The morning sun had barely crested the rooftops of Ishiyama High when an unusual stillness settled over the courtyard. For once, there were no gang disputes, no loud arguments about territory, no students showing off their delinquent strength to establish dominance. Instead, a nervous murmur spread like wildfire among the unscholarly students of the school. Today, the administration had announced a special assessment test. A test meant to measure basic scholastic aptitude—an attempt, apparently, to "raise standards" among the otherwise hopelessly delinquent student body.
"O-okay, everyone! Today's the test!" bellowed one of the faculty, a frazzled man whose hair seemed to have developed a life of its own. "You will have exactly ninety minutes to answer the questions! No cheating! No tricks!" He was met by a wave of groaning, mutters, and in some cases, outright disbelief.
The students' reactions ranged from comedic to catastrophic. A group of first-years huddled together, frantically whispering strategies like, "Maybe if I copy from Koizumi... no wait, he won't know the answer either!" Another group had taken to the extreme measure of writing random characters across their desks and pretending it was an answer key. One boy in the back row fainted, convinced that math itself had turned into a physical assault against him. The sight was perfect Ishiyama chaos: a school full of thugs who'd rather fight than learn, now confronted by the concept of... homework.
Oga, however, was the picture of nonchalance—or at least, he tried to be. He had dragged Beelzebub along, Baby Beel comfortably strapped to his back in the makeshift carrier that Hilda and Kogen had reluctantly approved. The little tyrant yawned, oblivious to the storm of panic surrounding him.
"Oi," Furuichi muttered, glancing at Oga as they took their seats. "What are you plotting now."
Oga raised an eyebrow, smirking. "Exactly. Whoever shows the most aptitude, I'll hand Baby Beel over. It's only fair. Don't care if it's some honor student or a delinquent, as long as they can handle him. After all smarter people should be better at handeling babies right."
Furuichi's jaw dropped. "Wait—you're serious? You're actually trying to dump him?" He imagined the little demon child being used as some academic punishment and giggled nervously, yet with slight hesitation, because Oga's record for over-the-top reactions always made him wary.
"Of course I am," Oga said, slouching into his chair. "I've been carrying this kid around for ages. Someone else can deal with the sleepless nights, the screaming, and the destruction he leaves behind. I'm just... finding someone worthy."
Meanwhile, the rest of the students were reacting in a variety of panicked, absurd ways. One boy was attempting to bribe the proctor with candy, only to be scolded and slapped across the wrist. Others whispered desperately, trying to decode answers from previous years, only to realize the answers had been lost in some long-forgotten fire. Some of the more creative students were scribbling gibberish but adding their own doodles, trying to make their papers look "full" so the teacher wouldn't notice. The entire assessment had turned into a spectacle of incompetence, a testament to Ishiyama High's scholastic hopelessness.
From Oga's perspective, though, the true challenge was less about academics and more about strategizing which student could possibly handle Beel if he were dumped. Oga's sharp eyes roamed the room, analyzing, calculating. A quiet, reserved girl might be physically weak but mentally alert; a large, muscular delinquent could wrestle Beel into submission but might be terrified by his demonic energy. Every single student in Ishiyama was a wildcard.
Furuichi, meanwhile, whispered nervously, "You do know that even if someone passes, the little guy might just break their arms, right?"
Oga smirked, lifting Beel slightly. "Let him try. If they can take it, they deserve him. If not..." He grinned, not finishing the thought, though the implication was terrifying enough.
The test began with a cacophony of scratching pens, muttered curses, and the occasional "Wait, what's the answer to... anything?" Oga, on the other hand, didn't open the paper until the teacher finally growled at him. Instead, he leaned back, idly feeding Beel bits of candy, observing the chaos.
Even Kogen and Hilda, watching from home via magically-placed monitoring devices, shook their heads. Kogen, reclining in his chair, arms crossed, smirked faintly. "Darling... he seems hopeless. In fact they all seem hopeless"
Hilda sighed, muttering under her breath as she adjusted Beel's diaper remotely. "Hopeless... utterly hopeless idiots. Oga, of all people, is wasting time analyzing them."
