The shock of the Triwizard Tournament being held had already settled by the next day. As I was heading toward the Entrance Hall in the line going to dinner, I spotted Draco Malfoy and his cronies picking on the trio of Harry and the others.
"Weasley! Hey, Weasley!"
Draco called out with a face that looked utterly delighted, and Ron turned around with an unmistakably displeased expression.
"Malfoy, what do you want?"
"Listen to this. Your father's in the paper."
Draco waved a copy of the Daily Prophet and loudly read the article so that everyone in the Entrance Hall could hear.
Another Major Blunder by the Ministry of Magic!
According to special correspondent Rita Skeeter, the Ministry of Magic's troubles are far from over. Already criticized for its mishandling of the World Cup and the disappearance of its staff, the Ministry has once again drawn public ire due to a blunder by Arnold Weasley of the Misuse of Muggle Artifacts Office.
As everyone in the Entrance Hall listened in, Draco continued to provoke them with a smug expression.
"They cannot even get his name right. Looks like your father is being treated as a complete nobody, huh?"
Normally, a misspelled name in a newspaper would be grounds for a correction or an apology, but Draco was somehow able to twist even that into ammunition for mockery. Honestly, he might be surprisingly well suited to being a lawyer or a politician.
"Is that your house behind your parents in the photo? Or is it a pigsty?"
"Get lost, Malfoy."
Sensing the tension drifting between an enraged, trembling Ron and a snickering Draco, the Entrance Hall gradually began to stir.
"Ron, let's go."
As Harry tried to pull Ron away, Draco pressed the attack from behind.
"Oh right, Potter. Tell me something. Is Weasley's mother really this fat, or is it just a bad photo?"
"Your own mother looks like she has something hanging off the end of her nose. Does she always look like that?"
A flush crept across Draco's pale face, and his smile vanished.
"Potter, do not insult my mother."
"Then shut that mouth of yours."
A crowd began to form around the six of them as the tension mounted. Being fourth-years, most students were already used to this sort of trouble and eagerly shifted into spectator mode. Gryffindors and Slytherins cheered them on with cries of "Get him!" while Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws watched from a distance, exasperated, saying things like "Not again…" or "Want to bet on who wins?"
If left alone, it would not be long before this turned into a brawl.
"…Honestly, what a hassle."
I had lost count of how many times I had seen this kind of quarrel myself, so as usual, I stepped between them.
"That's enough."
At this point, neither side could back down, and they showed no sign of listening to mediation. In that case, just like when former Slytherin prefect Gemma Farley had done last summer, the quickest way to settle this pointless dispute was to let them duel and get it over with.
"So then, shall we make it a doubles duel? Or singles? Triple is fine too."
"I'll pass. Let the boys handle it," Hermione said.
With Hermione dropping out, I glanced at the remaining members. Draco compared the heights of Crabbe and Goyle, then signaled to Goyle to step forward.
"Alright, we'll begin a doubles duel. Now then—"
"Hold it!"
Ron, still seething with anger, cut in with a disgruntled look.
"Elaina, are you going to be the referee?"
"Yes, that was my intention."
"Change it."
"I'm afraid we do not offer that kind of service here…"
"You just got a Galleon from Malfoy behind your back."
"…"
It would be unacceptable for a supposedly fair and neutral referee to be bribed with money, but setting that aside for the moment, responding sincerely to complaints is the mark of first-class service.
"Well then, since Ron has requested it, we'll appoint a separate referee from either Hufflepuff or Ravenclaw, apart from me as the host…"
I scanned the crowd and quickly found the perfect candidate.
"Cedric, this is perfect timing."
"Huh, me?"
Cedric Diggory gave a troubled, wry smile, but with a single word from me, the attention of the many onlookers in the Entrance Hall focused on him, leaving him no room to escape.
"Ron and Draco, you have no objections if it's Cedric, the well-behaved model student everyone respects, right?"
"Well, he is a prefect…"
"No problem with me."
With both Ron and Draco agreeing, and Cedric muttering something like "Wait, did I have a choice…?" we finally moved into the duel.
