Bao Ji (Lia)
I woke up in an unfamiliar room.
The bedsheets and blankets were a deep golden colour—too elegant, too refined. A queen's room. I slowly sat up and noticed Her Highness seated at a small table, holding a porcelain cup. Tea, most likely.
The moment she saw me awake, she rushed to my side and sat on the edge of the bed.
"How are you feeling?" she asked, worry written all over her face. "Are you better now?"
That concern—so genuine—made something warm stir in my chest. It felt… comforting. Something I didn't realise I needed.
"Yes," I replied quietly. My voice sounded hollow even to my own ears. "I'm better."
"What happened to you yesterday?" she asked gently.
"Yesterday?" I repeated, confused.
"Yes. You slept from midday until this morning."
What?
Then it hit me. I wasn't sick. I wasn't injured. I was just… exhausted.
Tired of thinking.
Tired of feeling.
Tired of holding everything together.
Emotionally, I felt almost numb. As if my mind had shut down to protect itself.
"I—" I started, but the words wouldn't come.
What could I possibly tell her?
That I somehow ended up inside another woman's body?
That my soul merged with Bao Ji's—but not completely?
That I feared being pushed back into the 21st century at any moment?
That if I disappeared, the emperor might notice… and lose control?
How could I explain something I barely understood myself?
"I… just seeing how much influence I have over His Majesty scares me," I admitted quietly. "It's too much."
She nodded slowly. "I would be scared too, in your place. But don't forget—I'm here for you. I'll help you however I can."
Then she turned to her maid. "Call the physician."
"I'm just emotionally exhausted," I said quickly, trying to stop her. "That's all."
"Even so," she replied firmly, "I'll feel better if a physician examines you."
"Physically, nothing is wrong," I said, my voice cracking slightly. "I just… sometimes I feel like my emotions aren't even mine."
It wasn't a lie. Just not the whole truth.
"The physician is here," the maid announced.
He examined me carefully—checked my pulse, asked a few questions—then stepped back.
"How is she?" the Queen asked.
"Replying to Her Highness," he said respectfully, "Lady Ji is physically healthy. However, she appears extremely exhausted. I recommend several days of rest."
At that moment, the doors opened abruptly.
"I heard the physician was summoned for Bao Ji."
The emperor.
The Queen stood and stepped aside as His Majesty sat at the edge of the bed. His eyes immediately searched my face.
"How is concubine Ji?" he asked, his voice tight with concern. "What's wrong?"
"She is healthy, Your Majesty," the physician replied. "Merely exhausted. A few days of rest should suffice."
"You may leave," the emperor said without looking away from me.
As soon as the physician exited, he took my hands in his.
"Why are you so tired?" he asked quietly. "Have you not been sleeping?"
I glanced at the Queen. She gave me a small nod—reassuring, grounding.
"Yes," I said softly. "I've had trouble sleeping. I'm just… worn out."
Half a lie. Half the truth.
Honestly, I wish I could go back to the 21st century right now—to a rage room, smashing things and screaming until my lungs burnt. It would feel so good.
But here, I couldn't even raise my voice.
"Or…" he hesitated, "…is it because of me?"
My eyes widened.
Why would he ask that?
"Why do you think that?" I asked carefully.
"I don't know," he said. "Maybe because my behaviour has been… difficult."
He wasn't wrong. But I couldn't admit it.
I glanced at the Queen again. She subtly shook her head.
"No," I said firmly. "Just sleeping problems."
"Your Majesty," the Queen said, "I should attend the morning greeting. The concubines may already be waiting."
I didn't want her to leave. I really didn't.
"You may go," the emperor said. "I'll stay."
Of course he would.
She bowed and left.
This woman absolutely did this on purpose.
"Your Majesty doesn't need to stay," I said quietly. "You have the morning court meeting."
"They can wait."
"It's important," I insisted.
He looked at me—sadly. Like I was pushing him away.
"I'll return to my room," I said, pulling my hands free and pushing the covers aside.
"Then I'll escort you there before attending court," he replied, already standing.
I was too tired to argue. "Okay."
We walked in silence. He spoke once or twice. I answered with a small smile. Nothing more.
When we reached my room, I went straight to bed. I dismissed my maid, craving solitude.
But sleep wouldn't come.
I stared at the wooden ceiling, wishing time would stop. Or that everything would change so I wouldn't have to do anything at all.
Hours later, my maid returned.
"My lady," she said excitedly, "guess what I heard."
"What?" I asked, barely caring.
"The officials were saying His Majesty behaved very well in court today. He was patient. He listened."
I sat up so fast my neck nearly snapped.
"What?" I asked sharply. "How?"
"I don't know," she shrugged. "I'll bring you something to eat."
"I'm not hungry," I said, turning away.
I lay there, numb. Strangely, I was relieved he'd been calm. It meant I didn't have to worry—at least today.
Still, I felt nothing. Just sadness. Anger. A desire to disappear.
When the room finally emptied, the silence felt unbearable.
I must have fallen asleep without realising.
The door opened.
I sat up.
The emperor entered, followed by my maid carrying food.
Is he serious?
"I heard you didn't eat today," he said gently.
"I'm not hungry."
He didn't argue. Instead, he lifted me effortlessly and carried me to the table, setting me down carefully.
"Your Majesty—" I started.
"I'll eat with you."
I didn't even pick up my chopsticks. I just sat there.
He began feeding me.
I managed a few bites before nausea rose in my throat.
"I can't eat anymore," I whispered.
He didn't force me. He simply ordered the food taken away.
"I'll let you rest now," he said softly.
Then he left.
I sat there, stunned.
He was gentle. Patient. Caring.
I had never seen him like this—not even with Bao Si.
When I wanted to be alone, he was always there.
When I wanted to see him, he was nowhere to be found.
My head began to ache.
I said nothing.
I went back to bed and closed my eyes, refusing to think anymore.