Chapter 3 - Emperor Burp Blitz

Jax's stomach rumbled from all the cryo-slime and stress. Zara's lips hovered close on the altar, pirates chanting wedding hymns amid laser fire. The emperor's dreadnought loomed outside—massive skull-shaped battleship blotting the stars. Its holo-face boomed: "Daughter! Who dares claim you from the Helix Throne?!"�Jax burped. Loud. Greasy beast goo echoed through vents. System glitched: [Imperial Decree: "Empire Surrender Burp!" Dreadnought yields to Buggy Messiah!]Pirates exploded in cheers. "He commands with flatulence! Divine wind conquers all!" Zara swooned. "Your essence seals our fate, my lord." Luna's clones fanned faster, blushing pixels.The dreadnought's cannons powered down. Emperor Vortrex beamed aboard—hulking cyborg in gold robes, cyber-eye scanning Jax's pink glow. "The prophecy speaks of a naked fart-god? I... kneel?" His guards dropped weapons, mistaking the burp reverb for a surrender code.Jax waved hands. "No kneel! False alarm—bad lunch!" System: [Lunch Prophecy Logged: "False Alarm Feast for All!" Imperial kitchens deploy.] Drones zoomed in with hover-trays of glowing space grub. Everyone grabbed food mid-zero-G, turning the deck into a floating buffet brawl.Squish slurped a tray whole, ballooning to dodge-ball size. Bounced off Vortrex's face. "Assassin blob!" Emperor swung, hit a guard instead. Zara laughed, lance forgotten. "Father, join the union! The Messiah's pet blesses you!"Razorface, still tentacle-tangled in Jax's inventory half-out, yelled muffled orders. Pirates vs. guards devolved into food fight—meatballs as grenades, sauce as slip-n-slide. Jax dodged a flying drumstick, hit gravity flip again. Everyone stuck to walls like fridge magnets.[Perk Roulette: Clown Aura Activated! Enemies dance to victory tune.] Dreadnought crew broke into conga line outside viewports. Vortrex shuffled awkwardly. "This... honors me?" Jax facepalmed. "System, mute!"Luna giggled. [Mute = Marriage Vows! Harem Slot 3: Emperor's Blessing. Bonus: Throne Ship Unlocked.] Vortrex tossed a holo-key. "Take my fleet, Glitch Emperor! Your burp humbles the stars!"Jax stared at the key, goo-dripping. "I just want a shower." System: [Shower Edict: Helix Core Purification Quest Unlocked. Warning: AI Overlord Awaits.]