He isn't nervous. That's what he has been trying to tell himself from the time he woke in the morning. But what's the point of doing that, when everyone around him can see his hands shaking very badly? A very visible trait of nervousness.
It's not that he hasn't met her before, so he doesn't understand why he is so nervous. Somehow, he knows that she is a sweetheart because of her words on the Saturday evening. Moreover, Anvish told him how professional his cousin is, so that he didn't need to get tense before their sessions. But still even after so much comforting, why is he feeling so restless?
Is he nervous because this is his first therapy in a very long time? Or is it because of that smile which she shot at him while he was standing on the balcony?
He didn't know the answer, but one thing he knows for sure is that damn smile did some magic to his heart.
He looks everywhere but at her. He knows that she is looking at him with her eagle-like sharp black eyes, but he is hell-bent to ignore her stares.
The day and the view are absolutely beautiful, but the situation in which he is right now, isn't that pleasant.
"I know that you are nervous because, no matter how many times you have therapy before, still going through sessions is always a nerve-wracking experience. But I also know that there is some other reason for your nervousness too."
His head snaps at the speed of light to look at her expressions when he hears what she said.
'Does she really know the other reason? Does she know that I couldn't fall asleep last night because of that damm smile of hers? Does she know that I am attracted to her? Wait!! Am I attracted to her?'
He is confused by his own thoughts because he can't think properly. His mind isn't in the right place.
"So I was right. Don't worry, I will not ask you what happened or why you are nervous. Instead, I will do my best to make you feel comfortable around me."
With that, she looks down at the papers lying on her desk and starts reading them in her mind. Subconsciously, when a strand of her long black hair fell down, caressing her face, she pushes it behind her ears. Unknowingly, without his consent, his breath hitches at the sight.
'Dang! I am really attracted to her.'
This isn't the first time he felt attracted towards the opposite sex. The thing which baffles him is that, this time, the feeling was stronger, much stronger than the earlier ones.
As a K-pop idol, his company has banned him for dating. Just, dating rumors can cause big scandals in the K-pop industry, so actually getting caught with someone has serious consequences. That's why he stayed ten feet away from the female species all the time, because he didn't want any more problems in his life.
Regardless of the ban, many of his group members were in relationships. If he wanted, he would have to get involved. But he never had the courage to make a move because he was the leader of his group, so he couldn't afford to get caught in any kind of controversy. And also, due to how awkward he gets when he talks to females who he is interested in.
But today, fate has written a different story. Now he is no longer, he is under agency and the contract ban has expired. Probably that must be the reason why he felt more attracted to her because he is free now.
'Yes, I am still an awkward little bean but I can always work on that, can't I?'
Without his knowledge, his eyes scanned her whole face. She has a round face with a small forehead. Her eyes looks like a black diamond as they shine without needing any kind of light to reflect.
Moving down, his eyes immediately stop when they spot the darkness near her eye bags.
No doubt, she has done a great job by hiding it from everyone through make-up. But if you look from his eyes, you will find out how miserably she failed, as he can clearly see the blackness underneath.
His experience with cosmetics clearly showed him the reality. Make-up can hide reality for a while, but not for the whole lifetime.
"You didn't sleep last night?"
"I know I am beautiful, so stop staring."
They both spoke at the same time. After looking at each other with visible shock on their faces for a while, they burst out laughing.
Unknowingly, they created a bond, a bond which in future will be very hard to break. A bond of comfort.
.......
"I know you will treat him just like how you treat your other patient, but as his best friend, I am worried about him even though I trust you. He is a very sensitive person. He always carried the fire of passion towards his dreams in his eyes. He didn't care even if the fire burned him. But they took it away from him, leaving him heartbroken, and now, the scars caused by the burning are hurting him."
These words, which Anvish said before she went to sleep, didn't actually let her sleep all night.
Finally, after tossing on her bed for quite a long time, she lifted her body up from her lovely bed and went towards the desk.
She snuggles again inside the blankets of her bed, but this time with the laptop in her hands and a clear intention in her mind.
'Ivaan Lee.'
After the laptop is on and the Google Chrome site opens, she immediately searches his name.
No matter how creepy it is to search for her patient online. She can't help but to emit such stalker-like tendencies because curiosity kills a cat. She knows that if she doesn't search his name, she will definitely have trouble sleeping.
