[Extraordinary Chat Group]
Venti: Oh? Cooking emergency food? Ehehe, I'll take braised Paimon! (doge)
Zhongli: By universal reason, steamed Paimon may be more appropriate. (serious.jpg)
Nahida: Wouldn't that be too cruel? Perhaps a Paimon sandwich? (doge)
Furina: I think Paimon cake fits better~ (doge)
Navia: Macaron Paimon sounds delightful~ (doge)
The moment Lumine started it, the chaos spread.
The chat instantly filled with recipe variations of Paimon.
Paimon froze.
"…Lumine! This is all your fault!"
She glared at Lumine, who was trying very hard not to laugh.
Then she hurried to clarify.
This absolutely needed clarification.
If someone like Xiangling took it seriously—
She might actually end up on a menu.
Paimon: Paimon is NOT emergency food!!
Paimon: I'm writing this down!! (furious.jpg)
The chat roared.
Too cute.
Then—
Ei: Speaking of food, my little fox seems more suitable. (doge)
Yae Miko: ???
Kujou Sara: Ahem. The Guuji's previous "rebellious" acts were clearly fabricated.
Kujou Sara: What we just saw was the true early video of Lady Shogun taming her shrine maiden. Fortunately preserved by the light screen. (serious.jpg)
Alice: So that's why little fox became so scummy later! Not because of Kitsune Saiguu—but because of Miss Serious Face here~ (doge)
Lumine: Without enduring fox-suffering, who are you to preach fox-kindness? Miko only talked some trash and got me to slap Ei twice. I'm moved to tears~ (doge)
Ganyu: @YaeMiko Anything to say, little sister? (doge)
Yae Miko: ...
Yae Miko: Slander. All slander.
Yae Miko: And you lot—this grudge is noted.
Eula: ...
First Paimon.
Now the Guuji.
Does no one have their own catchphrase?
The chat was euphoric.
A rare victory over the fox.
Villa
Luo Chen grinned.
"Archons and familiars should fall together."
Since everyone was having so much fun—
Why not go further?
The next one—
For Yae Miko—
Would be equivalent to "Zhongli → Zhong Li."
The kind of second-creation you regret watching.
Painfully absurd.
He smiled.
Surely the fox would enjoy this.
The Announcement
"Having reviewed her childhood," Luo Chen said,
"we proceed to the final item of today's Unofficial Evaluation."
"Item Three—Yae Caizi."
[Extraordinary Chat Group]
Jean: Yae… Caizi? What is that?
Keqing: If it's last, it must be big. I sense chaos. (doge)
Ei: Big chaos? Good. Very good. (excited.jpg)
Ayaka: This feels strangely familiar…
Furina: I know! Like "Neuvillette → Neuvillette-otter," "Barbatos → Barba-shed," "Zhongli → Zhong Li!"
Venti: Ehehe~
Neuvillette: ...
Zhongli: ...
Only Venti found this amusing.
Nahida: Those were puns… but "Yae Caizi" doesn't sound like one.
Lumine: Maybe it's like Zhong Li—grafting a personality onto her? (guessing.jpg)
Hu Tao: Oho? I'm excited~ (doge)
Azhdaha: Still can't forget that Morax disaster. Looking forward to this. (doge)
Itto: Same here! Hahaha!
Miko's heart sank.
"Not Zhong Li level… right?"
She remembered how hard she and Ei laughed at Zhongli's video.
If that kind of disaster landed on her—
She did not want to imagine it.
But she had no control.
The screen began.
The Video: Narukami Shrine
Elegant music.
Sacred Sakura tree.
A shrine maiden reporting light novel sales.
"Reborn as Lady Yae."
"Delegating shrine duties."
"Sipping tea."
"Meditating."
Yae closed her book.
Then—
In a coarse elderly woman's voice:
"This story makes nausea knock on nausea's door!"
"Disgusting to the core!"
Silence.
The chat stopped breathing.
It wasn't the line.
It was the voice.
Beautiful Yae Miko—
With the voice of a grumpy old auntie.
Drinking water? Choked.
Eating? Almost died.
Walking? Tripped.
Miko's fist tightened.
Crack. Crack.
The old-lady voice continued.
"You renting that mouth? In a rush to return it?"
She stuffed the book into the shrine maiden's mouth.
"Even you belong to me!"
Then—
Cut to her fighting Nobushi.
But with that same raspy tone.
"Today you're too noisy!"
"Jumping in the toilet—excessive!"
"I'm Nanako~"
She mocked them relentlessly.
"You turtle brain!"
"You nine-handed IQ!"
"Go die!"
After defeating them—
A Nobushi croaked,
"Does that old lady live alone?"
Yae laughed in cackling grandmother fashion.
"I swept the floor for a month to sweep you out!"
"Light sentence? Shot twice."
"Heavy sentence?"
She turned.
"Blown up."
Cut to black.
Screaming.
Back at the shrine.
"Such immersion!" the maiden said.
"Did you… actually do that?"
"Doesn't matter."
"We're thousand-year foxes—why play ghost stories?"
End.
The Aftershock
Silence.
Then—
Laughter.
Not mild laughter.
Collapse-to-the-floor laughter.
This wasn't just personality shift.
This was annihilation.
Even more brutal than Zhong Li.
Inazuma's shrine maidens were frozen.
[Ordinary Chat Group]
Sachiko: That can't be Lady Guuji!
Kano Nana: It must be fake! @Inagi Hiyomi what happened?!
Hiyomi: I—I did report novels! But it wasn't like this! (panic.jpg)
Yanxiao: Memory is unreliable. (doge)
Tian Tiezui: Indeed, memory is slippery. (doge)
Sara: Just like how no one expected her rebellion came from childhood abuse. (doge)
Murata: Inazuma's reputation… devastated.
Laurence: Welcome to the club. Mondstadt and Liyue collapsed long ago.
Sumeru and Fontaine shivered.
Fontaine — Spina di Rosula
Navia exhaled deeply.
"At last… I'm not alone."
After her own "cannon-blasting dragon king" disaster—
She had suffered endless teasing.
But this?
This was worse.
Because hers was her own voice.
Yae's—
Was an old lady.
Navia almost felt sympathy.
Almost.
"Thank you, merciful light screen," she muttered.
Then brightened.
"Silver, Melus! I'm making Paimon-shaped macarons!"
Tenshukaku
Silence.
Lumine, Paimon, and Ei stared at Miko.
Reassessing her existence.
Lumine coughed.
"Who knew? I thought you were just mildly scummy."
Paimon grinned.
"Clipper voice. Auntie voice. Quote machine. I almost cracked."
Ei collapsed onto the desk laughing.
"Miko… what did you do these five hundred years?"
She wiped tears.
"Maybe you should rename yourself Yae Clipper. Or Auntie Yae."
Yae Clipper.
Auntie Yae.
Lumine and Paimon gasped.
Genius.
Pure genius.
Ei… had evolved.
Miko finally snapped.
"You cooking-incapable shut-in—enough!"
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