Chapter 1: The "Indecency" Incident (Revised)
(Update Time: 2003-10-13 10:05:00 Word Count: 7255)
No one can tell if it's luck or misfortune.
Our protagonist—Hua Fan was born in one of the oldest places on Earth, yet by no means the most technologically advanced!
For he happened to be born in a place that can be euphemistically called "simple in customs and beautiful in scenery," yet dismissively labeled "barbaric, backward, and utterly lacking in modernity"—the countryside!
It's lucky because this place is the perfect environment for his growth; the only condition for his optimal development is nature, and the countryside is undoubtedly the best choice. Here, he is barely affected by other external factors.
Yet it's unfortunate because the countryside is backward in some aspects.
Hua Fan was much loved by the entire family after his birth—he was a boy, and the eldest son! As for his appearance, well, he was just a few years old; no comments for now! But there's an idiom that perfectly describes little Hua Fan: bing diao yu qi (as delicate and flawless as an ice sculpture or jade carving).
It seems all children in the world are born with an innate charm that makes people fond of them. No matter how cruel, despicable, or vulgar a person is, they can never lose their temper at a child. This is especially true for exceptionally cute children.
※※※
When little Hua Fan was just born, the entire family was overjoyed. He was his father's first son, his grandfather's first grandson, and the first child of the third generation in their family!
Amid the joy, the family soon faced their first problem—naming the child!
Yes, what name should they give this little boy?
Not only did the whole family rack their brains, thinking and rethinking, even I, the author, am stuck.
"Hua Fan's Fifth Uncle grinned and said, 'The character "Bai" (white) is good! Look at him—pale and clean, absolutely adorable! He'll be a heartthrob when he grows up!'
Hua Fan's Second Uncle, who had flipped through the Ci Hai (a comprehensive Chinese dictionary) countless times but still hadn't found a name he liked, stared at little Hua Fan for a long time before saying, 'Well, the character "Chi" (pond) is good too. Even though he's just been born, his eyes already shine with extraordinary nobility (Is he really a newborn?). This child will definitely not be an ordinary person when he grows up!'
'Oh, then combining them would be "Bai Chi" (White Pond)? Hua Baichi? Hmm, it's poetic. A nice name!' Second Uncle nodded in approval.
'A nice name?! What a load of nonsense! You three are idiots! Bai Chi (sounds like "baichi," meaning "idiot" in Chinese)! It's bad enough that you three are idiots—do you have to give my grandson such a terrible name?' Hua Fan's Grandfather flew into a rage, his beard trembling with anger.
Turns out, Grandfather had also misheard "Bai Chi" as "baichi" (idiot). Even though it was a misunderstanding, the name was indeed inappropriate, so the three men awkwardly dropped the idea.
'Well, I think "Wangcai" is good...' After scolding the three, Grandfather stroked his beard and said.
Thud! A loud sound echoed—everyone collapsed to the ground.
'Dad! Stop joking around!' Hua Fan's father said, 苦笑 ing.
'What's wrong with this name? I think it's great—it's easy to say and auspicious!' Grandfather, the only one still standing, said disapprovingly.
'Dad...! Wangcai (a common dog name meaning "prosperity") is easy to say and auspicious, but... but that's the name of your dog! How can you bear to call your grandson that?'
After his son's explanation, Grandfather finally realized his mistake. His old face turned red, and he mumbled, 'No wonder it sounded so familiar...'
Thud! Everyone collapsed again.
After this farce, the family's "name-selection meeting" became even more intense, with everyone eagerly voicing their ideas...
'Haha! That's it! That's the one!' Hua Fan's Third Uncle clapped his hands and stood up.
'What is it?' Everyone pricked up their ears.
Third Uncle was the most educated person in the family. His opinions carried great weight at home, so his input was naturally crucial for naming the child.
'It's the character "Fan" (ordinary)!'
'Fan? Like "sail"? Or "annoyed"?' Everyone was confused.
'It's "Fan" as in "ordinary"!'
'What does that mean?' Confusion still lingered on everyone's faces.
'Combine it with our family surname and read it aloud.'
'Hua Fan?!'
'Yes! Hua Fan—Hua er bu fan (magnificent yet not ordinary)!'