Even though, she would get a file from the hospital on him which would contain all the information before the session started. She also has to do her own research.
Many websites related to the name popped out, but she settled down to read Wikipedia. No matter what happens, she will always trust Wikipedia's information. Weird but a fact about her.
Name — Ivaan Lee.
Born on 2nd August 1995.
Height: 1.75 m.
'What? Are you kidding me? He is just 1 year younger than me!'
She can't digest the fact that he is 1 year younger than her. He doesn't look younger than her. She agrees that he has a babyface and on the day when they met for the first time, she really thought that he was younger than her, but on the other day, when she witnessed the lines on his face, it looked like he would be thirty plus.
Perhaps it must be the effects of putting so much make-up on face. She had heard from her friend who is a k-pop fan, that idols have to put on a lot of make-up to present themselves as perfect.
"Vanika!! Concentrate!!"
She slaps herself lightly whilst scolding herself for getting distracted from her research.
Before looking at the information below, she looks at his photo which was present on the right side of the website. He is wearing a dark blue suit and his hair properly combed back with one strand of his hair falling on his left side of the forehead looking exactly like a comma, serving a chic look.
No doubt he looked very handsome in that photo. In particular, the comma hairstyle looked so good on him that, for a second, this hairstyle was just made for him.
Peeling her eyes away from that photo, she finally starts reading the information given below after realizing how she was dreamily staring at his photo.
'Ivaan Lee (born August 2, 1995), known professionally as Ivaan, is a Canadian rapper, singer, songwriter and dancer, of Korean descent. He is a member and also the leader of a famous South Korean boy group, Wings, who mysteriously, without publicizing the reason, disbanded in early December this year.
Lee started his career very early, at a mere age of 15, and debuted with the Wings group as their leade-'
"At the age of 15!?!"
She exclaimed loudly and then quickly shut her mouth with her own hands realising that everyone in the house is sleeping.
It would be an understatement by saying that she is shocked. She doesn't know much about K-pop, but being best friends with a girl who is obsessed with K-pop, she has some basic knowledge about it, just like how she knew about the make-up thing.
She knew that they had to train for years before they could debut. It's not easy as they have to sing and dance at the same time. It's tiring and very exhausting.
"Look at him, he debuted when he was 15 and then look at me. When I was his age, I used to bang my head on the wall for a few minutes before going back to study once again and the cycle used to repeat till the board exams got over."
She laughs sarcastically at her own comment. Back then, it was depressing, but now, it's kind of funny at how she was hell-bent to score more than 85 percent on her boards. Coming back to the present, before she could scroll down and read further, her eyes started watering.
"Why now!?!"
She complains while walking towards mirror which was in the bathroom out of her room. No, she doesn't have a bathroom in her own room, because she and her family think it's stupid to build up more than one bathroom in the same house. Instead, they can save space and use that space for different purposes.
When her eyes watered, it didn't even take one second for her to realize what happened. One of her eyelashes fell in her eyes, making her eyes blurry and watery.
She sighs tiredly while looking at her index finger with her blurry wet eyes, on which her one eyelash is lying.
After entering her room, she switched off her laptop as she knew that now she could no longer read even if she wanted to. If she continues reading, her eyes will get itchy.
But she can't give up so easily, especially now when she is curious. Thinking about what she can do now, she gets an amazing idea.
Crawling towards the nightstand which stood on the left side of her bed, she excitedly picked up her phone and, without thinking twice, she called her best friend.
Why think before calling her when she is her best friend? Well, it's 12:30 am here, so it will be 10 am in India. She works in a private company and will definitely get scolded or could even get fired if she is found slacking off while working. But from what she told me, she was given two days' holiday before attending a business trip for two weeks. So the coast is clear with no problem.
"Hello Tanvi"
She said enthusiastically while the speaker on the other side of the world, reciprocated her enthusiasm.
The time flies while talking with her best friend and Vanika doesn't even realize that she hadn't asked her about Wings for which she had called her in the first place.
"Do you know about Wings, a K-pop boy group?"
For a second, she really regrets asking her that question. Even before she completed the question, she starts talking non-stop. If she was in front of her, she wouldn't have thought twice before slapping her hard to shut her up.
But as she is doing her a favor by telling her, Vanika lets her talk and listens to her carefully. As one of the biggest fan girls of the one and only Queen, Taylor Swift, she can understand her best friend's feelings. So that's why she never ever comments anything about her fan girl mode, because saying something about someone's idol hurts like a bitch.
