The morning sun was barely up, but Ishiyama's streets already looked like the aftermath of a zombie apocalypse. Students shuffled, eyes baggy, steps dragging. Curtains barely lifted in neighboring houses revealed faces pale from exhaustion, some clutching oversized coffee mugs like survival kits.
And at the epicenter of this nightly disaster waddled one small, diapered tyrant.
"DAAAAAA!!"
Baby Beel shrieked happily from Oga's back carrier, green sparks occasionally popping from his head like fireworks. Each blast earned a groan from nearby pedestrians, one woman even collapsing into her husband's arms muttering, "No more... please no more..."
Oga looked like death warmed over. His hair stuck out in angles even gravity didn't understand, dark circles painted his eyes, and his usual sharp glare had dulled into a weary scowl. His hands hung loose at his sides as he trudged, feet scraping asphalt.
Beside him, Kogen strolled with the same eternal calm he always wore, but even he wasn't untouched. His normally unshakable composure carried the faintest crack—subtle yawns slipping past his lips, a rare heaviness in his step. He carried his hands behind his back as if nothing was wrong, but his drooping eyelids betrayed him.
That was when a figure stumbled out of the corner convenience store, almost walking straight into a street pole.
"Oi, Oga... you damn bastard..."
Furuichi looked like a corpse. His uniform was wrinkled, tie hanging loose, his hair matted. He dragged his feet across the pavement, carrying three empty energy drink cans in one hand like trophies of despair.
"You know what this is, Oga?" he croaked, pointing dramatically at the cans. "This... this is my lifeline. Three nights... THREE nights without sleep because your demon spawn won't shut up. You've doomed the entire block!"
"Don't yell at me like it's my fault," Oga snapped, his voice rougher than usual. "You think I'm enjoying this? I've tried everything. Playing with him, bathing him, even putting him between me and Kogen to calm him down. Nothing works! He just wakes up and starts again."
Furuichi froze.
His bloodshot eyes blinked once... twice. The sleep deprivation twisted Oga's words inside his skull. The name Beel didn't register. The mention of "between me and Kogen" did.
"...Wait..." Furuichi whispered. His eyes widened, cheeks heating slightly as his imagination spiraled out of control. "You're saying... you and Kogen... took a bath together? And then you... slept together?"
Oga's head whipped toward him, a vein throbbing on his temple. "Oi. What the hell did you just say?"
But Furuichi was already lost in his delusions.
In his mind's eye, dramatic sparkles filled the scene: Oga leaning casually in a steaming bath, towel lazily thrown over his shoulders. Across from him, Kogen sat elegantly, steam rising off his pale skin, eyes half-lidded with serene mystery. Baby Beel floated between them like some kind of referee, but Furuichi's brain promptly erased the baby and filled the silence with suggestive background music.
"Bathing together, huh..." Furuichi muttered, nose bleeding faintly. "And then... sleeping with him, with Hilda around too sometimes... you damn lucky bastard..."
Oga's eyebrow twitched. "WHAT did you just imagine, you absolute pervert?!"
"Don't play dumb with me!" Furuichi suddenly shouted, his exhaustion replaced with feverish energy. "While the entire Ishiyama neighborhood is dying from lack of sleep, YOU—! You're out there having hot baths and passionate nights with mysterious pretty boys! You bastard, do you know how lucky you are?!"
"LUCKY?! I HAVEN'T SLEPT IN THREE DAYS, YOU MORON!" Oga roared, grabbing Furuichi by the collar. "IT WAS BEEL! I WAS TALKING ABOUT BEEL, YOU IDIOT! THE BABY! THE CRYING BABY!"
But Furuichi wasn't listening. His imagination doubled down, fueled by the delirium of a man who hadn't closed his eyes in seventy-two hours.
He pictured Oga dramatically pulling Kogen closer, muttering something like "Darling, tonight, I won't let you sleep" in a husky voice. Kogen replying softly, "Indeed... my beloved." Rose petals rained from nowhere. The bathhouse sparkled. The futons glowed like holy relics.
"Uoooooohhhh!" Furuichi screamed, tears streaming down his face. "And you're telling me you even slept in the same futon?! The baby's just an excuse, isn't it?! You animal! You beast! You absolute lucky bastard!!"
"YOU'RE NOT LISTENING AT ALL, ARE YOU?!" Oga bellowed, shaking him violently.
Beel, still strapped to Oga's back, squealed with laughter at the chaos, clapping his little hands and shooting tiny sparks of electricity at Furuichi's hair.
"Gyaaahhh!" Furuichi shrieked, hair frizzing up like an afro. "Even the baby's in on it! That's it, I can't take this anymore! Do you know how many people out there would KILL for this kind of scandalous life you're living right now?!"
"I'M NOT LIVING ANYTHING LIKE THAT, YOU JACKASS!" Oga punched him hard enough to leave Furuichi twitching on the pavement.
Kogen, who had remained silent until now, blinked slowly, tilting his head toward Oga. "Darling... perhaps you shouldn't shout so loudly in public."
The word "darling" slipped like silk from Kogen's lips, calm as ever. Passersby overheard it, gasping. Several students froze mid-walk, jaws dropping.
Furuichi, still smoking on the ground, shot back upright like a horror movie zombie, pointing with trembling hands. "D-D-DID YOU HEAR THAT?! HE CALLED YOU DARLING! IT'S TRUE! IT'S ALL TRUE! OGA, YOU—YOU MONSTER OF LOVE!"
Oga's fury hit nuclear levels. His voice echoed through the street like a cannon blast.
"SHUT UP ALREADY, YOU IDIOT!!!"
The entire block went silent for a moment... before Beel shrieked again, gleeful as lightning shot into the sky.