'Great name! Hua er bu fan—such a wonderful meaning!' Those who had previously failed to see the appeal of the name immediately praised it after hearing the explanation.
And so, the name that would later resound across China was finally decided, thanks to a single suggestion from Hua Fan's Third Uncle.
※※※
Hua Fan's mother, Hua Ying, stared at little Hua Fan and said, 'What do you think our son will choose?'
'How would I know?!' Hua Jun shrugged. 'As long as it's not a hoe or a fishing net!'
'What kind of attitude is that?' Hua Ying was furious at Hua Jun's reply, her eyes narrowing dangerously as she glared at him.
'Well... it's nothing, wife. I just mean I don't want our son to be a farmer like us.' Hua Jun immediately sensed danger and hurried to explain.
'That's more like it!' Hua Ying said.
Hua Jun wiped the sweat from his forehead, remaining silent.
'How about a pen?'
Little Hua Fan kicked it away with one foot!
'A small medical kit?'
Little Hua Fan kicked that away too!
...
More than a dozen other items were placed in front of him, but every single one was kicked away by little Hua Fan.
'That's strange! Why does this kid kick everything away? Is there a profession that involves kicking people?' Hua Jun scratched his head in confusion.
'Stop it... Our son won't choose a profession that involves kicking people. What kind of father are you?' Hua Ying picked up little Hua Fan and held him in her arms.
'Then...'
'Let nature take its course. This child is not an ordinary person, so he won't choose these ordinary professions.' Hua Fan's Grandfather, Hua Shun, said in his old, hoarse voice from behind.
'Yes!' Hua Jun and his wife nodded in agreement and stopped making Hua Fan choose.
That year, Hua Fan had just turned one.
※※※
Hua Fan's Third Uncle, Hua Hui, was practicing calligraphy.
Speaking of Hua Hui, let's talk about his past. He was a college entrance exam failure in the early 1990s. In high school, he studied extremely hard and had excellent grades. Whenever the school sent students to competitions like essay contests, he was always selected and always brought back a prize! However, he always choked during the college entrance exam. Unwilling to give up, he retried several times but still failed to get into college. Finally, he gave up on the exam and went to work in the city—and surprisingly, he did quite well for himself.
As he practiced, he noticed that little Hua Fan, who was usually mischievous, had been watching him write for a long time. Curious, he teased, 'Xiao Fan, why aren't you out playing? Do you want to learn calligraphy from Uncle?' He never realized that this casual remark would become the root of his future "troubles."
'Yes! Yes! Uncle, will you teach me?' Little Hua Fan replied unexpectedly, tilting his small head and looking at Third Uncle with eager eyes.
'En.' Third Uncle was stunned by Hua Fan's response. After a moment, he thought: since the child was willing to learn calligraphy, it was a good thing, so he agreed casually.
But the next day, before dawn, while Third Uncle was in his warm bed, having a sweet dream of making a fortune, with beautiful women and piles of money rolling in, little Hua Fan had already climbed onto his bed and pinched his nose, shouting, 'Lazy pig Third Uncle, get up...' Unable to breathe, Third Uncle reluctantly left his dream and opened his eyes. The first thing he saw was Hua Fan. Forgetting his annoyance at having his dream interrupted, he asked in confusion, 'Xiao Fan, why are you here? Is something wrong?' 'Third Uncle, get up! Teach me calligraphy...' Only then did Third Uncle realize the "disaster" had arrived... That year, Hua Fan was three years old.
Learning calligraphy wasn't a big deal at first, but as time passed, Third Uncle was shocked to discover that little Hua Fan had an incredible understanding of written language. After Hua Fan learned from Third Uncle how ancient Chinese characters were created, he sometimes even invented characters that were identical to real ones. He might not know how to pronounce the characters he created, but he definitely understood their meanings! This amazed Third Uncle, who was now convinced that Hua Fan was a genius. If he hadn't been Hua Fan's elder, he would have almost worshipped Hua Fan as an idol! In fact, their relationship was already close to that of an idol and a fan. Later, Third Uncle taught Hua Fan even more diligently, and also casually taught him other knowledge—math, physics, biology, and more. Although he hadn't gone to college, Third Uncle was extremely knowledgeable. Why did he teach Hua Fan these things? Could a 3 or 4-year-old child understand them? Readers don't need to worry—Third Uncle only taught Hua Fan what he knew the child could understand! Because in little Hua Fan, Third Uncle saw the hope of fulfilling his own college dream.