"Alright, raise your wands and face your opponents."
Just as Professor Lockhart had taught us during the Dueling Club in second year, we proceeded through the formal steps of a proper duel.
"Now, please bow."
"Elaina, why do I have to bow to Malfoy—"
"As if I would bow to Weasley—"
"Bow. Now."
The traditions of dueling must be observed. Otherwise, when it comes time for a real duel, it will be Harry and the others who regret it later. Probably.
"When I count to three, begin the duel. One, two—"
Before I could finish, a blazing flash burst from Draco's wand.
"What—!?"
But Harry was no stranger to danger, and he reflexively dodged the attack, the flash grazing his cheek.
"Wait—"
Just as Cedric opened his mouth to issue a penalty for Draco's foul, another loud bang erupted from a different direction.
"Boy, do not do that!"
Startled by the shout, we turned to see the newly appointed Professor Moody descending the marble staircase.
"Potter, did he get you?"
"No, he missed."
As Harry answered, Professor Moody shouted "Do not touch it!" at Crabbe. His gaze was fixed on—
"…A weasel?"
There, on the floor, was a small, pure white long-haired weasel.
"I do not like cowards who attack when their enemy shows their back."
Growling, Professor Moody swung his wand at the frightened weasel, repeatedly levitating it into the air and smashing it back down.
"Disgusting, cowardly, despicable behavior!"
Watching the helpless weasel bounce about, I hurriedly called out.
"Professor Moody!"
As I stepped between him and the weasel, the spinning magical eye in Professor Moody's socket snapped to a halt and glared straight at me.
"What is it, girl?"
"Um, that is Draco, right?"
"That's right."
He affirmed corporal punishment without hesitation. Internally recoiling at Professor Moody's outdated educational philosophy, I nevertheless opened my mouth once more.
"Um, I do not really know what kind of workplace the Auror Office is, but at least at this school, corporal punishment using Transfiguration is prohibited by school rules as a disciplinary measure, so… wait, whaaat!?"
The reason I let out such an uncharacteristically shrill cry was that, in the brief instant when Professor Moody's spell broke, the long-haired weasel slipped into my robes.
Draco may have been too desperate to notice, but I am, appearances aside, still a girl.
"W-what on earth do you think you're doing…!?"
If it were just an ordinary long-haired weasel, that would be one thing, but the one inside was actually my male classmate, Draco Malfoy. That Draco had crawled into my robes and, of all things, was running around inside them in search of a safe place. And just to add, Hogwarts' girls' uniform regulations require skirts.
"Ah, Draco crawled into Elaina's skirt!"
"He has not gone in yet!?"
I hurriedly denied the fake news spread by Lily Moon, also known as Nosy Slytherin Girl Number One, who loudly said something that was clearly bound to be misunderstood in front of everyone. But it was already too late.
"Kyaaaaaa!"
Nosy Slytherin Girls Number Two and Three, Tracy Davis and Sophie Roper, let out shrill screams. While babbling all kinds of nonsense, they whipped the surrounding students into a frenzy, and this game of telephone spread through the school at the speed of light.
"Pansy, you know your man's cheating on you, right?"
"How could that be okay!?"
Blaise Zabini's idiotic, grinning provocation dragged even Pansy Parkinson into the mess.
"Hey, Elaina, stop stealing other people's boyfriends!"
"I told you, I do not have that kind of hobby!?"
I shouted my denial at Pansy, who had been easily riled up by Zabini, now acting like a gleeful instigator. But in her panicked state, Pansy cried, "Give Draco back!" and started rummaging through my robes, trying to capture the long-haired weasel.
"Do not give up, Pansy! You can do it!"
"Elaina, do your best too! Fight on!"
"Tracy and Sophie, please be quiet!"
As I restrained the flailing Pansy while trying to force Draco out, and shouted at the two adding unnecessary encouragement, Professor Moody raised his voice irritably at the students who were screaming and yelling.
