Chapter 12 — When the Anchor Begins to Sink
You don't realize you're exhausted until your hands start shaking.
It happens quietly, embarrassingly small. A cup slips from your fingers in the infirmary, shattering against the floor. The sound echoes too loudly in the otherwise calm room.
You stare at the broken pieces.
Your chest tightens.
You've stayed calm through breaches. Through grief. Through fear that wasn't yours to carry.
But something inside you finally cracks.
"You okay?"
Jean's voice sounds far away.
You try to answer. Your mouth opens. Nothing comes out.
The room feels too bright. Too loud. The weight of weeks—of staying, of holding everyone else together—crashes down all at once.
"I just—" Your breath stutters. "I need a second."
You turn away before anyone can see your face.
Too late.
Mikasa is the first to notice.
She moves fast, instinctive, placing herself between you and the room. "Give them space," she says quietly, but firmly.
Eren looks confused. Concerned. "What's wrong?"
You press a hand to your chest, trying to steady your breathing. "I don't know," you admit, voice barely holding. "I think… I think I'm tired."
The word feels inadequate.
Tired doesn't cover the nights you stayed awake so others could sleep. The grief you absorbed so they didn't have to drown in it. The way you never let yourself fall apart because someone had to stay standing.
Sasha kneels in front of you, eyes wide with worry. "You're always okay," she says. "You're the strong one."
That's when it breaks you.
"I don't want to be strong all the time," you whisper.
Silence crashes down.
Levi arrives without warning.
He takes one look at you—at the way your shoulders are shaking, at the way you can't quite breathe—and his expression hardens.
"Out," he says sharply.
No one argues.
The infirmary clears in seconds.
He closes the door behind them.
"You're burned out," Levi says bluntly.
You let out a humorless laugh. "Is that your diagnosis, Captain?"
"Yes."
You sink onto a bench, hands clenched. "I didn't mean for this to happen."
"I know."
That makes your throat tighten.
"I tried to stay," you say quietly. "I tried not to be a burden."
Levi stiffens.
"…You are not a burden."
You look up at him.
His voice is low. Controlled. But there's something dangerous beneath it—not anger. Protection.
"You held everyone together," he continues. "That doesn't make you expendable."
You swallow hard. "Then why do I feel like if I stop, everything will fall apart?"
Because it might have, Levi thinks—but doesn't say.
Instead, he says, "…You don't get to carry this alone anymore."
The door opens again.
Mikasa returns first, deliberate and calm. She places a folded blanket over your shoulders without a word.
Eren follows, awkward but sincere. "You… you helped me when I couldn't breathe," he says. "So… let us help you now."
Jean scratches the back of his neck. "Yeah. You don't get to disappear on us."
Sasha holds out a piece of bread. "Eat. Please."
Connie nods fiercely. "You're our person. That means something."
Your vision blurs.
All this time, you thought you were staying so they wouldn't fall apart.
You never considered that they were staying for you, too.
Later that night, Levi walks you back to your cot.
"You're off duty tomorrow," he says.
You start to protest.
"That wasn't a suggestion."
You smile weakly. "Yes, sir."
He pauses beside your bed.
"…You did good," he adds quietly.
It's the gentlest praise he's ever given you.
And it hits harder than anything else.
You lie awake later, wrapped in the blanket Mikasa gave you, stomach full for once, heart aching in a way that isn't painful—just full.
For the first time since you arrived in this world, you let yourself rest.
And the world doesn't collapse.
They hold it up for you.
🔥 End of Chapter 12