost... I actually lost to this guy in terms of perversion..." Kazuma collapsed despondently next to Aqua, sinking into deep self-doubt. "I thought I was enough of a scumbag, but I never expected this guy to come up with such a high-end tactic as cold-violence punishment... Haru, you're the real pervert..."Watching this chaotic scene, Aqua moved to the side with a look of disgust. "Hey, you two, that's enough! Everyone else in the guild is looking over here! Miss Luna-san has already started writing a 'No Perverts Allowed' sign!"Haru calmly retracted his staff and looked around. 2 to 1, the outcome was decided.The atmosphere in the guild hall fell into an eerie silence due to Haru's near-psychologically polluting victory declaration.Miss Luna-san had already silently hung up the 'Closed for the Day' sign and was starting to consider whether to contact the Axel guards to deal with this gathering of perverts.Haru looked down at the pile of 6.3 million eris on the table—enough to make an ordinary person work for a decade—as the golden light shone on his face, which was written all over with "Plan Successful."Haru's fingers had already touched the thick stack of 10,000-denomination bills; that was the 5 million dividend belonging to the winner.However, when Haru's peripheral vision swept across the circle of people next to him—Kazuma, beaten and bruised with dead eyes; Aqua, drooling and staring longingly; Darkness, flushed and collapsed on the floor; and Megumin, just woken up and clutching her staff with a confused expression.Haru suddenly realized that if he hogged the lion's share now, this already precarious party would likely disband tomorrow morning for the absurd reason of the leader being assassinated by teammates over uneven distribution of loot.For the sake of long-term "sustainable exploitation"... no, for the sake of long-term team harmony, Haru took a deep breath and made a decision that went against his perverted instincts."Ahem, everyone listen up." Haru waved his hand abruptly, roughly dividing the pile of gold coins and bills into five portions, the clattering sound crisp and pleasant. "Although I won the leader's throne and the right to distribute the loot, I, Lin, am not the type to eat meat alone while letting my brothers starve. This 6.3 million, we'll split five ways. 1.26 million eris each. Does anyone have any objections?"The air went still for another three seconds."O—one point two six million?!" Kazuma jerked his head up, the light of life instantly reigniting in his previously dull eyes. He reached out with trembling hands toward his pile of money. "Haru... you bastard... I take back what I said earlier. Even though you're a panty-less psychopath, when it comes to splitting money, you're practically the conscience of Axel! You're my own big brother!""Waaaah! Haru! You really are a hidden follower of the Axis Order, aren't you! This generosity, this magnanimity! Only a god could possess such a heart!" Aqua let out a cheer, hugging her share of the money like a starving tiger pouncing on prey, and even excitedly tried to rub against Haru. "It's decided! From now on, you're my High Priest! As long as you give me money, I'll even agree to purify all the toilets in the world!""S—split equally..." Darkness stood up unsteadily, a flicker of complex emotion flashing in her eyes. "Even though you possess absolute power of control, you chose this extreme kindness and equality... This feeling of being pitied by a superior... Ugh! Is this also some kind of high-level psychological manipulation? Haru, you truly are unfathomable...""Although I don't know what happened, since there's money to be had, I won't hold it against you for waking me up earlier." Megumin calmly collected her share of the money and expertly tucked it into the inner pocket of her robe. "1.26 million... enough to buy plenty of high-purity mana potions and expensive dried goods from the Crimson Demon Clan. Good job, Captain."Haru watched the hearts of this group being instantly bought off, feeling secretly smug.Exchanging two million out of the five million for the absolute loyalty of this group of top-tier combatants (even if they were problem children) and the legitimate status of "Captain"—this deal was a massive profit no matter how you looked at it."Alright, since the loot has been divided, everyone perk up!" Haru clapped his hands, assuming the dignity of a captain. "The