(Jasper)
Hudson stiffens and leans back so he can see my face.
"Why would you ever think that?" His voice is firm but full of emotion. "You're the most important person in my life. I want you everywhere I am. It's not the same when you're not with me."
He sounds so serious that I believe him instantly.
"Other people think I am," I say quietly.
"What people?" His tone sharpens. "Who said that to you?"
"Don't worry about it," I mumble, wishing I could take it back.
"I am going to worry about it." He tilts my chin up when I try to look away. "Tell me."
"It's nothing. I just overheard Derek telling your friends that your stalker was here."
His jaw tightens, anger flashing across his face. Still, he hugs me carefully, holding me close for a long moment. Then he pats my leg and stands, pulling me up with him and taking my hand.
As soon as we climb down the ladder, he crouches and pats his back. I know what he wants, so I climb on, wrapping my arms around his shoulders while he carries me back toward the house.
"You know I'm too old for this," I murmur near his ear.
"You'll never be too old," he replies easily. "Besides, you barely weigh anything."
He walks like I am nothing more than a backpack.
"The next time someone says something mean about you, you come to me," he says firmly. "Do not run away. None of them matter to me the way you do. Do you understand, buddy?"
Buddy sounds childish, and it reminds me that he still sees me as something small and safe. Maybe that is for the best. I lean forward and kiss his cheek softly.
He does not say anything, but he tightens his grip just a little.
When we reach the patio door, he lets me slide down and keeps hold of my hand as he pulls me inside. My heart sinks when I see his friends still in the living room with his parents.
Hudson does not stop walking until he is standing right in front of Derek.
"Get up," Hudson says sharply.
Derek looks confused as he stands. "What's wrong, man?"
"You're leaving. My dad will take you home."
Hudson's dad stands immediately, watching closely.
"What's your problem?" Derek asks. "Why are you so pissed?"
Hudson steps closer. "Because I don't invite people into my house so they can talk trash about my best friend. He is not my stalker. If I ever hear you say one unkind word about him again, I will make you regret it. Do you understand me?"
I want to disappear. I want the floor to open and swallow me whole.
"Let's go," Mr. Rutherford says firmly. "You are not welcome here anymore."
The way they defend me makes my chest ache. Hudson's mom slips an arm around my shoulders while Hudson still grips my hand tightly.
Derek glares but follows Mr. Rutherford to the door.
Hudson turns to the rest of his friends.
"I'm sorry for the drama, but I won't tolerate anyone being cruel to Jasper. He's part of this family. If that's a problem, you're free to leave."
Conner looks straight at me.
"I'm sorry, Jasper. I didn't join in, but I should have defended you. I hope we can be friends."
I nod slightly, feeling seen for the first time.
"Thanks, man," Hudson says.
The rest of the night feels lighter. Hudson pulls me down onto the couch beside him, his arm secure around my back. It feels close, maybe closer than normal, but no one says anything. Conner even tries to include me in the conversation, which means more to me than he probably realizes.
Later, Hudson's dad comes into the bedroom while we are watching a movie.
"I'm proud of you," he tells Hudson. "Threatening to punch someone might not have been necessary, but I understand why you did it. Just remember to stay calm when you can."
After he leaves, thoughts I cannot ignore settle in my mind.
"I don't look anything like my dad," I say suddenly.
Hudson pauses the movie and turns to me.
"Good. Your dad is an asshole."
I snort softly. "But I don't look like my mom either. Isn't that strange?"
He frowns. "You think maybe he isn't your biological dad?"
The idea makes my chest feel tight.
"I never thought about it before, but if my mom is cheating now… she could have back then too."
"It's possible," he says gently, running his fingers through my hair. "We can pretend your real dad is some awesome guy somewhere."
I smile a little. "Like a nerdy science professor who is actually nice."
"I like that better," he says. "You could always ask your mom."
"No. If I ask her, she'll know that I know about the affair. Maybe someday, when I move out."
Hudson shifts, propping himself up on his hands.
"Jasper, what are you going to do after high school?"
I have thought about it, but the idea terrifies me. "I don't know. College seems so scary. I know there's a big world out there, but what if I can't survive on my own?"
"You won't be on your own," he says immediately. "Whatever we do, we'll do it together."
He sounds so sure that I almost let myself believe him.
"You can't know that. What if you get a football scholarship? What if you want a different school? What if I don't even go to college and you do?"
"I don't want to play football in college."
I blink. "You don't? But you love football."
"I do. I just play for fun. College football means constant practices, training, and travel. I don't want a career in it, so I think my time would be better spent studying."
"What do you even want to study?"
He tilts his head. "No idea. Mom and Dad would love it if I became a lawyer, but I can't imagine sitting behind a desk in a suit for the rest of my life."
"So neither of us has a clue."
"We will," he says confidently. "We still have three years."
I flop back onto my pillow. "Even if I wanted to go to college, I don't think I could afford it. My parents won't help. I'll be working just to pay rent so I can leave."
"I thought we'd get a place together," he says easily. "And you're smart. You could get grants or scholarships."
Would he still want to live with me if he knew the truth? My stomach twists.
You're not gay. You're not gay.
I know, deep down, that he would look at me differently if I told him. I could lose him completely.
Stop thinking about it.