At the same time, the test itself began to devolve. Some students realized they didn't know how to write their own names correctly. A popular delinquent, attempting to look tough, was audibly panicking because the first question asked for the square root of sixteen. A younger student, trying to cheat off a neighbor, had accidentally copied gibberish and gotten it "right" purely by coincidence. It was chaos on an epic scale—the perfect Ishiyama High experience.
Meanwhile, Oga noticed a student in the back frantically flipping pages. Furuichi squinted. "That's... Koizumi? He's... he's actually trying?"
Oga leaned in, eyes narrowing. "He might be worthy. Or not. Wait and see."
As if the universe wanted to complicate things further, a rival school suddenly stormed the courtyard, shattering the fragile illusion of academic focus. A group of delinquents from a neighboring high school—known for their ridiculous uniforms and equally ridiculous bravado—charged into Ishiyama High, determined to make a statement.
"Oi! Who do you think you are, stepping into Ishiyama's territory?!" Oga roared, standing up, Baby Beel squealing excitedly on his back.
Furuichi's eyes went wide. "Wait... wait! Is this—are you going to fight now?!"
Oga didn't answer. With a fluid motion, he leapt forward, dodging a makeshift weapon swung by a rival student. The fight was over-the-top, exaggerated, and comical—exactly like Ishiyama chaos in its purest form. Rivals were thrown, slammed, and repeatedly bonked by Oga and the faint but deadly Hilda, who had joined via magical intervention to ensure the test didn't descend into total anarchy. Baby Beel squealed, delighted by the chaos, clinging tightly to Oga.
When the dust settled, the rival students were thoroughly defeated and scurrying back to their school, tails between their legs, cursing Ishiyama's "insane delinquent master" and the tiny terror they had failed to account for.
Returning to the classroom, Oga finally picked up his test paper. Curiously, the student who had scored the highest wasn't a quiet intellectual or a tough delinquent—it was none other than Furuichi, whose panicked scribbling and copying somehow had translated into a perfect score.
"What...?" Oga muttered, blinking. Furuichi, meanwhile, squeaked in horror. "Me? I... I can't believe it!"
Oga's eyes narrowed. "Perfect score, huh... looks like you just earned yourself a... responsibility." He reached behind him and adjusted Baby Beel slightly. "Congratulations, you're... officially next in line."
Furuichi shrieked. "Wha—N-No! I didn't want—This is—!"
The rest of the classroom erupted in laughter, disbelief, and general chaos as the reality of the situation sank in. Copying your neighbor's answers might get you points, but it also might get you the demon king's child strapped to your back. The comedic irony was palpable.
Back at home, Oga just returned when he saw Kogen standing there smirking at him. Kogen leaned back in his chair, his usual smirk in place as he observed Oga "Darling," he said softly, "you truly are inventive when it comes to avoiding responsibility. You keep trying to dump him, but somehow, it always seems to... not happen."
Oga scratched the back of his head, blushing slightly but annoyed. "N-No! I'm just... just... being strategic, okay? That's all. I'm not attached or anything!"
Kogen's smile widened. "Oh? Really? Because from here, it looks like you've been finding excuses to not dump him. Maybe... you're... finally attached, darling."
Oga's cheeks flamed red. "I—I'm not! Stop saying that! You—y-you're exaggerating! Idiot!" He stomped his foot, glaring at Kogen as if he could glare Kogen into submission.
Hilda, meanwhile, let out a long, weary sigh, muttering to herself, "Hopeless idiots... all of them. Oga included. What a waste of effort." She adjusted Baby Beel in his crib remotely, who was finally asleep after the day's chaos, unaware of the subtle emotional undertones swirling around him.
And so the day ended in typical Ishiyama High fashion:
The students remained hopeless academically.
Furuichi now faced the reality of Beel's chaotic presence.
Oga failed spectacularly at dumping the baby despite every attempt.
Hilda sighed, Kogen teased, and Beel slept peacefully, blissfully unaware of the human and demonic machinations surrounding him.
It was just another chaotic day in the life of Oga Tatsumi, Baby Beel, and Ishiyama High—a world where delinquency, demon children, and absurdity collided in spectacular fashion.