current priority is to deal with these damn rags we're wearing, which reek of crocodile halitosis and holy water! Kazuma, go buy two sets of spare clothes tomorrow morning, and remember to buy me the highest-quality silk underwear! Aqua, don't you dare spend all your money at the tavern in one night! Darkness, go get your armor fixed; I don't want to have to worry about you having a wardrobe malfunction during our next battle!""Yes!! Captain!!" The group responded in unison, their voices so loud that Miss Luna-san was startled and dropped the quill in her hand.In the dead of night in Axel, a quirky group known as Haru's Party, carrying heavy bounties and harboring their own ulterior motives, officially began their era of dominance.
Chapter 35: About to Go BankruptOn a morning in Axel, sunlight streamed through the slightly greasy window of the Adventurers Guild, casting a glow over Haru as he elegantly sliced into a premium marbled red dragon steak.Haru took a gentle sip of the vintage fruit juice in his glass, which cost 30,000 eris, and sighed from the bottom of his heart: "Ah... no matter which world it is, as long as you have money, the air smells sweet. Even this sweat-filled Adventurers Guild smells like the scent of gold coins right now."At the table opposite Haru, Aqua was stuffing all sorts of expensive desserts into her mouth with both hands like an upstart, with three empty wine bottles already piled up beside her."Ha—! Haru, you finally said something sensible! This kind of life where I don't have to scrub toilets for tomorrow's meal money is the treatment a goddess deserves! Boss, bring another bottle of your most expensive wine, and put it on the captain's tab!""Hey, what about your own million?" Haru shot her a sidelong glance, his hand subconsciously touching the new underwear with the excellent texture inside his robe—that was the silk underwear exclusive to archmages that Haru had spent a small fortune to have custom-made yesterday; it was not only breathable, but also came with a faint cleaning magic."Eh? That stuff? I spent half of it last night treating the believers of the Axis Order to drinks, and I was planning to use the rest to buy that pure gold crystal ball..."Aqua replied righteously, causing the corner of Haru's mouth to twitch again involuntarily.Just then, the door of the Adventurers Guild was pushed open, and Kazuma walked in, looking green in the face with his legs trembling.On his back was a little girl who had completely fallen into a "sage mode," a happy smile hanging on the corner of her mouth."I'm back... Haru, you bastard captain... why did this miserable chore end up falling on me..." Kazumatremblingly placed Megumin on a bench, collapsing onto the floor and gasping for breath, "We agreed on one shot a day... Not only does this brat pick the farthest spot, but she also makes me carry her while shouting things like 'Oh, my crimson lotus, burn this sinful world'... My social standing has completely died!"Although Megumin could not move, she managed to open one eye and said weakly but proudly: "Today's... Explosion Magic... was also a perfect ninety points. That abandoned castle in the distance... let out an extremely pleasant wail... in my flames. Kazuma... your recitation was still too shy; you need to be more imposing tomorrow...""There's a tomorrow too?!"Kazuma let out a wail of despair.Haru watched this scene, his heart completely calm, and he even wanted to order another dessert.Haru had indeed been living quite comfortably these past few days: because he had split the bounty equally, the resentment within the party had dissipated quite a bit.Although Kazuma had to fulfill that promise of being a nanny for Explosion Magic every day, he gritted his teeth and endured it when he saw the long string of zeros in his wallet.And Darkness had been even stranger these past few days.She wore newly repaired, shiny armor, yet spent all day following behind Haru with nothing to do."Captain... are there no missions today either? No missions that require me to charge into a pile of monsters and be ravaged? Or... is simple scolding okay too? You haven't looked at me with that look of looking at trash for three whole days now; I feel like my body is about to rust..."Haru calmly flipped through the "Axel High-End Restaurant Guide" in his hand, not even looking up as he replied: "Darkness, you are doing well; continue