[Extraordinary Chat Group]
Alice: Oh? More about little fox's childhood?
Barbara: Judging from the screen, this seems different from the previous "serious" evaluation.
Lumine: A hidden reason for rebellion? Don't tell me…
Paimon: Don't tell me little Miko was abused when she was young? So she secretly harbored resentment toward Ei and later wanted to rebel?!
Furina: Abuse might be too strong, but she definitely suffered!
Ei: Really? (excited.jpg)
Her wish had come true?
She immediately straightened, eyes shining.
Finally.
Justice.
Across Teyvat, countless spectators leaned closer to the screen.
As for Yae Miko—
Her heart skipped.
…No way.
She had just declared she would be the first to walk away laughing.
And now this?
If it was true—
Ei would never let her live it down.
Still, escape wasn't an option.
She could only brace herself and keep watching.
The Bath of Doom
The scene opened inside Tenshukaku.
Soft, cheerful music played.
Little Ei and little Yae stood beneath a showerhead.
"The Shogun will help little Yae wash up~"
Little Ei pressed the soap dispenser.
Puff.
Pink foam shot directly into the little fox's eyes.
"I—I can't see!"
Little Ei panicked.
Not good!
Hot water would fix it!
She immediately cranked the heater.
A torrent of scalding water poured down.
Little Yae turned from soft pink to deep crimson.
"IT'S HOT——!"
Ei blinked.
Hot?
Then cold must be better!
She adjusted again.
Freezing water cascaded down.
"IT'S COLD——!"
Hot.
Cold.
Hot.
Cold.
Back and forth.
"Too hot!"
"Too cold!"
"Too hot!"
"Too cold!"
The entire Tenshukaku echoed with pitiful fox shrieks.
The chat collapsed.
This miniature Electro Archon… was not particularly bright.
And the fox?
Scummy Guuji reduced to a helpless, squealing kit.
Ei laughed so hard she nearly fell over the desk.
Miko stared at the screen in silence.
The Scrubbing Catastrophe
After the ice-fire torment ended, little Yae sat dazed on a stool.
Little Ei pouted.
"Yae, why didn't you clearly say whether you wanted hot or cold water?"
The fox's grievance finally exploded.
"Idiot—!"
But the bath wasn't over.
"Now I'll scrub your back!"
Ei squeezed Inazuman sacred oil onto a brush.
And dragged it down—
Scrrrratch.
Little Yae's eyes widened.
That was not comfort.
That was agony.
"YAAAAAH——!"
Cut to:
Little Yae face-down on a pillow, a red welt across her back.
"It hurts…"
Little Ei approached with a giant bandage.
"I'll help!"
She slapped it on.
Paused.
"Ah, crooked!"
Rip—
"YAAAAAH——!"
"Crooked again!"
Rip—
"YAAAAAH——!"
Over and over.
By the end, the fox was trembling.
She crawled up and opened her grudge notebook.
"Entry 114514!"
"The Shogun did something very stupid!"
"Put bandage crooked and tore it off!"
"My back hurts!"
Behind her, Ei looked guilty.
"Sorry…"
"Is that enough?!" the fox exploded.
Bedtime Betrayal
Scene shift.
They lay in the same bed.
Little Ei smiled contentedly.
"Ah… sleeping with Yae-chan makes the blanket warm~"
Meanwhile—
Little Yae endured.
Endured.
Endured.
"I'm cutting ties with you," she rasped.
"Hm? With who?"
Ei tilted her head, confused.
Then—
"Oh! Yae-chan's sleeping posture is so cute~"
She poked the fox's cheeks.
That was the final straw.
Little Yae shot up, fled Tenshukaku, and ran all the way to Narukami Shrine.
Hands cupped around her mouth, she shouted:
"THE SHOGUN IS A BIG IDIOT——!"
The video ended.
The Fallout
For centuries, Yae Miko had been seen as:
Cunning
Calculating
Mischievous
The one who tamed even the Electro Archon
But now?
Hot-cold boiled fox.
Bandage torture victim.
Face-poked crying kit.
Even Arataki Itto and Gorou felt vindicated.
Servant taming a god?
Please.
This was divine correction.
Inazuma Streets
Kujou Sara stood at Dango Milk vendor Tomoki's stall.
Since the screen revealed Ei's preference, business had exploded.
When customers learned Sara was buying for the Shogun—
They immediately gave her priority.
She watched the fox's suffering with pure satisfaction.
"Lady Guuji… so you have such a day as well."
Finally.
Proper divine hierarchy.
Though—
A tiny flicker of envy crossed her heart.
If only she too had such intimate treatment from the Shogun…
Tomoki handed over the milk.
"No charge! It's my honor!"
Sara accepted without argument.
Carrying the dango milk, she smiled.
"To serve the Shogun is enough."
Tenshukaku
Lumine, Paimon, and Ei were in tears from laughter.
"Isn't this the wise and beautiful Lady Guuji?"
"So pitiful~"
"Poor little Miko, beaten by Ei and running to the shrine crying~"
Ei leaned close to Miko.
"Oh? Why aren't you laughing now?"
"Want me to wash you personally?"
"This time I won't use boiling or ice water~"
"Or do you need a grudge notebook? I can gift you one."
Lumine and Paimon collapsed.
What is this if not psychological execution?
Miko remained outwardly calm.
Internally—
Fuming.
Her entire persona… shattered by one video.
And she could do nothing.
So she used her signature move.
Closed her eyes.
Meditated.
Ignored Ei completely.
"Cowardly fox," Ei muttered, amused.
[Extraordinary Chat Group]
Ei: Finally taught that fox what divine hierarchy means!
Itto: Beautifully done, Shogun!
Gorou: Ahem. Spectacular.
Scaramouche: A rare satisfying sight.
Venti: Servants must remain servants~ (doge)
Zhongli: By universal reason, indeed.
Dvalin: ???
Azhdaha: ???
The dragons exchanged silent vows.
They would study the fox.
And begin their own archon-taming programs.
Quietly.
Then—
Xiangling: Wait… doesn't this look like cooking?
Silence.
Xiangling: First hot water to remove hair, then cold water to tighten the meat~ (doge)
The entire chat froze.
…She wasn't wrong.
Alice: See? Who says the Shogun can't cook? Expert technique! (evil grin)
Kujou Sara: Lady Shogun only needs one move to shock Teyvat!
Guizhong: Oh, she shocked us alright.
Lumine: I have emergency food beside me. Time to practice cooking~ (doge)
Paimon: ???
And thus—
The once-dominant fox had fallen.
For now.
Because as the saying goes—
Without enduring fox-suffering,
Who are you to preach fox-kindness?
And perhaps—
This was precisely why, in the future,
Yae Miko would send the Electro Archon straight into her own weekly boss domain.
Revenge, after all—
Is best served patiently.
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