And as Ariana Grande said, "Never hate someone's idol. It could be the only reason they're alive."
How can she hate someone's idol while expecting others to respect her idol?
If an artist's personality isn't nice and is very rude, then don't listen to their songs. But don't comment on them until they have done something, because you never know what a person is going through.
If you want respect, learn to give respect first.
It's not an exaggeration but a true fact that they both talked about the South Korean boy band group, Wings, for a whole hour.
In that conversation of one hour, Vanika got to know about many important and useful things. Not just about how Ivaan Lee is but also a sneak peek into his career. She also got to know how massive the fandom of the group is.
But out of all the information she gained, that certain conversation which she had with Tanvi, continuously scratched on the doors of that precious little house which she made for it for herself, deep inside her mind.
"Vani, you know that recently a controversy has struck up in the K-pop fan community. At first, fans blamed the agency of Wings for their disbandment, but later, when the Dispatch article came out, everyone was shocked.
According to some sources, the article said that Wings was forced to disband by their agency and also how all the members were against the agency's decision. Fans already knew this because it is no way possible that when the group is gaining more popularity, suddenly a mutual agreement is made to disband. It makes no sense.
That's nothing. But what the article said next, sent shock waves. There was one member who wanted the group to disband. And it is said that this member's acceptance of the disbandment is the sole reason why they had to forcibly disband.
You will not believe me, but the moment this article was published, within a half an hour, everyone started making speculations about whom that member is. Okay, that's believable because that's how the public is. Anyway, for now, everyone believes that Ivaan Lee is that person."
"Why does everyone think like that?"
"Because not even a single member had posted on their official Instagram account after the disbandment news spread publicly. But Ivaan, he posted a picture. Now you will think how come a picture can make people speculate like that? It's not his posting that attracted attention, but his caption did.
Ivaan._.Lee208: I'm Sorry.
Even though some netizens are skeptical of this speculation and are trying to make some logical statement to make some stupid toxic people understand, he is still getting a lot of backlash.
One of the logical reasons given by a k-netizen was, 'Everyone knows how Ivaan took his leadership position seriously. He even said once how he feels bad or guilty when a member is hurt or is feeling exhausted because of their schedule. We have all seen how loving and caring he is towards the members and how his leader instinct immediately gets activated when something happens. Maybe, he apologized because he felt it was his responsibility to keep the group together and now when they disbanded, he is devastated.'
This comment is on the top of all social media platforms where the disbandment is discussed, but still, some toxic fans aren't ready to back down, and they are keeping on sending hate comments to Ivaan on all the social media platforms he has an account on.
Also, now anti fans have got an opportunity to hate him without getting hate from the fans of the Wings. The situation is really much worse as even some of his biggest fans are now doubting him instead of waiting for the truth to come out. I hope, wherever Ivaan is, he is safe and happy. If he is the member behind their disbandment, then I am sure that he must have a solid reason for it."
Vanika isn't new to the tactics of the world of entertainment industry. She is well aware of how this industry works. She knows how they manipulate people and make them stand on their sides just for the sale of profit. She had treated so many patients from this industry, in the worst conditions.
She isn't surprised by the rumors, but by how sincere Tanvi sounded when she took Ivaan's side. From her voice, it was clear that she respected him a lot, not only just for his talent, but also for his personality.
Even though she had the full right to be angry at him because of the situation, she still took his side. Vanika is glad that her friend is mature enough not to write hate comments on the social media platforms.
Their converation was revolving in her mind while she lay down on her bed. That's when something strange happened. Her brain's decision-making part, suddenly concluded something.
'I don't know why but I feel that Ivaan isn't that member who wanted the group to disband.'
Even after not knowing Ivaan, she can say the above written statement confidentially. And if needed, she can say it again and again until everyone was convinced.
She didn't know from where she got that confidence and how come she easily trusted him so easily. But one thing she knows for sure which was that Ivaan is innocent.
And what to say about what the world says? From the very start, the world has a long history of blaming the victims.
He is broken emotionally. He doesn't need someone to help him mentally, but someone to understand him, emotionally. He is an artist, afterall.
His heart needs the power of love to heal his deadliest scars and, unknowingly, she will be the one giving him that power in the coming future.