to maintain this quiet state. This is the captain's order.""Ugh! This gentle dismissal again! This emptiness of being deprived of the right to be abused... ah... Captain is truly a master of playing with people's hearts!"Darkness covered her face, her body trembling uncontrollably once again.This life of debauchery and squandering money lasted for a whole week.The residents of Axel were surprised to find that the problem party, which had originally worried about making a living every day, had now become regulars on the commercial street.Haru bought the best staff, Kazuma bought a pile of useless game items, Aqua became the god of wealth for the taverns, and Megumin's Explosion Magic rang out in the distance on time every day.It was another sunny morning in Axel, but the sweet scent of money in the air seemed to have vanished without a trace overnight, replaced by a cold, biting wind called poverty.Haru sat on a slightly wobbly wooden chair in the Adventurers Guild; in front of him was no longer a premium dragon steak, but a bowl of clear noodle soup that gave off a suspicious aura and cost only 50 eris.Haru held a quill pen in his hand, frantically calculating on a few crumpled receipts, his brow furrowed into a tight knot."Kazuma, bring the accounts over here... I always feel like the numbers for these past few days aren't quite right. Did the boss of the Adventurers Guildsteal our stored wine?" Haru asked without looking up, his voice tinged with a barely perceptible tremor.Kazuma, sitting opposite Haru, was currently sprawled on the table with zero decorum, toying with a trinket that looked like it was made from the bone of some strange creature—that was the so-called ancient relic for increasing luck value that he had spent 300,000 eris on the day before yesterday; now it looked just like a pig's trotter that had been gnawed on by a dog."Don't bother calculating, Haru." Kazuma rolled his eyes, his tone filled with a dead-as-ash calmness, "I've already calculated it three times, and the result is the same—we are bankrupt. To be precise, because you added a round of expensive fruit juice for everyone in the Adventurers Guild yesterday to maintain the captain's style, the money left in your pocket now can't even buy the second button of that silk underwear inside your robe."Haru's hand calculating the accounts froze abruptly."Waaaaah! Why! Why did the money suddenly disappear! There was such a thick stack yesterday!" Aqua beside him let out an earth-shattering wail, violently shaking her empty little pink wallet, "I only bought a pure gold Axis Order emblem, treated the believers to a few meals, and then... then bought a dozen bottles of the highest-grade sparkling wine! Why is there no money left! Haru! You're the captain, right! Think of something! I haven't had breakfast yet!""That pure gold emblem of yours cost 800,000, didn't it, you idiot goddess." Haru snorted coldly and looked at Megumin, who was elegantly drinking plain water, "Megumin, what about you? You shouldn't have spent all of your 1.2 million yet, right?"Megumin put down her glass, her eyes revealing a noble sense of dedication to art: "I bought one hundred bottles of high-purity mana potion to ensure that the power of that daily Explosion Magiccan reach its limit. In addition, I also ordered a batch of limited-edition emergency rations specially made by the Crimson Demon Clan that have a self-destruct effect. Now... my pockets are flatter than my chest.""As for me..." Darkness said from the side, blushing and fidgeting, "I donated the rest of my money to an orphanage... because I thought, if I became penniless, and didn't even have the money to repair my armor, then in the upcoming battles, I would have to face monsters wearing this tattered armor that could fall apart at any moment... Ugh! That sense of shame and helplessness, just thinking about it...""Enough, shut up." Haru and Kazuma interrupted her delusions in unison.Haru slumped back against his chair, looking at the bowl of clear noodle soup on the table that had already gone cold.In just one week, 6.3 million eris had vanished into thin air under the squandering of his group, as if it had never existed."It is easy to go from frugality to luxury, but difficult to go from luxury to frugality..." Haru sighed with deep emotion, touching the smooth silk texture under his robe; that was his last shred of dignity.The originally lifeless atmosphere in the guild hall was suddenly torn apart by a shrill and high-pitched alarm.The Adventurers, who had been sighing over a bowl of noodle soup, were now as if injected with adrenaline; they suddenly overturned tables and rushed toward the gate with bloodshot eyes.PS: If you have any suggestions for this new book, please feel free to say them. Currently, this book has no backlog of chapters, so if there is anything you are unsatisfied with, tell me and I can still adjust it. If you are satisfied, remember to help me leave some comments!!!! Thank you very much! The data for the new book is a bit poor right now -,-
