Keith Returns — And The Idiot Saga Reaches Him
For two peaceful days after the incident, Hogwarts calmed down.
Until Keith stepped through the castle gates.
Instantly, a group of students swarmed around him.
Random Ravenclaw:
"KEITH! Did you hear what Ron did?"
Hufflepuff:
"He defeated a dark wizard!"
Slytherin:
"By fainting on impact!"
Keith blinked.
Keith:
"…What."
He was about to ask for clarification when—
Hermione Granger: ON A WARPATH
Hermione came sprinting across the courtyard, hair frizzed, eyes burning with academic fury.
The ground shook.
Students scattered like pigeons.
Hermione:
"KEITH RUNCANDEL!!"
Keith turned to Rias.
Keith:
"…Did I do something?"
Rias:
"She looks like she hasn't slept in 48 hours—run."
Too late.
Hermione grabbed Keith's robes like someone clinging to sanity itself.
Hermione:
"YOU. NEED. TO. FIX. THIS!"
Keith:
"Fix what exactly?"
Hermione inhaled sharply, preparing for an explosive rant.
Hermione's Rant of the Century
Hermione:
"Ron is telling EVERYONE he defeated a dark wizard!
Neville thinks he is the chosen one!
Seamus keeps saying he 'blew up evil itself'!
And people are actually believing them!"
Keith blinked slowly.
Keith:
"…That's impressive in its own horrible way."
Hermione:
"THIS ISN'T IMPRESSIVE! THIS IS ACADEMIC FRAUD!!
The THREE OF THEM thought the Stone was guarded by kindergarten puzzles!"
Keith coughed.
Keith:
"…Well, technically that one is accurate."
Hermione froze.
Then stared at him.
Hermione:
"You knew."
Keith shrugged.
Keith:
"Dumbledore wanted them to survive. Barely."
Hermione buried her face in her hands.
Hermione:
"Keith, PLEASE. You have to tell them the truth before Ron starts selling autographs…"
Keith raised an eyebrow.
Keith:
"…He's already selling autographs, isn't he?"
Hermione groaned loudly.
🧙 Meanwhile: Dumbledore's Vacation — True Peace
Far away from Hogwarts…
On a tropical beach…
Dumbledore lay on a lounge chair in floral robes, sipping a coconut drink with a tiny umbrella.
Fawkes sat beside him wearing sunglasses.
For the first time in years…
Dumbledore:
"…Ahhh. Bliss."
He took a sip.
A thought struck him.
Dumbledore:
"Should I check on the school?"
Fawkes trilled sharply: DON'T YOU DARE.
Dumbledore:
"You're right. I trust them.
Keith is responsible.
McGonagall is strict.
Snape is… Snape.
What could possibly go wrong?"
He relaxed back into his chair.
Somewhere in the distance, a volcano erupted softly.
Dumbledore:
"This… is heaven."
Back at Hogwarts: The Truth Bomb Approaches
Keith sighed and patted Hermione on the head.
Keith:
"Fine. I'll fix it.
I'll talk to the Trio."
Hermione's shoulders sagged in relief.
Hermione:
"Thank MERLIN—
please do it soon before Ron declares himself Merlin's heir."
Keith raised one eyebrow.
Keith:
"…He hasn't done that already?"
Hermione leaned in, whispering:
Hermione:
"He's working on a family tree drawing…"
Keith groaned.
Keith:
"Okay. That's it. I'm handling this."
Rias smirked.
Rias:
"Hogwarts is so much more entertaining with you in it."
Keith cracked his knuckles.
Keith:
"Let's go clean up the Ron Disaster."