"You came all the way here just for this?"
Jesse held a flyer—printed with the Wang Sheng Funeral Parlor's plum blossom emblem, gaudily designed, and even slightly cute—as his mouth twitched looking at the energetic Hu Tao before him.
The words "Second Tombstone Half Price" on the flyer were exceptionally eye-catching.
Hu Tao put her hands on her hips, puffed out her chest (which wasn't very noticeable), and her small face was filled with the pride of "praise me for being dedicated": "Of course! I specifically traveled a long way just to find you all! As the 77th Director of the Wang Sheng Funeral Parlor, it is my duty to market our high-quality products to every potential, high-quality, and especially troublesome-looking customer!"
She even pulled out a small abacus from somewhere and clacked it a few times.
"I see that your bones are extraordinary, and your foreheads glow with... uh, radiant health! You are definitely our Supreme VIP target customer group!"
"It's just a coffin..."
Elliot, holding his scythe nearby, couldn't help but mutter under his breath.
"How much can you really market that?"
"Stop talking about coffins!"
Zane, sporting a fresh, slightly throbbing bump on his head, interrupted the discussion about funeral services with a dark expression (though his mask hid it).
He was more concerned about a core issue, pointing at the desolate Wuwang Hill: "Director Hu, how did you manage to accurately find us in this godforsaken place?"
Their decision to hold "Octagon Cage Fighting" here was completely spontaneous!
Hu Tao blinked her bright plum blossom eyes, wearing an expression that said, "Why would you even ask?" and immediately sold out a certain Wang Sheng Funeral Parlor consultant: "The consultant told me! I asked him if he knew where any big clients were, and without even lifting his head from his tea, he told me, 'The southeast corner of Wuwang Hill seems to have some... lively commotion. The Director might want to take a look.' I thought, lively commotion? That definitely means they aren't ordinary people! And sure enough, I found you guys!"
The consultant... Zhongli!
Everyone instantly realized the truth!
You sly Morax! Unable to handle this overly energetic Director yourself, you diverted the trouble eastward, sending her to annoy us instead!
That Old Fogey!
"How can we let that Old Fogey succeed!"
Jesse slapped his thigh.
"He pushed the trouble onto us, so why can't we push it onto someone else? Let's go! Let's bother Xiangling! We're going to Wanmin Restaurant for a free meal!"
This proposal was unanimously approved (including the still-dazed Zane and the AFK Matt).
Rather than staying here listening to Hu Tao market coffins, they'd rather enjoy some delicious food!
——————
"So... you all came running to Wanmin Restaurant just to hide from Director Hu Tao?"
Xiangling, wearing an apron and holding a spatula, looked at the eccentric group who had instantly crammed into her Wanmin Restaurant with a look of exasperated amusement.
Guoba was making "lulu" noises at her feet, curiously examining the familiar customers.
Xingqiu and Chongyun, who were eating at a small table behind them, also looked up.
Xingqiu forgot to turn the page of the book in his hand, and a drop of syrup fell from the popsicle in Chongyun's mouth.
"What a truly... simple yet wise reason..."
Xingqiu closed his book and said with a smile, in a tone of "I see through the truth," his eyes gleaming with amusement.
Chongyun took a big slurp of his popsicle, nodding repeatedly, and mumbled, "Mm-hmm! Avoiding trouble... Wanmin Restaurant, smart!"
After all, there's no trouble that a good meal cooked by Xiangling can't solve.
"Actually, we were just hungry and wanted something to eat."
Paimon floated in the air, rubbing her small hands together, her eyes already darting toward the kitchen.
"The Wolf King was borrowed by Cloud Retainer and the others; they said they needed to research the 'Ultimate Fusion of Mechanical Cooking Arts,' so we came to Wanmin Restaurant for a feast!"
"We're troubling you, Xiangling."
Lumine smiled and handed over a pouch of Mora.
"Serve us all of your delicious signature dishes!"
After the farce at Wuwang Hill and Hu Tao's mental assault, they desperately needed food to recover.
"Alright! No problem! Leave it to me!"
As soon as cooking was mentioned, Xiangling immediately became full of energy, her eyes sparkling.
"Perfect! I just finished researching a new recipe: 'Slime Condensate Sautéed Mushrooms'! I guarantee it will leave a lasting impression!"
Having said that, she enthusiastically turned and rushed into the kitchen.
Everyone (except Matt, who had blind faith in food) shivered simultaneously upon hearing the dish's name.
"Alright, let's go inside and wait..."
Lumine turned around, but her words caught in her throat before she could finish.
Because she realized that Jesse, Elliot, Zane, and Matt hadn't followed her inside; instead, they were frozen stiff at the entrance of Wanmin Restaurant, like four petrified statues, staring intently in one direction down the street.
The four of them stood in a row, their movements perfectly synchronized, even the angle of their heads was identical, as if they had witnessed something utterly unbelievable.
"What are you guys doing?"
Lumine followed their gaze out of curiosity.
Then, she too was petrified.
Paimon, Xingqiu, and Chongyun also leaned over to look.
Immediately after, the entire Chihu Rock Street seemed to have been muted; all pedestrians stopped in their tracks, mouths agape, staring at the unbelievable scene unfolding in the middle of the road—
They saw Shenhe, with her aloof temperament and transcendent, immortal grace, carrying a person in a very... peculiar posture!
And the person she was carrying was none other than the shrewd and capable intelligence expert, Yelan, who possesses a charming demeanor and always walks in the shadows!
Shenhe was expressionless, her steps steady, as if she wasn't carrying a grown person but a bundle of light reeds.
She even occasionally flipped Yelan over, checking the Yelan in her hands with those icy blue eyes, as if confirming something.
As for the carried Yelan... one hand habitually held a single dice, while the other helplessly rubbed her forehead, her face displaying a complex expression mixing "I have nothing left to live for," "I'm used to this," "public execution," and "When the hell will this end?"
She didn't even bother struggling, simply allowing Shenhe to carry her as she calmly walked through the bustling, now silent, main street.
That expression clearly said: Look all you want, I'm tired, let the world end.
"What the heck... 'Heart Weak True Monarch' followed us to Teyvat?!"
Matt's massive body trembled in shock, his voice like muffled thunder.
Zane awkwardly coughed, his face under the mask probably burning red. He scratched his head and muttered, "Um... it seems... possibly... maybe... when I used the vacuum cleaner to wash Shenhe's Destiny Grid last time... there was a slight operational error... I accidentally slipped in a few of my own... um... rather deep-seated 'stereotypes'..."
(Heart Weak True Monarch is an affectionate nickname given by Bilibili users to a famous allogene fan artist, known for their exquisite artwork featuring Shenhe and Yelan in numerous intimate interactions, especially various famous "hugging" scenes. They are considered the number one fan and content creator for this CP pairing. In reality, Shenhe and Yelan rarely meet in the game, and their interactions are almost zero.)
But now... this unbelievably real, shocking, and perfectly "Heart Weak" style scene unfolding before them... it seemed that the CP pairing created by this great master was about to become reality on the continent of Teyvat, in the most outrageous way possible!
Xingqiu had already quickly pulled out paper and pen, his eyes shining: "Priceless material!"
The popsicle in Chongyun's mouth dropped completely onto the ground.
Paimon's small head spun back and forth between Shenhe, Yelan, and the guilty-looking Zane; her CPU was about to overheat.
Lumine silently covered her face, watching the shocking scene through her fingers, with only one thought in her mind: Zane, you've caused huge trouble! If Ningguang or Cloud Retainer ever found out about this... Wanmin Restaurant might turn into a real Wang Sheng Funeral Parlor reservation site today!