De Chapter 36: Upholding Justice for Heaven"It's appeared! It's that! That time of year has finally arrived!""Quick! Grab the bug nets! Grab the sacks! Those are flying year-end bonuses!"Haru stared blankly at the group of crazed Adventurers. Before he could react, Kazuma had already dashed to the window and pushed it open to look at the distant horizon.On the skyline, dense green dots were swarming like a plague of locusts, heading toward Axel at high speed accompanied by a piercing whistling sound."Haru! Stop calculating those damn ledgers!" Kazuma turned his head, a fanatical look on his face like a gambler seeing a chance to win it all back. "It's the Cabbage! It's the Cabbage that flies toward water sources to spawn after maturing! A good quality Cabbage can sell for ten thousand eris at the collection point! If it's the extremely rare, Top-tier Meaty Cabbage, it can even sell for over fifty thousand!"Ten thousand eris for one?The deficit he had just calculated flashed through Haru's mind.If I can catch a hundred... no, a thousand of them..."Everyone, listen up!" Haru stood up abruptly, his staff thumping heavily, the majesty of a captain (and his thirst for money) bursting forth. "Aqua, wipe away those pathetic tears! Darkness, put on that tattered armor you haven't fixed yet! Megumin, get your Explosion Magic ready... no, wait, Explosion Magic will turn the money into ash. Use physical attacks for now! We're going hunting... no, we're going to 'harvest' gold coins!""Ohhh! For the bubbly wine!" Aqua wiped her nose, grabbed a giant fishing net, and rushed out."For... for the pleasure of having my whole body struck by thousands of Cabbages... Ooh! I'm going too!" Darkness followed closely behind, without even drawing her greatsword.When Haru led this group of problem children to the city gate, a spectacular scene unfolded.Countless emerald-green Cabbages streaked over the city walls like cannonballs. Some smashed against the walls, shattering and emitting a strong scent of greens, while more of them traced eerie arcs in the air, attempting to break through the Adventurers' defensive line."Watch me! Snipe!" Kazuma stood on high ground, continuously firing pebbles from his hand, accurately shooting down one flying Cabbage after another."Create Water! You stupid Cabbages, get into the Goddess's bowl!" Aqua tried to intercept them with a stream of water, but ended up being hit squarely in the face by a high-speed Cabbage, sending her flying backward with a scream.Haru looked at the money flying everywhere, took a deep breath, and raised his staff.As the captain, he naturally had to demonstrate overwhelming harvesting efficiency."Wind Magic!" Haru released a small-scale wind control spell, trying to gather the scurrying Cabbages together.However, because these Cabbages possessed a strong will to survive (and physical kinetic energy), they struggled violently within Haru's wind pressure. Instead, they formed a massive green tornado that began sweeping toward the guard post at the city gate."Haru, you bastard! Are you harvesting or creating a disaster?!" Kazuma shouted at Haru while dodging flying Cabbage leaves.In the center of the tornado, Darkness stood with her arms wide open, welcoming the rain-like impacts with a look of pure ecstasy. "Ah... being ravaged... from all sides by Cabbages... this refreshing yet rough sensation... Haru, harder! Let the storm be even more violent!"The scene at the city gate could no longer be described as harvesting; it was practically a brutal war between humans and vegetables.Shredded leaves flew everywhere, and the air was filled with a grassy scent that made people want to sneeze.Haru watched as Aqua tried to bite a flying Cabbage and Megumin swung her small fists trying to knock them