After learning to read, Hua Fan started asking more questions.
Once, he asked his mother where he came from. His mother teased him, 'I picked you up from the sweet potato field.'
Little Hua Fan frowned slightly, as if deep in thought. His mother felt a twinge of pity seeing him like this and was about to tell him the truth, but unexpectedly, Hua Fan suddenly exclaimed loudly as if he'd reached an important conclusion, 'Impossible! How could I have been picked up from the sweet potato field? Mom, you're lying to me!'
His mother was amused by Hua Fan's confident, reasonable expression and couldn't help but giggle. This left Hua Fan standing there, dumbfounded. 'Did I make a mistake? If not, why is Mom laughing? If I was wrong, where did I go wrong?' Hua Fan fell into deep thought again...
'Right! I'll look it up in a book! Books definitely have the answer—didn't Third Uncle say books can answer all questions?' From then on, reading books became another big hobby of little Hua Fan.
※※※
Time flew by, and in the blink of an eye, Hua Fan was seven years old—old enough to go to school. Hua Fan's parents wanted to send him to kindergarten first, but his Third Uncle stopped them, saying, 'Send him directly to primary school. Are you joking? That kid has almost read my books to pieces—he's practically memorized the dictionary! Sending him to kindergarten would be a waste! Not sending him straight to middle school is already unfair to his knowledge! Sigh... My poor books! No, for the sake of my poor books and my sleep, he must go to primary school. Kindergarten is just for playing—he might as well not go at all.'
Hua Fan's parents didn't know about the little plan of their most educated younger brother. Since he was the most knowledgeable person in the family, they usually respected his opinions, so they followed his advice and sent Hua Fan directly to primary school. Thus, Hua Fan enrolled in Guren Primary School—the best primary school in the town!
But within a week of starting school, little Hua Fan came home with his schoolbag in the afternoon before classes ended. His parents were confused and asked, 'Xiao Fan, why are you home so early today? Did something happen?'
'The teacher at school said I don't need to go to school anymore,' Hua Fan replied, blinking his big eyes.
'What? That's outrageous! Xiao Fan, did you disobey the teacher? Were you being naughty again?' His parents panicked. Being sent home after only a week of school was by no means a good thing.
'No!' Hua Fan said 委屈 ly. 'The teacher said I already know everything, so I don't need to go to school.'
His parents still didn't understand and kept asking. It turned out that Hua Fan had grown bored during class that day—and rightly so. With his current knowledge, even high school would be a piece of cake for him; being stuck in first grade of primary school was simply unbearable! Since he couldn't play during class, he had to sleep! The teacher was furious when he noticed, but instead of punishing Hua Fan, he deliberately called him up to solve a problem, planning to scold him severely afterward. The teacher thought Hua Fan, who had been sleeping, would definitely not be able to solve it. However, Hua Fan not only solved it but also casually "invited" the teacher to solve a problem he had seen in a book.
This put the teacher in an awkward spot—he couldn't solve the problem in front of the innocent children in the class. Humiliated and enraged, he told Hua Fan to go home. Now Hua Fan's parents understood, and they were so shocked they couldn't speak. They never imagined their son was such a genius! But what would they do next? They couldn't really let him stop going to school. They decided to go find Hua Fan's Third Uncle, who had more friends at the school. In fact, the teacher who had sent Hua Fan home was Third Uncle's classmate!
After hearing Hua Fan's parents' story, Third Uncle burst into laughter. 'That little rascal actually found a way to make a former city-level math competition first-place winner look bad. Brilliant! It seems this kid is really an extraordinary genius. Hehe...' After finally stopping his laughter with great effort, Third Uncle glanced at his anxious elder brother and sister-in-law and quickly reassured them, 'Don't worry, Brother and Sister-in-law. That teacher is my classmate. I'll go talk to him—it's no big deal! Just rest easy. By the way, where's Xiao Fan? Tell him to come here.'
