The eerie atmosphere of Wuwang Hill was completely shattered by a series of commotions.
the quartet used branches they picked up, a few broken wooden planks, and several wooden shields "borrowed" from a Hilichurl camp to build a shaky, highly post-modern abstract art-style "簡易八角籠" (Simple Octagonal Cage).
"Take this! Foshan Shadowless Kick!"
Jesse fully utilized his agility advantage.
He shrieked, stomped the ground and leaped up, his body spinning rapidly in the air, his cape flapping, and his two legs danced into a dazzling blur of afterimages, aggressively kicking towards Matt, who was like a small mountain.
And then... there was no 'then'.
Matt merely blinked his yellow, lightbulb-sized eyes in confusion, then raised his fan-sized hand and, like swatting a fly, precisely snatched Jesse, who had transformed into a human-shaped top, in mid-air.
"Eh?"
All of Jesse's movements instantly stopped, his body firmly clasped by the giant fingers, with only his head and feet exposed.
Matt looked at Jesse in his hand with a simple-minded expression, then looked at the ground, and then... BAM!!!!
A simple yet effective, textbook-level Mount Tai Pressing Down!
Matt, still holding Jesse, leaned back his entire body, then firmly slammed himself and Jesse in his hand onto the ground!
The entire Wuwang Hill seemed to shake, dust billowed into the sky, and several ghosts who were watching the commotion screamed and burrowed back into the ground.
As the dust settled, Matt slowly got up and scratched his head.
Where he had just smashed down, a clear Hilichurl-shaped crater was imprinted on the ground, and Jesse was flattened inside like a pancake vigorously slapped onto a table, only his edges still twitching slightly.
"Matt scores another point!"
Paimon excitedly did a somersault in the air and announced loudly.
Lumine, beside him, calmly took a sip of coconut milk, picked up a pen, and drew another tally mark under Matt's name on a scoreboard with a chibi Electro Lawachurl illustration, her movements so practiced it was heartbreaking.
"Hey, Jesse, are you alright?"
Matt squatted down and carefully poked the "Hilichurl pancake" on the ground with his giant finger.
The flattened Jesse was silent for a few seconds, then stubbornly and tremblingly extended a thumb from the edge of the "pancake," indicating that he was fine (probably).
"Alright, you guys can get down, it's our turn!"
Elliot, who had been waiting impatiently, sprang up with a carp jump.
He pulled out a scythe from somewhere and struck what he considered to be a charmingly evil and uninhibited pose: "Tremble! Wail beneath my World-Ending Demon Scythe! Abyss power, heed my call!"
Zane couldn't be bothered with pleasantries; he simply silently shouldered his crackling thunder hammer and walked into the octagonal cage with a dark expression.
The two horns on his head seemed to be excitedly flashing with electric sparks due to the impending "education."
After confirming that Jesse (who had been carefully dug out of the ground by Matt and was currently hanging on a tree branch like drying clothes to regain his original shape) and Matt had left the arena, Lumine raised her hand and, in a calm voice, shouted: "Three, two, one, start!"
"Eat my Boar Rush!"
Zane roared, and his entire body, like an unleashed wild boar (literally), lowered his head, held the thunder hammer in front, furiously pawed the ground with his feet, and charged towards Elliot, who was still posing, with an unstoppable momentum and splashing mud!
Seeing this, Elliot sneered, "Hmph! You underestimate me too much!"
He performed what he considered an elegant turn, attempting to easily dodge the barbaric charge.
However, at this critical moment... "Hey! Friends over there! Look here, look here!"
An incredibly cheerful, vibrant voice, completely out of place with the eerie environment of Wuwang Hill, suddenly came from a nearby path.
"Wang Sheng Funeral Parlor's special offer! Second tombstone half price! No, no, it's buy one get one free! Order now and also receive a song, 'Song of Tranquility,' personally composed by Hu Tao! Don't miss this opportunity, it won't come again!"
Hu Tao! It was the eccentric Director of Wang Sheng Funeral Parlor! She had wandered here at some point, her eyes gleaming as she looked at this group of (seemingly very prone to getting themselves killed) potential clients, holding a thick stack of flyers!
"!!!"
Everyone froze, including Elliot, who was about to dodge gracefully, and Zane, who was in a full sprint.
Upon hearing these familiar sales pitches, especially keywords like "tombstone" and "coffin," Zane's body stiffened abruptly, his charging motion instantly distorted, and his footwork completely messed up! He tried to brake, but the immense inertia made it impossible for him to stop!
Thus, under everyone's dumbfounded gaze, the following series of horrific scenes unfolded:
Zane, like an out-of-control dump truck, failed to hit Elliot and instead slammed head-first into the precarious octagonal cage fence!
Click! Boom! The already fragile fence was instantly shattered into splinters, wood chips flying everywhere.
The immense inertia caused Zane to completely lose his balance, and he crashed face-down onto the ground!
But that wasn't all! His body continued to slide forward! His face, his chest, and most importantly, the two hard horns on his head, became the best plowing tools!
With a grating "swoosh—" sound that made one's teeth ache, Wuwang Hill's hard ground was forcefully plowed into a deep, smoking trench!
The efficiency was such that even a plowing ox would offer a cigarette and ask to be his apprentice!
The sliding, accompanied by sparks and lightning (literally, the thunder hammer was still sparking), finally came to an end.
Zane stopped precisely in front of Hu Tao's embroidered shoes in a perfectly executed "slide kneel" pose.
Due to inertia, his upper body still nodded sharply forward, performing an incredibly devout and perfect "Happy New Year" gesture!
Then, his head tilted, and he completely fainted, smoke still rising from his head, with fresh black soil and grass roots hanging from his horns.
The whole world fell silent.
Hu Tao blinked her plum blossom pupils, curiously looking at the Blazing Axe Mitachurl who had appeared so tragically and dramatically at her feet, and had even given her a grand bow.
She squatted down and carefully poked Zane's smoking head with the end of her Staff of Homa: "Eh? Hey? Customer? Wake up, let's discuss business in detail?"
After poking a few times and confirming that he was completely unconscious, Hu Tao looked up at the petrified people in the distance, pointed at Zane at her feet, and asked in an innocent voice:
"Hey—friends over there! Is he Zane? You know him, right? Is he a potential client for Wang Sheng Funeral Parlor? This look is quite unique, do you need to pre-order Wang Sheng Funeral Parlor's 'Sparks and Lightning All the Way' VIP package for him? I'll give him a discount!"
"Don't know him, don't know him! Absolutely don't know him!"
"Who? Never seen him!"
"Just passing by, right? Probably a lost ordinary Hilichurl!"
Jesse (who had recovered from his pancake state), Elliot, Lumine, Paimon, and even Matt, moved in perfect unison, instantly turning around, some looking at the sky, some at the ground, some whistling, denying it three times in unison, with resolute tones!
It was too damn embarrassing! Simply unbearable to watch!
He actually face-braked and slide-kneeled his way into unconsciousness, and even precisely bowed to Hu Tao, who was selling coffins, as an early New Year greeting!
If they admitted it, what would become of their reputation? How could they continue to live in Teyvat?
Jesse, still hanging on the tree branch, even covered his face with his cape, pretending to be just an ordinary piece of drying laundry.