down. This level of efficiency made Haru realize that if he didn't intervene, everyone would really be reduced to gnawing on the city walls tonight."Everyone, stop! You bunch of inefficient slackers!" Haru leaped onto a tall rock in an instant, his staff tracing a bright arc in the air. "Kazuma! Stop playing with your little pebbles and get over here to coordinate with me! We're starting industrialized harvesting mode!"Kazuma wiped the Cabbage juice off his face, his eyes sparkling with a thirst for money. "Oh? Is the Captain finally getting serious? Tell me, what's the plan? My nimble hands, trained for stealing panties, are already itching!"Haru pointed at the dense swarm of Cabbages ahead and revealed an extremely wicked smile. "I'll use wind magic to create a continuous low-pressure cyclone to slow down all those flying Cabbages and pull them onto a specific orbit. You use Lurk and Bind, and with your cheat-like luck, put every single Cabbage that enters the orbit into the sacks! We'll call it the Conveyor Belt Salvage Method!""Great idea! As expected of our black-hearted Captain!" Kazuma immediately entered a combat stance, his figure becoming elusive.Then, Haru turned to look at the other three bewildered problem children. "As for you three... Aqua! Stop crying and go use your water generation to create a muddy zone in front, so those low-flying Cabbages lose their friction! Darkness, stand right in the center of the muddy zone with your arms wide open and act as a human meat cushion! Any Cabbage I don't suck in, let them all crash into you and stop!""H-Human meat cushion... being hit continuously... head-on by thousands of hard Cabbages... Ooh! This task was made for me!" Darkness let out an extremely dangerous pant, rushing forward in excitement."Megumin! You're responsible for picking up all the Cabbages that fall off Darkness and throwing them to Aqua! Aqua will be in charge of the final washing and packing! Move fast—if even one is missed, I'm cutting your late-night snacks!""It's a pity I can't use Explosion Magic, but if it's for tomorrow's Crimson Demon Clan dried fruit... I'll do it!" Megumin also fired up her fighting spirit.The battle officially began.Haru pushed his mana to the limit, and a massive wind funnel formed in front of the city gate. Countless flying Cabbages were sucked into the cyclone like iron filings to a magnet, unable to help themselves.Kazuma moved like a ghost at the edge of the airflow, his [Bind] accurately capturing three or four Cabbages every time. His bagging speed was so fast he almost left afterimages.On the other side, the scene was even more "spectacular."Just as Haru intended, Darkness stood in the middle of the mud, welcoming the Cabbage baptism like a saint (pervert)."Thud! Thud! Thud!" The dull sounds of impact were incessant. Darkness's armor was covered in green juice, and she swayed back and forth under the impacts, a nearly holy, dazed smile on her face. "Ah... so heavy... so hard... give me more... let the Cabbages bury me!""So disgusting! You Cabbages, get into the boxes already!" Aqua cursed while casting her spells, but seeing the mountain of gold piling up beside her, her movements became increasingly agile.Just as Haru stood on the stacks of Cabbage boxes like a mountain, preparing to laugh three times like a true nouveau riche, several people in shiny armor and ornate capes walked over arrogantly.Leading them was a warrior carrying a greatsword on his back. He was quite handsome, but his eyes held a trace of arrogance. Behind him followed a young girl with a staff and a Thief who looked quite capable."Hey, you there. This spot has been claimed by our Silver Lion party." The handsome warrior kicked a wooden box under Haru's feet, producing a dull thud. "A ragtag team like yours that looks like you're just making up the numbers should be satisfied after catching fifty boxes, right? We elites will take over the remaining top-tier Cabbages. If you're smart, take your Cabbage and get lost. Don't get in our way."The surrounding air seemed to freeze instantly.Kazuma stopped his bagging, his gaze gradually becoming cold and cunning. Aqua held a sack full of Cabbages, baring her teeth like a hen protecting its food. Megumin silently placed her hand on her eyepatch, a dangerous aura beginning to radiate from her.Haru looked down at the handsome warrior, his lips curling into an extremely wicked arc."Oh? Silver