'I'm here, Third Uncle.' A childish yet surprisingly mature voice—unusual for a child of his age—shouted from behind him.
'Huh?!' Third Uncle was startled. 'This kid always appears and disappears without a sound. He'll scare me to death someday.' Muttering to himself, he put on a serious face and asked, 'Xiao Fan, didn't I tell you to be polite to teachers at school? Why did you make things so hard for him?'
A hint of cunning flashed in Hua Fan's eyes as he replied, 'I was polite! Third Uncle, I did this exactly because I remembered to be polite to the teacher.' Third Uncle and Hua Fan's parents were confused. 'Being polite to the teacher but still embarrassing him? What is this kid up to?' But Hua Fan's next words left them gasping for air, unable to refute.
'Haven't you read in books? "What goes around comes around." If the teacher asked me to solve a problem and I don't ask the teacher to solve one in return, that would be rude to the teacher!' Hua Fan argued confidently, believing he was in the right.
Thud! Thud! Thud! Three heavy sounds—three adults were left 哭笑 ing and speechless, outargued by a seven-year-old child. 'Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Xiao Fan is way too mature for his age,' all three adults thought at the same time.
※※※
Since returning from school, Teacher Liu had been in a bad mood and hadn't said a word. His wife Bai Qin, who was also a teacher at the school, found this strange. 'Lao Liu is usually cheerful when he gets home—what's wrong with him today?' She couldn't help but ask, 'Hey, Lao Liu, did someone offend you today?'
...
'Hmm? What's wrong?'
...
'Speak up! Did you do something to betray me?' Bai Qin's face turned stern. Lao Liu's attitude made her suspect something was wrong. Lao Liu secretly groaned—his wife had always been jealous and kept a tight watch on him. It seemed he couldn't avoid the upcoming "storm" if he didn't speak up. In fact, it wasn't that Lao Liu had actually cheated on her (well, this phrase isn't really used for men...), but the story was just too embarrassing to tell—especially in front of his wife, who already didn't think much of his authority.
'Well, it's nothing serious,' Lao Liu finally said, unable to bear his wife's increasingly ugly expression.
'Speak! What happened?' Bai Qin refused to let it go.
'This... This... It's really nothing—nothing like what you're thinking!' Lao Liu said, flustered and exasperated.
'Then you have nothing to fear from me knowing—speak! If you don't, you'll make your own dinner tonight, and I'll go back to my parents' house to see my mom!' Hearing Lao Liu's vague excuses, Bai Qin grew more suspicious and resolved to force the truth out of him, wielding her ultimate weapon—the "go back to my parents' house" trick.
'Alas... Why do you have to push me? Haven't I embarrassed myself enough at school? My dignity as a man—where has it gone? No, no, no... Absolutely not! Today, I will make my first great attempt to break free from women's control! Reclaim my supreme dignity as a man! Long live dignity!! Long live gender equality!!!' After a fierce internal struggle, Lao Liu finally made up his mind and let out a sigh of relief.
'Hehe, it's really nothing major—just a trivial matter at school. I'll tell you, so why get so angry?' Lao Liu said softly, putting on a playful smile.
...
'Fine. Speak!'
'Well, actually... Sigh!' Lao Liu dejectedly told the story of how he had tried to quiz Hua Fan but ended up making a fool of himself, downplaying the embarrassment. Even so, Bai Qin couldn't help but giggle—she never would have imagined that her husband, a math authority at the school, would encounter such a thing. This, however, sparked Bai Qin's interest in little Hua Fan. She quickly asked, 'What's that little boy's name? Which village is he from?'
While struggling with his wife's predictable laughter, Lao Liu jumped at the chance to change the subject when he heard her question. 'That annoying little boy is named Hua Fan. He's from Miaocuo Village. Oh, right—he's the nephew of Hua Hui, our old classmate! How could I forget? Oh no, that's terrible! Hui will probably come to settle the score with me!'
'How dare he? How could a lowly wage worker like me dare to settle scores with the respected Principal Liu?' A familiar, hearty voice came from the door. Oh! I almost forgot to mention—Teacher Liu is Liu Bin, the principal of Hua Fan's school. He also serves as the director of the Guren School District and is in charge of all primary schools in the district.