"You lot, I am administering punishment! This is not a place for indecent grappling! Hand over that weasel at once, or I will punish all of you together!"
"Wait, Elaina did nothing wrong!"
"Professor Moody, this has clearly gone too far!"
Apparently unable to ignore this outrageous argument, Harry and Cedric both stepped in with an unnecessary display of chivalry, sending the situation spiraling further into madness.
"A-ahhhh… E-Elainaaaaa!?"
And as if that were not enough, another familiar scream rose from among the Gryffindors.
"How could you get involved in an affair like this when you have me! What are you doing!?"
Even Saya barged in, screaming in despair, and I had no idea what was going on anymore.
"If that's the case, let me join too!"
"You are an unbelievable pervert!?"
I felt like crying. Even with my normally sharp mind, my processing capacity had reached its limit at this point.
Pansy lunged at me to retrieve Draco from my robes, Saya clung to me as well, and Harry and Cedric leaned over us protectively. It was complete chaos.
Still, all hope was not lost. Casting my gaze through the Slytherin crowd, I spotted Millicent and Daphne.
(You really should have friends…)
We had been roommates for three years, after all. When I sent them a look asking for help, they seemed to understand with just eye contact. Then Millicent and Daphne stiffened their facial muscles oddly, their shoulders trembling before—
"Hahahahaha! Elaina, you are totally rocking a reverse harem! I am seriously jealous!"
"Fufu, hahahahaha! My stomach hurts… I am going to die laughing… hehe, ahahahahaha!"
They clutched their stomachs and burst into uncontrollable laughter. Not only were they completely useless, they were practically on the enemy's side.
Perhaps because it was dinnertime, even students who had been eating grew excited and gathered around, saying whatever they pleased.
"Did you hear? Malfoy charged straight into Elaina's skirt!"
"He totally went in, no question."
"By the way, what about his lawful wife, Parkinson?"
"She is furious. Apparently there is a full-on showdown in the Great Hall."
"Well played, Malfoy. Flowers in both hands."
"And then Potter and Diggory showed up, and even Saya got tangled up fighting over Elaina…"
"How filthy!"
The irresponsible, sensational chatter finally reached the deputy headmistress's office, and Professor McGonagall stormed in with a furious expression.
"What on earth is going on here!?"
"Education."
At this point, even Professor Moody's reply sounded like "education" with some dubious undertone, and crude whistles rang out from the back of the Great Hall.
"Alastor, what exactly is the situation!?"
"I have no idea at all!"
"Yes, I do not understand a single thing either!"
Only then did Professor McGonagall seem to notice the white long-haired weasel peeking out from my robes.
"Do not tell me… that is a student?"
"It is."
"That is unacceptable!"
When Professor McGonagall drew her wand and lifted the curse, Draco Malfoy appeared, his platinum-blond hair in disarray and his face bright red, surrounded by me, Pansy, and Saya.
"Moody, I told you there is no corporal punishment at this school! Headmaster Dumbledore explained that to you!"
"That may be so, but in my view, one good, harsh shock—"
"At this school, we assign detention, nothing more!"
Professor McGonagall snapped sharply, then turned to us and said, "I have no grasp of the circumstances at all, so you will come with me as well."
Honestly, I do not really understand it myself…
"Well, that is one for the archives. The astonishing bouncing long-haired weasel…"
As we left, I caught a glimpse of Ron closing his eyes as if meditating, and Hermione holding her head in her hands.
"Man, that was a sight to see. And those faces Elaina and Pansy made… heh."
"Hey, do not remind me, Millicent! Fufu… ahahaha! This is too much… pfft."
We will deal with those two traitors later.
In the end, thanks to testimony from Hermione and several others, the misunderstanding was cleared up. However, for a while, Draco Malfoy was thoroughly teased and mocked within Slytherin. It got so bad that the house head, Professor Snape, personally appealed to Headmaster Dumbledore, saying that Draco had already suffered sufficient social punishment. The penalties were promptly revoked.
And they all lived happily ever after.
Well… not really.
(End of chapter)
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