Lion? Never heard of it. Is it some kind of circus troupe?" Haru slowly pulled a handkerchief from his robe and wiped the Cabbage juice off his staff. "You want this spot? Sure. But our Crusaderhere hasn't had enough fun yet. If you can satisfy her, I might consider it."Haru pointed to Darkness, who was lying in the middle of the mud, buried up to her head in Cabbages, her face flushed as she panted heavily."W-What?" The handsome warrior was stunned. Looking at the extremely ungraceful, even perverted scene, his face turned various shades of green and white. "You actually let a noble Crusader do such a thing? You're a disgrace to Adventurers! I, Belmont, shall uphold justice for heaven today...""Kazuma, do it."
Chapter 37: Unstoppable MeguminBefore the other party could even draw their sword, Kazuma had already activated Lurk and instantly circled behind them."Steal!"With a soft click, a bulging wallet appeared in Kazuma's hand, while the handsome warrior's belt somehow mysteriously came loose."You bastard! What did you Steal?!" The warrior turned pale with shock."Nothing much, just your meal money for today and that expensive-looking Adventurer Card of yours." Kazuma flashed a scum-like smile and casually tossed the wallet to Haru. "Captain, this guy is pretty loaded. Looks like our mental distress compensation is taken care of."Haru caught the wallet, weighed it in his hand, and looked at the stunned group of elites with satisfaction."Aqua, give our guests a little welcoming gift. Megumin, prepare your Explosion Magic. If they don't vanish from my sight within thirty seconds, blast that warrior right in the crotch. They're 'elites' anyway, so they should be able to handle it, right?""Leave it to me! Create Water!" Aqua let out a strange cry, and a massive torrent of water instantly drenched the three of them like drowned rats."My name is Megumin! In the name of the Crimson Demon Clan's greatest Archwizard..." Meguminbegan chanting her incantation, and the magic circle beneath her feet emitted a devastating light."Madmen! These people are all madmen!" Holding up his falling pants, the handsome warrior scrambled away with his companions, unable to even spare a moment for a parting threat.Haru watched their pathetic retreat, snorted coldly, and turned to look at Darkness, who was still lying on the ground with a dazed expression."Darkness, those guys just called you small fry. They said you were a disgrace to the nobility looking like this, and they even wanted to tie you up and hand you over to the Demon Kings Army. What... are your thoughts?""Ooh... ooohhh! Being treated like small fry... being kidnapped by the Demon Kings Army... that kind of, that kind of future of total humiliation... Lord Haru! Please continue! Please use even more excessive words to motivate me!"Darkness let out a perverted scream loud enough to make the surrounding cabbages wither."Tch, truly worthy of being my teammate." Harucalmly put away the wallet. "Kazuma, don't just stand there, get back to work! That golden Premium Cabbage is about to fly over!"The cabbage harvesting field, which had been somewhat orderly, instantly fell into a frenzy.Amidst the green afterimages filling the sky, a dazzling golden light streaked across the heavens. Not only was it extremely fast, but it even performed a series of dizzying Cobra maneuvers in mid-air, perfectly evading every Adventurer's bug net."It's here! It's the legendary Premium Meaty Cabbage that's worth five regular ones!" Kazuma's eyes instantly turned into eris symbols. Ignoring his own slipping pants, he snapped his short bow taut. "Haru! It's heading north! That's the most expensive vegetable in Axel, we can't let it get away!"Haru narrowed his eyes, watching the golden vegetable that seemed to have its own thrusters. The sensation of the silk against his skin under his robes kept his mind exceptionally calm. "Hmph, within my Wind Pressure Domain, even a god must descend for me! Everyone, execute the 'Golden Capture Plan'!"Haru swung his staff, and mana surged out like a tide. The previously gentle vortex instantly became violent."Press it down for me!"A powerful downward air current precisely enveloped the golden cabbage.Sensing the threat, the cabbage glowed with intense gold light, actually attempting to charge upward against the wind."Watch this! Snipe!" Kazuma seized the opportunity, and a stone shot out like a