'... Hehe, old friend, you're here. Come in, quick! Qin, make some tea!' Principal Liu awkwardly greeted him. Although Bai Qin was still upset with Lao Liu, she didn't want to make a scene in front of an old classmate. She greeted Hua Hui and went inside to make tea.
'Hmph! Good thing you still remember that child is my nephew—I thought you'd forgotten,' Hua Hui said, walking in and sitting down without hesitation.
'How could I forget?' Principal Liu wiped the sweat from his forehead. 'Thank goodness!'
'But your nephew really made me suffer—he not only embarrassed me at school but also almost caused trouble at home. By the way, how did that little boy know how to solve Olympic-level competition problems? Did you teach him?'
'I didn't teach him! He must have learned it by reading books. That little boy really surprises me!' Hua Hui deeply agreed and couldn't help but exclaim loudly.
'No way!' Liu Bin and Bai Qin exclaimed in unison. It turned out Bai Qin had just finished making tea and was about to bring it out when she heard them talking about little Hua Fan—whom she had just become interested in—so she listened in. When she heard this, she couldn't help but gasp. Only then did she realize her husband had exclaimed the same thing at the same time. Feeling Hua Hui winking playfully at Liu Bin, Bai Qin's face turned red. She glared fiercely at Liu Bin but didn't avoid his gaze—clearly, she was well-practiced in dealing with such situations. As for Liu Bin, he didn't care about his wife's glare at all—it posed no threat.
'Want to hear something even more incredible? Do you know how that little boy explained why he asked you to solve a problem?' Hua Hui asked mischievously. The bump on his head from the previous day still ached faintly.
'Hmm? What happened?' Although the couple sensed the danger in Hua Hui's smirk, curiosity got the better of them, and they asked in unison. This time, no one minded the coincidence.
'He said, "What goes around comes around!"' Hua Hui said loudly, staring straight at Liu Bin and his wife, waiting for their reaction. Sure enough, Liu Bin and Bai Qin lived up to his expectations—thud, thud—both fell to the ground. Hua Hui, finally regaining his composure, burst into laughter.
The couple recovered, rubbing their rapidly swelling foreheads, grimacing in pain as they climbed to their feet. Ignoring the pain, they pressed Hua Hui for an explanation. Hua Hui had wanted to brush it off with a vague answer, but when he saw the couple's murderous stares, he knew he had to talk. He briefly told them about Hua Fan. After hearing the story, Liu Bin stared blankly and suddenly said, 'This sounds like a myth. Old friend, judging by this, your nephew is no ordinary child. I think... maybe we should let him go straight to middle school. That might...' Before Liu Bin could finish, Hua Hui interrupted him. 'No! Absolutely not! Although Hua Fan has the ability, his foundations aren't as solid as you think. After all, primary school education is much more systematic and organized than his random learning and my messy teaching. Primary school is indispensable for strengthening Hua Fan's foundations! So he must go to primary school!'
'But...' Liu Bin was unwilling to be refuted and tried to persuade him again, only to be interrupted once more.
'However, you're right. How about this—schools allow skipping grades, so we'll let Hua Fan skip grades later depending on the situation,' Hua Hui continued.
'Yes! That's the right approach!' Bai Qin agreed—she had already started to like this little boy!
'Well... fine!' When Liu Bin saw his wife agreeing, he had no choice but to give in reluctantly. Little did Bai Qin and Hua Hui know what Liu Bin was thinking at the time: 'Even though that little boy is a genius, if things go on like this, how will I stay in the school? Genius is precious, but face is more valuable! My reputation is at stake!' So this time, Liu Bin knew he had to swallow his pride.
'By the way, the day after tomorrow is Xiao Fan's birthday. Although we don't usually celebrate birthdays in this rural area, I think we should at least give him a birthday gift. You two are like his teacher and wife—shouldn't you do something to show your kindness?' Hua Hui said, winking and smiling.
Only then did Liu Bin realize that after going around in circles, this was probably the real intention of this old fox—to squeeze out birthday gifts! He was both annoyed and amused. As for Bai Qin, since she had completely taken a liking to Hua Fan, she naturally agreed wholeheartedly!
'Haha... Hehe... Giggles...' The small house was filled with all kinds of laughter.