meteor, precisely hitting the edge of the cabbage's leaf. Although it didn't knock it down, it successfully disrupted its flight path."Waaaah! Don't run! You're my bubbly wine! You're my high-end dessert!" Aqua waved her massive fishing net like a madwoman, stumbling after it. "Sacred Create Water!"What she released wasn't ordinary water, but a high-pressure jet infused with sacred energy.Though her intention was to wash the cabbage down, due to her pitiable intelligence, the water jet didn't hit the vegetable. Instead, it drenched Kazuma, who was just about to jump up for the catch, right to the bone."Aqua, you idiot! Where are you spraying?!" Kazumafell face-first into the mud.Just then, the Premium Cabbage made a sharp turn in the air and headed straight for Darkness, who was currently in Sage Mode."It's... it's coming! This powerful, golden impact!" Darkness spread her arms wide, her face filled with a near-martyr-like ecstasy. "Crash into me! Completely shatter this armor of mine that's already on the verge of breaking! Ah..."*Thump!!*With a dull thud, the Premium Cabbage slammed hard into Darkness's breastplate.The massive impact forced her back several steps until she finally fell backward into a puddle of mud.The cabbage was also sent spinning away by the counterforce, dazed and dizzy in the air."Now! Megumin, physical suppression! Kazuma, Bind!" Haru shouted his orders.Since she couldn't use Explosion Magic, Megumin's face was flushed red from holding back. Hearing the command, she pounced like a lithe kitten, using her staff to pin down the struggling golden cabbage."Got you! You vegetable reeking of money!""Bind!" Kazuma immediately threw out a sticky rope, wrapping the cabbage layer upon layer until it was tied tight.Haru stepped forward, looking at the golden cabbage still wriggling restlessly in the ropes, and flashed a victor's smile. "50,000 eris, secured. Kazuma, pack it into the sturdiest crate. And shove that Silver Lion wallet in there too. Today, we're not just harvesting vegetables; we're harvesting those self-righteous elites.""Awesome! Long live the captain!" Aqua had already started performing a strange victory dance in the mud, completely ignoring that her expensive priestess outfit had been reduced to a rag.However, just as the group was preparing to pack up, a denser sound of whistling air suddenly came from the horizon.Haru looked up, and his expression instantly became quite interesting—it was the final wave consisting of thousands of cabbages, and among them were several giant, variant cabbages emitting a dark red aura.Looking at the sky-blotting tide of dark red cabbages, then at the mountain of cabbage crates beside him, Haru finally shifted his gaze to the little girl who was trembling with overexcitement, her pupils seemingly burning with crimson lotuses."Alright, Megumin. Since you want to display your art so badly, it would be heartless of me as your captain not to fulfill your wish." Haru elegantly pulled out a mana potion and drank it, feeling his mana recover. "Everyone, retreat! Kazuma, take that crate of Premium Cabbage! Aqua, stop rolling in the mud and help carry the crates! Darkness... Darkness! Stop drooling at those red cabbages! If you don't leave now, you'll be turned into a charcoal-grilled knight!""Eh? Is it really okay? Haru, you're so cool today that I almost want to skip out on the 30,000 eris I owe you!"Megumin let out a fanatical laugh. She took a sudden step forward, her staff pointing straight at the sky, her black cloak fluttering wildly in the gale."Finally, the moment is here! Kazuma, run! Or you'll get caught in it!" As soon as Aqua heard there would be an explosion, she ran faster than anyone, even managing to lug away two crates of the best-looking cabbages."Am I going to have to carry her back again... Dammit, my back is really going to be ruined today!" Kazuma grumbled, but his hands didn't slow down as he quickly directed everyone to move the crates inside the city gates.Mysterious Mini-theater:Haru: "I heard there's a strange device in Water City?"Kazuma: "What kind of device?"Haru: "Supposedly, if you enter a code, you can discuss things from thousands of miles away."Aqua: "That's amazing!"Megumin: "Then let's guess the code?"Aqua: "The beginning must be 1082."Darkness: "Then I guess the middle is 446."Haru: "Hmm, the end must be 718."Kazuma: "That's right, it's the Penguin, isn't it?"